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UNDERSTAND THE LAW OF FOCUS

Understanding the law of focus is, in my opinion, one of the most essential ingredients to a happy, relatively stress-free life. Luckily, it’s also one of the easiest things in the world to grasp!

Here’s all there is to it: What you focus on expands in your mind. It gets bigger. That’s it.

Usually we think of focus as a good thing. And it is. Focus is similar to concentration; it’s essential for learning and success. But for the purposes of this strategy, I want to discuss the potentially harmful side of focus and when to back off.

Think about what happens when you focus your attention on something that annoys you. Suppose, for example, someone offered you $20 if you could think of something about one of your teachers that bugs you. Could you do it? Of course you could. Go ahead and pick something. Think about it now. Think some more. Be specific. Imagine every detail.

Did you notice that the more you think about it, the bigger and more important it seems? The more you focus on something, the more significant it seems to become. That’s why you hear stories about people getting annoyed with others who squeeze the toothpaste the wrong way, or something stupid like that. Obviously, there are few things less relevant than the way a tube of toothpaste is squeezed. Yet if you focus enough attention on it and you imagine the motivations behind it, pretty soon the toothpaste-squeezing starts to seem pretty important.

The same dynamic holds true with whatever bugs you. If you focus on the flaws of a friend long enough, you’ll begin to question why he or she is your friend at all. If you focus on a mistake you made—give it too much attention—you’ll begin to feel bad about yourself. Focusing on little things turns them into big things. This is one of the key reasons why people sweat the small stuff! Some small thing happens and they zero in on it, focus on it too much, and turn it into a really big deal.

Does this mean it’s never appropriate to get upset? Absolutely not! All it suggests is that your focus is a contributing factor that can turn a minor annoyance into something much bigger.

Suppose you’re in line and someone cuts in front of you. Is it OK to feel annoyed? Of course, but it’s a question of degree. You can feel a little annoyed and you might even say something to the person, if it seems important, and then let it go. On the other hand, if you focus on it too much, you can, very easily, blow it out of proportion. That’s what people do when they fight over things like that. In and of itself, someone cutting in line is just that—someone cutting in line. It’s our focus on that event that turns it into a really big deal.

Whenever you start to feel annoyed, bothered, or irritated, it’s a good idea to come back to the law of focus. Remind yourself that your own degree of focus is contributing, in a big way, to how you’re feeling. This doesn’t mean it’s wrong to feel angry, sad, or annoyed. It only means that if your goal is to be less angry, sad, or annoyed, it’s helpful to acknowledge the power of focus. When you do, the world seems to be less upsetting to us—and we seem to have more control in our lives.