The next morning the house hummed with activity. Dirk, who had offered to sleep with Wade, looked exhausted, whether from the constant twitching of a sleeping toddler or the expectations of the coming day, Selena could not tell.
As Dirk loaded the last bundles of paraphernalia into the wagon, Selena peered out the living room window at a massive trestle looming in the distance. Their arrival at dusk the previous evening concealed what the daylight illuminated before her. She tipped her head to the side, allowing her eyes to follow the rails as they rose skyward up the steep hill. A faint blur in the distance caught her attention. She squinted, trying to bring the image into focus. A cable car perched precariously atop the tracks rumbled closer.
“Land sakes,” she muttered. Looking furtively around the room, she noticed Walt standing in the foyer. She pointed her finger at the window and said, “Is that the cable car Dirk said we were going to ride?”
Walt laughed at her pale face. “Not to worry. You won’t get on it until you reach the flat streets of Portland.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“He is.” Dirk’s voice startled her from behind. “I plan on leaving the wagon and horses at the livery barn when we get to town and then ride the street car for the remaining few blocks.”
Selena turned back to the window. Mesmerized, she watched as the car rattled in her direction, and then, traversing across her window pane view, proceeded out of sight. With a silent shudder, she turned and hugged a last good-bye to her friends.
As the horses plodded down the street, Dirk watched her absorption with the tinder structure crisscrossing the horizon. “Quite the creation, isn’t it?” he asked.
“I’ve never seen anything like it; it’s frightening. Have you ever ridden on it?”
Smiling at her obvious anxiety he answered with heroic confidence, “Several times.”
“Oh, my. You’re braver than I am.”
“I bet you rode on trestles just as high when you crossed the Rockies.”
“Well, if I did, I had no idea, which was probably for the best!” she said while fixating her eyes securely on the latest car plodding along the supports. “Were you scared?”
Not able to resist the temptation, he continued, “No, not really. Well, except for that one time when the car left the tracks.” He watched her for the anticipated response; he was not disappointed.
With pure horror on her face, she turned to him aghast, “Oh, Dirk, tell me you are not serious!”
Feeling a hint of remorse for his boyish antics, he sheepishly admitted that he slightly embellished the truth. “It did happen though, several times actually, but never when I rode it. The cable failed to catch the car on the turntable at the end of the line above us.” Selena crooked her neck to look back up the hill in the direction he pointed. “When the car began the descent at the top, it accelerated uncontrollably. The employees assessed the situation within minutes and jumped off the car, leaving the passengers to fend for themselves. The car careened down the tracks finally rolling off at Jefferson Street down below. Amazingly, no one died.”
“You said that happened more than once?” she asked horrified. “I cannot believe anyone even got on the cars again after hearing about the first episode?” She shivered slightly as the dramatic scene unfolded in her mind.
The streetcar now out of view, Wade distracted Selena for the rest of their journey with his curious response to the world around him. As the wagon crossed each city intersection, the toddler’s excitement increased inversely with that of his father’s. The closer they neared their destination, the more notable Dirk’s silence became. Inwardly, Selena prayed for the strength they both needed in the hours ahead.
Even with piles of quilts layered on the buckboard seat, Selena’s body ached from the jolting ride of the past two days. She was glad to finally stretch her legs at the livery. The ride on the street car lasted only a few blocks before Dirk signaled the conductor to stop.
“Watch out for the mud,” Dirk called over his shoulder as he stepped down into the street.
Easier said than done. Selena raised her dress as far as she respectfully dared and tried to maneuver between the small islands of barren ground while Dirk carried Wade in long, easy strides ahead of her. The dress she had planned to wear would have fared much better under these circumstances, but peering through the doorway into the prestigious lobby minutes later, she appreciated her friend’s thoughtful suggestion.
It’s beautiful. Her eyes roved over the plush carpet, velvet drapes and marble fireplace. She removed her shawl and asked the bell boy for directions. Leaving Dirk and Wade to wait, she freshened up in the ladies’ parlor room. When she reentered the lobby several minutes later, a tall, stately man stood talking to Dirk with his back toward her. She sensed the tension in Dirk, his shoulders and back rigid with emotion. Wade, impatiently twisting and squirming at Dirk’s side, noticed Selena first and, dropping his father’s hand, ran toward her.
“Mama.”
Dirk stepped aside to grab his wayward son, and Bert Nelson appeared before her. Dressed in a dark-tailored jacket, grey vest, and tapered white collared shirt, the distinguished gentlemen exuded self-assured confidence. His speckled hair contrasted sharply with his snow white beard, chiseled into an authoritative point. His moustache had been waxed into submission, but that façade melted like a candle under a flickering flame the moment Selena grasped Wade’s hand. Selena’s appearance had conjured up recollections of another mother, of another time. Without moving his iconic stature, Bert’s eyes darted from Dirk to this apparition standing before him, desperately struggling to comprehend the intermittent years that somehow escaped him. Two years ago when Bert Nelson slipped silently away in the night, he left his past frozen in time. Now before him stood proof that life had rambled forward, and without his permission. His shoulders sagged with the disclosure.
“Bert,” Dirk looked hesitantly at the old man. “My wife, Selena.”
The old man nodded a sign of acknowledgment and stroked his beard with his pasty white fingers.
Selena breathed a sigh of relief when the waiter signaled for them to follow him to their table. Wade oblivious to painful pasts, warmed quickly to this new stranger. Devoid of hope, the old man consumed the offered gift like fertile ground soaked up rain on a warm summer day. The metamorphosis in the gentleman’s eyes rekindled memories of Selena’s first encounters with the therapeutic balm of Wade’s love. Akin to the banker’s emptiness and unaffected by his past deceptive choices, she had little hurt to overcome, but she watched Dirk suffer. Her heart bled as the tumultuous waves of emotion washed over his face. Her husband clenched his teeth, his jaw twitching under the pressure. Bert’s presence battled with his decision to remain at the table, clashed with his heartfelt will to forgive. She could see that the choice to stay proved more costly than Dirk had imagined. When the food arrived and Wade settled down to fill his hungry tummy, the conversation lagged awkwardly.
Finally, Bert set aside his fork and looked directly across the table at his son-in-law.
“Dirk, I’m not sure why you agreed to meet me, but I appreciate it.” His voice broke as he continued, “I intend to clear a bitter, old man’s conscience.” His voice softened as he looked down at his hands. “I find no excuse sufficient for what I did. I gullibly succumbed to my daughter’s manipulation. Believe me when I tell you that I’ve paid dearly for it, dearly.” He looked up pleadingly. “Memories assail me each day, and dire regrets haunt me each night. Continually,” he added. “But the monetary loss is pittance compared to the humiliating destruction of my character, here,” and he thumped his chest forcibly. He took a deep breath before continuing, “Never underestimate the price of a clean conscience, son.” He paused again, the intensity of the past conversation sucking the life from him. With bated breath he continued softly, “Appease an old man in his final days, Dirk, and tell me you forgive me. I know that I don’t deserve it.” He hung his head in shame.
Whether Dirk could have answered him there and then and taken the higher road of forgiveness, she would never know because at that moment Bert fumbled in his breast coat pocket and pulled out a tiny bundle wrapped in silk. He set it on the table in front of the couple and gently unfolded its intimate layers. She sensed her husband’s tension more than saw it. Before them lay a beautiful ring. Never in her life had Selena seen anything so exquisite. Gold glimmered on a burnished band. Intricate scrollwork intensified a red stone, bold and prominent in the center, while tiny jewels sparkled around it. An unexpected gasp escaped her lips while a simultaneous low groan reverberated from her husband. She watched his face turn gray and then sallow as his mind wandered the slough of his past. Transfixed, the ring locked Dirk’s senses to another time. Even Wade’s expression of “Pretty, Papa” could not break the spell the ring held on him.
“Beatrice found it after…” Bert paused, reluctant to bring up his daughter, “when she finally gave away the remnants.”
The clanking of plates and clamoring of voices in the room continued, but death lingered at their table. “It’s rightly yours, Dirk.” Trying desperately to right the situation he continued uselessly, “I see your new wife has no ring.” The proclamation focused three sets of eyes on Selena’s hand. Despairing for her husband, she looked at him and without thinking removed her hand from view as if to somehow end his agony. The table began to quiver as Dirk jiggled his knee persistently under the table. The vibrations surging through the floor exposed the turmoil racing through his body. Time silently elapsed, but as it did Dirk’s color began to improve; his body slowly relaxed, and Selena found her exhaling the breath she unconsciously held.
Finally, he spoke firmly, “Bert, I forgive you.”
Selena wondered if he would ever continue, but in a few moments he did.
“Like you, Elizabeth coerced me. This ring reminded me of her persuasive ways.” Looking at the talisman before him, he said, “I couldn’t afford this ring; she insisted. I worked a second job at night down on the wharves trying to buy her love, an emotion I later learned is never for sale. It took this visual reminder to make me realize that we’re quite similar, Bert.” Facing the old man before him, “You too were trying to buy her love. I never understood that. I isolated my own pain and judged your actions harshly. Now I see that we both fell prey to a misdirected view of affection.”
Nodding sadly, Bert responded, “You’re right, you know. Beatrice and I spoiled her. We never could have any other children, so we lavished her with every worldly pleasure we could bestow. We destroyed her with our idolatry. Another child might have fared differently, but not Elizabeth. Instead of instilling gratefulness and thankfulness, the unending gifts promoted selfishness, greed and eventually power. Believe me, Dirk. I’ve had several years to brood on this. Elizabeth wielded her demands and manipulated us out of bitterness. She understood something her mother and I didn’t; we used her.” Shaking his head in disbelief, “We did. We used her to satiate our need for love, and she hated us for it. She wanted mature parents, ones who could stand up to her, but we both lacked the courage.” Turning to Dirk, “You stood up to her,” the distraught father shook his head, “but it was too late. We created a type of goddess, manipulating people for her own vulgar whims.”
Bert pushed the ring firmly toward Dirk. “You deserve this, son; you worked hard for it.”
Dirk looked at the amulet briefly, and then momentarily at Selena. She shook her head. Relieved, he pushed the ring back toward the desolate man. “Sell it, Bert. Use it to settle some of your debt. Selena and I don’t need it.”
Dirk stood up a free man. His towering strength reached down to his wife. He gave her his hand and helped her from her chair. “We’ll head on our way now. We want to reach Julia’s before dark.” Wade administered a hearty hug to the misty-eyed man.
Selena’s eyes glistened with pride. Shaking Bert’s outstretched hand, Selena heard his broken whisper, “You are a very lucky woman.”
“Yes, I am aware of that.”
“I wish to God, he had remained my son.” They both looked instantaneously at Dirk.
Unaware of their scrutiny, Dirk brushed the crumbs off of his son’s lap and swept the young boy into his arms. Facing the pair, Dirk spoke candidly, “Bert, our circumstances aren’t what either of us would have imagined three years ago,” he paused momentarily before continuing with a raspy voice, “but when I placed my baby in your arms that day, you became Wade’s grandfather, and as far as I’m concerned that has not changed. It’s your decision whether you stay a part of his life or not.”
The old man tried to comment, but with trembling lips, he could only nod.
As they left the hotel minutes later, Selena lingered briefly in the doorway. She paused to gaze back and capture one more glimpse of this man. Bert hadn’t moved; he stood like a statue right where they left him, empty and alone.
Selena lay Wade down on the piled quilts behind her seat in the wagon. The rocky roads made it difficult to sleep, but the toddler settled quietly with his picture book and left his emotionally exhausted parents to their respective thoughts.
After a lengthy respite, Dirk broke the silence. “Thank you, Selena.”
“For what, Dirk?”
Dirk paused trying to gather his feelings, “For everything, really. For going with me, for supplying me the courage to forgive.” She could tell he wanted to say more. He hesitated several times before finally elaborating, “For being the kind of woman that cared more about me than expensive jewelry.” He looked away momentarily remembering a former woman who had not.
Selena didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing. Inwardly, she placed the compliment tenderly in the growing treasure box within her heart.
The cold air flowed in with the dusk. Selena lifted Wade from the back over into the buckboard seat so that she could wrap them all in the quilts he horded underneath himself. She layered several of the bulky blankets across their legs. As Dirk needed his arms free for the horse reigns, she wrapped the remaining throw around Wade and herself. He giggled and snuggled against her for added warmth. Selena thought she had never been so happy. As the horses plodded down the final length of road toward Julia’s home, small flecks of snow began to drift down from above. She peered up into the fluttering sky awed by the glittering beauty.
“Wadey, stick out your tongue.”
The young boy immediately obeyed his mother’s example, scrunching up his face when the cold crystals melted on his warm tongue and spattered against his nose. He soon bored with the experience and tucked back into his warm den.
The wagon jilted as the horses turned into Julia’s yard. Wade’s head popped up to look. Pointing one pudgy hand at the house, he grabbed Dirk with the other while still inside the blanket. Looking like a comical scarecrow in baggy clothes, he yelled, “Look, Papa, look. Ra-ra’s house!” Smoke billowed from the chimney. The lights beaming from the front parlor reminded Selena of a postal card she once saw years ago in the mercantile. She never dreamed the image really existed.
The team pulled the wagon up in front of the porch stairs while Selena unbundled her son. Anxious to release his pent up energy from the day, he shed the restraints like a snake its skin and slithered down the side of the wagon with eager agility. Finding Cindy’s dress a little more restraining, Selena waited for Jacob, who was just crossing the doorway, to help her over the cumbersome side. Dirk looked up surprised at the young man’s gesture and felt a stab of guilt at missing the opportunity.
“Wow, don’t you look fancy? Where’ve you been?” Jacob teased Selena, grabbing her hand to steady her descent. Safely landed on the steps, she gave him a mischievous smile, but without elaborating proceeded to follow Wade into the house.
Jacob helped Dirk unload the remaining bags and boxes into the foyer before hopping into the wagon. Dirk smiled as he heard the other two boys yell a word of greeting to Selena. They billowed out of the door, leaping up and over the backboard in one fell swoop as the wagon began to roll slowly away from the house.
“Gosh, Selena sure looks pretty.” Thomas exclaimed as he settled down for the short jaunt.
“That’s all you think about lately,” expressed his younger brother.
“If I knew I’d be as lucky as Dirk, I’d advertise for a bride tomorrow.” Jacob grumbled to whoever cared to listen.”
“That’s because Ben Johnson’s courting Sally Ann,” Johnnie announced.
Dirk looked over at his seat companion and saw Johnnie’s comment hit the mark.
Sally Anne, the girl on the neighboring farm, had caught Jacob’s eye when he was just ten, but as far as Dirk could tell, Jacob never let her know.
“What do you mean lucky?” Dirk sensed he wasn’t going to like the direction of this conversation.
“Golly, Dirk, you’re the talk of the town!” Thomas boasted.
“How so?” Dirk replied apprehensively.
“My friends at school questioned me for days about Selena after the dance last month.” While Thomas’ words sounded perturbed, obvious pride overshadowed his protest. “Word had spread that you remarried, and a few of my friends met her that night. After they saw her, I can tell you that everyone wanted all the details of how you met and where she was from. When they heard you advertised in the newspaper for her, well,…” he threw his hands into the air for emphasis, “they couldn’t stop talking about how pretty she was…you know, for a mail order bride.”
Dirk closed his eyes willing the conversation to end, but Thomas oblivious to subtle nuances continued, cocking his head with authority, “Frankly, you gave many men hope!” He nodded his head gravely as if to affirm this fallacious argument.
Dirk couldn’t help smiling at the genuine conviction of this sagacious sixteen year old.
“Beauty’s not everything, you know, Thomas.” Dirk tried to steer this conversation away from this dubious course.
“It sure helps!” Johnnie interrupted, giving Thomas a playful poke with his elbow.
“Thomas thinks your neighbor girls are pretty. Are they Dirk?” Johnnie begged as they removed the halters from the horses a few minutes later.
Dirk reached over and rumpled the young man’s hair, “You’re too young to be thinking about girls yet. Watch and learn from your brothers’ mistakes.” A cry of comradery erupted from the offended pair.
The boys each dispersed around the barn to finish their individual chores. Dirk brushed the horses down mechanically, but his mind strayed far from the task. He despised gossip, but small towns seemed to thrive on it, at least this one did. He thought moving out to the farm would quell such nonsense, but he should have known better. He wondered how much the boys really understood about his relationship with Selena or even Elizabeth for that matter. Although outspoken at times, if Julia chose to keep something secret, she defended it like the Alamo. He watched Jacob across the stall; he pitied and envied the trite pains of the innocent heart. He led his horse by the disheartened young man and nonchalantly probed, “Did you ever let Sally Ann know how you felt?”
“Nah,” came his curt reply.
“She seems like a nice girl; she deserves the right to know.”
“What have I got to offer her?” the young man’s bitterness spewed through the opened vent, “Ben Johnson’s already inherited his father’s business and house!”
“Not every woman cares about money, Jacob! Maybe she can’t think of a better reason to turn Ben down. Her parents might be pressuring her to settle down now that she’s out of school?”
The young man shrugged with defeat. “I envy you, Dirk.” Noting his companion’s vague look, Jacob continued, “…with Selena, I mean: no courting, no pressure. You just had to pay for the advertisement, answer a few letters, save money for a train ticket, and marry your wife.”
Speechless, Dirk paused for a minute before answering. “What do you mean ‘no pressure’?”
“You know, sitting on her front porch and talking while her parents hover like vultures over a carcass listening to every word. And the worst part is trying to make conversation about nothing.” Dirk could commiserate with Jacob on that point, remembering his own first few months with Selena.
“It may have looked easy, Jacob, but that’s not true. Selena and I didn’t even know each other when we married. You want to talk about having nothing to say! And as you may well know, I surely paid a high price in my first marriage, don’t you think?” Dirk looked him straight in the eye.
Hanging his head slightly from the mild rebuke the youth continued, “Ya, I guess you did, but that’s why I like the whole idea of ordering a bride.”
Dirk waited, wondering how much he should really expose about his previous marriage. “Jacob, I knew very little about either of my wives. With Elizabeth, her beauty clouded my ability to be objective. I overlooked, ignored, and denied clear facts because I did not want to see them. Any newspaper reporter worth his salt knows the dangers of that mistake. I chose to let my emotions determine truth rather than letting the facts unravel and expose the story. A blunder only a juvenile journalist makes. I knew better! I swore I would never let that happen again, so I distanced myself with Selena and researched her objectively, but that relationship still had its challenges. As he broached the topic with Jacob, he felt a dull ache gnawing within him. Something felt wrong, but he couldn’t quite grasp what it was. “Frankly, I didn’t plan on establishing a relationship with Selena, so in my case, it worked out.”
Jacob looked at Dirk stunned, baffled by the words.
Unaware of his own belligerent comment, Dirk blundered on, “Honestly, this option really could have been disastrous when you think about it. I mean if a girl needs to answer an advertisement in a newspaper, usually there’s a reason. Why can’t they find someone nearby, if you know what I mean?”
Watching Jacob’s grave demeanor, he changed the course of the conversation, “With Sally Ann, it’s different. You know her well; you know her family. If I were you, I’d give that Mr. Johnson a little competition. Even if Sally Ann still choses Ben, it’ll probably help her determine her own mind and give the town something new to talk about,” he finished bitterly.
Thanks, Dirk, maybe I will.” He gave the cow a pat as he moved behind her. Staring at his blind companion, he said, “I still think you’re a very lucky man.” He hesitated briefly before gaining the courage to continue, “Elizabeth was pretty, but just between us, Dirk, I think Selena’s gorgeous!” Jacob turned to shovel up the last few bales of hay into the stall. Dirk fixed his eyes on the young man heedless that he now faced his back. Helpless to decipher his unsettled feelings, he led the horse to its stall.
A blend of aromas met the men at the doorway an hour later. The musky scent of spices drifting from an apple pie battled with the roasted turkey. The smells permeated the room and triggered hunger instantly. As Dirk passed through the mudroom to change for dinner, he noticed that Selena had moved the smaller bags and packages up to the bedrooms. Dirk grabbed the larger, heavier one she left behind in the entry. As he walked to the staircase, he watched Selena and Julia bustling around the kitchen in their aprons. Wade, down on his hands and knees on the floor, was trying to persuade the kitten to come out and play. Watching him grab at the convenient tail spoke volumes as to why the animal selected the china hutch for shelter. Poor thing. He’d deal with that crisis when he came back downstairs if the kitten’s claws didn’t do so first.
Half-way up the stairs, he heard Selena’s reprimand, “Wadey, leave kitty alone.” Too late! A growling hiss followed by the wail of a crying boy finished the story. Dirk sighed, set the suitcase on the landing, and headed back down the stairs to deal with the situation. He found Selena comforting the boy at the table. With a commiserating look at his wife, he intervened. Lifting the sniffling toddler, he made his way to the sofa for a little comfort and instruction.
After dinner, Julia brought out two bowls into the front room: a large one full of popped corn and the other, a smaller one, bulging with cranberries mottled with hues ranging from bright red to deep crimson black. With the fire blazing, the family gathered around the room and began to string a garland to decorate the tree. At first, Selena let Wade push the needle through each piece, but he soon bored of the tedious pace. Selena, experienced in finding new ways to entertain a child, modified the task to entice Wade to persevere with the decoration, letting him select the item of his choice from the different bowls for her to string. The garland progressed much quicker with this method, although the ordered arrangement suffered.
Thomas and Jacob lasted only a little longer than Wade before they pulled out the chess board, poured a pile of popcorn between them on the small table nearby, and ate their portion while they played. More interested in talk that decorations, Johnnie plopped in the overstuffed chair near the sofa and chatted unremittingly to Dirk about the hopes of adding beehives to the farm in the spring. Dirk feigned interest in Johnnie’s new venture, but Selena’s tender patience with his son captivated his thoughts. He watched her smiling face as she bent over the absorbed little boy, captivated by his authoritative decision making. Inadvertently, Wade popped a cranberry instead of a popcorn kernel into his mouth. Selena tipped her head back and laughed as his little face puckered with the sour surprise. Desperately, he tried to scrape the offensive bulge off his tongue. “Wadey, no like those,” he proclaimed shaking his head emphatically. After his traumatic confusion, he handed her an endless supply of the offensive red berries and instead only nibbled on the fluffy white kernels inspecting each one carefully before doing so. When Wade wasn’t looking, Selena interspersed several popcorn onto the growing string for variety. While Selena tucked Wade into bed later that night, the adults lingered by the remnants of the fire. Julia cautiously delved into questions about the afternoon meeting with Bert on the couch privately with Dirk. In contrast with her lively nature, she waited patiently as Dirk, true to form, meted out each detail with long lengths of contemplation framing each deliberate thought. Used to his introspective manner, she fostered an environment where he could share by allowing him this freedom. By the time Selena returned from upstairs, Julia understood the gist of the day. She watched this woman softly enter the room and marveled at the gift they all received the day she stepped off that train.
As the night progressed, Julia watched Dirk’s absorption with his wife. She liked what she saw. Heading for the kitchen, she filled the teapot with water. Her fingers tapped quickly against the tabletop while she waited for the water to boil. I think it’s time for some pie, and I know just the person to serve it. She poked her head back into the sitting room and looked over at Johnnie sitting absorbed in his brother’s chess game on the floor. Julia, you rascal, you. She smiled unashamedly.
Motioning for Johnnie to follow her into the kitchen, she whispered her brewing plan into his ear. Placing two plates of warm pie in his hands, she sent him back to the room ready for action. Instead of returning back to the warm spot on the rug in front of the fire, he plopped by Dirk on the couch, forcing the unsuspecting man to slide down towards Selena. It happened very smoothly with no one the wiser. Julia chuckled at Johnnie’s melodramatic skills. He might just have a flair for the stage. Gloating over her well-schemed plan proved very short-lived, however, for no sooner had the movement on the couch settled, than Selena jumped up.
“Oh I forgot! I need to stuff Wade’s stocking for the morning.”
Julia threw up her hands in the kitchen doorway, shook her head, and headed for the last batch of dishes. Her days as a matchmaker looked to be short-lived.
The older woman may not have been so disappointed if she could have peered into the storm raging within Dirk. Unknown to her, the seeds planted earlier in the evening by her infatuated sons had rooted and pried away at the layers of frost encasing Dirk’s heart in a way that nothing else had as yet done, his own youth awakened amidst their virility. From the moment he entered the house that night, Dirk noticed Selena. As often happens when one distances themselves from a situation, he viewed Selena through a different lens. He observed his wife, but this time through the perspective of others. He discovered her through the eyes of the boys, then through the eyes of his neighbors, and finally, through the eyes of the town, and he found himself intrigued. Remarkably, he was oblivious to his own scrutiny. If he would have known his actions were so evident to Julia, he would have stifled the reaction, but he did not, so he stared. He watched her sacrifice, her kindness, her thoughtfulness to those around her. Her laughter, her vitality brightened the room, and thanks to Jacob’s impetuous comment, he noticed her looks. She was beautiful. The fitted dress exposed the reality of her beauty. How had he missed it? The emerald material and her curly dark hair framed her ivory face defining her eyes like gems sparkling in harmony with the dress. Why had everyone else perceived what he had not? He remembered that day she arrived; he had noticed then, but found her looks disturbing. He hadn’t wanted beauty then. He despised it. Beauty represented pride, unfaithfulness, bitterness, and defeat. Over time, he overcame his prejudice and accepted her looks, but he never appreciated them. He looked past her appearance and in so doing overlooked part of her. When Johnnie joined them on the couch, Dirk found himself pressed closely against Selena. Her warmth permeated the gap penetrating his defense, but it billowed away when she left, accentuating the emptiness of her departure. His eyes lingered on her as she walked away, and for the first time, he desperately wanted her to stay. He turned back to the fire lonely without her near. The boys continued to talk, but he wasn’t listening. He stared into the mesmerizing flames contending with his awakening desire.
Minutes later, Selena returned with a lanky stocking he recognized as one of his own, stretched to accommodate the chosen gifts for Wade. She laid it under the tree along with another few packages they had brought for Julia and the boys.
“Good-night. I’m off to bed. It’s been a long day.” She caught Dirk’s eye and gave him small smile, understanding more than anyone else how emotional it had been for them both.
After banking the fire and finishing the last few nightly chores, the boys headed upstairs with Dirk lagging behind them. As he walked by Selena’s room, he slowed his pace. Listening to her rustle and movement behind the door, his mind drifted to places it hardly remembered. He stared at Thomas and Jacob ahead of him, young vibrant men with natural desires. He found himself embarrassed as he moved past her door. What kind of a man bunked in with men when he had a wife like Selena? What must they think of him? They never had as much as hinted to Dirk concerning his odd relationship. Maybe they didn’t understand that Dirk and Selena slept separately at home as well as here. No, Thomas must know. He stayed at the house to care for the animals. Could it be that the boys were too naïve to realize that separate bedrooms were not normal in marriage? Their father passed away when they were still young. Maybe they thought all married couples lived this way, or maybe they thought Selena preferred this arrangement. A wave of guilt swept over him at jeopardizing his wife’s character this way when he knew she wished for so much more. His heart pounded in his chest. He lingered briefly by her door…then followed the boys to their room.
Sleep escaped him for hours that night, and it was Selena, not Bert that consumed his thoughts. He tried to grapple with his emotions and fears. As he pondered the evening and the rebirth of desires that he thought were gone forever, he recalled his conversation with Jacob. He sat up in bed, bracing his back against the cold wall behind him. He needed to think. He felt that old familiar feeling, a burning intuition when he stood on the precipice of a major breakthrough on the newspaper. He remembered when with certain clarity the story suddenly unraveled in his mind, and he could relay it to his readers with passion and certainty. He wracked his brain, knowing the nugget of truth lingered just below the surface. What was it?
He wasn’t sure how long he struggled in his search, but the revelation finally came. He understood that gnawing unsettled feeling he felt earlier that night; now it all made sense. I overlooked, ignored, and denied clear facts because I did not want to see them. He told Jacob that his emotions deceived him when he courted Elizabeth because he let his feelings determine who she was. He said he was objective with Selena, but that wasn’t true. He wasn’t objective! Not in the least; he was doing the exact same thing. His emotions, his fears from the past, were again dictating how he interpreted his wife’s character. Instead of letting the facts, her actions, her love of Wade, her adoption of his family as her own speak the truth about her character; his relentless fears obscured his perspective once again. The revelation stunned him.
Down the hall, Selena crawled into bed exhausted both physically and emotionally from the long day. Could it have been less than two days since they left home? She felt like it was a lifetime ago. Hugging her knees to herself, she looked out the window. The earlier light snow had disappeared long ago. The moon shone brightly into her window, illuminating the sleeping child next to her. Wade’s left arm lay tucked up and over his head while his other hand, curled loosely into a fist, poked out from under the blanket next to her. His unruly hair billowed around his head framing one large lock which swirled like royalty across his forehead. Selena smiled at his innocent cherub features. His small button nose, perfectly pursed lips, and long eyelashes that smiled in his sleep belied the fact that they belonged to the same little boy that terrorized the kitten a few hours ago. As she watched him, he sighed, took his pudgy hand and rubbed his nose several times before shifting his sleeping body to face her in the bed. She looked back out the window. Last year on Christmas Eve Selena could barely find the courage to face the coming day. She had cried herself to sleep that lonely night as she had so many previous nights that terrible month. Glancing back at Wade, she brushed his curly hair back from his forehead and pressed her lips on the best Christmas present she’d ever received. She laid her head on the pillow and watched his shallow breathing rise and fall in a rhythmic pattern until her own eyelids drooped, and she fell fast asleep.