People spend time thinking in essentially two different and distinct ways. Both are extremely important and easily recognizable. Pillar #3 has to do with how you think—beginning to recognize which type of thinking you are engaged in. And then, occasionally, shifting from one type of thought to the other.
The first way that you think is a little like a computer. It’s very analytical. This is the way you think when you are learning something new or when you are trying to figure things out. When you use this type of thinking, usually at least some effort is involved. When we call on this type of thinking, we fill our minds with data, call on memories, and actively pursue our thoughts. We work at it.
The other way we use our mind is when we think without effort. This type of thinking sometimes doesn’t even feel like thinking because it happens all by itself when your mind is clear. It’s a natural process that occurs when you aren’t trying to think. You might call it “soft” thinking.
When we use this soft type of thinking, ideas come to us, almost as if out of the blue. We relax and it seems that our thinking is done for us, almost automatically. But this type of thinking can be extremely wise and practical. For example, you’ve probably had the experience of trying really hard to remember someone’s name and couldn’t do it. So, you gave up and went on to something else. Then, out of the blue, the person’s name popped into your mind. Or you may have been unable to figure out a solution to a problem, such as how to solve a conflict with someone. All of a sudden, while in the shower or while walking to school, the answer appears. That’s what I’m talking about. These are examples of soft thinking.
It’s important to know the difference between the two ways of thinking (to recognize how you are thinking) because when you’re sweating the small stuff or when you’re frustrated about something or unable to come up with an answer, quite often you’re trying too hard. Or, put another way, you’re thinking—but maybe too much in the effort mode and not enough in the softer mode.
As an experiment, see what happens to your frustration when, instead of rolling up your sleeves and thinking even harder about certain problems, you take a few deep breaths and call upon your reflective thinking instead. The hard part is that you have to trust that, even though it won’t seem as if you’re doing as much, you are still, very much, taking charge of your problems. You’re just doing it in a slightly different, softer way.
It’s not that one type of thinking is good and the other is bad. Both types play an important role in your life. The problem, as I see it, is that most of us seem to rely too much on our analytical thinking, especially when it isn’t working. You don’t have to be frustrated or stressed out to use the softer type of thinking. In fact, you can use it whenever the analytical thinking isn’t necessary. Experiment; you may be pleasantly surprised at how easily certain issues will begin to resolve themselves and how much less often you blow things out of proportion. Let’s move on to the fourth and final pillar of thought.