Grandma India always said that all human beings need something bigger and more powerful than themselves to believe in. It is best when we choose God, a specific and certain choice, whom we can trust to be our life companion. “If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you know you are always safe. Even when you find yourself falling off the highest mountain, don’t panic! Take stock to see what you can do to help yourself. If the answer is nothing, relax and enjoy the scenery, knowing that no matter how great the danger appears, you are safe in God’s arms.”
Growing up in the 1940s and ’50s in Little Rock, Arkansas, I needed a powerful God and every drop of faith I could muster and sustain to hope that one day I would be free of the imprisoning bars of segregation. I longed to be free to go to the school of my choice, to sit in the front of the bus, to drink from the nearest water fountains not marked colored, to ride on the city park merry-go-round, and to walk the sidewalks downtown without being called ugly names. I longed to touch merchandise in stores without fearing someone would cut my hand off.
Grandma India said faith is the consistent trust that God is all powerful and always on your side if you need help. Throughout her life, she was a member of the Methodist church where I was baptized as a baby. She insisted that I remain respectful of all people and their methods of worshiping their God as I cling to my commitment to my God and Jesus Christ, the Son of God.
It would be my task to remain loyal to God, obeying His laws for living. “Taking time to study the Bible and obey your God will be crucial to your success,” she said. “The warrior is the active part of you that helps you make things happen. God is always the energy of your warrior. He is as close as your skin, and you have only to call on Him for help.”
By age three, I had memorized the Lord’s Prayer and the 23rd Psalm, which she repeated to me every night as she tucked me into bed. There were several hymns and tons of Bible verses to memorize that specified the behavior God expected from me.
I regularly had personal talks with God because Grandmother promised I would be heard. When things went wrong, He would be with me, like when I found out my father might be leaving the family because he and Mom were not getting along. I decided that for me God would be an even bigger Dad, because I needed a dad to be with me always.
I went into the backyard and sat on the ground, leaning on the trunk of the big tree and holding on to my Raggedy Ann doll. I spoke to God, trying to hear what He would say to explain the word divorce. Who would protect us on those dark nights when the Klan rode in their white sheets, flashing their crosses and rifles and setting houses on fire? It would be okay, I heard God promise through my whimpers. It would be okay—He would keep me safe because He was God, my super strong Father, bigger and stronger than any Klan, more powerful than my human dad could be.
From the earliest age, I remember Grandma sticking individual pictures of my brother, mother, and me on our family refrigerator. She said they were there to demonstrate how much she loved us, how beautiful I was, and how handsome Brother was. Posted that way, she could look at us at all times of the day and appreciate how much we resembled God’s heavenly angels, she said. Above all else, she declared, “God loves you. He has your pictures on His refrigerator just as I do.”
One day when I was sad and crying over being called a nigger in the grocery store, Grandma said, “God loves you. He knows how beautiful you are. Don’t crinkle that pretty little face. God doesn’t know the word nigger, and He will be disappointed if you give in to it.”
To this day, whenever I feel inconsolably sad, I remember that statement—God loves me so much that He has my picture on His refrigerator. I know I am beautiful because God thinks I am.
Without any doubt, my life experiences have taught me that Grandmother was correct. Indeed, I have learned that God is with me at all times. He has demonstrated over and over His love for me. If I am willing to believe in God, I can build a relationship with Him—one that includes faith, trust, and hope—that serves me when I most need it. I am never alone, never without the powerful resources He provides.