It seems to me that almost everyone is familiar with this phrase, but that almost no one adheres to its wisdom. This is sad because, far from being nothing more than a catchy phrase, “Going with the flow” is actually a powerful way to keep your stress under control.
One of the problems with being rigid and uptight is that day-to-day life isn’t static. Instead, it’s a constantly changing and evolving process. It’s a flow of activity. If you go with the flow, without too much resistance, your life will be like a graceful dance. You’ll be moving forward but making constant adjustments. On the other hand, if you resist the flow, or go against it, your life will be more like a battleground, a constant struggle and source of frustration. Rather than making graceful and appropriate adjustments, you’ll be bumping up against resistance and trying to force things to go right. The only time you’ll experience peace is when everything is going just right—and, realistically, how often does that happen?
In a way, life is like a giant web. Thousands and thousands of things are happening and interacting with one another. You’re catching people in bad moods, plans get altered, someone is upset with you, mistakes are inevitable, there is chaos. Some things turn out well, others don’t. To go with the flow means that you accept the fact that life is somewhat chaotic and that there are many things over which we have little or no control. Rather than resist each event that doesn’t go your way, instead, choose to respond with acceptance. It means you do all you can to put the odds in your favor, yet you are okay when they aren’t. Rather than fighting life, you embrace it.
A group of teenage girls was waiting in line to see a movie. When they finally got to the ticket counter, after a long wait, they were informed that the movie was sold out. While almost everyone in the line behind them began freaking out, one of the teens calmly gathered her friends and said, “Don’t worry about it—we’ll find something else to do.”
That was it. No drama, no threats to management, no complaints, and no huffing and puffing. Most of all, she was experiencing no stress. Did she care? You bet she did. But was there anything she could do about it? No way. The way she handled it, I had no doubt in my mind that the young women were going to have fun anyway, regardless of the sudden and disappointing change of plans. Jointly, they were demonstrating their ability to go with the flow and to not sweat the small stuff.
What I found most interesting about the scene was that almost everyone else in the very same line was bent out of shape, angry, and frustrated. You could tell that their entire evening was going to be adversely affected because they simply did not know how to go with the flow. My guess is that most of the people in line were experienced moviegoers. And I’ll bet that nineteen times out of twenty, everything goes smoothly and they get to see their movie of choice. Yet when “real life” happens and something goes awry, the typical reaction is to become overly dramatic and disappointed.
I could share hundreds of similar stories where most of the people involved stress out and overreact over some little thing. All the stories have a common denominator: the inability to go with the flow and the inability to not take minor disappointments too seriously. This unaccepting attitude leads to almost constant frustration, feelings of disappointment, irritation, bother, and stress. In addition, people who can’t go with the flow are a drag to be around because you can sense their tension.
This is a topic worth thinking about because not only are there incredible benefits from going with the flow, but it’s pretty easy to learn. What’s required is a willingness to keep reminding yourself that most things we get upset about aren’t quite as critical as we make them out to be. Remind yourself that there are always going to be inconveniences and hassles to deal with. That’s just part of life, and it’s OK that it’s that way. As you begin to convince yourself of this truth, and as you become more accepting of it, you’ll be on your way to a happier and more peaceful life.