I pulled up to Devlin’s house and parked behind Alek’s car. Seeing the Buick sitting there made my heart skip a beat. If I were smart, I’d have made a U-turn and driven myself to a motel since going home was so not an option. But sometimes, being smart was overrated. Besides, after that close call with Set, I needed to feel Alek’s arms around me right now.
I got the key Devlin gave me out of my purse and slid it into the lock. Pushing open the door, I spotted Devlin, stretched out on the sofa bed; his eyes focused on the ceiling. He grunted when I came in. His relaxed posture was an illusion. He kept a gun under his pillow and his vials of elements on the bed beside him. I doubted Devlin ever relaxed.
“Are we okay?” I asked, remembering our heated discussion earlier.
He turned and looked at me. “We’re always okay, Nicole.” He got up and moved to the edge of the bed. After running his hand through his hair, he continued, “You’re part of my team. Part of my responsibility.” His gaze met mine. “I have to keep you safe. If that means drilling you until your reflexes become second nature, then that’s what I’ll do.”
“You can’t keep us all safe, Dev,” I said, trying out Rachel’s nickname. I liked mine better. Dev felt too personal.
His eyes rounded. He shook his head and let out a bark of laughter. “Get some sleep. We have a lot to do tomorrow.”
“Yes, Boss Man.”
“Better,” he said, his mouth stretching into a rare smile. Maybe he didn’t mind me calling him Boss Man.
I continued to stare at him. He lifted an eyebrow in question.
“I got hit with this strange red mist filled with heat outside my apartment,” I said finally.
He nodded. “Heat wave. Most people can’t see the elements in the air.” He gave me a questioning look. “Maybe you have some elemental magick inside of you as well.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I’d have to ask.” As far as I knew, there were no elemental practitioners in my family. I shifted, uncomfortable because I wanted to keep pressing.
“Spit it out, Nicole,” he said.
“Why would a heat wave funnel down and target me?”
He smiled and let out a chuckle. “You assume it targeted you because you could see the actual heat. Had you not been able to see it, you would have believed you had walked into a heat patch. The elements can’t target someone. They have to be wielded.” He stood. “Did you see someone in the area?”
“No. No, I just saw the red mist. I didn’t mean to worry you.” If the heat was being generated by elemental magick or an accumulation of magick, then my mark would view it as an attack. And there wasn’t anyone around to direct an attack at me. Maybe he was right.
“Set tried to visit,” I said after a while.
“You said that too casually,” Devlin said, eyes locked with mine. “What happened?”
I went through the brief encounter. “Should I be worried?”
Devlin rubbed a hand down his face. “Since he hasn’t made an appearance here, I want you to stay here for now until we figure it out.”
“Yes, Boss!” I said, trying to avoid the sudden rush of joy coursing through me. I didn’t know how to handle the worry in his voice. It left me in a confused state. One I knew was caused by my inability to accept anyone showing concern for me.
He chuckled.
“Thank you for helping Marta,” I said, changing the subject.
“She’s a strong woman.” He sat and stretched back out, resting his head on his hands. “I admire that. And I wasn’t going to cause her anymore pain by telling her she couldn’t work for us. Besides, we could use some help.”
“You hired Kara, too?” I asked, curious.
“Kara changed her mind about working with us.” He sounded disappointed. I didn’t blame him. Kara was a damn good fighter. “She only went with you today because she thought you might need her.” Kara had said as much.
“Well, thank you again.”
He nodded and turned to resume his study of the ceiling.
“Devlin?”
“Yes,” he said, not looking at me.
“Were you waiting up for me?”
He turned, his eyes going a little soft. “We all were.”
Before he could see the smile on my face, I continued down the hall, following the glare of the television.
Rachel lay on the floor with mud mask on her face, watching Spongebob SquarePants, her favorite tv show. She glanced over when I entered the room. “This is my favorite episode,” she said, her eyes dancing with joy. They were all her favorite episode.
“Where’s Jonah?” I asked, sitting down on the edge of the couch.
It took a minute for her to respond. Finally, she waved her hand toward the backyard. “He’s swimming.” Rachel laughed and turned on her side.
After a brief pause, I got up and went to the back door. Pushing it open, a warm breeze rushed in along with the smell of chlorine. Jonah emerged from the water and gripped the side of the pool. After running his hands over his face, clearing the water, he opened his eyes and stared at me. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Just…” Stalling. I didn’t want to rush into Alek’s room. It felt too needy, and I couldn’t afford to have those feelings. Not now. “You should have asked Kara to come over and swim with you,” I said, taunting.
He winked at me. “Maybe I will.”
I lifted an eyebrow and gave him a teasing grin. He studied me for a minute, and I realized he probably suspected why I was hanging around with him outside. Hell, everyone on the team knew Alek and I were attracted to each other. We were constantly dancing around our feelings like a couple of clueless teenagers. “Well, I will let you get back to your swim.” Jonah nodded and pushed off from the edge, his body flexing as he swam across the water. Kara would have lost her mind at the sight. I was having a hard time myself pulling my gaze away from those powerful muscles working as he sliced through the water.
Once I’d seen my fill, I shut the door and went over to the kitchen cabinet and pulled out the jar of chunky peanut butter. I’d always loved eating the peanut buttery goodness directly out of the jar as a kid. My mother hated it. Said I should put the peanut butter on bread or crackers. But I preferred to dig in with my fingers or a spoon.
I used my finger to dig out some and shoved it in my mouth. I wasn’t hungry. Not for food, anyway. But still I stood there, scooping peanut butter into my mouth, trying to fill in the need growing inside of me as I thought about Alek.
Seriously, Nicole, stop stalling.
Rachel’s laughter carried into the kitchen. I was acting like a child. After putting the peanut butter away, I swallowed the panic down and made my way toward Alek’s room.
I pushed open the door and the spicy sandalwood scent of Alek’s body wash rushed out. My hormones stood up and brushed the cookie crumbs off their chest. Dammit. I should have waited. Maybe finished the entire jar of peanut butter.
The bathroom door was ajar, letting out puffs of steam. I stood in the middle of the room, debating. I’d seen Alek naked before. By accident, of course. At least, that was the lie I continued to tell myself. Now, if I walked into that bathroom, it would be deliberate on my part. So far, we had managed to keep it somewhat professional. Yes, I slept in the bed with him. Yes, I fantasized about him doing more than just holding me through the night. Yes, I was teasing him and would most likely end up in hell for it. Okay, maybe not hell since I didn’t believe in it. But something was bound to happen if I kept climbing into bed with him. I just hoped it didn’t change our relationship for the worse.
Three weeks ago, I’d made the rare decision to seek help for myself. The revelation that my reckless lifestyle could be a result of the abuse I suffered had me worried. So worried, I went to a bookstore and bought the book, The Silent Voice of Molestation by Dr. Amanda Poole. The first three chapters outlined how abuse victims dealt with the shame and hurt in many different ways. Some became overly sexual, while others retreated into themselves—gaining weight to avoid being looked at as a sexual object again.
I became overly sexual.
It also talked about the suppression of the assault and how, even though those memories were all but forgotten, the person could still act out on the deeper hurt that never truly went away.
My memories had been blocked.
The first three chapters had effectively set the stage and gave me the reasons why I behaved the way I did. Why my relationships and my views on sex were so distorted. In chapter four, Dr. Woods wanted me to dig deeper into my feelings. She wanted to break me down to my core and have me face all the pain and poor decisions I’d made in my life. She wanted me raw so that she could build me up again. So, I returned the book and bought my first self-help magazine. Today’s purchase would add to the three I already had. At this rate, I’d have a bunch of useless magazines cluttering up my coffee table in no time.
Looking at the bed I shared with Alek, smelling his spicy scent, feeling the warmth of the shower’s mist buffeting me and knowing with just one step into that room, I could return to my old self and allow this attraction to go to the next level, was almost too hard to resist.
Two things stopped me from doing that. One: I’d promised myself I wouldn’t go there with another person I worked with. And two: I have never slept with someone I cared about. And I cared about Alek. Maybe chapter five of Dr. Poole’s book would have told me why I did this. Sadly, I would never know.
So why did I keep sleeping in his bed? I could use my fear of Set as an excuse. I did have some residual fears, but I knew that was bullshit. I could stay with Kara. Hell, I could even sleep in the unoccupied room. The one that was supposed to be Devlin’s, and he had offered it to me. But no, every time I came here, I crawled into bed with Alek, and peace washed over me when he pulled me toward him. Holding me for the night. I needed that connection. That feeling of someone wanting me. It consumed me so much that I believed without it, I would break.
Alek wanted me. And that made me feel safe. Which was unhealthy too, but I wasn’t strong enough yet to change.
The door opened further and Alek, wrapped in a towel, stepped out into the bedroom. Every cell in my body screamed at me to move forward. Just take the next step. But instead, eyes locked on him, I just stood there. Wanting. Needing.
His long, wet hair lay plastered to his bronze skin. I watched a single line of water as it made its way down his chest. Damn his chest. Stop it, Nicole. I licked my lips and, fighting what felt like a powerful wind pushing against my face, I turned away.
“How was the funeral?” I managed to ask.
“Long.”
I heard the towel hit the floor and swallowed against the dryness in my throat.
The dresser drawer banged open, and I peeked. Alek pulled a pair of black boxer shorts out of the drawer and slowly slid them over his powerful legs. I believe my tongue might have been hanging out of my mouth, but I was not going to acknowledge it.
“Thirsty?” Alek asked.
“Are you?” I asked, kicking my shoes off.
He smiled at me. “Come here.”
I moved without thinking and went into his arms. “Okay, that was odd,” I said.
“What?” he asked, stroking my hair.
“You, commanding me and my feet moving without my consent. I would say you are using your magick, but I know you can’t use it on me.”
He laughed and extended his arms out, looking down at me. “I wish it was that easy.” My cheeks heated, and I stepped away. He snatched his towel off the floor and carried it back into the bathroom.
I followed him in. “What’s going on?”
Alek picked up his brush and started brushing his hair back. “Palace intrigue,” he said.
I chuckled. “What?”
He stared at me in the mirror. “Petronela gave me a job.”
Crossing my arms, I leaned against the door jamb and watched him. “Why are you working for her? And what does she want you to do?”
Alek secured his hair with a band and stepped toward me. “Not important.” He reached out and ran a finger down the side of my face. “Devlin told me what happened today at church. You want to talk about it?”
I looked at his mouth, just a few inches away from mine. “Not really.” I bit my top lip and Alek moved in closer. I placed a hand on his warm chest. “We can’t.”
My hormones rebelled.
Alek kissed my cheek. “We will,” he said, and then stepped around me and got in the bed.
I watched him for a minute, wondering if it was best if I went home. In the end, I climbed in the bed with him. When he pulled me to him, holding me in his warm, safe embrace, I forgot, for just a little while, that what I was doing was unhealthy. I couldn’t keep sleeping next to Alek, teasing him. If I wasn’t going to take the next step, then I should stop before I ended up hurting both of us.
Alek’s arm tightened around me. I pushed back, letting myself relax into him. Maybe it was me who was confused. Because at this moment, in his arms, I knew it was where I belonged. He’d said before he would wait for me to make up my mind.
Looks like I already had.