Ellie
The dark clouds are ragged with edges, and the wind begins to pick up. A good ol’ unpredictable summer Louisiana storm is coming. The weather here can be brutally humid and rainy in the morning, a storm in the afternoon and turn around and rain again in the evening. It’s also a great time of year to people watch as this city is always moving.
Growing up in Texas, I was used to the dry heat, so I took advantage of being outside as much as I could. Like now at seven in the evening where it’s stifling hot as I sit in the same spot I’ve occupied hundreds of times.
The little coffee shop a few buildings down from our store is one of my favorite places to sit and watch people. They have the best sweet tea, most courteous employees and coffee in a variety of flavors and concoctions; I still don’t have a favorite.
The street is alive with people coming out for one of the many festivals this city holds. I love living here. After Shadow’s charges were dropped, Renita, Norah, and I wanted a new beginning. We settled in the city with many nicknames. Most widely used is ‘The Big Easy’ which originated from anyone’s guess.
It also holds a lot of illicit danger, and by that, I mean the vultures who bring their illegal activity to the streets. I’d be wise to remember that with all that’s running through my head.
This time of year is the beginning of hurricane season too, such as the one that’s hovering over me sending chills up and down my spine.
Tonight, instead of enjoying watching families sightsee, I’m googling the man who swore he’d someday come back for me, and I’m coming up empty-handed. I can’t find a thing on Shadow. Strange or not, I wouldn’t know where to look as searching to dig up my past isn’t something I ever thought I’d do.
Emotions. I can’t turn them down, can’t temper them the way I used to no matter how much I wish I could. So many of them are unraveling those double lines of stitching I can no longer hold together.
Horror and pain.
I’m stewing with concern.
It’s enough to drive me completely insane.
I’m on edge, slipping and slipping and slipping.
I’m being ripped apart — seam by seam.
I am frightened for my life, and I might not be if I would have let Logan tell me. If I wouldn’t be so stubborn and call him as he politely asked.
I’m a damn mess.
Shadow could be amongst any of the people walking by, anytime, anywhere, and I wouldn’t see him until it was too late, but I’ll never forget what he looks like if I did. Never forget the way his hands felt like knives cutting and slashing me deeply.
A twinge of grief crashes into my mind, this bitter uproar that suddenly limits the flow of air to my lungs. I will never get back what Shadow stole from me. The memories of it are too much. He took the only piece of me besides my heart that was mine to give.
Pain, it rocks right through me, my anger that I didn’t let Logan explain not far behind.
I blink out of my daze, steady my hands on the wooden table and look up at the darkening sky.
I won’t let Shadow rule me. Not anymore. I’ve come too far, fought too hard to allow my worries to destroy me.
“Thanks for helping me find what I needed to know about my worst nightmare,” I say sarcastically to my laptop, close it, shift to place it in my bag and secure it around my shoulder in case the storm hits and I need to make a run for home. I slouch in my chair, stretch my legs on the wooden one across from me and contemplate whether I should call Logan or not.
The beast of a man has left me with no choice.
“Allow me to help you out with the information. He’s an asshole like you said. Owes someone an apology as well as an explanation, rarely takes a woman on a date and has taken the most beautiful woman he has ever seen for granted.”
Part of me stiffens at the gruffness in those words whispered by Logan in my ear, while another part wants to look him up just to see what I’d find.
The chair my feet were propped up on slides out, my feet fall to the ground, and Logan slips into the chair, pulling himself close enough for him to rest his hand on my thigh.
A tremble moves through me.
“What are you doing here, and what makes you think I was looking you up? Are you afraid of what I’ll see? Photos of you with women? Perhaps having dinner with bad people like yourself?”
My voice is barely a whisper; it’s also croaky and thick with quick arousal. Logan looks incredible, and I’m suddenly shifting in my seat.
The flexing of his biceps swallows my focus under the tightness of his shirt. He’s far too sexy at the moment for me to be angry.
I drink him in, which is a mistake, his looks only making me thirsty.
Hunger—this untamed lust that smoldered since the moment I laid eyes on him ignites through me like a flame, winding my stomach and throbbing between my legs — increasing my fears and supplying a needy desire.
Typical white dress shirt unbuttoned at the collar outlines his muscular frame. His dark hair swept away from his face. Aviator glasses are concealing his eyes, and there are frown lines across his forehead as well as one tipping down those full lips of his.
And here I sit in cut-off jean shorts with a giant rip below the pocket, a man’s wife-beater shirt, and barefoot.
Opposites. They do attract.
He smells like all man, with a hint of mischief and a whole lot of experience. A bait that will snag you in and drive your imagination wild.
I know firsthand just how good he is, and it scares me to death that I want more.
Logan is too enticing for a woman like me who knows she’s way out of her league with a man like him. But I want to be tempted, and for some reason, I don’t understand, just being in Logan’s space makes me feel the safest I’ve felt in years. I want to crawl onto his lap and let him wrap those big arms around me and hold me close with his strong hands. It’s a puzzle with many missing pieces. A mind-bending riddle that I’d love to solve.
But I won’t.
Inexperienced, I am. Naïve? Not anymore. Plus, there’s something larger than this attraction that any living creature with a pulse could feel it.
“You’ll find nothing on me. I pay people to keep my life private. Do I have dangerous friends? You bet your sweet little ass I do. I came by because I had to see you. The way we left things wasn’t fair to you. I’m sorry.”
For crying out loud, the man is hard to read. One minute he’s full of pure raw seduction, the next he’s spilling out words that should offend, and now he’s snuck up on me with compassion and concern.
“I’m sorry too; I was caught off guard. I don’t want to talk about Shadow here.”
“You don’t owe me an apology, Ellie. I should have told you from the start. I don’t want to talk about Shadow here, either. I’d prefer not to talk about him at all.”
“I do owe you one. I should have asked your name. I shouldn’t have judged you for your way of living. I just…”
Logan pulls off his sunglasses, places them on the table in front of him, and moves ever so slowly until our lips are barely an inch apart. I want to move in, erase that inch and kiss him.
His eyes are vibrantly green today — the color of freshly mowed grass, a beacon of hope on the dreariest of days. But they are weary as if all of this is too much for him too.
I don’t trust him to be my hope when I’ve never gone out seeking for it before. I didn’t go looking the night we hooked up, yet I must have felt it because I would have never gone home with him if it wasn’t there. Then I picked up on it at his house, and I want to reach out and grab it now.
Badly.
Logan Mitchell can’t be trusted with the one thing I want someone to have. My heart, and that right there sweeps hope away with the sudden gust of warm wind.
He is who he is, and I’ll never be enough for him.
Tears gather in my eyes. I’m not sure if it’s because I can’t forgive him for deceiving me, if it’s from me being careless and going home with a stranger, or if it’s from not breaking down yet and having a good cry.
Logan suddenly entering my life is a cold reminder my past is slithering somewhere out there and threatening to consume my life. And, I don’t want him to be that to me. I want him to be as real as he claims. I want to believe every word he says.
It’s enough to drive anyone insane.
My heart jumps and swells when he lifts an arm and collects the lone tear that escapes down my cheek. My body wants to react and lean into his hand as he palms my face and rubs a thumb along my jaw. “I don’t deserve an apology or an explanation. It’s me who owes one to you. The last thing I ever want to do is make you cry. You’re scared of a lot of things, and I understand why.”
I doubt it. Logan might know Shadow. I know him better. He’s ruthless. The spawn of the Devil himself and he will kill me ten times over if and when he finds me.
If he doesn’t know already.
“I am sorry for not being honest with you. For walking away without easing your mind. The disgust you have for me makes me hate myself. I need you to forgive me, Ellie. Not sure if I could live with myself if you don’t.” His voice is soft and sincere. Much different than the man who stood over me at his party.
When Logan’s chest heaves as if getting those words out lifts a heaviness that has been holding him back from taking a full breath, I swear I feel the guilt leave his body.
I don’t know how long we stay this way. Long enough for me to capture the way he looks at me as if there is nothing else more important in the world than watching me. As if his peace of mind is relying on my forgiveness.
If I forgive him, then what happens next? Is he going to dump me at Shadow’s doorstep the first chance he gets? Is he going to think I’ll allow him to fuck me and others too? I’ll never agree to that, not in this lifetime.
Confusion swarms through me. I have an overwhelming urge to ask him so many questions. I just don’t know where to start.
If he wanted to hurt you, he would have done it by now. Norah’s words send me reeling while mine fall away due to the sharp edges poking inside my chest. Danger trumps lust and I need to embrace it.
Thunder cracks, becoming a long rolling rumble filling the air with the pending storm. I wait for more, for a surge of lightning to follow, to spark energy that usually expresses itself letting you know to take cover. Instead, the current charge is coming off of Logan and me.
A jagged bolt is striking right through me.
My God.
A surge that shakes me to my core, letting a little more of not understanding what in the hell is happening between us sink under my fevered flesh.
Logan might be a man worth the risk of taking. He might be a man to break my heart, but with every breath he takes, I’m running toward the eye of his storm and head-on into danger. I want to be picked up and taken away with it — a dizzy out of control spiral into the unknown.
“I forgive you. I don’t find you disgusting, Logan, not in the slightest.” It’s true; I don’t. He intimidates me, and his way of life is something I won’t even dip a toe in. His many secrets I’m sure he’s hiding frighten me, however, I have a strong sense there’s a lot more to Logan Mitchell than the eye can see.
I think there’s good underneath him and he needs a push to expose it. I don’t know if I’m the one who can do it. Not when I want a man to be faithful to me.
There’s something incredibly sexy about this man, beyond his good looks and rock hard body that draws me in. It’s a bad idea being attracted to him this way because everything about Logan has me twisted around.
“Thank you. Go out with me. We can go somewhere private right now and talk. I’ll tell you anything you want to know. I’ll answer every question, Ellie. I’m taking off to Atlanta for a few days. On business only. I’ll cancel if that’s what you want, and we can go to your place now if it comforts your mind.” A knowing smirk lifts at one side of his mouth.
I don’t really know Logan hardly at all. Something tells me the word business was meant to ease my mind. It doesn’t, not when it comes to Logan’s business. Pleasure is a big part of it, which makes me want to tell him to stay.
Trouble.
I’m heading straight toward it at the speed of a freight train.
Recklessness derived out of passion.
God, please don’t let this be a mistake. Don’t let me hope and wish and need a man like Logan Mitchell out of loneliness and vulnerability.
I’m more sensible. I have to be.
“Don’t cancel your trip, Logan. I won’t go out with you until everything is laid out on the table. After that, it’s my decision to make. You won’t coerce me into going anywhere with you.”
The man is persistent; he’s deserving of that.
He chuckles. “Pretty sure you’ll be the one doing all the driving, sweetheart. You just don’t realize it yet.”
A sexual innuendo. It goes right between my legs.
Pulsing.
Damn him.
“Well, if I’m driving, let’s stay on course. There’s something I need to know before you leave. Does Shadow know I’m in New Orleans? Does he know anything about me?” I know I sound like a bitch; I have a right to be scared of everything when it comes to Shadow.
I had a life ahead of me before Shadow took it from me. Ten years wasted, a body afraid to be touched, a scared mind, and more. The impact of him lurking out there will eventually have me committed.
My lips tremble. I’m going to lose it. Tears and a shattering cry is what I need to cleanse myself of the fear setting my safe world off kilter. I balance myself as steady as I can, drawing my inner turmoil tight, pulling those strings and gripping them until I get home where I can break in the confines of my bedroom. Bury my face and not let Norah catch onto the breakdown boiling and bubbling over.
“No. I wouldn’t be leaving if he did. You’re safe, Ellie. I’m not a good man, but I’m a man of my word.”
He eyes me cautiously and caringly as sweat trickles down his temples and neck. The man is soaking in sweat, and his shirt clings to his chest, giving me a peek of how big and muscular it is. It lightens my heart he’s sitting out here with me sweating his ass off and not giving two shits about being uncomfortable when he has to be.
Relief hits my system, placing a little calming to the shakes inside. Even so, there’s something about the timing of Logan suddenly appearing in my life that doesn’t sit well with me. I want to ask more, need to know everything to ease my mind or, set fire to the life I’ve built and burn it to the ground, but I won’t do that here.
“I believe you.” This time I do.
Those eyes of his fill with relief. The next words expelling from his mouth add sparks to the air. I swear with the way heat rolls right up my body, they light a match underneath my feet.
“You’re everything good, Ellie, and I have never had a slice of it in my life. No matter what you think of me, you can’t fault me for wanting to grasp hold of it and hang on.”
“Logan, you don’t even know me.” My heart leaps into my throat, and I stop myself from reaching out to touch the scruff on his face, to grab hold and kiss the man.
“Part of the point of me being here. I’m telling you the truth. I meant it when I said I go after what I want.”
I’ve no doubt he gets everything he wants. It’s why me that worries me beyond the brink of mental exhaustion.
“When we talk, it will be in private — the same as when I fuck you again. But kissing you, that I’ll do anytime, anywhere I please. You were turned on the second you saw me a few minutes ago, the same as I was when I stood across the street and spotted you. I came here to tell you everything about Shadow and found you sitting here. I couldn’t take my eyes off of you, Ellie. Deny us all you want. You and I are going to happen. I’m going to remove any doubt, strip the distrust you have for me away and make you see just how good we can be. One chance is all I’m asking for.”
My panties flood and my face heats.
It’s unexplainable how my senses overload whenever I’m near him. I want Logan the way I had him before and in many other ways. With complete attention on me and no one else.
Wild and uncontrolled.
I want what he’s offering more than anything. To make me understand why him out of all men is the one who I allowed to touch me. I need him to help with this undeniable, unexplainable attraction we have.
It’s utterly ridiculous when I have this deep feeling getting to know him would crush me.
Even so, his teaching and his reputation have me shaking at the knees. I won’t vent my concerns at the moment, not when my life is more valuable than the many women I’m sure he’s slept with before and will after me.
I need peace in my mind before we talk about anything else.
“I was turned on because you flare something inside me like nothing else.”
Don’t go to Atlanta; my head screams back. Jumping ahead of my body and holding a hand up to halt and waggle a finger in my face. I inwardly sigh, Logan does turn me on. I must be crazy to want a little of his bossy, and my body is most definitely on board. It’s my brain, my past that’s positioned in the forefront that, for the time being, is holding me back from leaping.
“Let me walk you home before it starts pouring, and before this conversation steers in a direction neither of us should be driving into. Not until you know everything. After that, don’t expect me to hold back.” Logan pushes to his feet, and I take hold of his outstretched hand. He catches his lip between his teeth as his gaze traces over me, passionately and thoroughly.
“Fuck,” he murmurs.
Every cell in my body sets aflame — heat and lust and more of that safety as we walk down the sidewalk and stop in front of the side door leading to my apartment.
I’m so out of my element I don’t know what to say. I turn around, deciding just to say goodbye when Logan snaps and the next thing I know he’s pinning me to the brick wall of my building. He presses in, and when I look up at him, his lids are hooded, jaw set in a firm line.
“I’m sorry for fucking up, never will I be sorry for this or anything that happens between us from here on out. This is me just getting started when it comes to you.”
I let out a low moan as he grips the back of my neck, hot mouth claiming mine, prying my lips open and plunging his tongue inside. He licks and fucks me with his tongue. I sink into his kiss, our lips sliding against each other. He directs my mouth, tilting my head and then moving his hands to cup my face.
I am at a complete and utter disadvantage, lost in Logan Mitchell’s mouth. Shockingly, yet hungrily so. I whimper, gripping hold of the collar of his shirt as he plunges, seeking, and exploring every inch of my mouth. He kisses me until we’re both panting, chests heaving with want as the rain begins to fall, soaking us until we’re both drenched. The storm crackling and roaring above.
When he finally pulls away, he leaves his hands where they are, his fingers gently stroking my cheeks. I barely have time to come up for air before he’s right back at it again.
When he ends the kiss, he keeps his hold on me, his lips remaining so close, his words catching in my heavy breaths and I inhale them. “I can’t stop thinking about you, Ellie. Whatever this is between us, it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. I won’t let go of it. Lock yourself inside, sweetheart, and prepare yourself for me to not only prove myself but to prove you are the only woman I need.”
I do as he says and the minute I step through my apartment door and find Norah gone, I don’t cry.
Because that kiss, it tingled my lips throughout the rest of the night.