Natalie slept restlessly that night, thinking of Linn and the bad situation Natalie had put herself in. She’d broken the centers policy where clients were concerned, and she was quickly beginning to see why those policies were in place.
During church she’d tried to keep her mind on Pastor Richards’s sermon, but instead she kept reliving her conversation with Linn. As she’d taken the girl home, she’d tried her best to smooth things over, but she didn’t think she’d been very successful. It seemed a wide chasm had opened between the two of them, and Natalie feared what the girl would do if she felt she had nobody on her side. Natalie had told her she’d call Monday morning, but she had no idea how to fix this.
After the service, she approached Hanna, who was standing alone after Micah went to greet a visitor. “Do you guys have any plans for lunch?” She realized her invitation sounded as if it were meant for both Hanna and Micah. “I don’t want to interrupt anything you might have planned, but I really need to talk to you about something personal.”
“No, we were just going to go back to the lodge to eat with Gram. What is it?” She brushed her straight hair behind her ears.
Natalie shook her head. “Too long a story to get into right now. Can we have lunch together?”
“Sure. Just let me tell Micah.”
“Meet me at the Shady Nook in about fifteen minutes?”
Natalie made the short drive and secured a table in a quiet corner. She’d already ordered them both Diet Pepsis by the time Hanna arrived. They ordered the lunch special and sat back to wait on their food.
“What’s up? You sounded pretty serious at church. Is it a man?”
Natalie huffed. “Not you, too. Between you and Paula, you’d think a man was as necessary as oxygen.”
Hanna tucked in the corner of her lip and wiggled her eyebrows. “Mine is.”
“Yeah, yeah, we know you’ve got it bad. Spare me the details.”
Hanna took a sip of her soda. “Seriously, what’s up? Something at the center? You haven’t had any more vandalism, have you?”
“No, nothing like that. It’s about a client.”
Hanna’s eyes softened. “Have I told you lately how much I admire your dedication? You’re really making a difference in the world, you know.”
Natalie squirmed in her chair, then shrugged away the ugly feeling stirring inside her. She had no reason to feel guilty. “Thanks. Sometimes it’s stressful, that’s all. And this one client … well, I guess I’ve gotten a little more involved than I should have.”
“That’s not like you. You’re usually such a stickler for rules.”
Natalie playfully narrowed her eyes. “Thanks. I think.” It was true, but she’d really gone far off the rule book on this one. She explained to Hanna how she’d befriended Linn, and how Linn had seemed to be coming around.
Her mouth went dry as she thought about the previous night, and she took a sip of her soda. “Then last night happened. We were just watching a movie, having pizza, then she springs this on me.”
“What’d she spring on you?”
“She wants me to adopt her baby. Me. Can you believe that?” She gave a wry laugh. Surely, Hanna would see the absurdity of it. “And she really seems to think abortion is the only other option. I don’t get it. It’s like she only sees two options: I adopt her baby, or she has an abortion.”
“Maybe that’s the way she does see it. Maybe those are the only options she’s willing to consider at this point.”
She couldn’t believe her sister wasn’t laughing at the absurdity of the idea. “Hanna. I can’t adopt a baby. I’m a single mother. I have two boys already. What in the world would I do with another child?”
Hanna held up her hands, palms out. “Hey, I’m not saying you should do it. I’m just saying this girl may think those are the only options she can live with. Have you talked to her about keeping the baby?”
Natalie shook her head. “That’s not going to happen. She has plans for the future, and she’s hanging on to them pretty tightly. Plus, she’s really in no position to keep the baby financially, and her dad will be zero help.”
“What about an arranged adoption? Those can work out nicely for everyone involved.”
“I suggested that. She just can’t picture her child with anyone else, she says. What am I going to do, Hanna? I’m afraid she’s going to up and have an abortion because I won’t adopt the baby.”
“Did you tell her you won’t do it?” Her inflection revealed surprise.
“Well, no, not in so many words. But she could tell by my reaction—I was just so shocked.”
“I can understand why you were caught off-guard, but maybe you shouldn’t rule it out so quickly.”
The breath left Natalie’s body. “You think I should consider it?” A weight the size of a boulder sat on her shoulders. How could she do it? What would her boys think? She couldn’t believe she was even giving thought to the idea. It was insane!
“Well, maybe you shouldn’t rule it out just yet. I mean, this is a baby’s life we’re talking about here. You have the chance to save this baby, Nat. And save this girl from the biggest mistake of her life.”
“Sure, bring on the guilt.” The words were said lightly, but inside, her heart raged. It wasn’t fair to be put in this situation.
“I don’t mean to make you feel guilty. I just know how much this issue means to you. You’ve dedicated your life to helping these girls.” She shrugged and ran the tip of her finger around the rim of her soda glass.
Natalie hated the emotions welling up in her. She’d thought Hanna would confirm her own thoughts, not make her consider this ridiculous idea. “Helping them is one thing. Adopting a child … well, that’s huge, Hanna. I can’t take that lightly.”
“Of course not. I’m just saying maybe you shouldn’t write it off so quickly.”
Sure, it was easy for Hanna to say. She wasn’t the one being asked to alter her life because of a mistake.
Isn’t that what you ask girls to do all the time?
That was different. It wasn’t her mistake. Why should she be the one to pay for it?
This is a child we’re talking about, Natalie, not a mistake.
She buried her face in her hands. Why was she having these horrible thoughts? Of course, it was a child. A precious baby, not a mistake. She told girls this nearly every day. How could she be thinking like this?
She felt Hanna’s hand on her arm. “I’m sorry. I can see you’re really struggling here. I didn’t mean to add to your problem.”
Natalie shook her head and crossed her arms on top of the table. “It’s not your fault. I’m just so confused. I never dreamed I’d be put in this position. I don’t know if I should even be considering it. I don’t know if I’m capable of what she’s asked of me.”
“I understand your confusion, but there’s no doubt in my mind that you’re capable, Nat. You’re one of the most nurturing people I know. If anyone could love a child born from another woman, it’s you.”
How could Hanna be so sure? Natalie felt so incapable at the moment. Of course, she loved her boys dearly, but how would she feel about Linn’s baby? Could she love that baby the same way she loved her boys? She didn’t even know anyone who’d adopted a child. She’d had clients who’d successfully made an adoption plan, but she didn’t know the adoptive parents.
The food was served, and after they said grace, they dug into their meatloaf. As they ate, they talked. Hanna told her Micah had started looking for his little sister Jenna.
“Sister? I didn’t realize he had one.”
“They were separated in foster care when Micah was young. She’s been on his mind for a while, and he’s determined to find her.”
Natalie wished him luck, what with all the red tape he’d probably have to go through.
On the way home from lunch, Natalie’s mind returned to her own situation, and she had an idea. Kyle was an adoption attorney. He’d seen lots of couples matched with children in need of a family. He definitely wasn’t the one to talk to Linn, since she clearly despised her brother-in-law. But maybe he was someone who could offer her advice.
When she got home, she phoned Paula for Kyle’s number. She needed to speak with him today if she was going to call Linn in the morning. When Paula answered, she wasted no time getting to the point.
“Hey, I was wondering if you might have Kyle Keaton’s number. His home number, I mean.”
“Well, well, well. Finally coming around, are you?” Paula’s voice dripped with amusement.
“It’s business, Paula. I can get his work number from the directory and call him tomorrow, but I really need to reach him today if at all possible.”
“Business. On a Sunday. Sure, Sis, whatever you say.”
“Paula …”
“I think I have it here somewhere. Let me check.”
Moments later, Paula rattled off the phone number, and Natalie said good-bye before Paula made any more suggestive comments.
Before she could change her mind, she dialed Kyle’s number. It rang three times before he answered, out of breath.
“Hello?”
“Uh, is this Kyle Keaton?”
Yes, it is.
She was starting to feel really stupid for calling him at home. And what if he thought she was interested in him? “This is Natalie Landin. From the Hope Center? Paula Landin-Cohen’s sister?”
A pause. “Sure. What can I do for you?”
Was it her imagination, or did he sound guarded? Was it their uncomfortable meeting at the center with Linn or the awkward dinner they’d shared at Paula’s? He probably thought she was going to ask him on a date or something. She quickly stepped in to break him of that notion.
“I have a … a situation with a client. A really unusual situation involving adoption. I know you’re busy, but I was wondering if you might have time to meet me today. I need some advice.”
The moment stretched on. She was feeling more stupid by the moment. Why had she called him? Maybe he thought this was a ploy to get to know him.
“I have to call this client tomorrow,” Natalie said. “Or if you don’t have time, maybe we could just discuss it on the phone.”
“No, we can meet if you like. I’m busy this afternoon and have plans for dinner, but maybe after that?”
Natalie breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe she could invite him over for coffee. Then she remembered Linn’s vehement accusation about Kyle killing his wife. She wondered what that meant. Surely, there wasn’t anything substantial to it. Wouldn’t he be in jail if that were the case? Nonetheless, maybe someplace public would be smarter. “That sounds great. I really appreciate it. How about the Hard Drive Cafe?”
They agreed on a time and hung up. Next, she called Keith and asked if he would bring the boys home a little later than usual. He agreed, and it was all set.
With the details out of the way, Natalie was restless all afternoon. There was nothing on TV, she hadn’t bought a new book in ages, and she’d cleaned out the last of the Rocky Road two days ago. Seeing her Bible on the end table, where she’d dropped it after church, she decided to have some alone time with God. She ended it with a heartfelt prayer for guidance.
That evening, after she ate a sandwich and bowl of soup, she tidied herself up and went to meet Kyle. She wondered what questions to ask him. She hardly knew where to start.
When she arrived at the Hard Drive Café, Kyle was already there, sipping a coffee at a table against the far wall. She almost didn’t recognize him in a black T-shirt. After waving, she ordered a decaf vanilla latte and went to join him.
“Thank you for meeting me.” She hung her purse over the chair back and sank onto the chair. She was struck by his good looks as a distant smile formed on his lips. She wondered if he felt awkward because of Linn’s accusation three weeks ago.
“No problem. I come here a lot anyway.” He took a sip of his coffee from the big mug and licked the foam from his lips.
“I didn’t know who else to talk to about this. It concerns adoption, so I thought maybe you …”
“Sure, have at it.”
Natalie sat back in her chair and put her hands on the table. Her fingernails still sported a coat of clear polish, but the tips had flaked off. She breathed a sigh and explained the situation with Linn, making sure to leave out her name. Not only did she need to protect client information, but with Kyle being her brother-in-law—and family enemy—it was important he not know who she was talking about.
The girl at the counter called for her to come and get her latte. After getting it and adding a little cinnamon to the foamy top, she sat back down across from Kyle and took a sip of the hot, sweet brew.
“So, let me get this straight. Your client threatened to have an abortion if you don’t adopt the baby?”
“Well, no, I wouldn’t say ‘threatened.’”
“What would you say?” he asked.
Natalie thought back to the night before. She hadn’t gotten the feeling at all that Linn was trying to force anything on her. “It was more like she felt those were the only two options she would consider.”
“So, she’s leaving her decision, her mistake, up to you to solve. Putting it in your lap.” Though the words were harsh, his tone wasn’t. His eyes flickered in the dim light.
“It feels that way, but I don’t think she means it that way. She’s young, frightened. She feels safe with me, I guess.”
“It’s an awful lot to ask.” He leaned back in the chair and tilted his head. “Look, adoptions are complicated. Even in the best of situations, where there’s a birth mom wanting an adoption plan and an adoptive couple wanting a child, it’s hard. There are a lot of emotions going on, and adoptions take a long time. There’s the wait through the pregnancy, then the placement period after the baby comes. Have you ever thought about adopting a child?”
“No. No, of course not. I’m a single mother with two boys. My hands are pretty full as it is.”
“Well, if you ask me, there’s your answer.”
“But what about the baby? What if she has an abortion?”
He looked down at his hands, which were wrapped around his mug, then met her gaze. “You can’t hold yourself responsible for someone else’s decisions.”
“But I can do something about it.” Her insides flopped over. She could do something about it. The weight of the thought was both exciting and nerve-wracking.
“Look, I’m as pro-life as they come, but think about it. Couldn’t all of us do more about any issue we believed in? I could get involved in politics and try to change the laws about abortion. I could picket the Women’s Health Clinic every Saturday. I could write an article every day for the rest of my life in hopes of persuading somebody of the value of life. But I don’t. I just place children with adoptive families. That’s my part. You work at the Hope Center. That’s your part. You have to draw the line somewhere.”
“I don’t remember anything in the Bible about drawing that kind of line. The disciples were willing to die for what they believed. That’s asking so much more than raising a child.”
It was his turn to sigh. “Think about the baby, then. Doesn’t every child deserve to be wanted?”
“Doesn’t every child deserve to be born?” Her eyes stung at the thought. She took a sip of her latte, more to distract herself than anything else. “And the mother is a concern, too. She doesn’t really have anyone else in her life supporting her.”
“It sounds like you’ve allowed the relationship to get pretty close.”
It wasn’t an accusation, yet Natalie felt the lump of guilt anyway. From one professional to another, he was letting her know she’d overstepped the boundaries. “I know. I know.” She shook her head, still feeling the heat that rushed up the back of her neck. “I let things go too far. I did befriend her, and I broke the rules. Now look where it’s gotten me. This is really my own fault.”
“Maybe you did break some rules, but you aren’t responsible for her pregnancy.” He leaned against the table, bringing him closer. His gray-green eyes had flecks of gold.
“She’s so alone, though, and I fear I’m her only real friend right now. If I disappoint her like this, I’m afraid she’ll think everything I’ve said and done was phony. I mean, shouldn’t I be able to practice what I preach? I say abortion is wrong. I say an unborn child is a life. But how far am I willing to go to protect that life?”
“You shouldn’t have to change the entire course of your life.”
“I ask girls to do that nearly every day. They want an end to their pregnancy, and I try to convince them to have their babies. Whether they raise the child or make an adoption plan, isn’t that changing the entire course of their lives? Have I been asking something of them that I’m unwilling to do?”
“You’re being too hard on yourself, Natalie. You can’t save the world.”
“But I can save this baby.”
“Look, even when adoptive parents desperately want a child, they sometimes have trouble bonding. How do you think you’re going to bond with a baby you never wanted?”
“That sounds so callous.”
“You have to consider what’s best for the child. It takes eighteen years to raise one.”
“I just want this child to have eighteen years. But it’s not just the baby. If the mother decides to abort … This client isn’t a Christian, but she really seemed open to talking about God. If I let her down, where does that leave her?”
He quietly observed her. Natalie felt self-conscious under his appraisal, as if he were looking into her instead of at her.
“It sounds as if you’ve already made your decision,” he said.
Natalie’s thoughts seemed to freeze at a stand-still. Her body locked up like brakes on icy pavement. Could it be true? She thought back over the things she’d said since she arrived at the coffee shop. It seemed Kyle had been arguing against the idea, and she had been arguing for it the whole time. What did it mean?