APPENDIX C

7 Steps for Creating Your Tribe

Anne Davin, Ph.D., once lived among a Native American tribe and has a special interest in tribe building in modern life. She offers the following guidance, adapted from the Medicine for the Soul teleclass, for finding your soul tribe.

  1. Say yes to every invitation, no matter what. You never know where your tribe will be. Recognize that each invitation is an aperture to the holy that is seeking to include you in the divine design of life. For this reason, the likelihood that you will encounter soul connections by showing up every time life invites you out into community is very high. Say yes, especially when you really want to say no.
  2. Help others the same amount that you care for yourself. Operate from the tribal perspective. Rather than focusing on “What can I get?” ask “What can I give?” The getting is in the giving. Hold the door for a stranger. Offer to give directions to someone who is lost. Look for ways to serve every day. Most importantly, give what you most wish to receive.
  3. Go directly into community by choosing one that is already organized around something that turns you on. This is the quickest way to find like-minded people. Tribal members recognize that groups that have already self-organized are “homes” waiting for them. Make yourself an insider by acting as if you belong. Assume your place is waiting for you.
  4. Ask yourself, What is my greatest emotional wound? Then go serve it. What is the thing that stands most between you and a sense of connection to others? Is it the abuse you suffered as a child? Is it violence at the hands of a battering spouse or the alcoholism of a parent? Go volunteer as a Big Brother or Big Sister, at the battered women’s shelter, or at your local halfway house. Use the thing that shattered your trust in life as your means to reestablish trust and connection.
  5. Go on walkabout. Look at who and what has been pushed to the edges of your world and go on an adventure into those borderlands. To go on modern walkabout, you must first ask, “What is invisible in my world? Are there children in my life? The elderly? What about people who aren’t my color or race or age or gender or political persuasion?” List five adjectives that describe you, then reverse them: are people with these qualities in your life? Step outside your comfort zone and head out into the unknown as an observer. Allow yourself to get “remade” by the encounter.
  6. Use play as a portal. When you are at play, relaxed and open, you are most likely to have magical encounters because you are more present to the moment. Take advantage of this. Is your pleasure music? Literature? Flying kites? Running or another physical activity? The whole point is to connect with others in a way that feels authentic. Prioritize your pleasure and play on a daily basis. Do it with the same commitment you give to brushing your teeth.
  7. Light your own village fire. What do you love? What breaks you open to awe and wonder? Actively seek out others who share your passion and create opportunities to do it together. Start a book club or a meditation circle. How about bowling? Maybe you love day hikes or cooking. Perhaps your passion lives in serving something or someone else. What magnetizes a tribe is the shared love of its members. Start your own tribe and watch the magic unfold.