‘WHY DID I decide to live on the top floor of this stupid building?’ Rosa wondered out loud, speaking to no one in particular. The elevator of her building had broken. She was almost seven weeks pregnant, and so tired she was barely able to lift a hand to her face, let alone her feet up three floors.
And so she sank down next to the broken elevator, ignoring the looks of the other residents as they easily made the journey up the stairs. She sighed, leaned her head against the wall and closed her eyes.
She was probably going to get mugged. Her handbag was on her lap. The bags from her grocery haul sprawled around her. Toast and tea, ginger biscuits and prenatal vitamins—the extent of what her stomach would hold. And then there were the sample dresses that she’d had to get for her show in two weeks’ time.
Why she’d decided to showcase her new line during her first trimester she’d question for ever.
Because you’re desperate to prove that you can move forward with your life without your husband by your side?
She groaned, and pleaded with her thoughts to stop bringing Aaron up. It happened too often for her liking, at the most inopportune times—
‘Rosa?’
And now she was hearing his voice. She opened her eyes with a soft curse, and then felt them widen when she saw Aaron right in front of her, crouching down with a concerned look on his face.
‘Are you okay?’
She frowned and then reached out, touched his face, to make sure he was really there.
‘Aaron?’
‘Rosa,’ he said again, his voice firm. ‘Are you okay?’
‘If you’re really here...’ She paused, gave him a moment to confirm it.
There was slight amusement on his face when he nodded.
‘Yes, I’m fine.’ She straightened now. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘What are you doing on the floor?’ he countered. There was a beat of silence while they both waited for the other to answer, and then she sighed.
‘The elevator’s broken, and I’m too tired to climb the stairs.’
‘That’s it?’
‘Nauseous, dizzy too. But yes, that’s it.’
‘So you sat on the floor of an apartment complex?’
She pulled a face. ‘I would have moved eventually.’ She blew out a breath. ‘And yes, I know it’s disgusting and I was putting myself in danger, but—’
She broke off when he placed the grocery bags in her one hand, slid her handbag over her shoulder and put the garment bags in her other hand.
‘What are you—?’
Again, she broke off. This time, though, it was because he’d scooped her into his arms, holding her as she held the bags easily.
‘You’re not going to carry me up three floors.’ He answered her by turning to the stairwell and doing just that. ‘Aaron, you don’t have to do this. I’m fine. Just let me down—’
‘Are you going to complain the whole way?’ he asked, pausing to look down at her. He didn’t even sound out of breath, she thought, and cursed him silently for always doing the kind of thing that made her swoon.
‘No,’ she answered sullenly, and his lips curved. ‘It’s not funny.’
‘No,’ he agreed, and kept walking.
Rosa told herself not to get too excited by the fact that he was there. It was probably for the sake of the baby, and she pushed back against the guilt that swelled up inside her. She should have called him, as she’d said she would, and given him an update. But there was no update. She still felt crappy. She still wished that things were different between them.
She couldn’t bring herself to call since she didn’t trust what she would say. She’d told him she could live without him that night, but her courage had faltered terribly since she’d left Johannesburg.
Besides, what was wrong with his phone? He could have called her too.
Happy with that, and ready to defend herself if she had to, she barely noticed that they’d reached her floor until he stopped in front of her door and set her down gently.
She stared at him. ‘How did you know this was my apartment?’
‘My mom.’
Rosa’s forehead creased. ‘Your mother? How did she... Is that how you knew I was in Cape Town the first time?’
He nodded. ‘She always knows where her family is. Her words, not mine,’ he said with a shrug when her face twisted into a questioning look.
The day was becoming stranger and, since she didn’t want to waste her already limited energy on arguing about something that wasn’t worth it, she merely nodded. She handed him the garment bags and reached for the key in her handbag to open the door.
He was still holding the garment bags as he walked in and looked around. She closed the door and tried not to fidget. She lived there, but nothing about the flat was hers. She’d rented it furnished. The quirky colours, odd furniture and weird paintings weren’t her choices.
In fact, they’d almost deterred her before she’d remembered the flat had a view of Table Mountain and was located close to the factory that made her designs. She’d realised then that those were her only two priorities.
‘Are these for your show?’ he asked when she took the bags from him. She didn’t bother asking him how he knew.
‘Yep.’
‘Can I see them?’
‘Why would you want to?’ she asked tiredly. ‘You didn’t come all the way here to look at the clothes I designed.’
‘No,’ he agreed again, and she nearly sighed. Why did he have to be so damn amicable?
‘So why did you? Come, I mean.’
‘To fight,’ he answered slowly.
* * *
‘What are you fighting for?’ she asked after a stunned silence. He’d expected some version of that question, though it was still a punch to the gut.
‘You.’
She stared at him. ‘There’s nothing beyond “you”?’
‘I...’ He took a deep breath, and then plunged. ‘No, there is. I’m sorry, Rosa. For...everything. You shouldn’t be here. You should be home. You should be with me.’ He gave her a moment to process. ‘It’s my fault that you’re not.’
Her expression remained unreadable. ‘How does this change things?’
‘I’m here, aren’t I?’ It came out in a surlier tone than he’d intended. And of course she picked up on it.
‘Really? You’re annoyed because you’re here? Aaron, you’ve barely said anything beyond I’m sorry. And I appreciate your apology, I do, but what am I supposed to do with it? Things haven’t changed, which means you’re probably here because you think it’s what you should do.’
‘No,’ he said after a moment. ‘I’m here because I’m...choosing to be. And because I didn’t think about it. I just booked a flight and came here right after I spoke with my mother.’
‘You...spoke with your mother?’ she asked slowly, before shaking her head. ‘No, wait, you just booked a flight?’
He clenched his teeth, and then forced himself to relax. ‘I was being spontaneous.’ He hissed out a breath. ‘So yes, I suppose I am annoyed to be here. I’m annoyed that I don’t have anything better for you than I’m sorry. Because that’s what happens when I don’t have a plan.’
‘But you’re here,’ she said softly. ‘And that means something.’
The emotion in her eyes told him that it did. And suddenly all the uncertainty didn’t feel so overwhelming.
‘Tell me about the visit to your mother,’ she urged softly, when silence took over the room.
‘I asked her about... Well, I asked her about my father. And about her.’ He cleared his throat. ‘About why they didn’t want me.’
‘And she told you it wasn’t you.’
‘Yes.’ She always knew. ‘He was married.’
‘Oh, Aaron.’ She took a step forward, and then stopped. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be,’ he said, his heart aching at her hesitation. ‘It made me realise that the things I’ve believed about myself, about my life, weren’t entirely correct.’
‘And you’re okay with that?’
He thought about it. ‘No. I don’t think I will be for a long time. But I have answers now, and they’ll help me figure it out. That’s enough for now.’ He paused. ‘I think that’s why you leaving—why all of this—hit me so hard. Because I thought all of it was me. Because I didn’t have answers.’
‘But you know better now,’ she said. ‘You have answers.’
‘Yes.’ He cleared his throat. ‘She told me you told her I’d come.’
‘A guess,’ she said, but angled her face as if she didn’t want him to see her expression.
‘No, it wasn’t a guess.’ He walked towards her, stopping only a few metres away. ‘You know me. How?’
She laughed hoarsely. ‘You’re my husband.’
‘And you’re my wife.’ He stepped closer. ‘Yet somehow I didn’t realise how important that was until you walked away from me. When I saw you again, and I couldn’t keep my heart or body from you. And when you told me you were pregnant—’
He sucked in air. Let it out slowly.
‘My mother told me she should have been responsible for me because I was her child. But also...because she loved me.’ He closed the distance between them now. ‘And I love you, Rosa. Being responsible for you and our child... It’s because I want to be. I’m choosing you.’ He lifted his hand, brushed a finger across her lips. ‘No matter what happens in my life, Rosa, I always end up choosing you.’
She sucked her lip between her teeth and then blew out a breath. ‘You really know how to sweep a woman off her feet, don’t you?’
His lips curved. ‘I’m only interested in sweeping one woman off her feet.’ His hand dropped to her waist. ‘You have questions.’
‘So many,’ she said on a little outburst of air. ‘But I also have to tell you... I’ve been seeing someone about my anxiety.’
‘Has it been helping?’ he asked carefully.
‘Yes. But it’s not just going to go away.’
‘I know.’ He took her hand. Squeezed. And let go.
‘And I haven’t done the test yet.’
‘The screening?’ She nodded. ‘Can you do it while you’re pregnant?’
‘I... I haven’t seen a doctor about it, so I don’t know for sure. But I wanted you to know, so that—’
‘I can be there for you if and when you choose to go?’
Her mouth opened, and then she swallowed. ‘I’m going to do it.’
‘Okay.’
‘So there’s no if.’
‘Okay.’
Her brow furrowed. ‘You’re really okay with all this?’
‘They’re your decisions, Rosa. I’ll support you, no matter what you decide. And we’ll deal with the consequences of whichever decision you make.’
Her eyes filled. ‘Thank you.’ Seconds later, she said, ‘You mean it, don’t you?’
‘Yes.’
‘You’re choosing it. You’re choosing me.’
‘Rosa, I had a heart-to-heart with my mother about my father, and her actions in the past.’ He stroked her hair. ‘And then I flew here on the spur of the moment with only my mother’s word that you’d be here. I have no clothes, no toiletries, no place to stay. I only have you.’
‘But—’
‘I don’t want to waste my life like my parents did,’ he interrupted. ‘Their choices—the fact that I’m here—were a series of mistakes. And yes, we’ve made mistakes too. But we were never a mistake.’
His hands moved to her waist again, and tightened there. ‘And, if you’ll have me, I’ll believe that nothing that’s brought us here has been a mistake either.’
Now he placed a hand on her abdomen and felt his entire body warm when she covered his hand with both of hers.
‘I still love you, Rosa,’ he said again, quietly. ‘I’ve never stopped—’
He was silenced by her lips on his. It was a long, sweet kiss, free from the anguish that had plagued them for longer than either of them knew. Only when the doorbell rang did they come up for air.
‘I’m not expecting anyone,’ Rosa said breathlessly as she moved to open the door. He caught her waist.
‘I am.’
‘What? Who?’
‘I...ordered some camellias.’ He swallowed. ‘I remember you said you liked them. I know they’re not your favourite, but they’re sometimes called the rose of winter.’ He waited nervously but she didn’t say anything. ‘If we have a daughter,’ he added quickly, ‘the name would be perfect to fit into your family’s tradition. Because yours is Rosa, and she was conceived in—’
Again, she silenced him with a kiss. Tears glistened on her face when she drew back. ‘I... I can’t tell you how much that...’ She stopped, offering him a watery smile. ‘Thank you.’ She laid her head on his chest. ‘I love you, Aaron.’ She paused. ‘We’re going to figure it all out, aren’t we?’
He kissed the top of her head. ‘Together.’
She looked up at him and smiled. ‘Together.’
* * * * *
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