When the world collapses and all you can do to survive is watch everything fall to its demise, in slow motion, while you hold onto the hope someone will find you before all the rubble buries you completely.
Tawne stared out the bedroom window of her condo. Winter had arrived in New Orleans. A cold front blew through and with it, icy roads and car accidents. Sirens screamed in the distance while another hurt person was taken by ambulance. She tugged her robe closer around her body and rocked in her rocking chair.
None of it phased her. She had been home for what…one, two weeks? She wasn’t even sure anymore. She knew the rules: stay in their world and learn everything you can, but if you leave, your mind will be wiped of the memories.
She tugged the sleeve of her robe up and glanced down at the barely there strawberry marks on her skin. Cristofano fed there. On her opposite arm, it was Chayton. She thought of Evan and the scar on the inside of her thigh. Then there was Will. He left his mark on the side of her neck.
With a sigh, she pulled the sleeve back down her arm once more. She was ready to have her memory wiped. She didn’t want to deal with the emotions, the disappointment she caused not only her men but also her best friend, Olivia. But how could they expect her to go through with this? She had just met them, and they wanted her to change her life for them.
Who does that?
People in love, that’s who. You become anything, everything for them.
She closed her eyes and rested her head back on the chair. A tear slipped down her cheek and an ache had formed in her chest. She rubbed just above her heart and her bottom lip trembled. Then her body shook and Tawne began to sob.
She cried for the love she continued to deny herself. For the feelings that had developed in such a short period of time. For the excitement the men brought her, and for the opportunity of a lifetime to work alongside vampires restoring artifacts…and to become part of their history.
She had thrown it all away because—
A knock at the door sounded and she sat up. Wiping her face with her sleeves, she stood and crossed the room. Peeking through the door hole, she didn’t recognize the person on the other side. Having a hood over their head and sunglasses on…at night…didn’t help, either.
“Who is it?”
The person removed the glasses and lowered the hoodie. It was a female. She looked up to the peephole and Tawne gasped. It was Sasha, the vampire she'd met at the coven’s warehouse the other week.
“What can I do for you, Sasha?” Tawne hadn’t opened the door yet but leaned against it instead. She wanted to open the door and pull the woman into a hug, just to get a sense of what she'd left behind. She decided against it since she didn’t really know Sasha. The woman might fight her off or worse, bite her.
She thought of her men and her heart ached even harder.
“You know why I’m here. Please, open the door unless you want me to announce in the hallway why I’m really here.”
Tawne sighed and unlocked her door. She opened it enough to look at Sasha. She tried to smile, but it faded as quickly as it formed. “Hi.”
“Hi,” Sasha repeated. “May I come in?”
Tawne nodded and opened the door wider. “Please, come inside.” Once Sasha passed through, she closed the door behind her and locked it. “Are they with you?”
Sasha turned to face her and shook her head. “No, just me and my driver.”
“Okay,” Tawne answered. “You’re here about my memory bank, huh?”
Sasha nodded. “Yup. If you want to talk some before we do this, we can. Sometimes people want to be heard, kind of like a last supper type thing.”
Tawne raised her brows. “That’s a very bad comparison. Last supper was before Jesus’ death.”
Sasha grinned. “No one’s killing you Tawne.” She chuckled. “I’m only saying some like to discuss what could have been before leaving it all behind. Would you like to do that?”
Tawne shook her head and headed toward the couch. “Come, have a seat. Do you want some tea or water or anything?”
Sasha grinned and shook her head. “No, thank you.”
“Oh, right. Blood,” Tawne whispered. “Well, how does this work?”
Sasha didn’t answer at first; she only stared into Tawne’s eyes. “The men need you back with them.”
Tawne took note of the word need, not want. She lowered her gaze to the carpeted floor. “I don’t think I can do it, Sasha. They’re asking me to give up everything I am and become something I’m not.”
She touched Tawne’s cheek. “Have you considered adding to who you are and changing nothing? No one would ever expect you to be something you’re not.”
“But I’m not a blood demon. And what do you mean, add to who I am?”
Sasha released her and crossed one leg over the other, then placed her hands in her lap. “Let’s pull on a religious experience again. When I was a human, my father was a preacher.”
“Oh, that explains the last supper reference.”
Sasha smiled. “Sure, but what I’m saying is this: when a person decides to be good, they don’t necessarily change who they are. They add to it. For instance, if you wanted to start going to church because you knew you needed a different direction in your life, you’d start out small and find a church that suited your needs. Right?”
Tawne listened to what she was talking about and nodded. “I’ll be honest with you. It’s been ages since I’ve been to church.”
“That’s not the point. Just a reference to understand where I’m coming from. Okay, so let’s say you started going to church. You met some new people. They delivered sermons you could identify with. You’re not sure how you identify, but there’s something in it that just touches you. You feel it and you realize, you need more of that.
“You begin to feel something bigger than yourself. Something greater is working through you. You open yourself to the possibility of it because it feels right. Suddenly, things in life are no longer so bad. With that reflection, the bad things you used to do begin to fade away and in its place, the good you’ve learned to love.”
Tawne fidgeted in her seat and gave a soft shrug. “I understand what you’re trying to say here, I really do, but what does this have to do with me and my vampires?”
Sasha smiled. “I won’t pretend you didn’t say my vampires.”
“I did?”
Sasha nodded. “Okay, so let’s say the church was the coven and the people you’ve met are your vampires. You feel comfort with them. You know there’s something great at work here, and you really want to explore the options. As an added bonus, you have the career of your dreams right at your fingertips. Everything you could have ever wanted is right in front of you.”
She began to count on her fingers. “Love from four men who would completely devote themselves to you, be anything you need. You’d never want for anything. There’s a position with the coven to do what you love. And lastly, the opportunity to make history with us.”
“It all sounds so glamorous, but I’m afraid that’s exactly what it is; just glamour. When reality finally hits, will I think I’ve made a mistake?”
“How do we know when we walk down the aisle we’ve made a mistake marrying the person we’ve vowed to spend the rest of our lives with?”
Tawne raised her brows. “Good point.”
“I’m trying to tell you that there are options in this life. You decide what you want, they don’t decide for you.”
“What about children? They cannot create babies. What if I wanted to have children?”
Sasha leaned in and grasped her hand. “What in the world made you believe the right to have children was taken away from you?”
Tawne’s mouth opened agape. “Are you saying they can get me pregnant?”
The other woman chuckled. “Heavens, no. What I’m saying is, there’s ways of getting you pregnant. A Sperm bank is one option.”
She felt like a damned fool. With a sigh, she pulled her hand free and looked at her lap. “I wish I would have known all this before.”
“Tawne,” Sasha started. “Did you ask anyone?”
She shook her head. “Hell, no. I just assumed.”
“Do you still want to be on your own and forget all of what you’ve experienced, or would you like to go back and accept this new life?”
Tawne met her gaze and a new hope rose inside her. “You mean, I can still go back?”
Sasha nodded. “You’re not the first woman to decline an offer as a concubine. Well, first human, but not the first woman.”
“So, what you’re saying is nothing has to necessarily change. I can still be me and hold onto my dreams of restoring artifacts and becoming a curator.”
Sasha nodded. “That is exactly what I’m telling you. All that will be different, other than your lifestyle, is you’ll move in with your men.”
“Damn, I’m such a fucktard bitch.”
Sasha laughed. “Well, that’s a first. Not sure I’ve ever heard those words put together before.”
“Oh, believe me, I have more,” Tawne told her. “When does the pairing start for the men? In another week or something?”
Sasha frowned and shook her head. “No, Tawne. It’s starting right now. The men are expected to choose a blood demon tonight.”
“Fuck,” she whispered and stood. She paced and ran her hand through her hair, feeling frantic. “What the fuck did I do? What do I do now, Sasha? What do I do?”
Sasha stood and clutched Tawne’s hand, stopping her from pacing. “You get yourself cleaned up and I’ll drive you to the ceremony. That is what you’ll do. Well, that is, if this is really what you want?”
“Fuck, yes!” Tawne screamed and ran toward her bedroom. “Give me twenty minutes!”
“Better make it ten,” Sasha hollered back.
Tawne squealed when she ran into her bedroom. Why she didn’t think of the points Sasha brought up before was beyond her. She felt dense and stupid.
Put a hat on me and put me in the dunce corner.
She grabbed a cocktail dress from her closet, one that she loved and had worn only one time. She did a quick job on cleaning up and applied her makeup. She pulled on her dress and brushed her blonde hair into a ponytail, then twisted it around into a bun. She grabbed heels with faux diamond encrusted butterflies on the front and pulled them on. Making her way to the living room, she applied a layer of lipstick then smacked her lips together.
“How do I look?”
“You clean up nice. Now, let’s get you there before any chance on reclaiming your men is lost.”
“Shit, can we call them?”
Sasha shook her head. “This is a very old ceremony. It would be rude to take calls during a paring.”
“Crap.” She pulled her phone out and dialed Olivia’s number. It immediately went to voicemail. Would Olivia even be there?
“I can feel your panic. Your friend will be there with her men. Once we get you inside, you can find her and explain what happened if you want.”
Tawne nodded. “I’d rather get a message to her first, though, but it seems her phone isn’t on.” She pulled the messages off her phone and sent a text to Olivia.
Please don’t let my guys choose. I’m on my way. I fucked up royally and I’m with Sasha. She’s bringing me back. Please, Liv, please. Don’t let them choose.
She hit send and shoved her phone into her purse. “Let’s go save the life I just threw away.”