At Katelyn’s car, Aisha gave her another hug and told her again how happy she was for her on both fronts, her upcycled clothing launch and the wonderful news that she was expecting.
Katelyn returned her hug but lingered by her driver side door in no apparent hurry to leave. “There’s something I wanted to ask you.”
“Oh yeah?”
Katelyn nodded. “I would’ve brought it up inside, but I know you’re reticent to talk about some kinds of things in front of Sam.”
Aisha lifted an eyebrow. “Okay?”
“What’s the hold up, the real one?”
“What do you mean?”
“Aisha,” Katelyn’s tone was gentle but firm—and Aisha recognized it at once. Katelyn was using her “Mom voice.” Before she could tease her about it, however, Katelyn cut to the chase—and to Aisha’s core. “You have the start-up money, you have a solid business plan, and you have more than enough stock—so why haven’t you moved on anything?”
Aisha stared up at the sky. It was a deep, velvety blue, like her favorite pair of pre-washed dark denim jeans—almost eleven p.m. and not completely dark yet. The moon wasn’t full, and it wasn’t a Christmas card worthy crescent either. It was a sort of lumpy three-quarters or something—not its best look. And the indecisive clouds scudding across it didn’t help. The nerve of her thoughts made Aisha smirk. Critiquing the esthetics of the moon’s phases? She really did have Sam’s blood.
Katelyn, as if sensing Aisha was thinking, not stalling, waited like she had all the time in the world.
If the moon, if nature, couldn’t make a decision, couldn’t be fully one thing or another for any length of time, how could Aisha blame herself for not being able to either? She was in a lumpy, scudding, indecisive phase too—and pretending otherwise hadn’t helped her one bit.
“Have you ever really wanted something, and worked hard and long for it, only to wonder, when it’s close to attainable, if it’s really what you wanted at all?”
“Are you saying you don’t want your shop now?”
Aisha shrugged. “I thought I did, and recently I totally recommitted to the idea, vowed to stop letting my nerves rule me, and made a firm plan to rent a space—and the exact same day I did all that, I discovered the rumor isn’t a rumor at all. Someone else is opening my store and with a perfect name to boot. The Second Chance Shop.”
Katelyn made a sympathetic sound and Aisha shot her a wry look. “Don’t feel too badly for me. It was a terrible blow—at first. But then, I don’t know . . . It was so easy, almost a relief, to put it out of my mind. And that’s made me face something I think I’ve known for a while but resisted. My dreams have changed.”
“That’s huge . . . to what?”
Aisha shrugged. “That’s the million-dollar question, all right.”
Katelyn laughed. “You really have no idea what you want instead?”
“That’s just it . . . nothing. I want nothing instead. I love my life and the home I’ve built here with Mo—and everyone else. Is that totally lame?”
“Not at all.” Katelyn’s smile was so sincere and sweet that tears of relief filled Aisha’s sinuses. She should’ve known Katelyn wouldn’t judge her. She was the most accepting person ever.
“I’ve been giving it a lot of thought. What I really want is to buy into River’s Sigh B & B. To have a personal stake in it. Please don’t mention that to anyone though, not even Brian, because I haven’t broached the subject with Jo and Callum yet.”
“I won’t . . . but wow.”
Aisha nodded. “I think I’ve wanted it for a long time but was afraid to admit it because it’s a lot to take on—financially, but also emotionally. It makes me never in charge, always dependant on other people for my and Mo’s security, at least partially.”
“But we’re all dependant in some way on someone or something else.”
“I know. I just like to fool myself that I have more control than I actually do.”
“You and me both.” Katelyn patted Aisha’s arm sympathetically. “But what about all your amazing creations?”
“No change there. I’ll definitely keep making things and upcycling like a maniac.”
“Phew, I’m relieved to hear it! Your becoming an official part of River’s Sigh totally makes sense, though. I can’t believe we didn’t brainstorm that idea before.”
Aisha smiled. “Right? Anyway, I’ll still need to figure out something selling-wise, if only to have room to salvage more, but I’ll find a way.”
The night air was cool, but Aisha was warm all the way through with how good it felt to finally admit what she really wanted, to stop hiding from it. Since she was on a roll, she might as well go for broke. “And I want to stop being such a coward in my personal life too, but I’m afraid—afraid to change things up, afraid not to. What if I go for something and it totally wrecks what I have? Or what if I chicken out and regret it my whole life?”
“This ‘something’ you speak of is Jase?”
“Yeah.”
“I get it. I really do. It was like that when I was trying to get my courage up to leave Steve. I felt paralyzed because as badly as Steve treated me and as increasingly scared as I was, I was also financially secure with him, and my kids, at the very least, had a solid roof over their heads, more than enough clothes, and excellent food. I worried that if I couldn’t be sure I could provide all that, maybe I should stay put. Your dilemma and mine aren’t remotely the same, of course.” Katelyn laughed self-consciously. “My only point is that all change is hard. Is terrifying. Even when it’s potentially super positive—or maybe especially then because it feels like there’s so much riding on it.”
It felt like they were going to keep talking for a while, so Aisha opened Jo’s tailgate and boosted herself up to sit on it. Katelyn joined her, settling close.
“I just want to hold on to what I have, you know? Keep Mo and everything and everyone I love as they are: safe.”
Katelyn’s voice was as soft as the gray clouds rolling across the night sky. “Safe.” The word was a blessing from her mouth. “Who doesn’t want that? The only problem is that there is no such thing. We can’t predict the future, and ninety-nine percent of what we worry about doesn’t ever come to pass, just drives us crazy in the present and ruins everyday special moments. And inevitably the thing that really kicks us in the teeth, the thing with the potential to ruin or destroy or maim us for life, comes totally out of the blue.”
“Wow, that’s amazing,” Aisha said. “You should put it on a T-shirt.”
Katelyn giggled. “Too wordy. Maybe on a maxi dress?” Her voice grew shy. “Sorry, that was kind of a lecture.”
“Don’t be sorry. I loved it—and I needed to hear it. Rant on, sister.”
“Don’t go for ‘safe,’ Aish,” Katelyn said. “And don’t do anything from a place of fear. Do what your heart really desires. Go in that direction. It’s scary to listen to, but it will never steer you wrong.”
“Okay, in real life, that’s the T-shirt—but man, I hope you’re right.” It was all Aisha could find to say in her jumble of thoughts and emotions. She looked up at the sky just as a massive cloud shifted again, revealing a swath of black velvet decorated with three Disney-worthy stars that twinkled down on her.
Katelyn seemed about to say something else, but a whimpering-keening sound interrupted her.
She and Aisha made the connection at the same time. “Puppies!” they squealed and hopped off the tailgate.
The cute snuffling noises and squeaky yips got louder as they headed to the trail that led to the cabins. Then, about fifteen feet in, bingo! Two tumbling balls of legs and tails frolicked clumsily under the light cast by one of the cabins—followed by a laughing Jase.
“Oh, hi!” he said when he saw them. “I hope we’re not being too loud.”
“Not at all,” Aisha said. “We were leaving Jo’s when we heard the cuteness overload.”
Jase grinned and crouched to scoop up the female puppy, his big hand cradling her round, hairless belly. “Cuteness overload about sums it up, all right.”
“Hi, you beautiful guy!” Katelyn rubbed the little male’s flapping ears, and he collapsed in joy. “What are they anyway? They’re a lot bigger than I imagined them when Aisha first told me their story. I pictured tiny pups, but these look like they’ll be massive.”
Jase laughed. “They’re tiny to me, but you’re right. The vet figures they’re Mastiff-Shepherd crosses.”
Mastiff. That explained the female’s fuzzy brindle and the little fella’s fawn coat. The breed was so perfect for Jase—gentle and giant—that Aisha shook her head. “I can’t believe how far they’ve come in such a short time.”
“I know. It’s awesome, hey?”
Katelyn looked up from the dog belly she was scratching. Glancing first at Aisha, then at Jase, she straightened and stretched. “And that’s a day for this old pregnant lady, I think.”
“I’ll walk you to your car,” Aisha said quickly.
“No, no. It’s just right there. You stay. Play with the pups.”
But Jase had already put the puppy he was holding down again. “We’ll all go.”
“It’s not necessary,” Katelyn protested.
“It’s good for them,” Jase said. “I’m hoping to tire them out, so they’ll sleep through the night.”
Katelyn groaned. “Don’t remind me of cute things that don’t sleep through!”
The puppies ambled after them with great energy all the way to Katelyn’s car. Just before Katelyn climbed into the driver’s seat, she pulled Aisha into a goodbye hug—and whispered in her ear, “Remember our T-shirt.”
“What?”
“Don’t go for safe.”
It was all she needed to say.
“I’ll see,” Aisha promised. “Thanks.”
The puppies were much less enthusiastic about the trek back to Jase’s cabin, but with much coaxing, laughter, and praise—and frequent pauses for piddles—they made it.
Jase’s cabin’s porch light glowed a friendly welcome.
“Where’s Mo tonight?” Jase asked, but his eyes held a deeper question.
“A sleepover at Jo’s. We had a meeting with Callum’s mom, Caren, about her upcoming art show, and it was easier to tuck her in there—and then Jo and Mo decided she should stay the whole night, so they could have a pancake feast in the morning.”
“Fun.”
Aisha nodded, but her breath hitched. Had she arranged for Jo to keep Mo, knowing—or hoping, at least—that this moment, time alone with Jase, might happen?
“Do you . . . want to come in?”