PART 2

The Impact Model

A NEW PARADIGM FOR PARENTING LIKE A COACH

How to Tackle Challenging Situations

At the core of the coach approach is the six-step Impact Model. It offers a clear, simple structure to address challenging situations—one success at a time.

Step 1: Take AIM. Focus on one challenge at a time, the more specific the better. Ask yourself, “What’s the change I want to see?”

Step 2: Get Educated. Collect information to understand the context around a problem. Prepare for problem-solving by exploring perspectives from you, your child, and others.

Step 3: Plan. Every challenge could have multiple solutions. Explore these cornerstones before taking action:

Activate the Brain: Kids’ brains influence all of their thoughts and behaviors (also true for stressed-out adults). Ask yourself, “What role is their brain playing?” and “How can we support or activate their complex brain?”

Positivity: With constant redirection and correction, relationships with kids are taxed. Envision their potential. Empower them to believe in their own success. Ask yourself, “What are their strengths?” and “What successes can we celebrate?”

Shift Expectations: When kids are developmentally delayed, set high expectations appropriately and incrementally. Ask yourself, “Is that a realistic expectation based on the child’s developmental age?”

Systems and Structures: Use systems and structures in the context of activating the brain, positivity, and shifting expectations, to help kids learn self-management and self-regulation. Ask yourself, “What’s the goal of creating a new system?”

Step 4: Act. Get started, taking action on the plan!

Step 5: Rinse and Repeat. Real and lasting change takes practice, time, and experimentation. Try something, tweak it, and try again. When you’re ready, take aim on something new.

Step 6: Self Care. Taking care of yourself is essential for your stamina and resilience, and to model conscious self-management for kids.

JENNA’S STORY

Jenna was struggling to manage her reactions. Her 14-year-old twins were becoming increasingly disrespectful, and she knew that yelling and threatening weren’t helpful. Then she had a magical moment. On a group coaching call, she explained, “It was as if I could hear the lightbulb going off in my head. I thought, ‘use the model.’ And then I laughed out loud, channeled Elaine’s voice, and asked myself, ‘what’s the change I want to see?’” Jenna decided to Take Aim on helping her kids respond respectfully when they heard “no,” especially when she was asking them to do something they wouldn’t want to do. She got curious about the source of her kids’ snarky behaviors and acknowledged how often she was taking things personally. She and her kids agreed on a code word to prepare for disappointment, and she was already noticing improvement. “Once I remembered to use the model, everything started to get better quickly,” she said. She was beginning to coach herself.

Bottom Line: “I thought, ‘use the model.’” And then, clearly and quietly, she asked herself, “What’s the change I want to see?”