Lessons on the Four Principles
It is important for children to understand their sensory experiences. It is just as important that they learn how to recognize and accept their emotions. This chapter talks about how our environment and events around us lead to our behavior. We explore how emotions can support us or stand in our way.
Children should not be taught to avoid their emotions but rather recognize the feelings that arise through their senses. Doing so provides an opportunity for them to learn to use appropriate responses rather than spontaneous reactions. Lastly, this chapter reviews how mindfulness facilitates executive functioning in addressing self-regulation. It is necessary to acknowledge that some children who are at the foundational level of our Self-Regulation and Mindfulness 7-Level Hierarchy will have challenges understanding the lessons in this chapter. In these situations, it is the adult’s job to gain an understanding of these concepts, which will allow them to accept and further understand the behaviors of the child. When the adult can do so, reciprocal regulation and mindfulness come into play.
The lessons learned should be applied to the adult’s own emotions that arise in the presence of challenging behaviors of the child. Even children at the foundational level can benefit and make improvements when the daily target activities are implemented. Use your judgment when deciding with whom to share the following lessons. Most parents and caregivers should find the information easy to follow. However, if the delivery seems too complex for some, feel free to use the “Short SAM Stories” to help further explain the concepts.
1. Multisensory Integration
2. Emotional Regulation
3. Executive Functioning and Mindfulness
4. Mindfulness and Compassion
MULTISENSORY INTEGRATION LESSONS
Lesson #1: What Is Our Sensory System?
Our senses allow us to connect to our surroundings. They include touch, taste, sound, sight, smell, movement, and balance. We also have senses that arise from inside of our bodies. Together, all of these senses make up our sensory system. Senses are important to our safety and allow us to gain an understanding of our surroundings. For example, they tell us how the weather feels, the taste of food, and whether a song has a good beat for dancing. Sometimes we like what we feel, and our feelings make it easier for us to do what we need to do. However, our feelings can also take over our bodies and make it hard for us to listen and follow directions. For example, you may like to run, climb, and jump, but sitting still to listen to your teacher in class may be challenging. Or, you may not like how certain clothing feels on your body but enjoy a big bear hug from a family member.
Sometimes our sensory system goes into overdrive: A fast heartbeat, heavy breathing, sweaty hands, and feelings of excitement or nervousness are examples of times when it feels like your senses are taking over. You may want to stop and leave the activity you are doing, or you can become so excited you have difficulty listening to your parent, teacher, or friends. This happens when your body lets too much sensory information enter into your brain. Just like trains traveling along the tracks, messages from your senses travel through your body. They begin their trip at a starting point and then travel along to their destination.
Think of your senses as trains trying to enter into your “train station,” your brain. Before a train can arrive at the station, it needs permission from a guard to enter safely. Similarly, before the messages from your senses can reach your brain, they have to get permission to enter. Your “guard” will either allow or stop them from coming into the station. If your guard does a good job, your body feels good. When your guard does not do a good job, too much information will come through, making you feel uncomfortable. It is your responsibility to get your guard to work correctly, to do so, you must practice “exercising your senses.”
Just like our muscles, our senses need exercise. Activities that excite your sensory system give you power. It is important to exercise all of your senses! When the senses work together, they are your super power! When your senses are working together well, we call that multisensory integration. Using more than one sense at the same time at the same place makes all of your sensory powers stronger. This requires you to explore and try new things. You may be surprised to discover what it’s like to try new things and build your sensory system’s power.
Short SAM Story: Millie the Armadillo
Millie is an armadillo who liked to roam around the rainforest. Millie enjoyed playing by herself. She did not like it when the other armadillos ran and bumped into her. Millie also did not like all the loud noises they would make. When others came around, she would hide in her shell and ball up. Sometimes, Millie would push others away when they got too close.
When she was alone, Millie loved to roll around and eat her favorite yummy foods. But, she did not realize what she was missing: While Millie enjoyed rolling around and eating, she was missing out on having friends and learning new things.
One day, Millie’s mother had a surprise for her: She was sending Millie to camp. Well, Millie was not happy and frankly became scared. She began to cry and hide. Her mother said, “Millie, I am sorry, but I think this will be good for you. You will have fun!”
The next day, Millie arrived at camp. There, she met her counselors, who would care for the campers and lead them in activities each day. The counselors shared that camp would involve a variety of activities, such as swimming, hiking, and camping. This did not sound like fun to Millie! She felt her heart beating fast and began to breathe deeply. Her skin became sweaty, and Millie wanted to get away. Before she could go into her shell to hide, one counselor named Sarah came over and said hello. “What’s your name?” asked Sarah. Millie shared her name, and Sarah introduced herself. “You seem a little nervous,” said Sarah. “I was also scared when I first got here. Give it a chance!”
That night, Millie went to her cabin. To her surprise, Sarah was there as well. While this made Millie happy, she soon realized that the cabin was cold and uncomfortable. Sarah noticed that Millie seemed sad. She asked Millie if she wanted a sleeping bag. This was something Millie never heard of before, but she was cold and decided to give it a try. Millie crawled inside and realized that it was very comfy. It was soft, and she loved how heavy it felt on her shell. Sarah also allowed Millie to borrow an mp3 player with a pair of headphones so she could listen to soothing music. After a good night’s sleep, Millie was curious to see what the morning would bring.
First was breakfast. Nothing looked good! However, Millie thought about how she had been willing to try using the sleeping bag and figured she would try something to eat, too. She usually enjoyed soft and chewy food. There was a piece of toast and some applesauce. Millie decided to dip the toast into the applesauce to soften the bread. Surprisingly, it was not bad!
Later, Sarah sat with Millie to have a talk. She told Millie that she wanted to teach her something. Sarah told her about the “senses.” “Sometimes we like the things around us, like smells or things we touch or tastes,” said Sarah. “But sometimes we do not like them. When we do not like things we sense, or if we get too much sensory information at once, our bodies can feel yucky. That is when your heart races or your breathing gets heavy. Sometimes, your skin can get sweaty.”
“What can I do about my senses?” asked Millie. “You can first say hello to those feelings,” said Sarah. You don’t have to say it aloud, but simply know that the feelings are there. Then, you can stop them from taking over. Take a deep breath or do something else that feels good, like giving yourself a big squeeze. But first you need to make your senses stronger and exercise them by trying new things. Try to use more than one sense at a time, like listening to music while doing yoga.” Millie thanked Sarah and told her she would give it a shot. “Hmm,” thought Millie. “Maybe I should give new things a try.” From that day, she decided to try and have fun at camp. Sometimes things seemed scary, or she tried something and did not like it after all. But Millie felt stronger.
When Millie returned home from camp, things were different. Millie noticed how beautiful the trees looked. She also realized that the other children seemed to be having lots of fun playing and exploring. Millie thought about how much she missed out on before going to camp. She also remembered that maybe she had not been so nice at times. When she had hidden in her shell or pushed the other children, they may have thought she was mean.
As Millie began to think about the past, she started feeling her heart racing and her skin getting sweaty. She then noticed that those were signs that her senses were trying to take over. Millie remembered what Sarah had told her and took a deep breath. Instead of hiding in her shell or pushing others away, Millie walked over to the playground. Before she knew it, a new friend came and invited her to play. Millie realized that she had exercised her senses and was indeed stronger!
The End
After reading the story, ask the children what they learned from it. Ask them to try and explain what the senses are. What are signs that your senses are taking over? How can you use your senses to be more successful? Use the story to talk through how we can strengthen our sensory system. What are some of the strategies Millie used to calm her senses? How the children sometimes feel when presented with certain smells, tastes, sounds, sights, touch, or movements.
EMOTIONAL REGULATION LESSON
Lesson #2: What Are Emotions?
Emotions are the result of feelings that lead to a reaction. When something happens to us, good or bad, our bodies feel a change. The change can feel “yucky” or kind of nice. When you become upset, you may feel your heart beat fast and your face, lips, and cheeks become tight. You may breathe quickly, and your arms and legs become tense. Even your stomach may feel sort of strange. When something good happens, you may feel your body become calm. Your face may still change: Your lips may relax, and your cheeks may rise. The funny thing about our emotions is that they can be very strong, but they are not so smart.
Strong emotions can take over your brain and tell it what to do. However, each of your emotions only knows one thing! Fear only knows how to be fearful. Frustration only knows how to be frustrated. An emotion can confuse us and only allow us to look, think, and act in one way. If you become angry, your emotions only allow you to think, look, and talk angrily. When you feel sad, the sad emotions only let you think about sadness. The same goes for emotions like joy: When you have joy, you think and feel joyful!
All emotions can cause you to do something without thinking. You may want to throw something when you are angry. You may want to hug someone when you have joy. These are called reactions. Even though each of our emotions only knows one thing, we have different emotions that take turns in our brain. You cannot change an emotion. For example, anger does not just turn into happiness. However, you can stop the emotion from telling you how to think.
You can stop yourself from having a quick reaction, so that you can decide on your actions. The emotion gets weaker, and you become stronger! You can respond instead of react! When you decide to respond, or do something that is not controlled by the emotion, new feelings may occur. If you were sad, doing something fun or thinking about someone you love can cause you to feel happier. Your face may change into a smile. Then, your body introduces a new feeling, joy.
Introduction to the FADS and JEL Feelings
There are a number of different emotions, and feelings connected to those emotions. It is hard to say how many exist. However, there are a few strong feelings that are likely to arise in our bodies more often than other ones. Trying to understand these more common feelings can help us choose to have better responses to our emotions. We are going to learn about two groups of feelings. The first is called FADS: Frustration, Anxiety, Desire, and Sadness.
The F (for Frustration) is when your body and face become tense. Your heart races, and your breathing is heavy. You may want to quit doing what you’re doing or hit something. These feelings may remind you of being angry.
The A (for Anxiety) causes you to worry, and your stomach may feel funny. Some may call that sensation “having butterflies in your stomach.” You may want to hide and avoid what is causing the feeling. You may have felt like this when afraid.
The D (for Desire) can lead to a fast heartbeat and being focused on one thing. You have trouble listening to or talking with others because you only want that one thing.
Lastly the S (for Sadness) can cause you to feel weak. You may want to ball up and cry. These feelings often make us feel confused and lonely.
All of the FADS cause strong reactions in our bodies. They can take over your thoughts and make things difficult for you. The good thing is FADS usually do not last long—at least if you do not allow them to take over. You should not feel ashamed when having FADS—these feelings are normal, and everyone has them sometimes. You just need to know how to not always react to them. Sometimes, FADS keep us out of harm. For example, when danger is near, you must listen to FADS to protect yourself. If a dangerous animal is near, your FADS alarm you to stay away!
The challenging part of having FADS is that they may last longer if you overreact. When you overreact, you can miss out on the good things happening around you. For example, if you allow FADS feelings to last too long, they can get in the way of a fun activity like going to play with friends. Reacting to FADS in certain ways can also cause someone else to have FADS. When that happens, your strong FADS feelings can last even longer. Once we know how to act or not react, the FADS will not last as long and may be replaced with new feelings.
The second group of feelings is JEL feelings: Joy, Enthusiasm, and Love. These feelings last longer than FADS and allow us to work better with others. Like FADS, your JEL feelings can lead to other people around you to have similar feelings. The difference is that JEL feelings are usually helpful and allow us to get along with others.
The J (for Joy) can cause your heart to flutter, your face to smile, and an overall good feeling to enter your body. This may be what you feel when you play or spend time with friends.
The E (for Enthusiasm) can lead to focusing on something you want or need while still being able to listen and talk with others. For example, this may involve being able to listen and follow the directions to earn a treat.
Last is L (for Love). When we feel love, we have a lot of good sensations in our body. We feel protected and want to be with other people. We also want other people to have those same feelings. You may experience this feeling with family or someone you care about. When JEL feelings replace FADS, they may help us do what we need to do and want to do in appropriate ways.
What Causes Your FADS?
Adults: If appropriate, explain each component of FADS—frustration (anger), anxiety (fear), desire (longing), and sadness (panic or discomfort) to the child. If explaining these concepts to the child is not appropriate (i.e., they are not at a developmental level to understand them), continue reading and/or read one of our Short SAM Stories.
FADS are the feelings that make us feel “yucky.” They come quickly and are strong. There are a few things that can cause FADS. Your senses can cause them. For example, you may not like certain sounds, smells, touch, or tastes, and encountering these can cause FADS. What are some things that you do not like? Think about them. How do you feel? Even just thinking about those things can cause the “yucky” feelings. We may also have FADS feelings when we are surprised.
Not knowing when something will happen or what will come next can lead to feelings of shock or panic. Going to a new place and meeting new people are examples. There is another cause of FADS that may seem kind of strange: Things we like can also lead to FADS. For example, you may think about a thing you really like (e.g., a toy, food, running and playing) or try to get it constantly. It is okay to want the things that make us happy, but these wants can trigger FADS when they take over. They take us away from our responsibilities: You may stop doing your work, listening to the teacher, or playing nicely with friends just to get that thing you desire. When you are not able to get what you want, you may become upset, causing your body to not feel so good.
When you experience FADS, you may not like how your body feels. It can feel uncomfortable. Your brain does not like it when your body is tense and your heart races. Your brain likes to keep everything balanced and calm. So, when FADS occur, your brain will try to make you feel better. It will send out messengers— chemicals that make your body feel good—to stop the unwanted feelings in the body. When this happens, even though you may start to feel better, it can be confusing. You may start seeking out experiences that cause FADS to get that good feeling again.
Unfortunately, the good feelings in these situations usually do not last long, causing you to want more and more. Even though you may want to do a good job, the FADS can then get in your way! Your body learns how to feel better for a short period of time by using FADS to get those feel-good chemicals from your brain, but you may get into a lot of trouble. If you are not careful, you may allow yourself to have more FADS than JEL feelings. This can cause problems because the good experiences we get with JEL feelings may be stronger and last for longer periods of time than those with the FADS.
How to Recognize FADS and JEL Feelings
Review the following pictures and see if you can act out the FADS and JEL feelings that are depicted. Play a game with two or three friends to see if you can guess the feeling they are acting out. If you have four or more friends nearby, you can form teams to play the game. You can also take a look in the mirror to play by yourself. How do your body and face look when you have certain feelings? Remember, it is okay to have any kind of feelings. but sometimes we want to learn ways for us to quiet our feelings when they become too loud. What are some of the things you can do?
First, let’s review the FADS feelings and how to notice the signs.
1. Frustration: Fast heartbeat, sweaty palms, tense muscles, tight lips or open mouth, lower eyebrows
2. Anxiety: Fast heartbeat, heavy breathing, tight muscles, sweaty palms, flexed posture, raised eyebrows, widened eyes, tense or open mouth, moving a lot or attempting to hide, covering face or ears, arms and legs brought up close to the body
3. Desire: Raised cheeks and eyebrows, fast heartbeat (sometimes), fixated eyes, lots of movement from excitement, difficulty listening and attending to others
4. Sadness: Flexed body, arms close to the body, raised inner corner of the eyebrows, downward-slanted cheeks, pouting lips
Now, let’s review the JEL feelings.
1. Joy: Smiling, separated teeth, calm breathing and heartbeat, raised cheeks, relaxed and comfortable body, bright eyes, extended neck, slightly tilted back head (sometimes)
2. Enthusiasm: Wide open eyes, tall trunk, extended arms and legs, slightly increased heartbeat, slightly raised eyebrows and cheeks, slightly turned up mouth corners
3. Love: Similar to joy and enthusiasm (feeling compassion toward someone else, relaxed body and face, lowered eyelids, head tilted to the side [sometimes], slightly raised corner of lips)
It takes practice to recognize the FADS and JEL feelings. Once you become better at spotting the signs, you will be more successful at interacting with others. Take time to read the SAM Story about Max the Kangaroo, which follows. It will help explain how we sometimes do not recognize the feelings that can stand in our way!
Short SAM Story: Max the Kangaroo
Max lived in a beautiful big open land. Every day, he played and explored. He loved jumping and bouncing all around. However, one day Max’s mother told him he had to go to school. Max was scared. What was school? Even though his mother tried to tell him about it, he was still nervous and afraid. Finally, the day came for Max’s first day at school. “Lots of rooms, desks, chairs, things, and people all around … I don’t know about this!” thought Max.
He met his teacher who showed him his room and where to sit. Max sat at his desk. The chair felt weird, and the lights seemed strange. Max was used to playing in his open field in the beautiful bright sunlight. This all was odd to him, and he felt a little yucky. “Maybe if I stand, I will feel better,” thought Max, so he stood up. But, his teacher quickly said, “Max, please have a seat!” Max sat down, but he still felt yucky. Max decided to lay his head down on the desk and cover his eyes. Soon after, his teacher came over to his desk. “Max, you need to listen to me teach. This is what we do at school,” said his teacher.
Well, Max really felt confused and did not know what to do. He noticed that there was a window near his desk. He became excited. Outside of the window was a playground with swings and lots of fun-looking things. He wondered whether he could go outside. “I am going to swing all day,” thought Max. He could not stop thinking about going outside. He didn’t even hear his teacher tell him it was time to eat lunch. She had to call him three times before he got his lunch bag.
After lunch, Max was so happy to learn that he could go to the playground. He hopped quickly toward the swings. But, someone was in his way. Max kept hopping, with the swing on his mind, and bumped into another classmate. They both began to cry. Max had to go talk to his teacher and the principal. Now he was in trouble, AND he never got to swing! Max explained his day to the teacher and principal. He told them how he was afraid, felt yucky, and did not like the classroom. He also told them how he wanted to swing. They started telling Max about these things called FADS. Max learned that what he felt that day were FADS (frustration, anxiety, desire, and sadness)—feelings that can take over your brain and make you feel strange. These feelings are powerful and try to control your body. Max learned that the best way to feel better is to know when the FADS are around.
Max learned that his stomach may feel funny, his heart may beat fast, and his body feels strange when FADS happen. When FADS take over, you start to think about ways to feel better. You may have trouble listening to or seeing the people around you. When that happens, you may break the rules, and others can get hurt like the kid Max had bumped into.
Max also learned that there are a few things you can do about FADS. The first thing he learned was to tell an adult, such as his mother or teacher. At school, his teacher would be able to tell him a few ways he could feel better without breaking the rules. The teacher showed Max how to “blow out” the FADS like candles on a birthday cake. Then, she showed him how to do push-ups on the wall and dips on his chair. Max’s muscles were working hard!
After practicing some exercises with his teacher, Max did feel better! He learned that FADS are not necessarily bad, as long as he did not let them take over! He was in charge. His teacher told him that noticing the FADS and taking a break to do an activity that helped could lead him to JEL feelings (joy, enthusiasm, and love), which cause our bodies to feel good and help us to get stronger over time. “When those FAD feelings sneak in, be sure to notice them so they won’t hang around too long!” said his teacher. “Then welcome the JEL feelings. We want them to stick around.”
Max ended up having a great first day at school. He could not wait to go home and tell his mother all about FADS and teach her some of the exercises his teacher taught him.
The End
After reading the story, ask the children what they learned from it. Ask them to try and explain FADS and JEL feelings and identify FADS using the specific examples from Max’s story. You can then select one of the target activities. Tell the children that the activity was one that Max learned from his teacher. How do they feel during and after the activity?
Lesson #3: Executive Functioning and Mindfulness
The large front part of our brain allows us to be in control. We get stronger when the front part of our brain is in charge of the emotional brain areas. Despite what we feel from our senses and the emotions that come about, we can still be in control. You can notice and accept your feelings and emotions. It is okay and actually healthy to have emotions, even FADS. Your job is to not let FADS sneak in and take over. When FADS feelings are too loud, we have a hard time hearing and seeing the important things around us. Luckily, the front part of our brain is the “leader.” Let it lead!
We can solve many problems when we allow our “leader,” the front part of our brain, to make decisions and offer different ideas for us to choose. Sometimes things will not work as planned. In those cases, it is up to our leader to help us change and work with new situations that arise. Most importantly, the front part of the brain allows us to stop doing something! Before you let your emotions take control or do something that is not so nice, you have the power to stop. When we stop, our brain is able to come up with a better idea rather than our doing something negative. These abilities get stronger when we are more aware of the present moment.
Here is a way you can practice: Stop and take a second to look around. What colors do you see? How does the air feel on your skin? Who is nearby? How does your body feel? Now, did you notice anything else? Perhaps stopping to pay attention to what is happening in the present made it harder to think about something that previously made you upset. Maybe you did not think about what was going to happen later on in the day. You just experienced mindfulness. Being mindful is being present. Being present is a gift because it helps us to slow down and notice things.
The great thing about mindfulness activities is that they allow our brain to get exercise. Not only does our leader get stronger, so does the part of the brain we call the “teacher”—the IC (insular cortex), which is near the emotional parts of our brain. It works with both of those areas to teach them right from wrong. When we stop and pay attention, take a deep breath, and explore our senses, the teacher is at work! If our emotions lead us to make a poor choice, the teacher will send a message to our body that will not feel so good; the purpose of this process is to help us avoid repeating the poor choice that caused us not to feel good. However, if we are doing well, making good decisions, the teacher will let us know that as well. The message sent to our body in these cases will feel great! The IC helps to teach the body and mind to connect so that we get better at self-regulation, having more control over our feelings and actions.
Read the SAM Story that follows about the garden. It teaches us how mindfulness can help our brain get stronger. When our brain gets exercise, we are able to do better. It can also lead us to joy, enthusiasm, and love!
Short SAM Story: The Garden
Jackson lived in a big city. There were always a lot of people, loud noises, and things happening all around. Jackson did not mind living in the city. but sometimes it all seemed like too much. For example, Jackson’s mom would ride with him on the city bus to school. Riding the bus was sometimes frustrating for Jackson. People would bump into him and knock into his book bag. Some would step on his feet without saying they were sorry! Being in school was not much different for Jackson. His school had both small and big kids. The big kids would move quickly and not see the smaller kids like him. Jackson spent most of the morning trying to keep up and avoid being run over.
One morning, Jackson told his mother he was not feeling well. She took his temperature and seemed confused. “Jackson, you do not have a fever,” she said. “You seem okay to me. What is wrong?” Jackson looked away and did not speak. After his mother continued to ask, he finally exclaimed, “I hate going to school! I also hate that bus! I wish I could stay home forever!” His mother was shocked. “I always thought you enjoyed school,” she said. “I am sure you are just having a bad day. Let’s get ready to go and talk about this later.”
That day, Jackson tried to enjoy himself. He wanted to have a good time at school and decided to give it a try. That was until he got to the playground! As he attempted to climb up the sliding board, another kid ran past him, pushing him out of the way. Jackson ran over to give the kid a big shove. In that moment, he felt someone come up from behind. It was his teacher, Mr. Johnson. Mr. Johnson walked Jackson inside to have a talk. He told Jackson that he would have to call his mother and share what happened at recess. Jackson said, “So what! I don’t care!”
Mr. Johnson said, “Jackson, even though you are saying that, I think that you do care. If you did not care, you would not have done anything. You would have not pushed your classmate.” “Well he pushed me first!” exclaimed Jackson. Mr. Johnson shared that he understood, but said, “Even when something like that happens, we do not have to react. There is a difference between reacting and responding.” Jackson looked confused. “Let me show you,” said Mr. Johnson.
Mr. Johnson walked Jackson over to the science station in the classroom, where there was an indoor garden. “You see this garden?” said Mr. Johnson to Jackson. “It took a lot of work to get the vegetables to grow inside. I failed many times.” Mr. Johnson pulled out a photo album sitting nearby. “I took these pictures to show you all what the garden looked like from when it started to now.” Jackson was surprised to see dirt and dead plants in some of the photos in the book. He could not believe that was the same garden. “But what does this have to do with me?” asked Jackson.
“Well, I got frustrated, anxious, and even sad trying to get the plants to grow,” said Mr. Johnson. “I had so much desire to make the garden succeed that I stopped enjoying the act of gardening. I wanted to take the whole thing and throw it in the trash can. Instead of reacting, I decided to stop and take a break. I remembered why I liked to garden. The smell and feel of the soil made me smile. I loved watching the seeds sprout and grow into a plant. When I stopped my reaction, I was able to come up with an idea! I would change the location and the soil and keep trying, even if it did not work out again! You have the same choice!”
Mr. Johnson told Jackson that he always had the option to stop and think. Stopping a reaction allows for a response! Responses are better, because we choose them rather than allowing our emotions to tell us how to react. The front part of our brain then takes over, which allows us to be strong and to tell the emotional brain who is in charge! Mr. Johnson shared that we can practice responding by becoming more aware of what is going on around us. We can be mindful. Being mindful is being present. Being present is a gift! That is when we do our best work!
Mr. Johnson explained to Jackson that there is a small area in the brain that teaches us what it feels like to make good or not-so-good decisions. “When you react, the teacher will not be happy, and your body may feel yucky,” said Mr. Johnson. “When you choose to have a response and the front part of your brain becomes the leader, the teacher is happy! Your body learns and grows when you are more aware of the moment. Your brain is very powerful! But, you first must pay attention.” Mr. Johnson then had an idea. “You should grow your own garden!” he said to Jackson. “When I speak with your mother, I will tell her about our plan to work on you responding and being more mindful.”
Mr. Johnson gathered some of his extra supplies and some seeds from the back. When Jackson’s mother arrived at school, Mr. Johnson shared the details about the garden. Jackson took everything for the garden home. He was excited but nervous. What if he failed? Jackson then remembered how Mr. Johnson’s plants died on his first try. Maybe it would not be so bad if his died as well. Jackson figured he would try anyway.
Day after day, Jackson cared for his plants. Mr. Johnson told him what to do and checked in with him every day. Jackson would tell him how the plants were doing. He loved planting the seeds in the soil and watching them sprout. Jackson could not believe that there were actual plants growing! Even his mom enjoyed watching the garden. Sometimes, Jackson and his mother could spend an hour looking at and talking about the garden.
One day, Jackson came home from school to find small, round vegetables growing from his plants. “Tomatoes!” yelled Jackson. His mom ran into his room. They both began to jump up and down with joy. Jackson had done it! He had grown a garden. He could not wait to return to school the next day to tell Mr. Johnson. As he shared his story, Mr. Johnson smiled. He reminded Jackson that the only way the garden had grown was because Jackson was present in the moment caring for the plants. And then … there was a gift—the tomatoes.
“You are strong, Jackson. You can do great things and control your brain to make decisions. You, my friend, know how to be mindful! I want you to remember that every day. Even if someone runs and pushes you out of the way, you can choose what to do. If you do not make the best decision, you could miss out on something good! Like your tomatoes!”
The End
After reading the story, ask the children what they learned from it. Ask them to try and explain mindfulness. Talk about the concepts of paying attention, listening to the “teacher,” and allowing the front part of the brain to be the “leader.” What is the role of the front part of the brain versus the emotional part of the brain? Then, identify the difference between reacting and responding. Ask for the children to provide specific examples from the story.
Lesson #4: Mindfulness and Compassion
Mindfulness requires us to be aware of what is happening in the present moment. We can then choose the best response. To make the best choice, we must be mindful of the needs of others and of ourselves. We must be compassionate to others and to ourselves. When we understand that our actions can affect other people, compassion begins. It is natural for humans to interact with other people.
Our bodies feel good when we are around others and we experience JEL feelings. Yet, when we experience the FADS of frustration, anxiety, desire, and sadness, we try to protect ourselves to feel better. We may not realize that while trying to make ourselves feel better, we may cause others around us to suffer.
It is okay to dislike something that someone has done to you. You should acknowledge that it was not something you appreciated. Yet, you must try to forgive the other person. This helps you to become more compassionate. While our emotions are strong and happen automatically, compassion is something we have to nurture. We have to remember to think about others.
When our emotions arise, we are sometimes not aware that they are there and may not be aware of how our actions are affecting others. If we try our best to always think about how our actions can affect other people and how they may help or harm ourselves, we become more aware. If I do not listen to the teacher, what will happen? Will I have to leave the activity? Will she become frustrated? If I let my sister have a turn on the game, will it bring her joy? Will she show me love? Everything we do can cause FADS or JEL feelings for us and the people around us. The more JEL feelings we have, the more others may have, and the cycle continues. Compassion can lead us to have a more fulfilling life.
Read the following SAM Story about Harry the Hippopotamus. It teaches us how compassion can make things easier. The story also shows us how our actions can either help someone else or cause them to have FADS.
Short SAM Story: Harry the Hippopotamus
Harry the Hippopotamus did not have many friends. He would go to school, eat lunch alone, then come home and play inside. It wasn’t that Harry did not want friends: The other kids did not want to play with him. Harry was not fast. When all the children would go to gym, no one wanted to be on Harry’s team for fear of losing the game. During recess, Harry would accidently bump into others because of his large size. In class, he tried his best but would work very slowly. His teacher would ask him to speed up to finish his assignments, but, Harry just could not work fast enough.
One day, Harry was in the cafeteria carrying his lunch to the table. He sat down, and the other children at the table stood up and walked away. Harry instantly became sad. Before he knew it, he was crying. A lunch aide came over to Harry and asked what was bothering him. Harry could not speak. She asked if it was because of the other children leaving the table. Harry shook his head “yes.”
After lunch, the lunch aide walked Harry to his classroom. She spoke with his teacher and explained what happened. His teacher decided it was time to teach the class about compassion. “Compassion?” asked Harry. “Yes, compassion is thinking about others,” said the teacher. “It is also thinking about ourselves and knowing how what we do will always lead to something. We want that something to be good!”
Once recess was over, all of the children returned to the classroom to find Harry and the teacher. In front of them was a fish in a bowl. “We have a new friend joining us today,” said Harry’s teacher. “The librarian is letting us keep her fish for the next couple of weeks. It is up to us to care for him.” The children were very excited. They all tried to get closer and asked if they could feed the fish. The teacher explained that everyone would get a turn caring for the fish. Harry would be first. She then explained that caring for a fish requires more than just feeding it fish food.
“You have to clean the tank, talk to the fish, and be sure you do not forget to feed it three times a day,” said Harry’s teacher. “So, I must know that you are ready to handle the fish before giving you the job. You must show me compassion.” All of the children looked confused except for Harry. She then asked Harry to explain what he had learned while the other children were at recess. Harry told the kids how we must think about others and how our actions will lead to something good or bad. If we do not think about the fish and doing everything it needs, it could get sick, but if we keep the fish in our thoughts, it may do well and be happy.
The teacher explained that she must see them thinking about others in the same way. She told them she would be watching to see who helped another classmate. “If I see you making someone smile, I will know that you are starting to understand what it means to be compassionate. But, if I see others becoming sad or upset because you are not being kind, I will know you need more time before you are able to care for the fish.” That week, the children all worked hard to earn the job of caring for the fish. They even invited Harry to sit with them at lunch. In gym class, they did not seem to mind if Harry was on their team. They all just seemed excited to play and run around.
Everyone had a turn feeding the fish while it was with the class. After the fish was returned to the librarian, all the children had a better understanding of compassion. Harry’s teacher decided to continue the lesson on compassion by buying everyone a small plant to care for as part of science class. She knew the lesson of compassion was powerful!
The End
After reading the story, ask the children what they learned from it. Ask them to try and explain compassion. Then, identify how not being compassionate could affect others. Ask for the children to provide specific examples from the story.
A Note on Reciprocal Regulation
Can you recall working with a child who became upset, did not want to participate, and displayed challenging behaviors? How did that make you feel? Close your eyes and imagine how your heart, breathing, skin, body, and face felt. Did you feel relaxed? It is my assumption that you recalled a moment when you felt stress or discomfort. We experience physical reactions based on someone else’s behavior. If they smile at us, we may feel happy. If they frown at us, we can feel uncomfortable. When those around us are experiencing stress, we can as well.
Similarly, we must acknowledge our effect on others. When you approach a child who is upset when you also are tense and feeling stress, it can create a vicious cycle. Adults (and peers) trying to assist a child must take a moment to acknowledge their arousal levels. If your heart is racing and you feel tension in your body, take a moment to acknowledge the feelings. Then, take a breath or try another technique to relax your body. This is especially important when physically trying to calm a child. As you place your body near theirs, you are transferring your energy and arousal. Be mindful of your unconscious influence. Reciprocal regulation can be a support or hindrance to your interaction.
THE PRINCIPLES IN SUMMARY
Our Senses: First We Feel!
First, you feel. What you do with those feelings depends on your ability to stop automatic reactions and respond. Notice if your body changes. Do you feel your face and body getting tense, your heart speeding up, your palms getting sweaty? Say hello (to the feeling), stop, and then respond! Sometimes, we may need to ask for help in making the best choice. We may need something to help soothe our senses, such as big squeeze, quiet time alone, a movement break, or a drink of water. Other times, we may need someone else to help us! Use some time to give your body what it needs. A “SAM Pass” is a great way to request a break. (See an example in Chapter 6.)
Emotional Regulation: Be Mindful of Your Emotions!
Some emotions try to take over your brain. Some disguise themselves and need revealing so that you can move past the feeling! Letting the FADS feelings take over may lead you to miss out on something good. You are more successful when your long-term JEL feelings come into play. Remember, FADS (Frustration, Anxiousness, Desire, and Sadness) are strong feelings and can get in the way. JEL (Joy, Enthusiasm, and Love) feelings can help you get along well with others and do well! You have the power to be in control! You are stronger than your emotions. Everyone has a superhero within! Exercise your super power with daily experiences of FADS and JEL moments. We review these ideas in Chapter 7, where we describe the nine daily targets.
Executive Functioning and Mindfulness: Feel, See, and Be!
Children naturally live in the moment. However, in today’s society, there are lots of stimuli occurring at once. Sometimes, a child being able to experience one moment at a time is helpful—just to feel, see, and be in tune with what is happening now. Being present can actually change our brain and improve our interactions! Breathing activities, meditation, and caring for others or plants allow us to be aware of the moment. The present is a gift. We must slow down to receive what the present has to offer. Use a “SAM Present” as a reminder. (See Chapter 6 for more details.)
EVERYDAY SAM PRACTICES
The following are important to incorporate into daily practice:
1. Breath Breaks: Take a moment to blow out the energy that builds up in your body. Sometimes, the energy comes from being busy, stressed, or upset. When we blow it out, we feel and work better. Parents, try taking 3 to 5 minutes at home before school for a Breath Break for you and your child. Teachers, take a short Breath Break before class begins and take Breath Breaks for you and the children throughout the school day.
2. Brain Freeze: It is important to give our minds a rest—to “freeze” for a short time. The emotional brain takes over when the other brain areas are overworked. Parents and teachers can use a sound to indicate the start of a Brain Freeze. It can be a bell, chime, or light drumming. Teach the child(ren) that once they hear the sound, they should stop whatever they are doing and freeze in a comfortable position. Allow them to lay their head down or curl up on the floor. Encourage them to close their eyes. Try allowing 1 to 3 minutes for Brain Freezes a few times during the child’s day at home and at school.
3. Yoga: Learn a few simple yoga poses, and practice them with the child at home to prepare the body for the day or to calm down before resting. At school, the teacher can have children lean on the desks and chairs during classroom yoga or simply have them do yoga on the floor.
4. FADS, JEL, and Compassion Moments: Take at least one moment of the day to share daily experiences involving emotions and compassion.