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ADMIT THAT YOU’RE WRONG—
OR THAT YOU’VE MADE A MISTAKE

One of my favorite questions I’ve ever been asked came from a thirteen-year-old girl during a book-signing event. She asked, “What in the world does admitting you’re wrong or admitting your mistakes have to do with not sweating the small stuff?” Luckily, I had an answer.

Consider, for a moment, all the energy we spend defending ourselves and proving our positions when someone thinks we’re wrong. Think about all the arguing, correcting, and trying to get people to see our innocence or our rationale for doing something. Consider the pressure associated with having to convince people we are right when they think we are wrong, or the stress of having to change someone’s point of view. Think of the hundreds of times we’ve had to explain ourselves—our reasons and justifications for our actions—when someone accuses us of making a mistake. If that doesn’t cause one to “sweat,” what does?

Now imagine how much easier your life would be if you could eliminate a good percentage of all that. Wouldn’t it be a relief when you are wrong or when you do make a mistake, if, rather than compounding the stress for additional hours, days, or weeks by constantly having to think about it and defend yourself, the issue were to fade away, resolve itself, and you could get on with your life?

The way to make that happen is to make the decision that, when you are wrong or when you do make a mistake, you admit it. Doing so defuses the situation, taking some of the “charge” away.

I was running late to pick up my daughter and was driving too fast. I knew it too. A police officer pulled me over and began giving me a lecture as he was about to write the ticket. Rather than defend my actions, I admitted I was wrong and said that I was sorry and that I deserved the ticket. I was sincere and I was not trying to manipulate him.

He asked me why I was driving too fast. I told him that, while it was not a very good excuse, I was running late to pick up my daughter. He responded, “But that is a reason to be concerned.” I agreed but said, “It would be, but she is in good hands and is in no danger. I shouldn’t have been driving so fast.” He was so impressed by my willingness to admit my mistake that he decided against writing the ticket.

I’m not suggesting that the same explanation would get me out of another ticket. It probably wouldn’t. In fact, I did deserve the ticket. What I’m suggesting is that human beings, all of us, have a need to be right. The police officer who let me off the hook appreciated the fact that I had allowed him to be right, without forcing him to express his authority.

The same dynamic applies in all day-to-day living. If someone says to you, for example, “You weren’t listening to me,” and you weren’t, you’d be so much better off simply admitting it. You might say, “You know, you’re right. I wasn’t listening. I’m sorry, and I’ll try to listen better from now on.” At that point, it’s over. The very person who has accused you of doing something wrong is probably now on your side, thinking of you as the “good guy.” The situation is resolved, the stress is over. You move forward.

Compare that to arguing with the person or defending yourself by saying, “I was too listening!” Think about your odds of changing the person’s mind—not very good. She is convinced you weren’t listening. In her mind she is certain she is right. To argue, fight back, disagree, or launch a counterattack is only going to compound the problem and create additional stress.

Obviously, if the person is completely off base or if you’re certain you’ve not made a mistake and you’re not wrong, there’s no reason to admit to guilt. But if your goal is less stress and an easier life, a little humility goes a long way.