When Kyle had looked over and seen Natalie on the sidewalk, his first thought was to hide. He was alone, but that suited him just fine. He’d come to the fireworks for something to do, and he wasn’t one to need a bunch of friends around to make him feel secure.
But then Natalie had stopped on the sidewalk. Her arms hugged her torso as the chair leaned against her leg, and he thought she looked like a lost little girl. Then, suddenly she looked as if she were about to bolt. All thoughts of hiding fled as her name formed on his tongue.
He called himself all kinds of fool even while he extended his invitation. Why was he asking her to watch the fireworks with him? Was it pity? She’d looked so alone and had become separated from her family. Or did he secretly want to spend time with her?
As they walked to his spot on the lawn, he shoved the thought away. It was compassion that made him do it and nothing else.
They sat down, their chairs arm-to-arm in the tight space. Above them, the colorful display erupted rhythmically.
“Do you have a cell phone on you?” Natalie asked.
“Sure.” He dug his from his pocket and handed it to her.
“Mine’s dead, wouldn’t you know it? I don’t want my family to worry.” She punched in a number.
Kyle turned toward the dark sky and watched the display. He heard her talking to someone with the reassurance that she was fine. She had to talk loud to be heard over the booms and the oooing and aaahing all around them. Not to mention the toddler who squealed on the blanket beside her. When Kyle heard Natalie telling her family she’d walk home, he spoke up.
“I can give you a lift if you want.” Now, where had that come from? The last thing he needed was to spend more time with Natalie. Already, he’d admitted to himself he was drawn to her. And the last thing he wanted was a woman in his life. But it wasn’t safe, even in Jackson, for a woman to be out walking alone after dark. He was surprised she was even willing, after being assaulted.
“Are you sure?” Natalie covered the mouthpiece. “It’s not far.”
“No problem.” Except to his peace of mind.
Natalie said good-bye and handed him the phone. “Thanks.”
They watched the rest of the fireworks in silence. The grand finale came, and the crowd applauded all the way through it. As the last of the fireworks sounded, the departure scramble began all around them.
“If you don’t mind,” he said, “I’d just as soon wait until the traffic clears.”
“Don’t like sitting in traffic, do you?”
“It’s the one bad thing about summers here.”
Natalie leaned back and rested her head against the chair back. “It’s not so bad, really. It just seems bad, compared to the off-season.”
“It’s a unique place to live,” he said. “Soon as warm weather hits, the tourists come and flood the town with their camping and climbing gear. Then it gets cold, and everyone seems to disappear almost overnight.”
“And my favorite restaurants close for a few weeks.”
“Then after Christmas, the skiers come flooding in and enjoy the slopes until spring.”
“And then it starts all over again,” she said.
He nodded. “I guess it’s not surprising that there are so many transients. Not many locals left.”
“Nope,” she said. “I guess I’m a rare breed.”
They watched the family beside her packing up their things and let the quiet fall between them. The night sky was perfectly clear, and even with the lamplights along the sidewalk, he could see hundreds of stars dotting the sky. He thought of Jillian on nights like this and wondered what heaven was like. Could she see him here on earth, or was she tucked away at the foot of God’s throne?
He shook the thought away. Thinking of Jillian only left him depressed. Their relationship hadn’t been very good, and his last moments with her were ones he wished he could forget. If only she’d never told him about the affair. It would have been better not to have known.
“I’m glad I ran into you tonight,” Natalie said, jerking his thoughts back to the present. “I wanted to thank you for all the information you’ve given me on adoption.”
“Have you decided what to do?”
“Actually, I have. I told my family today. I am going to adopt the baby.”
He tried to keep the surprise from his face. “Well. Congratulations.” He nodded thoughtfully. Inside, he was astounded at Natalie’s resolve to do what she felt was right. Astounded by her bravery. How many single mothers with two young children would adopt a newborn?
“I’m not sure how I’ll be able to work it all out. The finances and everything. It’s not like I have money to burn or anything.”
The least he could do was offer her a discount. If she was willing to put her future on the line for this baby, the least he could do was lower his fee. “I’d be glad to cut my fees to make it a little easier.”
She blinked, and he saw something like fear in her eyes before she looked away
It struck him as odd, and he wondered what caused it.
“Oh. I’m not sure how we’ll be doing this,” Natalie said.
How they’d be doing it? She must mean through an agency or attorney. Maybe she didn’t know he was the only one in town who handled adoptions. “Sure. Well, if you choose to go the attorney route—and that’s what’s usually done in cases like this—I can save you a lot of money.”
He stopped himself. It sounded almost as if he were begging for her business. What was wrong with him? She clearly didn’t like the idea of using his services. He could almost feel her close up on him when he’d suggested it.
“Thanks for the offer. Everything is really up in the air right now. I don’t even know if my client has health insurance.”
She shifted in her chair, and he sensed her discomfort. “The boys with their dad tonight?”
She nodded. “He’s keeping them overnight.”
“How long were you married?”
“Eight years.” She cradled her purse in her lap and played with the leather straps. “You were married before.”
The comment caught him off-guard. She was remembering what Linn had said at the center, of course. He should have known it would come around to this eventually. It was the last thing he wanted to talk about.
“I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.”
She’d given him a way out, but suddenly he didn’t want to take it. Was it the way she looked at him, with eyes as soft as a rose petal?
“It’s true, what Linn said.” It pained him to say it. Real pain that radiated out from his heart.
“I find that hard to believe.” She hardly knew him, yet she believed him innocent of Linn’s accusation.
If her eyes were soft, her voice was velvet. Her head was turned toward him, leaning against the canvas back of the camping chair. A vulnerable spot in him didn’t want to disabuse her of that notion. But he was already feeling too warm toward Natalie. Although she’d given him no indication she was interested in him, knowing the truth about him might keep a nice, safe distance between them.
He looked away from her toward the pedestrians who strolled past on the sidewalk. “We were going home from church. I was driving, and we were having an—a disagreement. I wasn’t paying attention at all, and I didn’t see the red light. A truck hit on her side of the car. She was gone that quick.”
“I’m so sorry. I think I remember when it happened. Seeing it on the news.”
He propped his ankle on his knee, more for something to do than for comfort.
“But it was an accident, Kyle. Nothing more.”
“It was my fault. I was responsible for keeping her safe. I was driving.”
“That’s not murder, though.”
He looked at her then, his gut in a knot. “What differentiates an accident from murder? Intent? No, I didn’t intend to be negligent. But a careless motorist who crashes into another car is charged with reckless homicide when someone in the other vehicle dies. So, what’s the difference in this case? My wife is dead because I was reckless.”
“If you were guilty of such a thing, you’d be in jail.”
He’d wished he were many times. Maybe it would soothe his guilt.
“Your wife’s family has held this against you all this time?”
“Do you blame them? I’m responsible for Ed’s daughters death. And Linn’s only sister.”
“You shouldn’t accept that. You should defend yourself. It was an accident.”
He felt a longing to believe her words. A longing to exonerate himself. But it didn’t wash. “It’s only an accident when there’s no one at fault.”
Her brows knotted thoughtfully. He looked away before he lost himself in her eyes. He felt vulnerable, and he didn’t like it. She made him feel things he didn’t want to feel. He felt her hand on his arm and turned toward her again.
“I’ll be praying that you forgive yourself.”
Her words took him aback. Is that what he needed to do? He’d never thought of it that way. He’d always figured this was the bitter pill he’d live with. Some things could never be undone. Maybe he should forgive himself, but it was hard when others still held him responsible for Jilly’s death. He’d never forget the scene at the hospital where they’d taken Jilly after the accident. Her heart had stopped beating in the ambulance, but they’d tried to revive her at St. Johns.
Ed and Linn had come after it was too late. They’d overheard the details as he was telling the officer, but they’d gotten one important fact wrong. He hadn’t had the heart to correct them, and even to this day, they believed a lie.
“Think it’s cleared out enough to head out?” Natalie’s voice pulled him back to the present.
He looked around, noticing for the first time that the lawn and porch had cleared. “Sure. I’m parked on Milward. Not too far.” They stood up and grabbed their things. He reached out and took her chair for her, and they began walking.
“Tell me how the center is going,” he said.
She pulled her purse up on her shoulder. “Better. No more vandalism.”
“That has to be a relief. It must be difficult to work so hard for a cause you believe in just to have people harass you for it. I guess it’s true we can’t change the world.”
“Maybe not the world, but we can change lives one person at a time.”
He used to believe that. He remembered when his work was fulfilling. When he’d place a child with a family and think God had used him to change their lives for the better. Now it just seemed like a job. A job that he’d allowed to pull him from his wife, the one person who should have been first on his priority list. He’d failed her and failed the baby she carried, and what was more important in his world than that?
When they reached his car, he helped her in and asked for directions to her home. It was only moments later that they were turning from the flat of the valley up the steep hill of Rodeo Drive. She instructed him to turn into the drive of a large home that was dark except for one porch light.
“Well,” she said, gathering her things, “thanks for the ride. And for sharing the fireworks with me.”
The last she said with a smile that wrapped its way around his heart. “Anytime.” He started to add a little quip about getting lost in a crowd but decided against it. “If you need any advice about the adoption, feel free to call me.” Shut up already, Keaton.
“Thanks, I might just do that.” With a little wave, she shut the door.
He watched her until she made it inside the house and wondered if she hadn’t made her way inside his heart just a little.