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BECOME A LITTLE
LESS STUBBORN

Eric’s mother told me that her son was so stubborn she didn’t know what to do. When I asked fifteen-year-old Eric what he thought, he yelled out, “I am not stubborn!” If you would have asked me the same question when I was fifteen, I probably would have said the same thing, in the same tone of voice.

Such is the nature of stubbornness. It’s easy for others to see, but really difficult to detect in ourselves. One of the problems with being stubborn is that, when you are, you’ll probably be sweating the small stuff—a lot. Things will get to you easily because of your tense mind-set. After all, being stubborn means you don’t want to listen to others, so you close your mind. Doing so, in turn, makes you want to prove your position at any cost. You dig in your heels and refuse to budge.

Another problem with being stubborn is that, much of the time, you’ll insist on being right. You have to think about, focus on, and even point out when others are wrong. The problem here is that doing so creates irritation and frustration inside of you, making you even more tense. This encourages even more things to bother you, and on and on.

It’s much easier said than done, but the way to become a little less stubborn is to learn to say the words, “You’re right,” and really mean it. Ouch! I know this can be difficult. And what makes it even more difficult is that, if you want to become less stressed and stubborn, you’re going to have to bite your lip and learn to say these words (depending on the situation) to your parents, your teachers, your boss, your neighbors, and even your friends and siblings.

The words, “You’re right,” speak to the heart of the matter. They defuse your stubbornness. It’s a statement of humility; the acknowledgment that you are willing to listen, soften, learn, and admit that, at least some of the time, others know things that you don’t. You can admit that, like the rest of us, you not only make mistakes, but you can learn from them as well.

Seventeen-year-old John was arrested and put into juvenile hall for beating up and injuring a classmate. He was so stubborn that, even after he was told that a genuine apology would probably help his chances of getting out, he refused. He insisted that his violence was justified. Even in reading about John, can’t you feel the stress of the stubbornness? Can’t you also feel how emotionally freeing it would be for him simply to admit that he had made a mistake—that he was wrong?

Whether it involves something really serious, as in John’s case, or something far more ordinary—having to win a silly argument or refusing to admit you made a mistake or that you lost something—being stubborn is highly stressful. The good news is, the reverse is equally true. Letting go of your need to be stubborn is extremely freeing. You’ll feel better right away. And, what’s more, you’ll probably be rewarded with positive reinforcement from everyone around you. Everyone loves people who are humble enough to admit when they are wrong and who are willing to learn. Becoming a little less stubborn goes a long, long way. Give it a try, and you’ll see what I mean.