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Brandon polished off both bowls of ziti. He considered getting another helping, then stopped. If he did, he’d have to have Aydin roll him across the studio apartment to the bed. He put the rest of the ziti away, then cleaned up the coffee table. A black and white movie featuring Cary Grant played on the television. He liked the movie, but wasn’t in the mood to listen to the banter between the characters. He debated fiddling with his social media, but why look at pictures of happy couples when he was on his own?
He stretched out on the bed and stared at the ceiling. The guilt over forgetting a gift for Aydin slithered through his brain. He should’ve thought ahead. Then again, the more he thought about his problem, the more he got stuck in his own mind. What could he give Aydin? A drawing? He sat up. What about giving himself to Aydin? He couldn’t go wrong with that idea, right? He rather liked his decision. But...hadn’t he kind of done that already, giving himself to Aydin? Because they were together, but they hadn’t had sex. Hadn’t done much beyond jacking each other off. He shook his head. Tonight, he’d give himself over to his boyfriend and allow nature to take its course.
He picked up his phone to send a text to Aydin. He couldn’t wait for him to come home. Before he brought up the text screen, a call came through.
He jerked then focused on the call screen. Amy. He hadn’t expected his sister to phone him. He tapped the button to answer. “Hello?”
“Hey, you. I haven’t talked to you in forever,” Amy said. “I’ve missed you.”
“Miss you, too.” His voice caught. “I wasn’t sure what to say.”
“To me?” she asked. “Brand, you’re fine. I love you.” She laughed. “Speaking of love, I hear you’ve got a boyfriend. Finally. Go you.”
“Yeah. His name is Aydin.” He leaned back in his seat. “He’s a good one.”
“I bet. Benson’s having a hissy fit, so Aydin must be pretty awesome,” she said.
Oh, fuck. He stretched out on the bed and sighed. “Benson complained to you? See, that’s why I didn’t want to call you or Dad. That’s why I kept my distance. He keeps making me out to be the bad guy.”
“He said something to Sandy,” Amy murmured.
Damn it. Benson couldn’t take his grievances to their father. No, he had to run straight to their stepmother.
“And?”
“She told him to get a life—essentially.” Amy laughed. “He and his girl are all about moving into the guest house. Dad’s pissed and because Benson’s not getting his way, he’s raging about everyone else. When Dad and Sandy found out Benson tossed you out of the apartment over break, he was livid.”
“I’m not sorry I’m missing out.” He preferred the distance now that he knew what the rest of them were going through.
“I know you’re not. You’re smart. You got out while you could.” She sighed. “If Sandy weren’t begging to babysit, I’d keep out of the whole thing. I love Dad and Sandy, but Benson brings drama wherever he goes. They won’t kick him out.”
“Amy.” His heart broke. “I wish this was an easy fix.”
“There isn’t.”
“I can’t change anything when I’m not here at the apartment, but Benson shows up while Aydin is.” A dull ache started behind his eyes. He should’ve grabbed a glass of water and something for the pain earlier, but he’d forgotten about it. “Aydin doesn’t stay with me, but he was here for Valentine’s Day. Benson showed up. I don’t know why, but he did. Aydin tried to talk to him, and it went south fast.”
“Seriously?”
“If I’d have known, I would’ve given Benson a piece of my mind,” Brandon said. “I’m the baby of the family, yes. I’m the most irresponsible one, I know. I’m not the favorite...that’s fine. But don’t rip into my boyfriend because you don’t like that I’m gay.”
“Oh, honey,” Amy said. “I wish I could help you.”
“Me, too.” He paused. His sister was on the phone and listening to him. God. He needed to unload a few of his issues. “Do you have a minute?” She’d understand. She usually did. “I’m not catching you in the middle of something, am I?”
“Honey, I called you. Yeah, I’m free. Tell me what’s got you in knots,” Amy said. “I’m here.”
“How’d you know?” His sister always could tell when he wasn’t himself. She’d been one of his champions, but he’d never asked how she knew he was upset...especially over the phone.
“Your voice gives you away,” she said. “You aren’t timid unless you’ve got something on your mind. Go for it. I won’t judge.”
He sighed. Here goes nothing. “It’s Valentine’s Day.”
“I know. Chris and I are going out later. He’s still at work,” she said. “When he gets home and cleaned up, we’ll head to dinner.”
“Him, too? Aydin’s at work, kind of, right now.”
“It happens. He’s coming home, right?” she asked.
“Yeah.” Soon, he hoped.
“Then don’t sweat it.”
“I’m not,” he said. “Not about that.” He pinched the bridge of his nose again. “I’m conflicted. Aydin is a fabulous guy. Sweet, caring, funny, and his own man. We’re good together. He’s the first boyfriend I’ve ever photographed for a show. They first one I’ve ever brought to an exhibition opening, too. He’s not competition for guys or even in our majors. I’m in love with him.”
“But?”
He should’ve known she’d ask that. He needed to let go if he was going heal. “But I’m a wreck. I’m all nerves.”
“It’s a new relationship,” she said. “You’re going to be nervous. I hated going to the bathroom in Chris’s apartment when we first got together because I didn’t want him to think I was gross. Everyone has to go, but I worried he’d make fun of me.”
“That’s not his style.” His sister’s husband was head over heels for her. No matter what, he’d love her. “That’s not it with Aydin.”
“Then what is?”
“What if pairing up isn’t for me? I’ve never been able to keep a relationship going. I’m always the first one to split. One night, maybe two...three tops, and I’m outta there. I abused myself with booze and God knows what. What if, even though he knows about my past, what if he’s not the one? What if I’m stringing him along because I’m not the type to be in a relationship? What if we’re not meant for each other?” His voice cracked, and his chest ached. He’d poured out the contents of his heart for his sister’s inspection. Part of him should’ve been relieved. He wasn’t.
“There is such a thing as being right for right now,” she said. “Like...a starter relationship.”
“I know, and he’s my first real boyfriend. This has lasted longer than any relationship I’ve had outside of the family. Benson said I’m settling down. He said I’m settling. What if this isn’t supposed to happen with Aydin? What if I’m not supposed to be rooted at all?” Good God, he sounded neurotic.
“Do you think you could do better?”
She would have to ask that. He shifted around on the bed to face the door. He wanted notice if Aydin was coming in so he could stop the conversation. Call him an asshole, but he didn’t want all of these what-ifs clogging anything beyond his own mind.
“I mean, yes and no. Yeah, because there will always be another guy, one who’s hotter or prettier. But no because he’s original. He’s a theater guy. He does the lights and stuff. He understands my art, isn’t threatened by it, and wants me to succeed. He’s handsome and sweet.”
“Sounds nice. He also sounds like there’s nothing wrong with him. The problem is with you.”
Fuck. “I knew it.”
“Wait. You’re getting upset, and I haven’t finished,” she said. “You’re worried about all these what-ifs. Brandon, honey, you’re worrying yourself to death. The anxiety will kill you. Things could go to hell, yes. It could be a horrible break-up. Aydin might turn out to be the worst thing that ever happened to you.”
“Jesus.” He rested his head on his hand. The anxiety hit hard. He wiped his clammy palm on his leg. His knee bounced, and his stomach soured. All of his worst fears were wrapped up in what his sister had said.
“But you don’t know things will go that way. I’m guessing it won’t, and being negative won’t help. What did Benson say? You’re settling? He’s twenty-five and finally engaged. I bet it doesn’t last, and I bet he moves on next week. He’s the wanderer. He’s probably also unhappy in his relationship, and instead of telling his fiancée, he’s chewing you out. So he thinks you’re too young. So what? There isn’t an age limit on finding a good partner...and this doesn’t have to be the forever relationship you’re going to have.”
I don’t know lingered on the tip of his tongue. “Benson claimed I’m too young and I’m settling for Aydin. I could do better, especially if I weren’t gay. I’m not really gay, I’m in denial, according to him.”
“Honey, I knew you were gay when you were in the seventh grade and dressed up as Lady Gaga for Halloween. You could walk in heels better than I ever have been able to, and you’re my idol when it comes to makeup,” she said. “You rocked that faux meat dress like a champ.”
“I did love that outfit.” An image of him in the infamous costume created out of foam and gauze came to mind. He’d worked for so long on that dress to get it just right and hadn’t cared what anyone said when he wore it on the big night.
“And it worked on you.” She paused. “You’re who you are. If Benson can’t adapt, then that’s on him. Don’t be not you because of his big mouth.”
“He said he wanted me tossed out of the family,” Brandon murmured.
“Are you worried about having money?”
“No. I’m doing okay with my art and gallery work.” He had to be honest. “I like not having to rely on my parents for cash.”
“Then don’t sweat it. You’re young. Have fun. If Aydin is fun, then ride the wave. You’ve got the rest of your life to be old, grumpy, and worried about money. Don’t let the anxiety and our dipshit brother decide who you will be. Take the freedom while you can and have a good time with Aydin.”
“So sayeth the girl who married at nineteen,” Brandon said. He laughed. “You jumped right into your forever situation.”
“I knew what I wanted, and I followed my heart. I’d do it all over again if that’s what I had to do. Chris isn’t perfect, but I never wanted perfect. I wanted him, and I got him.” She chuckled. “Determination is a great thing,” she said. “Give yourself and Aydin a chance. Maybe roll around in some glitter, too. You’ll have a great time, you’ll sparkle, and you just might find out you’re closer to what you’ve always wanted than you thought.”
“I don’t know about the rest of it, but the glitter does sound like a blast.”
“Are you coming home in March? Dad’s having a birthday party for Sandy. It’d be nice if you brought Aydin around. I’d love to meet him,” Amy said.
“I’ll consider it.” He wasn’t sure if he wanted to introduce Aydin to his family during a big birthday party. He’d rather keep it on the down low and take Aydin over on a lazy weekend. He paused. He wasn’t so sure he wanted to expose Aydin to the rest of his family. Then again, Aydin had stood up to Benson, so the others wouldn’t be so harsh.
“Maybe Chris and I can bring the kids and come to the college in a couple weekends,” Amy said. “I haven’t been back there in forever.”
“That’d be nice,” Brandon said. “I’d love to get together.” He frowned. “Wait. You called me, and I went on and on about my crap. I never asked what you wanted. What’s up?”
“Oh, don’t worry about it,” she said. “When Benson came to the house and bellowed about the guest house, he started in on you and Adam, as he called your beau. I went toe-to-toe with him, but I figured I should check in on you, too. He’s harsh, even though he swears he’s not. Don’t let him get to you.”
“Thanks. I’ll try to remember.”
“I love you, baby boy. Have fun tonight. Give that guy of yours the tonsil washing of a lifetime,” Amy said. She laughed. “Behave and be you.”
“I will.” Tonsil washing of a lifetime...only his sister could get away with saying that. “Love you, too. Night.”
“Night.”
He put the phone on his lap and darkened the screen. He’d made a huge deal out of a rather small problem. His sister was right. He had too much anxiety over things he couldn’t control and would let Aydin get away if he didn’t release some of the pressure in his thoughts. Commitment wasn’t his issue. It was the fear he’d make the wrong decision that ruled his life. No more. Maybe he did have a wandering soul, but he wasn’t settling with Aydin. Hell, they could be over-the-top creative people together and have a fabulous time. He’d found a man who shared his love of the arts, music, and black and white movies. He never should’ve listened to Benson or let his fears get the best of him. He’d scored big time when he finally hooked up with Aydin.
Brandon peeked out the window to the parking lot. He wished Aydin would be there and walking up to the apartment. Instead, his spot was empty. Brandon groaned. Jesus. What did Nia and Mike need? The lighting for the whole damn show done?
He shrugged out of his clothes and left each garment in a heap on the floor. He didn’t care if he had a mess in his wake. He’d pick it all up later.
He shivered before climbing under the covers. Damn. He should’ve thought this plan through and stripped after getting into bed. The February chill seeped into his bones.
The photo on the nightstand caught his attention. He’d curled up with Aydin on their first night together and snapped a picture to commemorate the event. The image always made him smile. They looked so cute together. So full of life and passion yet to be uncorked. He rolled onto his side and touched the frame. God, he wanted Aydin there.
“If you’d just come home, we could have a lot of fun,” he said, more to break the silence than anything. “I want you.”
Brandon flopped onto his back under the blankets and slid both hands down to his groin. He grasped his cock and arched his back. Damn. He knew he was the one touching his erection, but he imagined Aydin there.
Heat spiraled through his veins. Blood rushed to his dick. Shit...all he needed was a few good pulls, and he’d come. But he wanted to wait for Aydin. He spread his legs and drew his knees up. The blankets bunched around his neck. Damn it. He shoved the bedding out of the way, then pinched his nipples. Sparks shot to his core. He shivered and tugged the piercing in his left nipple. If Aydin were there, he’d be the one peppering Brandon’s body with pain-filled pleasure. He kicked the blankets the rest of the way off and opened his legs.
Brandon fondled his balls with one hand and stroked his dick with the other. Tingles started in his lower belly and spread through his limbs. He dug his heels into the mattress. He needed more.
He stopped stroking himself, then grabbed his glass dildo and lube from the nightstand. Maybe if he took the edge off, he’d be able to last until Aydin returned. Better yet, he’d be better able to focus on Aydin.
He dribbled lube over his fingers, then settled on his back. Brandon closed his eyes. What would Aydin say if he walked in right now?
“Aw, hell, I want in that ass,” Brandon murmured.
He resumed stroking himself, then slid his lubed fingers down the crack of his butt. A shudder wracked his body. The chill of the lube counteracted a little of the fever within him. The temperature change didn’t quash his desire, though. He slid one finger into his ass. Being breached kicked his pleasure up another notch. Oh, boy... His nipples beaded, and he patted the bed for the dildo. Once he found the glass toy, he removed his finger from his ass and eased the glass into him. He gasped.
“Damn,” he said. “Aydin.” He squeezed his eyes shut and moved the toy in and out of his ass. Between the glass dick in him and his hand on his cock, he’d come apart. He moaned and bucked against the toy. His legs trembled. “Please, Aydin. Fuck me. Please?”
