Monica was stressed out because a number of her friends weren’t treating her the way she wanted to be treated. She told her counselor that she lived by the golden rule, which says, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” She couldn’t understand what was going on. After all, she was treating others exactly the way she wanted to be treated.
Her counselor suggested something to her that made a world of difference. She asked Monica to consider the “fine print” in her golden rule. “What do you mean by fine print?” she asked. Her counselor explained that sometimes we make automatic assumptions about things that are important to us but we don’t even know we’re doing it because it seems so obvious that everyone would see it the same way. It’s so hard for us to see these invisible assumptions that it’s a lot like “fine print.”
She suggested to Monica that if you were to include the fine print, her golden rule might actually go like this: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you—and if you do, they will treat you well too.” That last part would be nice, but it’s not necessarily always true. Monica saw her attempts to be nice to others as a “contract,” an automatic payback mechanism.
What Monica learned from her counselor was that treating people nicely is its own reward. If you think about it, it’s true. When you’re nice to people, you make them feel special. But what also happens is that your thoughtful intentions translate into happy, fulfilled feelings. In other words, when you wish people well in your mind, or when you do something nice for someone, or when you’re thoughtful, kind, patient, considerate, forgiving, or generous, you are rewarded with similar feelings. It’s been said that giving is its own reward. That’s true, and it holds true for being nice as well.
Fine print shows up in many different ways. Athletes usually believe that winning is preferable to losing. That’s perfectly understandable. The “fine print,” however, might be, “If I lose, then I’m a loser.” The same fine print can apply to students who don’t get the grades they want, or to teens who can’t have the boyfriend or girlfriend they desire. If you can identify and delete some of your own fine print, you can eliminate a great deal of your frustration.