Once the hospital released me later that night, my mom dropped me off at Ruby’s where I found a note that my friend had been called to work because her manager had another “doggie emergency.” I had a lot to think about and felt cooped up inside.
Even though it was late, I drove downtown and parked near the Falls. I hiked up the steps and then sat on Kissing Bench across from The Sharing Tree. My gaze fastened on the tree, trying to appreciate its beauty, but my heart felt heavy like a cement brick in my chest.
The wind had picked up and gotten harsh. It was late and dark and lonely out there but I stayed right where I was, unable to move a single inch. Everything I’d ever dreamed of had been mine for a little while. It hurt to lose it all but I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t keep having the same argument with my mom and I couldn’t let her down.
It turned out that coming home had been the worst decision ever. I’d made a massive mess of my life. I should’ve stayed in Miami, opened the salon there. Or come home and worked at the bank and kept my feelings closed to Dallas. My heart cracked a little at the mere thought.
I’d plowed headlong into the life I wanted and where had that gotten me? I’d been reckless this evening up on Flat Rock. I’d hurt my family and the guilt was eating at me.
A black truck pulled up to a parking space below. My mouth went dry and my heart sped up. I looked down at my feet, not knowing if I should run to him or run from him.
Dallas hurried up the steps. “I hoped to find you here.”
“Hey,” I said, feeling miserable as he approached. I didn’t want to hurt him. But whatever decision I made was going to hurt someone.
He took a seat beside me. “I called you a dozen times but didn’t hear back. I went to Ruby’s and she said you left a note that you’d gone for a walk.”
I swallowed and lifted my eyes to the sky, which was dark and studded with glittering stars that shined like the dreams I once had. “Yeah, I needed to get out.”
“I heard you’re closing your side of the shop.”
“Not necessarily.” My lips were numb from cold and misery. But it didn’t surprise me how fast Ivy Reed could spread news, even though I’d yet to make a decision.
“Why would you even think of doing that?” He reached for my hand but I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my coat.
“I told my mom I’d think about working at the bank. That’s all,” I said.
“But you would hate that.” His voice was gentle, his fingers tugging gently at my chin so I’d face him. My head turned but I kept my eyes down. “What’s this about, Morgan?”
I bit my lip. “It’s about me needing my mom in my life and not having her upset with me all the time. She’s afraid you’ll do something to hurt me and . . . you might. You like taking risks and you talk everyone into doing those things with you,” I said, reiterating my mom’s words that were circling in my head.
He frowned, a line forming between his eyebrows. “I’m not that guy anymore.”
“At least you admit you used to cause trouble,” I said, my gaze flicking to Kissing Bench and triggering the memory of that time Tom and I had been here making out by the Falls. “Why did you hit Tom?”
“Just let that go, Morgan.”
“No,” I said, wanting to know what prompted him to do that. “Tom dumped me after you punched him. I want to know why you did that. Did seeing us together make you jealous?”
“Yes, but that’s not why I hit him.” He raked a hand through his short, dark hair and blew out a breath. Then he turned to me. “I’d caught him kissing another girl earlier that day. When I saw him there with you . . . I lost it.”
I blinked. “He cheated on me?”
“Yes.” He seemed to take no pleasure in letting me know.
“What a tool.” I shook my head, glad that he’d dumped me and I hadn’t wasted more time on him. “You can’t just go around hitting people, though. And that’s not the only stunt you pulled.”
He leaned with this elbows on his knees before giving me a side-glance. “Want to know why I used to do all those things?”
Tears misted my vision. “Yes.”
“I was a scared kid who nobody seemed to care about one way or the other. I wanted attention. Given my situation at home, I craved it. So I got it in any way I could. It was stupid and immature and dangerous. I know that. But I’m not that guy anymore.”
“What changed?” I asked.
He paused, blowing out a breath. “After graduation, we went back to the classrooms to get our diplomas. After I got mine, your choir teacher, Ms. King pulled me aside.”
A chill vibrated through me. “She did?”
He nodded. “I remember her words like it was yesterday. She said, ‘I see a fire burning in your eyes, Dallas. Like life gave you a bad hand and you’re angry about that, so you’re going to prove to everyone that you’re as bad as they say.”
More chills vibrated up and down my spine as he paused. “Go on . . .”
He sucked in a breath. “She went on saying, ‘A lot of people don’t expect much from a kid that comes from a difficult home. But you can’t let people’s low expectations keep you from achieving your dreams. What’s important to you, dear boy? What do you love? Figure it out and go after it. Because nobody can stop you if you believe in yourself. Remember that.”
A hot tear rolled down my cheek as I stared at him, the moonlight outlining the angles of his handsome face. His brown eyes were in shadows, but I could still see the strength in them. I swiped at the tears spilling down under my chin. “I’m glad you found your strength.”
He nodded. “What about yours?”
I waved my hands. “Just let me be. Please.”
He shook his head. “I can’t do that.”
“Why not?” I stood, and started backing away. “Why can’t you let me go?”
He stood, moving in front of me. “Because I love you.”
I lifted my lashes and met those warm brown eyes, open and vulnerable in front of me. My heart squeezed, but I was overwhelmed. I wanted to curl up against him, breathe in that smell of lumber that was all him, and feel the strength of his arms around me. I wanted to believe that we could last, that together we were stronger than anything and everything and that he would never hurt me. But my emotions swirled and I didn’t know what to believe.
He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. “I can’t let you walk away from me and what we have together. I know you feel like you have to choose between your family and me. I’d never ask you to do that.”
“I know you wouldn’t,” I said, a low sob breaking from my throat. I wanted to tell Dallas that I loved him, too. That I loved him with my very soul, which felt broken and raw. I couldn’t tell him right now, though. If I did, I might cave and that would hurt my mom and I was so confused. Part of me knew that my mom was forcing me to choose between him and my family. But my emotions warred through me and I couldn’t make a choice.
My mom was scared of Dallas and his uncanny ability to spread tragedy whether he meant to or not. I knew why she was scared and I knew I wasn’t Grace. The horrible accident hadn’t been Dallas’s fault, but mine. The accident at the river was also my fault. Maybe I was the one who spread tragedy in their wake. Or maybe we were both somehow cursed.
“Whatever you decide about us, please don’t sell your salon,” he said, his voice firm. “Don’t give up on your dreams, Morgan.”
“I need my mom in my life,” I protested, wishing he’d understand the torment I felt inside. “She’s made it clear she’ll never accept my salon. Or my relationship with you.”
He shook his head. “Promise me you won’t go all Stepford daughter on me again. That you won’t let her destroy your life.”
“It’s my choice,” I snapped, feeling pressured under the weight of his words. My face went hot. I took a step back, intending to flee but he reached for my hands, holding me in place.
“No, it’s her choice,” he said, his brown eyes piercing mine. “I know you, Morgan. You don’t want the bank and that life. I know you love your business with a passion that most people never get to expend in a career. Don’t give that up.”
I didn’t want to give that up, but I had no choice. It was that or my mom. She hadn’t said it in those exact words, but she kept pushing and she always would. Because she just wanted me where she knew I was safe in her care. Feeling guiltier and more confused than ever, I stepped back and Dallas didn’t try to hold onto me. He let me go.
I breathed in and out, sending white frosty plumes of my breath across the short distance between us. “Maybe I belong at the bank. I don’t know.”
Dallas blew out a breath. “You belong in that bank as much as I do. Don’t lie to yourself, and please don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not lying,” I said, grinding my teeth together. My insides turned hot and electric. “I’m reconsidering, that’s all. I have the right to change my mind.”
He reached for me. “You’re not thinking straight.”
“Stop pushing me!” I yelled, because his words were pushing me to make a decision—the same decision my heart wanted me to make, but my mind was in chaos right now. I took another step back from him. “I need a break from you. From us.”
He flinched. “You can’t mean that.”
“I do,” I said, nodding. My head spun and my chest felt hollow. I was drowning in a sea of stress and emotion. I had to get out of there, so I turned to walk away.
“You’re leaving me?” His voice came after me on a small gust of wind, raw and filled with heartbreaking emotion.
My head dropped low. I didn’t want us to be over, but I needed space. It killed me to think I might be causing him pain, that he might feel abandoned the way his mom had left him, but I was in survival mode. I needed space to decide what was right for me. Even if that meant that letting my salon go and working at the bank was the best thing.
“We need time apart.” My voice was ragged as a gust of wind blew, swaying me on my feet.
He came toward me, slipping his arms around my waist. “You can’t give up on us.”
His words pelted me. My vision blurred and I pressed my hands to my temples, stepping out of his arms. “You’re still pushing me. My mom says I won’t be safe with you.”
“I would never hurt you,” he said, firmly.
“You already have,” I said. Then I turned and started walking away, wanting my space, wanting time to think.
I loved Dallas. But love doesn’t mean being safe. It meant being willing to risk getting hurt and I couldn’t risk that right now on top of everything else. I had to think about my family and how much what I do impacts them.
As much as I needed space, part of me hoped he would come after me and tell me again that he loved me. Another part of me hoped that he wouldn’t come after me, because if he said he loved me one more time, I might break down and tell him how much I loved him, too. Either way, he didn’t come after me, which I told myself was a good thing. I needed to make a decision on my own, even though I felt like I’d just lost everything.