Chapter 17

I took the moccasins inside when I went to check on Gam. They’d upset Jess, but that wasn’t enough reason to throw them away. As I hid them under my bed along with the note, the photos and the school ledger, I realized I’d have to do my own digging to find the answers.

We worked quietly after lunch. I carefully sifted through each box Jess carried over, and the pile grew.

“Supposed to be a storm later,” Jess said.

“Really?” I asked, throwing him a look and gesturing to the sky. A few marshmallow clouds dotted its blueness. The air was humid, though, and even with my hair up in a ponytail, I could feel the dampness on my neck.

“I’m part Indian. Don’t argue with me about the weather. He gave me a lopsided smile, lifting the tension, our argument forgotten. “Best time to fish is right before a storm.”

“Why?”

He shrugged. “Dunno. The fish sense the change or something.”

“Must be nice down by the water,” I said thoughtfully, picking through a box of LIFE magazines from the ’80s.

“It is. You should come with me.” It was a challenge. He dropped the box he was carrying and looked at me. “How could you live here your whole life and never go fishing?”

I looked at the never-ending piles of boxes and felt my heart sink. The heat and dust clung to me. Going inside the house meant giving Gam a full report, and even if I made it upstairs to my computer, I was too distracted to write.

Rich wouldn’t like it, me going fishing with Jess. In fact, I couldn’t believe I was even considering it. But dinner at his parents’ had left a bitter taste in my mouth. The thought of doing something daringly out of character was tantalizing.

Jess heaved an impatient sigh and threw tarps over the boxes. “Soon as everything’s covered, I’m heading out. You can come if you want to.”

The smart thing, the proper thing, would be to say no. But I was tired of doing things that way. It was time to take a leap. “Should I bring sandwiches?” I asked.

Jess grinned at me and my stomach lurched. “No mayo on mine.”

The air conditioner barely made a difference in the house. Just slapping mustard on bread, I was sweating.

“Gam?” She was sleeping again. She’d been sleeping a lot the last few days. Probably the heat. “Gam?” I used my whole weight to shake her awake. Her skin felt clammy under my fingers.

She stirred and looked at me, bleary eyed. “Robyn?”

I caught my breath. She’d never called me by my mom’s name before. “Gam, it’s me, Sara Jean.” I sat down on her bed. “Are you okay?” There were dark circles under her eyes.

“Sorry, love. I must have been dreaming.”

“About Mom?”

“I can’t remember now.” Gam’s voice drifted off.

“I’m going out for a while. Mim will be here soon for lunch. Do you need anything before I go?”

Gam looked at me as if I was abandoning her. “You’re coming back, though?”

A flash of edginess stirred in me. When had I ever not come back? Her tether on me only let me go so far.

“Yeah, of course. I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”

“Where are you going?” she asked, her forehead wrinkling.

I sighed. “Out.” I couldn’t tell her where, or with whom.

“You don’t usually go out during the day.”

Because I’m stuck here with you, I wanted to remind her, but of course I didn’t.

“What time will you be back?”

“Gam!” I cried, exasperated. “I don’t know! And it’s none of your business anyway!”

She recoiled with a look of astonishment.

Taking a deep breath, I adjusted a fan so it would circulate air over her face. Wisps of stringy hair flew across her pillow, the odour of her body dissipating.

“It’s hot out, and I’m tired. I didn’t mean to yell,” I explained. Guilt made my chest ache. “Do you want anything before I go?”

She stared at me reproachfully. “I feel a little light-headed,” she said. “Maybe a glass of water?”

I nodded and went to the kitchen. From the window, I saw Jess waiting beside the car, holding Grandpa’s old rods.

The water refused the get cold. After a few minutes, I gave up and let it gush into a glass. I took it to Gam, but she’d fallen asleep, her breathing deep and even. Mim would be here soon. I took a final glance at her and left.

The car rattled to life; I barely drove it, relying on Rich and his ever-changing chain of pickup trucks, each one bigger and better than the last. Jess blasted the air conditioning and rolled down the windows, but it didn’t make a difference. The suffocating heat of the car made it hard to breathe. I tossed the sandwiches in the back.

“You know where the trailer park is? I need to stop at my mom’s to pick up some bait.”

I nodded and reversed out of our property. If anyone saw us, I had a story ready. Jess had heat stroke and needed to get home. Totally believable. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. His face was turned to me, and his eyes were closed. The hollow of his throat was shiny with sweat. It isn’t right for me to be looking at him, I thought. Gripping the steering wheel tighter, I turned my eyes to the road.