Pillar #2 has to do with when you think about something, which is often as important, if not more important, than what you think about.
We’ve already discussed the subject of moods. We found out that, if your mood is right, you can think about (or discuss) virtually anything—problems, fears, issues, disagreements, plans, whatever. Given the right state of mind, you’ll be adequately equipped with the necessary insights, calmness, perspective, and wisdom to enable to you solve problems, see solutions, figure things out, and get through practically anything.
On the other hand, if your mood is low enough, what’s the point? You’ll blow things out of proportion, things will seem worse than they actually are, and you’ll be negative, pessimistic, and defensive.
In other words, it’s all in the timing.
Imagine for a moment that you are in a terrible mood, feeling angry, resentful, and defensive. Further, your mother (or a friend, or someone you’re in a relationship with, or an instructor, or a sibling, or someone you’re in conflict with) is in a similar mood. Now imagine that there is something truly significant that you must discuss with your mom (or other person). When should you do it? Should you have your talk when you’re both in a bad frame of mind—or even when you alone are in a bad state of mind? The answer, of course, is, “Not unless you absolutely have to.” And even then, you’d still be better off at least being aware of the “mood factor” so that you could immunize yourself against crazy thinking!
So, the question isn’t whether we must think about painful or difficult things at least some of the time—we do—but, rather, when is the optimal and wisest time to do so? Again, the answer is to try to think about difficult subjects when you’re most equipped to do so: when you’re feeling secure, when your mood is up.
The hard part is that when your mood is up, you may not be motivated to think about difficult things because you won’t feel the urgency that you do when your mood is lower. But it’s when your mood is down that you will feel compelled to think about all the problems and issues in your life. Again, that’s not the time to do so because you will be lacking the necessary wisdom, perspective, and compassion that is required to sort things out. Let’s move on to pillar #3.