Why were men such assholes? How could they be so charming, so sweet and giving one minute and the next be crawling for the door without so much as a goodbye? She was a fool. She was a fool for trusting her heart that he was different, that he could possibly care about her, that she was more than just a good fuck to him. The worst part of all of this was even after he walked out of her room, he had her wound around his finger so tight, that she still believed in him. In them. That they shared something together, something more that was beyond a romp in the hay.
She still wanted him even though her heart broke at the thought of him walking out on her. Her heart broke because she didn’t know what the future would hold in regards to the two of them. Any moment he was going to walk in there and scoop Dakota up in his arms like he did every morning and her heart would break over and over because he was obviously someone she couldn’t have. He was someone who wouldn’t share his past with her, wouldn’t, in the slightest give her any indication that she meant more to him than just someone to feed his need. She was obviously someone he could put out of his mind. Once again forgotten and put on the back burner.
To make matters worse, he was going to look good enough to eat and saunter in there with that relaxed, lazy way he did as if he had no cares in the world. He no longer wore the suits, now opting for jeans, but he still wore buttoned shirts and she knew exactly what was underneath. Exactly how he tasted, how his muscles tensed beneath her touch, how his freckles hid beneath his chest hair and exactly what it felt like to be in his arms. Maybe he wouldn’t show up for work today. There was always a chance for that, right?
She was hopeless. She hadn’t been able to put him out of her mind. She hadn’t slept one bit. His Acqua Di Gio smell she hated to love, marked her pillows and her sheets. Every time she’d closed her eyes, he was there. His body heat penetrated her skin, his rough hands gripped her hips as she rode him, the heat from his mouth teased her senseless and it was all she could do but focus on anything other than those wonderful feelings.
“Dee,” his deep voice pulled at the deepest places in her body. She didn’t want to open her eyes. Maybe she could pretend like Dakota did and cover her face in the hopes if she couldn’t see him, he couldn’t see her.
“Blaze,” with Dakota’s high-pitched voice squeaking in delight, she involuntarily opened her eyes. It was so difficult to pretend last night didn’t happen. Especially with him standing there in his dark blue jeans that hugged his butt perfectly and an oxford shirt colored in various shades of purple that might be her new favorite. Damn, he makes my knees weak.
“Good morning, Brandi,” his eyes met hers and for a second, he had the exact same look in them as he’d had last night when they were in the throes of passion and he was looking up at her from between her legs. She looked away, angry with herself that he could turn her on with a simple glance.
He pulled Dakota up into her standard hug, throwing her up in the air while the little girl screamed in delight. The swell in her chest was two-fold: love and hate. There was always that thin line, wasn’t there?
“Not going to talk to me?”
“After the way you ran away this morning, what could I possibly have to say?”
“Don’t be that way.”
“Don’t be what way?” She sucked in a breath, she couldn’t do this here. Not with Dakota, who now stood between them, holding each of their hands. “Never mind. We made a stupid mistake. We’ll get over it. Oh, in fact, I’ve forgotten all about it. Dakota, would you like to go downstairs and play on the jungle gym?”
Lying to him was the only way she could distance herself from him. The one thing she could count on that would keep her feelings at bay - fake it till you make it.
As Dakota jumped in delight, pulling them toward the hallway, Blaze latched onto her arm, “Look, what I did last night was…inexcusable. I shouldn’t have left.”
She pulled her arm free, “But you did. You took what you wanted and that was all I needed to remind myself why I never liked you in the first place.”
“That was low.”
“And walking away from me after what you did, without so much as looking me in the face, wasn’t? I’ve been with men before you Blaze, who were all too happy to fuck me,” she lowered her voice, watching Dakota as she stopped down the hall at the steps. “And I was fine with that. If that’s all you wanted, why didn’t you own up to it in the beginning? Then walking out wouldn’t have been such a big deal.”
“Whoa, hold up. I never promised you anything last night. I never said anything was coming out of this, did I? I wasn’t the one who placed those thoughts of happily-ever-after into your head, did I? You did that, not me.”
She was fuming mad. How dare he? Standing there like the arrogant son of a bitch she knew he was, not willing to take any blame over this situation. As if it were all on her that she thought he was going to be…well, be more of a man than she found him to be. She had thought he would at least stay in her bed until morning, not run away. She hadn’t anticipated any type of happily-ever-after though. She was smart enough to know better.
“Go away, Blaze. It’s done and over. I don’t have anything more to say.”
She followed Dakota down the stairs, hurrying to catch up and left Blaze standing alone. She was a fool to allow him to continuously hurt her. Telling herself he wasn’t worth it did nothing for her heart. Her own heart didn’t believe her and that was pathetic.
What she needed was a day off. Or maybe two or three days off. Yes, that was what she was going to do. She would call Diane this morning and coordinate with her to watch the kids. Time away from Blaze was all she needed and she couldn’t get that with him living in the same house and working side-by-side all day.
She played with Dakota on the jungle gym, grateful Blaze had the sense of mind to leave them alone. He never followed them downstairs and she told herself she was okay with that. Dakota only asked about him once and Brandi was able to brush his absence aside.
They played until Dakota’s nap and once Brandi put her down, she took the back stairs to the library to hide. She hadn’t been in here recently. She hadn’t felt the need to hide. She and Blaze had been getting along so well, nap time had come and gone with the two of them enjoying each other’s company these past few weeks. He’d even been kind enough to watch her favorite movie with her. The Exorcist. Sleeping with him had changed everything.
What a mistake.
Her cell phone rang. Her sister. If there was something in her life she could face head on, it was going to be this.
“Hello?”
“Brandi? It’s me. Please don’t hang up.”
“I’m not going to hang up. What do you want?” She kicked her tennis shoes off and propped her feet up on the oak desk, feeling an odd sense of comfort in the squeaky chair as she leaned back.
“I need someone to talk to. I made a mistake.”
“What’d you do? Steal your best friend’s boyfriend? Sleep with your boss?”
“Brandi, this is hard enough as it is, can we please let bygones be bygones?”
“Hmm. I don’t think I’m there yet. In fact, it will be a long time before I get there.”
“I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you in the past.”
Her sister’s voice ground on her nerves. She shouldn’t have answered the call. She was already in a foul mood and hearing her sister’s reprimanding voice about bygones and forgiveness was too much.
“Sure you are. You’ve made it a priority in your life to treat me badly. To make sure I came in second to you – all the time. Do you remember that time we were little out hunting for Easter eggs and I had more than you and when I said I found eight eggs, all proud, you one-upped me and said you found nine? Do you remember? And you wouldn’t let anyone count them? That is how you’ve been our entire lives. Remember when I liked Aaron Ritter in eleventh grade and you slept with him two weeks after I told you how badly I liked him?”
“Brandi, listen-”
“No! You listen! I’m an adult. I don’t have to deal with you anymore. I don’t have to pretend to like you. I don’t have to put up with you trying to always be better than me. I don’t have to be the ugly duckling anymore. You can enjoy your life in Missouri and I can enjoy my life here. Now, goodbye!”
She ended the call and released a grunt from her throat. How could she not see how awful she was to me? She hated how her sister expected her to forgive and forget. That was her little sister though, thinking she was entitled to everything. Just like with Aaron Ritter.
Brandi wouldn’t be surprised if her sister caught wind of Blaze and tried stealing him from her. Wait. Steal Blaze from her? As if she owned him. She rolled her eyes. After last night, she wouldn’t be surprised if Blaze would find her sister more attractive than herself anyway. Everyone else did. Including her parents. But she didn’t care about them, not anymore.
She had worked hard to put a wall up around her heart where her family was concerned. She had no one and she was okay with that. She found her family in Marilyn, Amber and Gabriella. She didn’t need anyone else.
Sex with Blaze had been off the charts, but she didn’t need him either. She was going to put on her big girl panties and shovel all this shit under the rug. She’d been happy before Blaze and she would be happy again without him. Ignoring the devil on her shoulder who insisted on reminding her of how alone she truly was, she pushed up from the desk and headed out in search of Blaze.