I felt strange. What was I doing in Innsbruck? I looked around at the group of men around me. We were not men, though, well men, but we were all young men. Who were these people? They seemed familiar, but I could not place them. “Who are you?” I asked.
The tallest one, a blond with my eyes, said, “Knock it off, Lexi, you are going in whether you want to or not. That way, you cannot tell Mother without telling on yourself, too!”
He and his friends pushed me through the door of the house we had been standing in front of. At the same time, they were joking with and about me. Music poured out as they opened the door. What was happening? I stepped back and the tall guy came up behind me. We were in the vestibule of what looked to be a house of tarnished reputation. I turned on him.
“My name is Jim, not Lexi. I demand to know who you are and how I arrived here.” I put my hands on his chest and pushed him back away from me, not caring how big he was. He had an athletic build, not thick, but he had to be 6’5”.
He sighed, grabbed me by my jacket collar, stuck his face straight into mine, and said, “I do not know what game you are at tonight, Lexi, but I will not have it. Madame scheduled her services with me after months of trying, and you will not interfere. So, sit down, shut up, and do not move, or it will be a replay of our childhood all over again.”
With that, he forcefully shoved me into the room, escorted me to a free chair, and sat me in it like a straw doll. A moment later, Evangeline appeared. She looked exactly as she had the first night, I saw her. Relief washed over me. The bully forgotten, I rose to walk toward her, only to have her throw her arms around the big oaf’s waist as she recited all her customary endearing expressions reserved for her high-value clients. Herr Otto, she called him Herr Otto. Wait, no! I looked around for a mirror. They were everywhere. Rushing to the closest one, I looked at my reflection. Yes, it was me, but young again, the same age as I was when I met her for the first time. It could not be. I turned around to see Eva and the other girls had closed around the group of men and were pulling them into the parlor. The vestibule was just to my right. I calmly walked to the foyer and exited the front door. I leaned against the door for a moment to catch my breath.
The house was the same house, on the same street. Our house would be just down there. I made my way to the street. As I passed an automobile, a man opened the door for me. “Where would you like to go, Herr Alexsander?” I stopped dead in my tracks.
“You know me?” The question made him stifle a laugh.
“Of course, Herr Alexsander, you are Alexsander Jakob Wallner Von Rieser. The second son of Gräf Otto Von Rieser. Are you alright?” He reached out to take my arm as I stumbled. Dizziness hit, and he helped me into the automobile, saying something about getting me home.
Wait, the second son, how could he know of my brother Otto? I looked in his rearview mirror as he climbed into the front seat. Hold on, I knew him. He was with my family when I was young. He died not long after Otto died; his name was Joseph. What was happening? Suddenly, I felt disconnected, like the universe had been sucked into itself. Everything was spinning, then it all went black.
Voices. I opened my eyes slightly, listening. Someone had put me into a bed. The voices were in the next room. I opened my eyes a little more. The room seemed strange yet familiar. The furnishings and draperies all looked familiar, but the room itself was wrong. Where was I? Is this a dream? I rose from the bed, still feeling like I was floating, dizzy. I made my way to the lavatory to relieve myself and glanced in the mirror. Why? Why was I so young? Had I gone mad? I touched my face, my neck. The skin was the skin of a noticeably young man. What had happened? I heard a voice, but it was not from the other room. It was in my head. “You are perfectly sane, Jim.” Not very reassuring, I thought to myself. I made my way back into the bedroom and headed for the window. Although dark, the city lights left no doubt we were in a house up on a hill overlooking Innsbruck. Where in the hell was I?
The voices from the next room were moving closer. I needed time to work this all out. Quickly, I returned to the bed and lay down, closing my eyes.
“Do you think it could be the Spanish flu, Doctor?” It was my mother's voice I heard as they entered the room. The Spanish flu? Then it must be 1919. I would only be seventeen or eighteen. Why was I not in the war? Wait, this was too early. Eva would not be here now.
“Oh my, no, we have not had a case in several years. No, I think it is an emotional strain. Keep him quiet, let him rest and give him fluids, I will return in the morning. If anything should change, you are at liberty to call on me in the night, Alexsandra.” He was standing directly over me.
“Thank you so much, Doctor, I am so grateful. His father is away on business in Switzerland this month. The boys can be so difficult when he is away.” Her voice was fading as she spoke. A quick peak through slit eyelids assured me they were leaving the room.
The voice, she would know what was going on. As soon as they were gone, I whispered, “Whoever you are, what have you done? What is going on here?”
“Alexsander, you think I have done something. I assure you this is not the case. Do you remember your visit with the countess? When she told you that you are not quite in the world? I think you pushed yourself into another dimension.”
“I did what?” I whispered. Speaking aloud made me feel less out of control somehow. “How does one push themselves into another dimension? More importantly, how do I push myself back?” I asked with a none-too-polite tone.
She sighed, “I do not know, Jim,” and she went silent. I could feel her release like the line going dead on the telephone.
Okay, think this through. I am in Innsbruck. The year must be 1921 or 22. The doctor said they had not seen a case of Spanish flu in several years. Somehow, I am seeing events from sixteen years ago, yet they cannot be. My brother Otto is dead from a fever. The Innsbruck house is an entire estate on the hill overlooking the town. What about the small estate in town? And where was Franz? Surely, we were still best friends. I remember our childhood clearly, and we were the best of friends. I quietly left the bed. There would be photographs of us together in the next room. School, military service, childhood, Mother always had them in my sitting room. I listened at the door momentarily. No voices, I opened the door and had the same ‘off’ feeling. There were familiar things, but the room was all wrong. The photographs were scattered around tables throughout the room.
There was a photograph of the four of us, with myself and presumably Otto as children. Another of Otto and I, and another; they spanned from childhood to close to my current age. I saw a photo of Father, Otto, and me. Here was a photograph of Fritzy and me playing as children. We were incredibly young. A photo of Karl, Will, Mule, Leo, and me. Another of all of us, then one of just Will and me. Where was Fritzy? I went through every photo and then went around again. I checked the bedroom, but nothing. Only a single photograph. I sat on the Chesterfield, defeated.
Mother came in without knocking. “Alexsander, oh my, you must get back into bed,” she said, rushing over and trying to pull me up.
“Mother, wait, please, sit with me for a moment.” She stopped, backed up, and looked at me. Her eyes bore suspicion, but she approached slowly, staring at me. Then, she sat beside me. I gently took one of her hands in mine. Her eyes searched mine like she did not know me. “Mother, where is Fritzy?”
“Who?” she asked, staring at me with a genuine look of concern.
“Franz, Fritzy, my cousin, your sister's son, where is he?” She looked stricken as I asked. My stomach dropped. I knew what she would say as soon as she thought it. Just like a clairvoyant would.
“Alexsander, Franz died when you were little. Your aunt died of a broken heart the next year. Why would you be so cruel as to ask me such a horrible question?” Tears ran down her face. She pulled her hand away angrily and rushed from the room, slamming the door.
I had to get out of there. How in the hell was I going to get out of there? After the shock of Fritzy’s death had worn down a little, I dressed and left the house. I took money from my safe, which ironically had the same combination. How could the safe have the same combination, and Fritzy be dead? How could my brother be alive, and Eva be here running the house? Where was my uncle if Auntie had died? I needed to get to Mayrhofen, out to the Meadows estate. Klaus and Greta would be the reassuring presence I needed. I had to figure out how to go home, to my real home, not this shell of a reality I was in.
By midday the next day, I had made my way to Mayrhofen. My ride stopped in town, though, so I walked the rest of the way. The Von Grünne estate came before ours. As I got closer to the property, I could see it looked abandoned. Trees and hedges were untrimmed. All the grass and vegetation were overgrown. Amid it all stood a few blackened timbers. A sign read, “Private Property, No Trespassing.” I approached the house, not believing my eyes. The beautiful manor house lay in the blackened remnants of stone, timbers, and rubble.
For the first time, I felt fear. Fear that I would not make it back. That this horrible time would somehow be my eternal prison. I walked around toward the back of the property as if drawn. Making my way through overgrown trails, I found what had been calling me. A marble bench in pristine condition sat next to two statues. One was Fritzy as a little boy and the other was my aunt. The likeness of each was uncanny. Granite covered the area. A marble bench set some distance from the statues. Everything outside the granite was well manicured, flowers were everywhere, all well-tended. I found myself sitting. Tears came to my eyes unwillingly, and words poured from my mouth. “Oh, Fritzy, damn, I need you! I have no clue what to do. Was this your fear?” I sat staring at him, thinking of our adventures here. Thinking of life without him, without Evangeline. “What am I to do?” I sat for an exceedingly long time, but no answer came. I walked slowly away, defeated, towards home.
The grounds here were pristine, as always. Klaus and Greta would never allow the property to fall into disrepair. I walked up the long drive, feeling happy at the thought of being home. Then a dog ran up barking at me and a man suddenly appeared from nowhere. “May I help you?” he asked.
My first instinct was to ask who the hell he was and what he was doing on my property, but I felt a hesitation, a warning.
“Hello, I am Alexsander Von Rieser. I just came in from Innsbruck,” I said, extending my hand.
He shook my hand, saying, “Oh, hello, Von Rieser. I apologize, I have not seen you since you were a little tyke. What can I do for you?”
“I apologize. I have forgotten your name. You must be the caretaker now?” I asked, wondering where Klaus was.
“Caretaker,” he laughed. “Very funny, caretaker. Do not tell me you came all the way out here to make fun of me.”
“No, of course not; I just thought you were watching over the property for my father,” I said, trying to navigate the situation as best I could.
“See here now, you get off my property. I bought this land for a fair price from your father years ago. You have no right to come out here and insult me. I will be sure Gräf von Rieser gets a piece of my mind for this.” I tried to make amends to the man, but he shut me down immediately. Backing away, I turned and retreated down the drive toward the road.
My God in heaven help me. What would I do? I edged my way around the property, circling to the mountainside. Even though I was hardly dressed for it, I made my way to the trail up to the Maria Hilf chapel. As I feared, the chapel was now in terrible disrepair. I knew Klaus was instrumental in working with the priest for its upkeep. I assumed that the new owner of the meadows did not feel it his duty to help in its preservation, which meant the church up the road quite likely did not have the same priest. I sighed audibly, adjusting the door, which hung tenuously to one hinge. The floor was debris-covered, and the wood pews had begun to rot. I approached the altar anyway, cleaned off a spot before it, and knelt.
At a complete loss, I began to recite the prayer of abandonment to divine providence. How I remembered all the words, I could not say, but they flowed like water from a pump. Then I recited it repeatedly. Eventually, night began to fall. I could no longer feel my legs. I sat on my feet, having abandoned trying to stay upright some hours before. Under God’s law, I could not take my own life, but at that moment, I could not see a way to stay in a world without the life I loved so much. For the first time, I understood why someone would make that choice. God in heaven, forgive me. If at any point I had doubted what a blessed and magnificent life I lived, I no longer did.
If...if…if, yes, yes! I remember I was thinking about if things had been different. Anything, any little thing, with any of us.
The dizziness hit like a train. I fell over, my face left lying in the leaves and detritus. The wholesome smell of earth filled my nostrils. I surrendered to the will of God, closing my eyes, but in my heart, I wished to exist no longer. I felt dislocated, my vision consumed by a fog, and I blacked out.
“Just try to keep him as still as possible. I will be right back,” I heard the doctor say. Oh God, no, no, please. I felt defeated and devastated. I could not bear another moment in that world.
“I will, doctor, thank you.” My eyes flew open as I heard Eva’s voice. Eva saw my eyes open and rushed to my side.
“Darling, oh my darling, you are awake!” She was crying.
I wrapped my arms around her and held her so tight, she could not possibly breathe. I loosened my grip. “Oh, Eva, my love,” I whispered into her hair. She had been crying on my chest. An older man stood protectively over us.
Eva pulled away, and the doctor swooped in. I tried to push him away, but Eva admonished me.
“Alexsander, you must allow the doctor to check you. I have been trying to wake you for hours, darling. You had almost no breathing, your heart barely beat.” She held my leg with her hands, sitting on the bed while the doctor gave me instructions on breathing, poked, prodded, and finally had me sit up. A half-hour later, he had satisfied himself. I had simply been in a profoundly deep sleep due to our activities of the night before. Offering his information, should she need him again, he left.
“Oh, Eva, I must tell you what happened to me.” I spent the next half hour relaying the dream to her. She had tried everything, even a poke with a hat pin to rouse me. There was not so much as a flinch. Finally, she called in the doctor, not knowing what else to do. “I do not know what happened. I would not wish for a life without you, Fritzy, my family, and friends, Eva. I am not certain I ever realized how much every one of you means.”
“Fritzy, yes, he sent a message last night while we were out. It is on the desk. I will go retrieve it for you,” Eva was saying, already halfway across the room.
Rising, I followed her, “I will see to it. It probably needs to be decoded anyway. Would you order me some horribly burnt breakfast instead?” I said, laughing as I caught her up in my arms, kissing her, lost in the tenderness of her lips.
Evangeline insisted on accompanying me everywhere for the remainder of the day due to the dream incident. She had convinced herself I would fall into a sleep state suddenly and be whisked up by the scum of the city to be accosted unless she was there to protect me. Truthfully, having her beside me with her typical self-confidence fulfilled me. I missed this lady. I understood the shadows Paris had scarred her with. The time had come for her to rise from those ashes. To take her place beside me as Gräfin Evangeline Von Rieser, not the mistreated child who had fled these streets.
We met with the foreman of the trade workers and conferred on a plan for the immediate future. A complete inventory of all apartments in sufficiently livable condition would be available by the next day. Work would proceed top-down unless something needed to be addressed for structural or primary functions, such as plumbing. The foreman took a particular shine to Evangeline, which worked out perfectly. If she could regain enough confidence, she could see to these matters without me. Laurent, I was certain, would be quite happy to assist her. Father might enjoy the trip too. Although, with him in tow, expenditures might become frivolous. The building did not require re-engineering after all. I chuckled to myself. Yes, Eva would need to keep a tight rein on him.
After the meeting for the building, I returned to 10 Rue Pavee. Evangeline seemed completely content to wait with the chauffeur. I met with the head Rabbi while she waited. Once again, I was led to the same sparse room in the bowels of the synagogue. My success at procuring the building made him quite happy. I explained the current status of the building and the estimated available current space, which I would confirm with him via messenger as soon as those figures were available. He assured me his network would begin to get the word out. However, I did not explain where the building was. I did elaborate on the availability of an unknown sanctuary for those needing to stay hidden on the trip. The Rabbi informed me of a group of people who would need such accommodation, and we took the time to put a tentative plan together for them.
Fritzy’s message put him back in Vienna that night, along with Henry. This was a prime opportunity to take the Rabbi’s group out, especially since he had my automobile. I planned to code a message for delivery upon returning to the hotel. Once confirmation was received, I intended to relay a yes or no status. Then, the plan could be pushed forward.
I found the automobile empty upon returning. Looking at the shops across the road, I guessed Evangeline truly had overcome her insecurities. Crossing over, I began popping my head in. It took some time, but eventually, I spotted the chauffeur waiting outside the shop for Mademoiselle. Upon seeing me, he looked a little disconcerted and said something about her being quite insistent. Reassuring the poor fellow, I waited outside with him. Another ten minutes passed before she appeared with an armload of packages. We both relieved her of them. She laughed, grinning ear to ear, and we returned to the hotel. For the entire trip back, she cataloged every item purchased and for whom.
Once in the hotel room, we freshened up, and she showed each item to me, asking me to confirm if each gift was appropriate or not. We were in the study where I was struggling to code a message while she insisted on my approval.
“Darling, I understand your excitement, but you must give me time.” She looked at me, pouted, and left the room carrying everything she could. Moments later, she returned for the rest of it. Half an hour later, I had finished. I called for Jean to send the message and then sought Eva out. Upon asking her to please start again, she regained her excited schoolgirl demeanor and reviewed each item. For Fritzy, she had chosen a charming watch, which I immediately said no to.
“Please do not ask for an explanation. I need you to trust me when I tell you no. Uncle Franz may like it. Unless you prefer to return it.” I held the watch in my hand, closing the box. I handed it back to her.
“But it is the only thing I selected for him,” Eva pleaded.
“I am sorry, my dear, but no. However, if you want to get Fritzy a present he will love, reach out to Laurent and find out where to procure a canne épée.” I kissed her cheek; she smiled and went right off to the telephone. “He is six feet four inches!” I called out. I heard her laugh. Her way of saying, “You think I am unaware of his height?” without actually demeaning me by saying it.
An hour later, we arrived for our meeting with Laurent at Le Vengeur du Peuple. Laurent was awaiting us and greeted Evangeline majestically, as was his custom in public. She had dressed for the occasion, resplendent in a blue and white day dress, hat with veil, gloves, and all the accessories. An outfit Mother had initially meant for her trousseau, but she had fallen in love with it. It was the first outfit she requested to be packed when informed of the trip to Paris. The woman who fought me about the frivolity of all the clothes she was being fitted for in Innsbruck was long gone. I stifled a laugh, shaking Laurent’s hand.
“Wonderful to see you both in such high spirits,” Laurent said as he offered Eva his arm. “Now, my dear, let us find your friend his canne épée. How tall did you say six foot four inches? My goodness, he must be quite something to look at.” They meandered into the store.
I followed along at a respectful distance. I also wanted a canne épée and one for each of our group. Eva would procure the one for Franz. We spent the afternoon being shown all manner of weapons. I also procured several different types of knives. One in particular I had seen a fellow countryman with during the war. He had procured it from a fallen comrade. The weapon had always stayed with me due to the ease of hiding it. To say nothing of its utilization without drawing attention. The shop not only carried the style but also had a specialty holster that allowed it to be secured behind the shoulder blades or above the buttocks.
Laurent steered Eva off to the automobile while the purchases were being handled. Like the gentleman he was, he stayed beside her and kept her company until I returned. We bid each other farewell until dinner this evening, which would be a calmer affair at my insistence. It would still be formal, of course, but there would be no nightclubs. Evangeline and Laurent were meeting in the morning, which seemed to solidify the request. We were in bed asleep by midnight.