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I need a woman
To live for
Play the piano to
Cook and have babies with
Share a bed
An address
To measure the sum of my self against
I’m getting on you know
I wake up in the morning
There’s a little pile of hair
On the pillow
A deciduous
I’ll drop my leaves
For you any day
I am here
In all my shedding glory
For you to
Love.
you want a woman
to complete
your plan but
it’s not my plan
it’s not my plan to be completed by you
i keep falling
in and out
of myself
just as i fell out of paradise
i like it that way
sometimes i don’t like it that way
for better
or worse
it’s the only way
You would destroy my fragile peace
(if you could)
With all the fury of the dispossessed
Look at you hovering above my porcelain egg-cup
You are too big for my possessions
And my possessions are too big for you
Linked as they are to an earthly family tree
I cannot find you on Google, no road no house
No town no country, all you bring to me
Is pain
discontent is not unattractive
the stage magician who knows nothing of alchemy
and plucks bright balls
from his sleeves grinning
is far more hideous than you
Discontent is not an achievement
It is not something to win
Like poker or golf or an Oscar
You are suffering
From the absence of
God.
Look how you flap
Your torn wings petulantly
At my modest wallpaper
i am suffering
from absence point
blank, there’s
a hole in my heart
tween you and me
a long-maned horse
could jump through it
with room to spare
Hey, Hey!
Let’s let the good times roll
Into the horse-shaped hole in your heart
Listen I’m under the
Influence of your sleazy
Vowels … I’m going all funny
And my eyes are shining!
aw …
i love you
like this!
C’mon sweetie
Squeeze into the motor
Let’s do 30 when we should do 20
Lets roll over the speed bumps
Let’s do that now
While my tank is full
And the price of petrol
Is stable
just one moment
while i take
this fishbone outta
my teeth.
No. You’ve lost
The moment. It’s
Gone. Stanley is
Himself again.
be someone else
pleeeeeeeeze. just for
the helluvit.
You hurt me
With your desire
For other. I am
Who I am and I
Am fond of myself.
now you
made me cry with pity
for my poor undone self. all ruffled
and done in
by aristotle’s concept of unity.
(384–322 BC)
What do you want
From a human lover?
An
Abstract and
Totally useless
Way of seeing to
Plunge
Toes
Waving
I know you swim at sunrise
With the newts and water voles
In the mud and silt of our Thames
Buffeted by currents and the wash from boats
(I have to blow-dry your wings for hours after)
No one would have you
Wet and melancholy
(You’re sort of inconsolable)
Weeping tears of gas
Over the spires of north Ilford
Talk to me straight
Like a motorway
Stay in the left lane
Do not use the hard shoulder
Do not drive against the traffic flow
It’s a straight conversation.
sit here.
Yes here.
that’s nice.
straddle my angelic
hips
with yr small town
thighs.
Like this
My sweet feathery
Tormentor?
it will do.
you ask what i want from a human lover?
i’ll tell you straight
like a motorway
a clang! a clamour! a new expression!
That sort of dumbwitted answer
Infuriates the logic
That makes me employable
it is true
i am a little feverish
soon i will fly to frinton-on-sea
to raise a glass with jane lynne thorburn at the three crowns
and then move on to campohermoso
to catch up with francisco rodriguez garrido
trouble is
there are knots in my hair
trouble is
the world is murderously mad
climate maladies, pharmaceuticals
lack of privacy, arms trade possibilities
child marriage in yemen and other tragedies
i will have to look (again)
at aristotle
(384–322 BC)
who i have mentioned
before.
under his
toga is much to peruse.
if i was to try on his
theory of tragedy
and agree it imitates human acts
i would have to come to the angelic conclusion
that if i was to imitate the acts of human beings
i would have to imitate her not as she is
but as she could be
Erm … I find your
Angelic hips alienating.
You thrash about in some bedlam
For the winged and divine
Forgetting you have a mortal
On your knee. My moustache is
Full of froth. I don’t understand
Say again what you said?
i said nothing
i said nothing
i said looking
down into the suburbs
and beyond
i saw
sad stars fall
like halos
on men and women
howling into the damp crease of their past
i saw first worlds
blister the skin
of other worlds
zebras
gallop through
burning suns to
the shade of long
grasses, and
somewhere else, love
affairs in old hotels
with balconies
i saw beggars beg
in every language children fear
death in every language
and i saw you
weeping on your doormat
decided to become
a commuter
between heaven
and
the suburbs of hell
you seemed like a good
sort of man
an accountant
with culinary tendencies
tho’ lacking in charisma
(look at your tie)
the task
to
bring you
into
the light
and dark
of uncertainty
the two great themes
of classical science
chaos
and
order
undressing and
dressing and
cross dressing and
overdressing and
addressing envelopes
Sounds like hard work
To me
I like plain shampoos
Soaps
Ecologically sound
Detergents
One hundred per cent
Wool
Good strong tea
Olive oil (budget permitting)
I like the light
To be just light
And the dark
To just be dark
I do not wish to live in a grey area
Or to read between the lines
Love must start on the first line
Continue on every line
No line without love
And then she marries me
That is my wish
get off my knee
stanley …
now!
i try to introduce you
to the way i see things
and all you want is a wife
a wife and a second-class stamp and a bath
a bath and a donut and a product to kill moths
You’re just a totalitarian angel
Full of self-rapture
I thought you were a divine messenger
In fact you’re a glutton
With wings
you are suburbia’s satisfied son
i came to you
naked
glittering
flew through a chernobyl storm
above the pripyat river and its seven left tributaries
pina, yaselda, tsna, lan, sluch, ptsich, braginka
to find your microwave dreaming of you
yes dreaming of you
kneeling in a nuclear forest
gathering mushrooms in lithuania
pinging
pinging
pinging
dreaming in stainless steel for you
You came to me
At the moment
I did battle with my soul
And found myself
Weeping on the doormat
Journeyed through
The storm in my heart
To heal the wounded
And yet the healer
Is more wounded than myself.
Your discontent
Has shattered
My double glazing
Twice
Who taught you
To behave like that?
This is a gentle place
With ancient trees
And often blossom
Go away
And don’t come back
Fuck off
Out of my easily
Satisfied arms.
so cruel you are
secretly. untangle
this bird caught
in my hair. it blew
in from somewhere
made me yearn
for hugs and
boat rides
i’ve got all plump
from lack of euphoria.
Ha!
Despite your sizzling proclamations
I am happier than you
Though you despise me for it
I listen to the weather forecast
Enjoy peaceful walks
In appropriate clothing
Sleep well at night
Do I need you?
Though flattered to be visited by an angel
With a mission
I prefer talking to my postman
His name is Shivadhar
In winter he wears a black beanie
With a bobble and I want one
In blue.
Tonight
I will eat
Pad Thai and drink
Singha beer
With my brother
Grateful
For small pleasures
We can share
All the while
Glad to be sure
The sun will always set in the West
And dusk settle over this suburb of bankrupt councils
Retail click-and-collect centres
Mental health tribunals
And me
And Shivadhar
And my brother.
Did you say you can hear a frog
Splashing at the end of the world?
i said nothing
i said something
i said never talk to the hand
when you have an angel
perched on your wrist
you are a human subject
living and furious
architect of your own paradise
on this grave earth
of splendid contraries
it’s been a pleasure
to know you
and then know
you a little bit more
fry me a sardine
the wind is blowing
i’ll be off.
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Current & Upcoming Books by And Other Stories
01
Juan Pablo Villalobos, Down the Rabbit Hole
translated from the Spanish by Rosalind Harvey
02
Clemens Meyer, All the Lights
translated from the German by Katy Derbyshire
03
Deborah Levy, Swimming Home
04
Iosi Havilio, Open Door
translated from the Spanish by Beth Fowler
05
Oleg Zaionchkovsky, Happiness is Possible
translated from the Russian by Andrew Bromfield
06
Carlos Gamerro, The Islands
translated from the Spanish by Ian Barnett
07
Christoph Simon, Zbinden’s Progress
translated from the German by Donal McLaughlin
08
Helen DeWitt, Lightning Rods
09
Deborah Levy, Black Vodka: ten stories
10
Oleg Pavlov, Captain of the Steppe
translated from the Russian by Ian Appleby
11
Rodrigo de Souza Leão, All Dogs are Blue
translated from the Portuguese by Zoë Perry & Stefan Tobler
12
Juan Pablo Villalobos, Quesadillas
translated from the Spanish by Rosalind Harvey
13
Iosi Havilio, Paradises
translated from the Spanish by Beth Fowler
14
Ivan Vladislavić, Double Negative
15
Benjamin Lytal, A Map of Tulsa
16
Ivan Vladislavić, The Restless Supermarket
17
Elvira Dones, Sworn Virgin
translated from the Italian by Clarissa Botsford
18
Oleg Pavlov, The Matiushin Case
translated from the Russian by Andrew Bromfield
19
Paulo Scott, Nowhere People
translated from the Portuguese by Daniel Hahn
20
Deborah Levy, An Amorous Discourse in the Suburbs of Hell
21
Juan Tomás Ávila Laurel, By Night the Mountain Burns
translated from the Spanish by Jethro Soutar
22
SJ Naudé, The Alphabet of Birds
translated from the Afrikaans by the author
23
Niyati Keni, Esperanza Street
24
Yuri Herrera, Signs Preceding The End Of The World
translated from the Spanish by Lisa Dillman
25
Carlos Gamerro, The Adventure of the Busts of Eva Perón
translated from the Spanish by Ian Barnett
DEBORAH LEVY writes fiction, plays and poetry. Her work has been staged by the Royal Shakespeare Company. Her most recent novel, Swimming Home (2011, And Other Stories), was shortlisted for the 2012 Man Booker Prize, 2012 Specsavers National Book Awards (UK Author of the Year) and 2013 Jewish Quarterly Wingate Prize, while her most recent collection of short stories, Black Vodka: ten stories, was shortlisted for the Frank O’Connor International Short Story Award and its title story ‘Black Vodka’ shortlisted for the 2012 BBC International Short Story Award.
An Amorous Discourse in the Suburbs of Hell was first published in 1990 by Jonathan Cape and appears now in a new and revised edition.
Title: An Amorous Discourse in the Suburbs of Hell
Author: Deborah Levy
Editors: Sophie Lewis & Stefan Tobler
Copy-editor & Proofreader: Eleanor Crawforth
Typesetting & eBook design: Tetragon
Cover Design: Jonathan Pelham