What It’s Like to Be a Seven
- I’m always the first person up for a last-minute adventure.
- I am an optimist to a fault.
- I don’t like making hard and fast commitments to things.
- I suffer from FOMO—fear of missing out.
- Anticipation is the best part of life.
- People close to me say I can be argumentative and act superior.
- Variety and spontaneity are the spice of life.
- Sometimes I get so eager for the future I can hardly wait for it to get here.
- It’s hard for me to finish things. When I get close to the end of a project I start thinking about the next thing, and then I get so excited I sometimes just move on.
- I usually avoid heavy conversations and confrontations.
- When people I care about are having a hard time, I help them look at the bright side of the situation.
- Other people think I am sure of myself, but I have lots of doubts.
- I’m popular and have lots of friends.
- When things get too serious for too long I usually find a way to get people to lighten up, often by telling jokes and funny stories.
- I don’t like endings, so I usually wait for people to break up with me.
- I quickly get bored with the same routine and like to try new things.
- Almost everything can be more fun and entertaining with a little effort.
- I think people worry more than they should.
- Life is better than people imagine. It’s all about how you explain things to yourself.
- I don’t like it when people have expectations of me.
11
Type Seven
The Enthusiast
Just think of happy things, and your heart will fly on wings!
Healthy Sevens know that often “less is more.” They are aware of the energy they have invested in manufacturing happiness and they know that joy is a gift or grace that can only be received. They have embraced a full range of human emotion and they are growing in their ability to accept life as it is rather than as they want it to be. They are able to incorporate pain and disappointment into the whole of their lives, rather than merely avoiding it. When Enthusiasts are in a healthy space, they are not only fun and adventurous but also spiritually grounded, practical and resilient.
Average Sevens reframe almost everything that is sad, limiting or could be perceived as failure, changing the narrative so that even the most negative events are recast in an affirming way. They find most of their happiness in anticipation and much of their sadness in the reality that their expectations are seldom realized. These Sevens entertain to feel safe and to claim their place in a group. Though they are very popular, they find commitment to be a challenge and have great trouble finishing projects, often jumping from one thing to the next.
Unhealthy Sevens see themselves and their environment as inadequate, feeling sorry for themselves and often believing they’ve been dealt an unfair hand. They try to avoid pain at any cost, which leads to irresponsible behavior and seeking instant gratification. These Sevens are often reckless, risking more than they can stand to lose, and are more prone to addiction than any other number.
One Saturday my wife, Anne, asked whether I would make a Whole Foods run to pick up a few items for dinner and take our eight-year-old son, Aidan, along. I’m not a cheapskate, but buying groceries at Whole Foods makes as much fiscal sense to me as buying your lawn equipment at Tiffany’s. My health-nut wife’s insistence that our kids eat only pesticide-free food has long been a point of contention between us. It didn’t matter. Every morning for fifteen years I snuck a bag of Cheetos into their lunch bags so they could have some semblance of a normal childhood. She still can’t figure out why they love me more than her. But despite my frustration, I headed to Whole Foods with Aidan.
The first thing you see when you walk into our local Whole Foods Market is the apple display—a giant, perfectly arranged pyramid of Honeycrisps and Galas. It’s so imposing and artfully organized it makes you wonder whether they commissioned sculptor Andy Goldsworthy to design it. Like any young boy, the first thing Aidan did that day was charge straight toward it.
“Don’t touch those apples!” I commanded in a loud voice.
Startled, Aidan jumped back from the apple display, and I turned around to continue my search for almond milk. Not five seconds later I heard a muffled thump—almost like the sound of a tennis ball landing on the roof of a canvas camping tent—followed by a few more low-toned thumps. I heard the collective gasp of my fellow customers mixed with the roar of what we now refer to in our family as the Apple-anche of 2006. When I whipped around I found Aidan on all fours, desperately grabbing at rolling fruit as if he thought he had time to collect and restack them before I discovered the nature of his evil.
Aidan looked terror stricken when he saw me walking toward him wearing my “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God” face. But then, as if arrested by a brilliant, last-minute idea to stay his execution, he broke out in a grin, leapt to his feet . . . and began dancing.
When I say dancing, I mean “James Brown Live at the Apollo Theater in 1962” dancing. Now brought up short, I watched as he segued into the famous John Travolta peace-sign-across-the-eyes dance from the movie Pulp Fiction. Where does an eight-year-old learn such things? Few things will dissolve a father’s fury quite like the sight of a giggling little boy wearing a “Life is Good” T-shirt dancing in a scree of apples. Lord knows I tried, but I couldn’t prevent myself from laughing along with everyone else in the aisle as he thrust out his little butt and moved into doing the twist. How do you reprimand a kid like that? For the umpteenth time in his brief life Aidan had managed to turn a crime into a comedy.
Now a freshman in college, Aidan moonwalks whenever we pass the apple display at Whole Foods as a reminder to me of how he managed to elude certain death that day. And yes, it still makes me laugh. He’s a quintessential Seven on the Enneagram.
The Seven’s Deadly Sin
I want to be a Seven. When healthy, they might be my favorite number on the Enneagram.
Sevens embody joy and a boundless love for life. Most mornings they burst into life like kids who just found out it’s a snow day. At the same time, I’m not naive. Because Aidan and many of my closest friends are Sevens on the Enneagram, I’m well acquainted with their dark side. As is the case with every Enneagram type, what’s best about their personality is what’s worst about their personality. Their gift is also their curse.
Scratch the vibrant paint on the surface of a Seven and what you’ll find underneath is the need to avoid pain. I can’t say that strongly enough—Sevens don’t want to feel unpleasant emotions, particularly that swirl of fear and emptiness they register at their core. No one enjoys feeling frightened, sad, bored, angry, disappointed or frustrated, but for Sevens, emotions like these are intolerable.
I thought for sure I was a Seven when I learned that gluttony is their deadly sin. Spend a week in Italy with me and you’ll know why I mistyped myself. But for Sevens, the sin of gluttony isn’t about their fondness for pennete al salmone as much as a reflection of their compulsive need to devour positive experiences, stimulating ideas and fine material things in order to fend off suffering, hurtful memories and a feeling of chronic deprivation.
Sevens crave stimulation. Ask one how much is enough and they’ll say, “Just a little more.” And that’s the problem—there’s never enough, at least not to satisfy a Seven’s voracious appetite. The psychiatrist and author Gabor Maté likens addicts to “hungry ghosts,” ravished creatures who have “scrawny necks, small mouths, emaciated limbs and large, bloated, empty bellies.” It’s a ghoulish visual, but it’s an apt description of the Seven’s dilemma. Like “hungry ghosts,” Sevens cope with their inner tumult by gorging themselves on interesting ideas, acquiring choice material possessions, jamming their calendars with activities and adventures, fantasizing about a future filled with exciting possibilities, and planning their next great escapade.
According to the Enneagram, the opposite of gluttony is sobriety. For Sevens, sobriety doesn’t mean giving up drinking but rather slowing down, living in the present moment, exercising self-restraint, reining in their restless “monkey minds” and getting down to the business of ordinary life. You know, all the stuff regular civilians like us have to do.
All of us have ways of defending ourselves against pain. For Sevens, it’s keeping things lively and positive. The question Sevens are always asking themselves is, How can I jam as many pleasurable experiences into this moment as possible? Their source of satisfaction is never found within them or in the present moment; it’s always external and in the far-distant future. There’s always something they haven’t tried, something more to do, some new exploit to plan. All this hopped-up behavior is how Sevens divert their attention away from the unacknowledged and unintegrated losses and anxieties that haunt them. Most people know that unpleasant feelings and truths can’t be avoided indefinitely, but not Sevens. They believe they can outrun them forever. As Richard Rohr says, “Sevens try to imagine a life where there is no Good Friday, and it’s Easter all the time.”
It’s hard to get your head around it, but Sevens are every bit as fearful as Fives and Sixes. Where they differ is in the way they defend themselves against it—Fives ward off fear with knowledge, Sixes with pessimism and Sevens with inexhaustible optimism.
If you gave me only three minutes to describe the coping strategy of a Seven I’d simply sing you a few verses of the song “I Whistle a Happy Tune” from the musical The King and I:
Whenever I feel afraid
I hold my head erect
And whistle a happy tune
So no one will suspect I’m afraid.
So it is with Sevens, whose determination to deny entrance to negative feelings winds up costing them their most authentic self. They fool themselves as well—and no amount of novel experiences and exciting adventures can ever quite fill that void.
“Let us step into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure.”
J. K. Rowling
All About Sevens or Enthusiasts
Living for tomorrow and turning a blind eye to the inevitable dolorous ordeals of today may sound like a great way to go through life, and there are certainly times when Sevens’ indomitable optimism is a gift. But sometimes such behavior can create problems for Sevens and those who love them.
Sevens want to avoid pain. Sevens believe they can think their way out of pain. I once asked my friend Juliette to describe what life is like for her as a Seven. Among other things, she shared how she copes with negative emotions by intellectualizing them. “For me worry or stress are easier to deal with because I can work with them in my mind,” she said. “Feelings like disappointment, grief or sadness are much harder because I actually have to feel them.”
When I asked Juliette whether she’d ever seen a therapist, she laughed and said, “Yes, but whenever a counselor succeeds at getting me too close to a painful topic I instantly tell a joke or a funny story about something goofy the kids did that week to get them off topic and around negative emotions.” Sevens will go out of their way to avoid pain and introspection, which makes the self-awareness that’s needed for growth more of a challenge for Sevens than for most other types.
But the ways that they avoid pain are just so freaking entertaining. If my experience in Whole Foods with Aidan tells you anything, it’s that charm is one of the first lines of defense for Sevens. Angry parents, teachers and coaches find it all but impossible to discipline puckish Sevens. They can talk their way out of almost anything. If Adam and Eve had been Sevens we’d all still be living in the Garden of Eden.
When situations become too emotionally intense or distressing, Sevens will feel an irrepressible urge to lighten things up a little. They’re the ones who slip a grimace-worthy joke into a eulogy, laugh uncontrollably during a sad scene in a movie or feign a bad case of the hiccups to distract people while their boss is announcing mandatory layoffs. While the choices Sevens make to deal with anxiety or unpalatable feelings can earn them popularity for being the class clown, they can’t seem to make a connection between their immature behaviors and the fact that people say they lack intellectual and emotional depth. If they never do their work, adult Sevens develop a reputation for not being able to swim outside the shallow end of the pool.
The last thing I would want is a world without Sevens. They’re wonderful human beings, particularly when they’ve learned to face up to the fact that life consists of both agony and ecstasy moments. The problem is too many settle for being Peter Pan—they never want to grow up.
Sevens are vulnerable to addiction. Several mornings a week I attend AA meetings. It’s not often I see so many Sevens gathered in one place at one time. Not all Sevens become addicts, but their impulsivity and difficulty with delaying gratification, combined with their desire to escape afflictive emotions at all costs, make them more addiction-prone than any other number on the Enneagram. Why suffer a flood of awful and frightening emotions when half a bottle of wine, a few hours on a porn site, a handful of oxycontin, a blackjack game, a quart of ice cream or a shopping binge offers an easy, fast-acting source of pain relief?
“I’m not an alcoholic, but one day I realized that whenever I go to parties I end up drinking three glasses of wine to put a protective layer between myself and that one Eeyore-like person who wants to drag me into a conversation about a depressing topic,” Juliette told me. “I pretty much don’t like anything or anyone who brings me down.”
In my opinion Sevens are particularly vulnerable to pornography addictions. Think about it—you get to enjoy an erotic rush that numbs negative feelings, and as an added bonus you can trick yourself into believing you’re having an intimate experience with another person without having to step up to the plate and make a commitment to them—something Sevens are hesitant to do. Gambling, too, is a particular temptation for Sevens, whose natural optimism convinces them that this next hand will be a winner or that their luck is about to turn. Gambling is all about the things that Sevens find attractive, like exciting possibilities and future good fortune, so it’s all too easy for them to be pulled in. Like I said, not all Sevens become addicts, but they have to watch themselves.
Sevens are spin doctors. Sevens are masters at what’s termed “reframing.” In the blink of an eye they can take a bad situation and recast it in a positive light to skirt feeling the pain you and I would experience if the same thing happened to us. This defense mechanism is unconscious, instantaneous and impressive.
At one time my friend Bob was one of the most sought-after music video producers in the world. After a while he became so bored and disgusted with directing four-minute movies of half-naked women dancing to atrocious music that he promised himself he’d never produce one again.
Recently over lunch Bob told me how a few months earlier he had reneged on his vow by agreeing to shoot a video for a big country act because “the money was just too good to pass up.” That morning the artist’s manager had called to tell him they were disappointed with his footage and were hiring another director to reshoot the video.
“Honestly, I think it’s a blessing,” Bob explained. “I see it as God’s confirmation that I should stay away from making music videos and continue down my new career path.”
Bob and I have been friends a long time and he’s pretty well versed in the Enneagram, so I asked him whether his response to the call wasn’t just a textbook example of a Seven duct taping a silver lining to a black cloud. He danced around my question until he finally gave up and laughed, saying, “I always have a pocket full of silver linings.”
“You ought to get around to having your feelings about losing that gig,” I said.
“I’ll think about it,” he said, knowing that was the perfect answer from someone in the Head Triad.
(For the record, Bob’s new career path involves hanging out the door of a helicopter and shooting aerial videos of lions running around the Serengeti. He sells the films to adventure tour companies who use them as promotional pieces for their websites. I know, it’s perfect beyond words.)
Watch and be amazed when Sevens start to rationalize. If you call Sevens on the carpet for acting selfishly or having a bad attitude, or you caution them against making a dumb decision, they’ll climb the barricade and defend to the death the reasonableness of their position. They’ll come up with a million good reasons for doing whatever it is they want to do no matter what it will cost them or others. Their litany of justifications is no more than a strategy against having to feel guilty for being selfish or stupid for making an unwise decision.
Because they’re bright and such quick learners, Sevens can develop an inflated sense of their own giftedness, intelligence and achievement, and become arrogant. They love to debate ideas and are so articulate and fast on their feet that they rarely lose in a battle of wits even when they know less about the topic than their opponent. They can definitely suffer from a superiority complex.
Sevens are escapologists on par with David Blaine. They always need and will have an escape hatch or backup plan in the event life gets scary, boring or uncomfortable. On our way into a movie theater one night, my friend Bob and I passed an art gallery where people were gathering for the opening of a photography exhibit. “Perfect!” he said. “If the movie stinks we can slip out and head over to that instead.” It’s stunning, really.
“It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.”
Tom Robbins
Sevens don’t want to be tied down. Sevens need flexibility and avoid making long-term, option-limiting commitments. Anne and I often say we regret not knowing the Enneagram when our kids were growing up. In fifth grade Aidan showed promise as a drummer, but he bristled whenever we suggested he join the school band. Having to make a commitment to attending band practice twice a week after school sounded more like voluntary incarceration than fun. Anne and I eventually convinced Aidan to try band just once. His response afterward was predictable. “I hated it,” he groaned. “The band director said I had to stick to playing the notes on the page like everyone else. I like to improvise!”
From personal experience, I can tell you not wanting to stick to playing what’s on the page is a pattern with many Sevens. Helen Palmer calls them the Epicures because of the way they delight in all the best possibilities in life. If you don’t believe me, take a Seven to dinner. They’re usually the first person to smell what the menu special is. “Holy smokes, do you smell that curry?” they’ll revel, with a euphoric expression on their face.
If you really want to see Sevens swoon, take them to a buffet-style restaurant. They’re the guys in the line who load their plate because they can’t bear the idea of not sampling a little bit of everything! If you take them to a restaurant they’ve been to before, they definitely won’t order the same thing a second time, even if they loved it. What kind of person would settle for the same old fare when they can try something different and exciting?
Sevens live for the next adventure. Sevens know exactly what Andy Warhol meant when he said, “The idea of waiting for something makes it more exciting.” These pleasure-seekers savor anticipation. For them, the best part of a meal, a party or a trip isn’t when it comes; it’s the thrill of expectancy leading up to it. This is why Sevens sometimes feel a little let down when the prime rib appears, the party guests arrive, or they’re actually standing at the base of the Eiffel Tower. The real deal couldn’t possibly live up to their expectations. The pleasure is in the waiting, not the sating. (Yes, I came up with that last line. Feel free to use it.)
Sevens make sure they always have something to do lest an adverse feeling break through a crack in their schedule. “I know I’m anxious when I keep looking at the calendar to see what’s coming up,” my friend Juliette confessed to me.
Aidan spent his junior year of high school studying classics in Italy. A few weeks before it was time to return home he called to tell us about a summer program in classics being offered at Oxford. “It would look great on my college applications,” he said. “Not only that, but the flights from Italy to England are cheap right now.” I knew exactly what my champion rationalizer was doing. Rather than feel sad about having to say goodbye to friends and face the prospect of coming home to attend his tenth and final year of summer camp, he had jumped on his computer to trawl around the Internet in search of another adventure.
Unfortunately, Sevens have so much trouble remaining in the present moment they never fully enjoy the adventures they’re having because they’re already thinking and planning the next one.
Sevens as Children
Sevens often describe childhoods filled with tree swings, lazy summer afternoons spent fishing with Uncle Henry, winter days building snow forts and going to sleep-away camp. Seriously? No one gets off this easy.
If you succeed at getting Sevens to open up about their childhood, they will describe times when they were made to feel overwhelmed or abandoned and without support—the night Mom and Dad sat them down to announce they were splitting up, their brother contracting a lifelong serious illness that sucked Mom’s attention away from them for years, the last-minute move that happened so quickly they barely had time to say goodbye to their friends, or the loss of someone whose death felt more like a desertion.
In their developmental years, Sevens heard the wounding message, “You’re on your own. No one’s here to support or take care of you.” In response Sevens said, “I’ll do it if no one else will.” But whereas Fives dealt with this same crisis by reducing their need to depend on anyone and Sixes solved it by attempting to anticipate every possible disaster, young Sevens’ strategy involved creating a pain-free Neverland in their mind where they could hide out and think happy thoughts until their pain dissolved.
Regardless of the underlying factors, as kids Sevens adopt a strategy of going up into their heads to plan adventures, entertain captivating ideas and imagine a life where the sky’s the limit to diffuse scary emotions they fear will overwhelm them. These kids are not merely entertained by Peter Pan; they are the ones who, like Peter, truly believe in magic. They live in imaginary scenes in their rooms, their backyards and the back seat of the car. They are happy to play with others and content when they are alone.
Curiosity defines Sevens, which is part of the gift they are to themselves and to the world. But boundless curiosity is also part of the problem. Rules are necessary, but Seven kids find them insufferably limiting. The grass is always greener just beyond the fence line. When they are restrained by limits of some kind, they retreat into their heads, where they rely on their imagination to provide all the entertainment they need until the restrictions are lifted.
Seven children are not achievement-oriented so much as experience-oriented. They like the fun part of Boy Scouts but aren’t terribly interested in earning badges or advancing toward a goal. That’s not to say they’re lazy—far from it. Sevens are always on the go: they’re the kids who want to stay longer and play longer. Limitless energy is available day after day in their world, and they never seem to want to stop.
Emotionally, young Sevens are already learning the art of denying negative feelings. For these children, feeling good instead of bad seems to be a choice, so they are confused by sadness in others. They move away from the negative and toward whatever is positive, even if that means reframing their experiences to make for a happier narrative. Sevens learn to move away from fear and pain early in childhood, and they carry that strategy into adulthood.
Sevens in Relationships
There’s never a dull moment with Sevens. More than any other type, they need spontaneity. They are either planning and talking about their next escapade or asking you to join them on one. Whether it’s a night of exotic fare at a new ethnic restaurant, a day of naked skydiving, a lecture on cubist art at the museum, an evening of opera or a last-minute road trip, Sevens are the first to yell “Shotgun!” and race you to the car. If you’re not ready and raring to go somewhere at a moment’s notice, your relationship with a Seven probably won’t last.
Sevens want nothing to do with confining relationships. They’re classic commitment phobes. To Sevens, “stuck” and “commitment” look and feel like the same thing. As Helen Palmer observes, because they treasure their independence Sevens have to be made to believe a relational commitment is their idea rather than something you imposed on them. Over the long term, some of them have a hard time sticking to a partner through thick and thin.
If you are or have ever been in a committed relationship with a Seven, you know what wonderful companions they are. Because their talk style is storytelling, they can keep a group on the edge of their seats while they excitedly act out a story of something that happened to them. They’re always interested in your inner life. They’ll want to know your life story and draw you into their exciting world. At times, however, the Seven’s fascination with your life is more a symptom of their gluttony than a sign of genuine interest. Regardless, your relationship with a Seven will have to keep evolving over time or they’ll start looking for the fire exit.
Fear of the bad feelings that arise in conflict will trigger denial in a Seven. You might have to light your hair on fire before you get a Seven to face up to the fact that something’s not working. Of course, the pivotal moment comes when Sevens can’t stall having to decide about whether to make a long-term commitment to you or not.
For some Sevens, the end of a relationship can be very difficult. It’s hard to outrun or repress the sadness associated with a breakup. But some Sevens and their friends have told me that they can walk away from relationships with hardly any negative feelings at all. This repression of emotions can make some Sevens appear callous or lacking in empathy.
Sevens always want to keep their options open. They’re the people who when you ask them to join you for dinner on Friday night will say they’ll get back to you. After all, what if someone asks them to do something more exciting between now and Friday?
It’s not unusual to hear a Seven’s friends say they have felt abandoned by them on more than one occasion. They tend to overcommit socially, since a Seven abhors a vacuum and an empty calendar threatens them with boredom. Sometimes, their well-established relationships get last priority when Sevens rush off chasing new friends and exhilarating experiences.
People unknowingly rely on Sevens to bring their supply of infectious enthusiasm to every activity they do with them. We figured this out on a recent family trip to Italy. Every morning our family would meet over breakfast to plan the day’s activities. One day in Florence, Aidan said he wanted to take a gondola ride on the Arno River, while the rest of us voted to make the famous climb to the top of the Duomo at the city’s main church. Like all Sevens, Aidan will occasionally become ornery when others put the kibosh on his plans, but on this day he shrugged and agreed to go.
There are 463 very steep stairs to the top of the Duomo. If Aidan had been his usual exuberant self, the ascent would have been a breeze. All the way up he would have been telling jokes or racing ahead and yelling back to us to hurry up. That day, however, Aidan was more oatmeal than ice cream. He wasn’t acting sullen or exacting revenge on us. What we’d chosen to do had simply turned the dial settings that control the flame on his enthusiasm from its default setting of high down to medium low. Climbing the Duomo without the benefit of Aidan’s characteristic enthusiasm felt like climbing Everest without the benefit of oxygen.
My kids are well-versed in the Enneagram, so over dinner that night we talked about how much we as a family had come to depend on Aidan to infuse our activities with his ebullient spirit. We assured him he didn’t need to play the role of the court jester for us anymore. But we had learned our lesson—if the next morning he had announced he wanted to straighten the Tower of Pisa we’d have agreed to help so long as he was pumped about it. We know now that there ain’t no sunshine when he’s gone.
Sevens would rather eat glass than suffer boredom. When it surfaces Sevens get hyperactive and overly talkative, their minds race faster than usual, and they become bad-tempered. I’m often reminded of a friend who has two young boys who go off the deep end when they have nothing to do and begin racing circles around the house like Adderall-crazed racehorses. To interrupt the circuit he has to grab them, make them take ten deep breaths and repeat the phrase “Be here now.” Similarly, when adult Sevens begin frantically running around or flitting from one project to the next without finishing any, they need friends or partners to stop them and say “get present.”
Sevens are fascinated with other people’s lives, and they’re counterintuitively attracted to people who have suffered. It’s as if they instinctively know these folks possess an emotional depth they yearn for but don’t know how to develop. It also may be they don’t want to face the fact that suffering is the only point of entry into a deeper life.
To be clear, Sevens can enter dark emotional spaces, but they can only stay there for so long before they have to escape. Many Sevens balk when you describe their need to avoid pain. “I’m always listening to melancholy movie soundtracks, spending time alone and thinking about my life,” they protest. It’s true; from time to time Sevens will choose to dip their feet in the waters of sadness, but it’s always on their own terms and under their control.
Sevens at Work
Sevens would kill for the opportunity to take over Anthony Bourdain’s job as host of the cable food and travel show Parts Unknown. To jet the globe exploring new cultures, meeting fascinating people, eating strange meals, and never knowing what lies around the next corner—are you kidding? Gigs like that don’t come along very often, but Sevens need to find work in similarly fast-paced, creative environments that afford them independence, a variety of activities and flexibility.
Sevens are dreamers and initiators. Give them a dry-erase marker and a white board and step out of the way. Their ability to synthesize information from a wide range of subject areas, spot unseen patterns and connect the dots inside complex bodies of knowledge, and notice where systems overlap make them prolific idea generators. Add to that Sevens’ keen analytical skills and their capacity to envision an organization’s preferred future, and you’ve got someone who will adrenalize teams and make an invaluable contribution to advancing the mission of any corporation.
Sevens are rock stars when it comes to working on short-term projects or getting start-up companies off the ground. Their optimism and creative juice and sprite energy move things along at a quick pace. Be forewarned, however: Sevens aren’t managers or maintainers, so you’ll need to find someone else to oversee the execution phase while you set the Seven loose on a new venture. Also, Sevens are marvelous team players. Friendly and popular, they bring variety and some much-needed spontaneity to the workplace.
Sevens don’t like being told what to do, so working for a controlling leader who imposes too many limits on them rarely works out well. Sometimes they manipulate authority figures with charm and charisma, but this is not a tenable situation for the long term. Sevens work best under conditions that offer both firmness and flexibility. Yes, they need to be held accountable to keeping on track, but it’s best to give talented Sevens a long leash, a multifaceted job description and encouragement to stay the course. Sevens can make great leaders as long as they don’t have to carry the weight of too much responsibility. Sevens often have trouble with professional decision making. After all, saying yes to one thing means saying no to another, and that means reducing options.
Wings
Sevens with a Six wing (7w6). These sevens are more settled than other Sevens. Fueled by the conscientiousness of the Six, they give both projects and people more time before moving on to the next thing. These Sevens are sensitive and a bit more anxious, but they successfully use charm to disarm. Once they commit to a relationship they have a good chance of staying connected and working out challenges in it. These Sevens are dutiful and loyal to family and friends. They are funny, entertaining and accepting of others.
Sevens with an Eight wing (7w8). The 7w8s are competitive, bold and aggressive. Reflecting the Eight’s characteristic bravado, they are persuasive and assertive in relation to their ideas and agendas, and they usually get their way. Still, they are playful, and having a good time is more important to them than gaining power. These Sevens are easily bored, so they often start things they don’t finish. They enjoy being in relationships as long as they can contribute to the happiness of their partner. Living inside an unhappy relationship is very frustrating for these Sevens, and yet endings are devastating.
Stress and Security
Stress. When they’re under stress, Sevens can adopt the unhealthy and perfectionistic behaviors of Ones. They become pessimistic, judgmental and argumentative. They start blaming others for their problems and lapse into black-and-white thinking.
Security. When Sevens feel secure they can start to behave like healthy Fives. Here they stop consuming and start contributing, are more comfortable with silence and solitude, become more serious, and begin to think about the meaning and purpose of their lives. Sevens on the positive side of One explore things on a much deeper level than other Sevens and are able to name and face their fears. Sevens connected to the positive side of Five can experience satisfaction in the truest sense of the word.
Spiritual Transformation
What would we do without Sevens? They bring so much joie de vivre to our lives! Who else can awaken our childlike wonder, rescue us from taking ourselves too seriously or help us appreciate the miracle of life quite like Sevens can?
But here’s a hard truth: pain is unavoidable. On the road to spiritual transformation, Sevens have to learn how to embrace and steward their suffering rather than run from it.
As Michel de Montaigne once said, “He who fears he shall suffer already suffers what he fears.” In other words, Sevens’ strategies for avoiding pain create more suffering for them. Until they learn this Sevens are like addicts who will have to keep upping the dosage of fascinating ideas, novel experiences and self-generated pleasant feelings to repress the ones they want to keep outside their conscious awareness. It’s time for Sevens to stop consuming and start contributing. True happiness and satisfaction can’t be taken by force or manufactured whenever we need them; they are the result of living a focused and productive life that gives something back to the world. As Thomas Merton wrote, “In a world of tension and breakdown it is necessary for there to be those who seek to integrate their inner lives not by avoiding anguish and running away from problems, but by facing them in their naked reality and in their ordinariness.”
The healing message Sevens need to hear and believe is God will take care of you. I know, easier said than done. It will take courage, determination, honesty, the help of a counselor or a spiritual director, and understanding friends to help Sevens confront painful memories and to encourage them to stay with afflictive feelings as they arise in the present moment. If Sevens cooperate with the process, they’ll grow a deep heart and become a truly integrated person.
Ten Paths to Transformation for Sevens
- Practice restraint and moderation. Get off the treadmill that tells you more is always better.
- You suffer from “monkey mind.” Develop a daily practice of meditation to free yourself from your tendency to jump from one idea, topic or project to the next.
- Develop and practice the spiritual discipline of solitude on a regular basis.
- Unflinchingly reflect on the past and make a list of the people who have hurt you or whom you have hurt; then forgive them and yourself. Make amends where necessary.
- Give yourself a pat on the back whenever you allow yourself to feel negative emotions like anxiety, sadness, frustration, envy or disappointment without letting yourself run away to escape them. It’s a sign you’re starting to grow up!
- Bring yourself back to the present moment whenever you begin fantasizing about the future or making too many plans for it.
- Exercise daily to burn off excess energy.
- You don’t like being told you have potential because it means you’ll feel pressure to buckle down and commit to cultivating a specific talent, which will inevitably limit your options. But you do have potential, so what career or life path would you like to commit yourself to for the long haul? Take concrete steps to make good on the gifts God has given you.
- Get a journal and record your answers to questions like “What does my life mean? What memories or feelings am I running from? Where’s the depth I yearn to have that will complement my intelligence?” Don’t abandon this exercise until it’s finished.
- Make a commitment that when a friend or partner is hurting, you will try to simply be present for them while they are in pain without trying to artificially cheer them up.