Natalie glanced at her watch and saw she was running a bit late to pick up Linn. She pressed the accelerator, looking at the homes as she passed them. Most of the homes begged for a coat of paint. She couldn’t help the twinge of pity she felt for Linn. It couldn’t be easy growing up in a poverty-stricken area with a father who apparently didn’t care much.
She’d gathered that much over the last two weeks. Linn had been a regular over at her house, so much so that the boys had really bonded with her. She was very good with them, and Natalie wondered if maybe Linn wouldn’t decide to raise her baby.
She thought of something Linn had said the week before.
“You’re a real good mom to your boys.” Linn had just rinsed out a glass and put it in the dishwasher.
The words were a balm to Natalie’s heart. “Thanks, Linn. Sometimes I get too busy doing stuff, you know? And worry I’m not such a good mom.”
Linn closed the dishwasher and dried her hands on the towel Natalie handed her. “It’s the good moms who worry. Bad moms don’t care enough to worry.”
Natalie looked at Linn, so young, yet sometimes she said the most profound things. “You know, Linn, you are one smart cookie.”
Natalie read the street sign and saw she was almost to Linn’s street. Linn hadn’t said anything about keeping the baby or adoption. She hadn’t talked about abortion much either, though, so Natalie knew she couldn’t rule it out. The clinic was up and running again after the bombing, and it would only take one visit to the clinic for Linn to change everything.
Natalie had really enjoyed Linn’s company, and when she’d called this afternoon, Natalie jumped at the chance to have her over. The boys were with Keith, and she was beginning to feel a little lonely with nothing to do on Saturday nights. They agreed to rent a movie and order pizza.
Natalie pulled onto Linn’s street and found the right house. It was a tiny, white clapboard house with curling roof shingles. Linn came running down the crumbling porch steps before Natalie had come to a full stop.
On the way to Natalie’s, they stopped and rented You’ve Got Mail with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. Natalie had already seen it, but she loved it enough to watch it again. The pizza came partway through the movie, but they only paused it long enough to put slices on plates and grab cans of soda from the fridge. Natalie had started stocking the fridge with root beer for Linn, but the boys were always pestering her for a can. She might have to rethink that idea.
By the time the movie ended, Linn was sprawled out on one end of the sofa, and Natalie was at the other end, her footrest kicked out. Natalie clicked the DVD player off.
“Like it?” Natalie asked.
“Um-hmm. Romantic comedies are the best.” A cloud passed over her face, and she sighed. “Too bad men aren’t really like that in real life, huh?”
Natalie hated seeing disillusionment on such a young girl. But in all honesty, she wasn’t feeling great about the opposite sex these days either. Since Keith had left her for another woman, she’d had zero interest in a romantic relationship. Still, with Linn’s father being the way he was, she knew Linn needed a dose of encouragement, not pessimism.
“We all have our faults, men and women. All men aren’t like your dad, you know. There are men out there worth finding.”
“Well, the last one I found left me in kind of a bind.” She looked pointedly down at her abdomen.
“Did you ever tell him about it?” Only because of their friendship did Natalie feel she could ask.
Linn snorted. “No, he’s, like, made it real clear it’s over. And I know he doesn’t want this baby.” She glanced down at the sapphire ring on her finger. “I don’t know why I still wear this.”
“Do you still care for him?”
Linn laid her head against the back of the sofa, her dark hair spilling over her shoulders. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him in a couple months. I have other things on my mind right now.”
Natalie knew she was referring to the baby. “Do you know what you’re going to do yet?” She teetered between wanting to know and dreading to hear.
“I’ve been thinking lots about it.” She darted a glance off toward Natalie. “A part of me wants to have it, and a part of me just wants to have this over with.”
Natalie reached out and put a hand on Linn’s ankle. “It’s not over with when you have an abortion, Linn. Truly, it’s just not that easy.”
“I know … I hear what you’re saying.” She shifted over until she was lying on her back, her head propped on the arm of the sofa, her knees poking up in the air. “I’m not taking all this lightly. I kind of did at first, but not anymore. I see you with your boys and can’t help thinking about my baby and what he or she would grow up to be.”
Natalie smiled. She was talking about the baby in terms of gender. That was good.
“But then I think about college just a few months away. I want to go so bad, and they haven’t answered my phone call about my scholarship. What if they won’t apply it to next year? I’ll never be able to afford college on my own.”
Natalie’s heart plunged. She’d really been thinking Linn was coming around, but it seemed as if she was still up in the air. She thought of Dana and how she’d gone to the hospital to see the girl after she’d swallowed a bottle of painkillers. All pale and fragile-looking. She hadn’t lived through the day.
“Maybe the scholarship can be worked out,” Natalie said. “You still don’t know for sure. Abortion is a decision that can never be changed. You have your whole life ahead of you for college and your career. Right now you have the opportunity to give your baby life.”
Linn nodded slowly and fiddled with the ties on her shirt.
“Have you thought much about adoption?”
Linn’s glance skittered off Natalie, and she wondered what she’d seen in the girl’s eyes.
“You know what bothers me most about that?” Linn said. “The thought that my child would be out there somewhere with strangers. I couldn’t live knowing that. I don’t think I could stand it, you know?”
Natalie’s heart squeezed. Oh, Lord, help Linn to make the right decision, no matter how hard it is. This isn’t easy for hen but help her to see what she needs to do.
“The thing is, I’ve been thinking, and I think I have an answer that I could live with.”
Hope surged in Natalie. Even looking at Linn now, she reminded her so much of Dana with the long, dark hair and eyes that looked older than her years. Please, God, show me what to do to help Linn. “Oh, I’m so glad. What is it, Linn?”
“Well, you know I was saying how I didn’t like the idea of strangers raising the baby …”
Of course. A relative. Linn wanted to have a relative adopt the baby. Natalie hoped she had someone dependable in her family. Surely, she didn’t think her father was up to the task.
“The thing is, I was thinking of you.”
Lost in thought, Natalie only half-heard what Linn had said. “What?” Surely, Linn hadn’t said what she thought she had.
“It’s the perfect solution. You’re a great mom, and you have a big enough house. And I know I could, like, trust you to do what’s right for the baby.”
Natalie was sure she’d stopped breathing. How was it then that her heart was still pressing against her ribs with enough force to bring pain? She wanted—she wanted—oh, God, she can’t ask that of me!
“I know it’s asking a lot.” Linn’s almond-shaped eyes narrowed. “But I know how much you care about saving the baby. So, see, you’d be saving the baby, and I’d feel good about who the parent is.”
Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Adopt a child? She was a single mother, struggling just to make time for her boys. How could she possibly—how could Linn possibly ask it of her?
“You’re not saying anything,” Linn said.
Oh, God, what do I tell her? I can’t adopt her baby! If I adopted every client’s baby, why, I’d be running an orphanage here in my house. But how do I explain it to Linn?
“You don’t want to do it, do you?” Linn sat up, swinging her feet to the floor. “It was a stupid idea. It’s not your problem. It’s mine.” She slid on her clunky shoes, blinking hard.
“I’m sorry, Linn, I’m not handling this very well. I just—I guess you surprised me a little.”
“It’s OK.” She picked up her pizza plate and carried it to the sink. “In a way, you’ve helped me solve the problem.”
Natalie followed her into the kitchen on shaky legs. “What do you mean?”
The room suddenly seemed so quiet. She could hear the humming of the refrigerator.
Linn sat her plate in the sink and turned. “I know you think it’s the wrong choice, but I’m going to have an abortion. Maybe I’ll regret it, but at least it’ll be over.”
Natalie’s thoughts swirled in her head. Oh no. No, Linn couldn’t do that. She’d thought she’d really reached her. Her prayer from moments ago echoed in her head. Help Linn make the right decision, no matter how hard it is.
She shook away the thought. “Please, Linn, its just not that easy. Abortion isn’t like that.”
“You’ve been telling me how strong I am. I can get through it.” Despite Linn’s resolve, her eyes looked so sad.
Natalie wanted to weep with frustration. “What about keeping the baby? Or what about a relative? Don’t you have some relative you’d trust the baby with?” She regretted the pleading note to her voice.
“I got that you don’t want the baby, Natalie. But there is no one else. And I’m not ready to be a mom.” She walked out of the kitchen. “Can you take me home now?”