Learning to empathize is a great way to become not only a more gracious and thoughtful person, but a happier one as well. To empathize means that you attempt to put yourself in others’ shoes, to experience something from their perspective. It doesn’t mean you feel sorry for them, but that you seek to understand what it must feel like to be them—or what it must be like to be going through what they are going through.
Imagine, for a moment, that there is a new kid at school. He’s awkward and lonely. He has no friends, no one to talk to. He’s shy and frightened. To empathize with this person would mean you would imagine what it must be like to be him right now. You might think, “Gee, that would be tough,” or something like that. Your empathetic feelings probably would translate into some type of thoughtful behavior. You might go out of your way to say hello, for example, or you might suggest that others do the same. At very least, you’d be absolutely sure to be sensitive to the fact that what he’s going through is difficult, so you wouldn’t even think of being insensitive or mean-spirited.
The opposite of empathy would be indifference, the feeling of, “So what, it’s not me so why should I care?” This more selfish way of thinking about things tends to translate into equally selfish ways of acting. An indifferent person would never go out of his or her way to be welcoming or inclusive. In fact, it’s possible such a person might even go out of his or her way to be cruel.
Empathy, then, is characterized by a sense of caring and interest in others, while indifference is made up of self-centeredness and apathy.
It’s fairly obvious why developing one’s empathy increases one’s character and warmth as a human being. It means you take some of your attention off yourself and put it on others. Doing so makes you a nicer person, easier to be around and more compassionate.
What’s not so obvious, however, is that developing your empathy also serves to heighten your own level of happiness and to greatly reduce your stress.
Empathetic people care about others and their feelings, so they feel connected with others rather than isolated. This connection keeps them from feeling threatened when other people are successful, good-looking, or talented. Instead, they are able to share in the joy that other people experience. People are drawn toward empathetic people; they want to spend time with them, help them, listen to them.
Empathetic people are acutely aware of the fact that we’re all human. Therefore, it’s easy for them to be forgiving when people make mistakes or mess up. And they extend this perspective to themselves as well. Rather than beat themselves up or act overly self-critical, they instead learn from their mistakes and move on.
There’s a real upside to becoming more empathetic, but no downside whatsoever. What’s more, empathy is easy to develop. All it takes is the willingness to put yourself in the shoes of others. Take the step today. The benefits will last a lifetime.