* Lily *
It wasn’t unexpected for Sean to tempt me back into bed on the morning of his Awesome Day Off, as I’ve started calling today. It also wasn’t unexpected that I was all in from the very second he looked at me in that way that only he can.
Like I’m his everything.
Our departure is slightly delayed, but that’s okay. This is his day. The whole point is for today to be completely informal and relaxed. No schedules, no time tables, and certainly no deadlines.
When we finally collapse into a heap of post-orgasmic bliss, it’s about nine-thirty. After taking a short breather, I fix my hair and make a quick escape to pick up Alexis’ car. Meanwhile, Sean will have a shower and get ready.
I let slip last night that we’re going to have a picnic today. And to wear some beach ready clothes and footwear this morning.
Initially I wondered if he’s just humoring me, but by the time I return with our ride, he genuinely looks excited. And he has somehow conjured up a whole collection of pretty looking bags from what must be a fancy deli in the neighborhood…
“Shall I drive?” he asks, after placing the mystery supplies onto the backseat of Alexis’ old VW Polo, right next to the picnic blanket and items of cutlery and crockery I’d already loaded up into their own dedicated tote bag.
“Absolutely not! You’re meant to be relaxing today. At most, you get to be the DJ.”
I regret that last bit almost as soon as I’ve said it, because I know there is very little overlap in our musical tastes. But still, this is his day. If he wants to spend it listening to old rock, who am I to intervene?
He hesitates for a moment, but then shrugs and holds the driver’s side door open for me, before getting into the passenger seat himself. I turn the key and the car purrs to life. Let’s do this!
“So, where are we going exactly?” he asks, placing his hand on my knee. It’s distracting, how his touch makes my heart skip a few beats. But it’s also reassuring. We’re doing this. A whole day spent together, just enjoying each other’s company. This is going to be amazing!
“You’ll see when we get there,” I tell him, after pulling up the directions on my phone and balancing it in the center console underneath the dashboard, right between the two of us.
He sighs and leans back in his seat while looking out the window.
“I can’t remember the last time I did something like this,” he says.
I press my lips together in a subtle smile and nod. Yep, this was definitely the best idea I’ve had so far. Maybe I’m not so bad at the whole adulting thing after all.
I want to tell him that I hope we might do stuff like this more often, but I don’t want to sound needy and push my luck. Sean is a busy guy, so I’m going to have to be happy with whatever time I can get.
* Sean *
It’s hard letting go of the reins and trusting another person. But this is Lily, so she makes it really easy. I just have to glance at her face, with the slightly tense expression and most adorable little furrow in her brow, and I know that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.
She’s probably not used to driving—it’s not even her car—but she’s not complaining. And neither am I. Ever since I hired Fred as my chauffeur five years ago, I’ve hardly sat in the driver’s seat myself. My initial offer to do the driving was more of a gender role thing rather than an actual desire of mine. As such, it was a relief that she refused.
Remembering her rebuttal that I’m supposed to play DJ, I turn on the radio and start scanning for familiar stations. I have no idea what she would like to listen to. Radio One, maybe? The tune that’s playing sounds similar to the sort of stuff she listens to at home, so I figure it’s a safe enough bet.
And then, I sit back again and watch the city pass us by. Somehow the different view from the passenger seat of this small hatchback car makes London look almost alien to me. It occurs to me that my daily commute in the back of my car with Fred driving is not as visceral an experience. It’s a lot more muted and cut off from the goings on outside.
Maybe I should try riding in the front occasionally. Maybe I should start driving myself again. Maybe…
“Sean, I’m really happy we’re doing this,” Lily tells me.
I look over at her and find her smiling at me. As if I’m doing her a favor and not the other way around.
“Me too.” I really am.
Although the pressure to write some material for my damn special already has been growing out of control, I’m able to cast off the tension and just exist in the moment right now. Here. In the car. With her.
Wherever we end up going today, the objective has already been reached. The destination doesn’t matter, only the company does.
We chat for some time. About this and that. But there’s also this unspoken agreement that talking is optional. As such, we share some silences. Not awkward ones, but peaceful ones. Well, sort of. Because the radio is still on.
I don’t know when I drift off. It’s something about the droning sound of the tires travelling at high speed on the motorway that does it for me.
When I open my eyes again, we’re somewhere altogether different. Gone are the terraced houses you find all over Greater London. In fact, these green and twisty tree-lined roads don’t have very many houses at all. We’re in the countryside somewhere.
I know better than to ask where we’re going by now, and try to piece it together by looking at the road signs instead. But wherever we are, it isn’t familiar. Soon, the foliage opens up to reveal vast meadows and fields, rolling hills, and perfectly blue skies overhead.
And not too long after that do we get our first glimpse of the sea.
What a sight.
The geography no longer matters. I don’t have to be in control of everything, I remind myself.
We pull into a parking lot and start collecting our things. There aren’t too many other vehicles here, which I’m endlessly grateful for.
The last thing I need right now is to be recognized by some member of the public. I’m usually quite gracious about such things, but this is my day off to spend alone with Lily. I wouldn’t want anyone else to intrude.
Only by the time we’ve already unloaded our bags does another car pull into the same lot. Thankfully it parks all the way on the other side, giving us the chance to head down the walking trail undisturbed.
“Just five minutes,” Lily reassures me.
I’m not much of a hiker, as a single glance at my growing waistline would already reveal.
I hook one of the bags over my shoulder and take her hand. She looks over at me, smiling again. So this is what it’s like. A normal life. Spent with people you love.
As we head up the trail and through the grass-covered dunes, the expanding view before us reminds of childhood outings to the seaside. Minus the stressed out look on my mom’s face, and the constant bickering over nothing that carried on between my brother Jack and I. The latter invariably resulted in either one or both of us being whacked across the back of the head by my dad, who had very little patience at the best of times.
I inhale deeply, enjoying how the salty air prickles in my nostrils.
Yep, this is familiar, and also so very different. Today, between us, there will be no fights. No tension. And certainly no whacking anyone over the head for whatever reason.
* Lily *
Sean’s Awesome Day Off is going splendidly. I didn’t get lost or crash the car along the way, so that’s a major plus. And the destination I’d picked out is as private and scenic as I hoped it would be.
By the time we’ve made our way down from the car park and onto the pebbled beach, I feel so happy, I can hardly stop myself from skipping instead of walking. Looking over at Sean, I can tell he feels the same.
He’s visibly relaxed. Strangely, even more so than every night he’s fallen asleep next to me this week. There’s always been a little crinkle between his eyebrows. A hint of tension in his jaw. Always some reminder that he’s not one to let go.
Now, everything about him is brighter. More carefree. Like he’s finally rid himself of the silly notion that he’s taking advantage of me somehow. That was his biggest hang-up on the night we first got together, wasn’t it? It was nonsense, of course, but I’ve had the hardest time trying to convince him of that.
Once we’ve set up our picnic blanket and all the supplies I’d packed, we settle down next to each other with a sigh of relief. Sean and I share a kiss, which involves both of us awkwardly craning our necks to reach. Although it’s quick, it’s somehow more meaningful than all the making out we already did this morning.
Maybe because it’s out in the open rather than in the privacy of his flat. There’s not a soul around, but I still feel like we’ve announced our love to the world. It’s nice. Freeing.
“So, what’s in the bags?” I ask finally.
Sean sits up straight with a crooked grin on his face. “You’ll see.”
I lean back with one of my arms propping me up and watch him while he unpacks a selection of fancy little boxes, as well as a bottle of champagne and two glasses.
He needn’t have done this, not on his day off. But I’m glad that he did. That means he’s all in, doesn’t it? We’re exactly where we’re supposed to be today.
He uncorks the bottle and pours me some. I almost protest that I’m driving, but one glass shouldn’t harm anything. I wait while he pours his own and raises it in my direction.
“To us.” We clink our glasses together.
“I love you,” I blurt out, then bite my bottom lip while staring at him to gauge his reaction.
He doesn’t break eye contact even for a second. My heart is racing. We’ve known each other for just over a week. It’s way too soon for any of this, isn’t it? Even if I felt this way from the moment we first woke up next to each other. I’ve fallen hard and I’ve fallen quickly.
“Lily…” he whispers.
“You don’t have to,” I tell him, smiling briefly. Stupid me and my stupid big mouth.
“Lily, I have some things to tell you.”
“Anything.” I press my lips together and wait, holding my breath. I feel like my heartbeat is so loud, it can be heard over the rolling waves lapping at the coastline all around us.
He takes a sip from his glass and briefly averts his gaze. There’s a flutter in his lips, like he’s not sure whether to smile or what. Or how to begin. Then, he trains his eyes on me again.
“I’ve been married twice before.”
I nod. I knew that already. Along with everyone who watched that video clip I found on YouTube yesterday, plus whoever tuned in to the original broadcast on TV.
“The first time, we were very young. Too young to know what we were doing. My career had just begun. It lasted all of six months before we called it quits.”
Everything that came before, it’s fine. I won’t hold any part of his past against him, as long as he’s mine. But all I manage to say is just: “It’s okay.”
He nods slowly, then carries on talking. “The second time, with Susan. That was something else. Nine years we tried. We fought like cats and dogs. That flat…”
“The flat.” I nod. That’s what that video clip was about.
“It was my last attempt at changing things around. I knew she wasn’t happy. I wasn’t ever there for her. I was too focused on my work. And too arrogant to do anything beyond trying to buy her favor. I’d be on the road doing shows, not coming home for weeks. Then when I finally had a little time, I didn’t know how to just be, you know? I was so used to always being on the move.”
I nod again. Yeah, that sounds a bit like Sean alright.
“Then there was the drinking, the other stuff. I was a handful. Never happy. Never satisfied. I can’t blame her for checking out of the marriage when she did.”
I put my hand on his arm. Whatever he’s telling me, I can feel there’s so much other stuff still left unsaid. He’s taking the blame for how things ended back then, which is admirable. But he’s also putting on a tough front, which I can see right through. It takes two to tango. The clip I saw yesterday broke my heart, because no matter how tough he tried to appear, I could feel how broken up he was. And the story he told himself about it all was that he’s unlovable. He's wrong, but it sure explains a lot.
“You’ve changed, though,” I remark, squeezing his arm.
“Have I?” There’s a skeptical look in his eye.
“You’re here with me today, enjoying a well-deserved day off. And until a second ago, you looked pretty satisfied and present in the moment to me.”
He grins briefly. “I suppose, yeah. I just…”
“It’s fine, really. Everyone has baggage.”
Sean scoffs. “Some of us just have a couple of decades more of it.”
I shrug. “At least you’re not homeless and on job seeker's benefits. Unlike some of us,” I tease. Only a part of me is joking.
“A temporary setback. And as long as I’m around, you’ll never be homeless.”
I can feel myself blushing. A rare feat, which Sean manages to achieve time and time again.
He hooks his arm around my neck and kisses me again, this time harder and deeper than before. The gesture reminds me of our first kiss, even though I initiated that one back at the White Hart. He pulls away a little while later and looks me in the eye again like only he can.
“I wanted to tell you about my history, because I care a great deal about you,” he says.
He didn’t quite say the L-word, but it’s good enough to create a lump in my throat. I bite my lip and smile.
“Okay, well, we’d better start eating before a bunch of renegade seagulls steal all our food,” I remark.
He chuckles and shakes his head.
“I’m not kidding, there’s one right there!” I gesture at one such feathered thief, which is already gleefully eyeing us and our supplies from about ten feet away.
I hand Sean a plate and cutlery, while he opens the first of the dainty little boxes he carried along and carefully places a French pastry onto my plate. Despite the thumb print he leaves on its side, it’s still almost too pretty to eat.
“These look amazing!” I say.
He smiles and opens another box, revealing yet another little culinary work of art.
This is a far cry from the supermarket stuff I grew up eating… as well as everything else I've packed for today.
“Open wide,” he tells me, scooping up some of it with his spoon.
It tastes even better than it looks. Like a sweet, fruity cloud with just a hint of vanilla and something else I can’t put my finger on.
The sandwiches, somewhat crooked sausage rolls, and slightly over baked lemon drizzle cake I’d prepared for today are no patch on Sean’s contribution to our picnic.
“You made all this?” He points at the rather basic fare I plate up in front of him.
I nod shyly.
“You have been practicing!”
“They’re just sandwiches and stuff,” I mumble. “No biggie.”
He shakes his head and smiles. “Best picnic I’ve ever had.”
As I watch him enthusiastically taste a little bit of everything I’ve prepared, I realize that he’s right. The food doesn’t really matter right now, the company does. This truly is the best picnic ever. Sean's Awesome Day Off is everything I could have hoped for and more.