MY NAME IS BEAUMONT, J. P. BEAUMONT. J. P. IS SHORT for Jonas Piedmont, but that’s a long story. Recently I’ve learned that sometimes when life hands you the unexpected, you just have to run with it. For instance, I never expected to retire from police work. Far too many of my fellow cops tend to die while still in harness but not necessarily in the line of duty, unless stress-related illnesses—like too much booze, high blood pressure, early-onset heart ailments, and suicides—fall into that category.
I spent most of my career working in the Homicide Unit at Seattle PD and was happy to do so until all of a sudden I wasn’t. Why? Because the brass upstairs decided to promote a brown-nosing pile of crap and my least favorite partner ever, a fellow by the name of Paul Kramer, to be my boss. That was it. I was done. I pulled the plug and walked.
But what is it they say about one door closing and another opening? About the time I quit Seattle PD, Ross Alan Connors, who was the Washington State attorney general at the time, came calling and asked me to go to work for him on his Special Homicide Investigation Team, fondly referred to by those of us fortunate enough to work there as “the SHIT squad.” There was something wonderfully ironic about being able to tell people with a perfectly straight face that “I work for SHIT.” What made it even better was that my direct supervisor on that job was a cantankerous SOB named Harry Ignatius Ball, who to this day prefers to be addressed by his full name, as in Harry I. Ball. Try telling someone that you work for SHIT and your boss’s name is Harry I. Ball. See how far that gets you!
But the thing is, working for Special Homicide was a good deal for me. I got to keep working. I met and married a wonderful gal named Melissa Soames (Mel for short), and I gave my pension a healthy boost in the right direction. Then one winter’s day, it all came to a crashing halt—literally. Ross Connors died and Harry was gravely injured in a car wreck at the base of Seattle’s iconic Space Needle while they were on their way to a Christmas party. (Ross, as politically incorrect and cantankerous as Harry, refused to call it a holiday party. As far as he was concerned, it was a Christmas party, like it or lump it!)
As soon as Ross’s successor came on board, SHIT was shuttered and we were all given our walking papers. Mel landed on her feet with a gig as the new police chief in Bellingham, Washington, ninety miles north of Seattle. As for me? Suddenly I found myself in the odd position of being an unwillingly unemployed househusband, a position for which I am not exactly well suited.
For starters, I’m a lousy cook. So is Mel for that matter. Our answer to the question of what’s for dinner is generally carryout. Mel’s office is in downtown Bellingham. Our home is several miles south of downtown proper, on a street called Bayside in an area called Edgemoor in what’s known as Bellingham’s Fairhaven district. When possible, I join her for lunch downtown, so we often have our main meal of the day both out and together. On this particular Monday early in March, lunch together was a no-go due to Mel’s being the guest speaker at a local Rotary Club meeting.
Months earlier I’d been drafted into helping solve the homicide of a longtime acquaintance, a former Seattle Post-Intelligencer reporter by the name of Maxwell Cole, and being caught up in the complexities of that case gave me a whole new lease on life. As a result, Mel had encouraged me to fill out the paperwork and apply to become a licensed private investigator in the state of Washington. That process was now complete. I had my license, but I hadn’t exactly been out pounding the pavement looking for cases to work. I’d done a couple of background checks and had been involved in research on a couple of cold cases for a volunteer organization called the Last Chance, but nothing about any of those had really grabbed me. For one thing I was enjoying spending time with the new love of my life, a ninety-pound coal-black Irish wolfhound named Lucy.
Lucy had come to Mel and me under what was supposedly a temporary fostering arrangement after a domestic-violence incident. I believe the term “temporary fostering” is actually an oxymoron, because once a dog worms its way into your heart, you’re pretty much stuck.
The DV incident, complete with an officer-involved shooting, had occurred in Bellingham, Mel’s bailiwick. A local women’s shelter had taken in the battered victim and her two kids. I understand that there are shelters that also accept animals under those circumstances, but that particular one in Bellingham didn’t. There was simply no room at the inn for the dog.
Having never owned a dog in my life, I wasn’t the one who stepped to the head of the line and volunteered to bring this one home, especially one named Rambo, as she was known back then. Nope, Mel did that all on her own without so much as a by-your-leave from me. In case I haven’t mentioned it before, Mel is a strong-minded woman—and strong-willed, too. When she showed up with that humungous Irish wolfhound in tow, I did what any reasonable, right-thinking husband would do under the circumstances—I overcame my profound but unspoken misgivings and went with the flow.
After opening our door to the dog and even after learning that her original name was Lucy, I wasn’t necessarily prepared to open my heart. That changed, however, when the domestic-violence perpetrator, let out on bail, came looking for Mel, knife in hand. The incident had taken place in a churchyard across the street from Belltown Terrace, our Seattle-area condo building. In the course of the ensuing fight, Lucy literally took a serious stab wound rather than a bullet for my wife, most likely saving Mel’s life. From that moment on, I’m proud to confess aloud to one and all that “I love Lucy!”
There was, however, and continues to be, a period of adjustment. For one thing, when we brought Lucy home after her lifesaving surgery at an emergency veterinary hospital in Seattle, she was still one very sick puppy and required round-the-clock nursing attention, which was willingly, if not always cheerfully, provided by none other than yours truly. Incidentally, I’ve never been especially adept when it comes to caring for the sick or injured.
I was still in college when my mother died of breast cancer. Back then there wasn’t a whole lot of discussion urging women to have yearly mammograms, so the kind of “early detection” that is far more common now just wasn’t happening. By the time my mother’s tumor was discovered, it had severely metastasized, and it was already too late. The doctors did what they could. For me, sitting helplessly on the sidelines, it seemed like the treatments and possible cures they prescribed and inflicted on her were worse than the disease itself. It’s still hard to admit this, but I was relieved when she breathed her last, because that meant her suffering was finally over. That’s a hell of a burden for a college-age kid to have to carry around, and so many decades later some of that guilt still lingers.
Decades after that, Karen, my first wife, also died of breast cancer. We had been divorced for years, and her second husband, Dave Livingston, was the one who performed those incredibly tough, day-to-day sickbed duties. Come to think of it, that’s probably one of the things that he and I have in common—walking through cancer-patient/caregiver hell. These days there are kids, stepkids, and grandkids all involved, and when it comes to sharing holidays and birthdays, Dave and I are almost always on the same page. We probably won’t ever be the best of pals, but we know how quickly everything can be snatched from your grasp, and we’re both determined to savor every moment.
But I digress. Dealing with Lucy when she first came home called for real hands-on nursing care. She was unable to walk on her own. In order to get her to do her business, she had to be half carried in a kind of sling. (By the way, if any of the rest of you are faced with an ill or aging dog, one of those firewood-carrying canvas or leather slings will fill the bill nicely.) But with a ninety-pound dog, it wasn’t easy for either Lucy or me. The first time she was able to go in and out by herself was a huge relief for both of us.
The vet told us that her injuries were serious enough that it might take months for her to fully recover, if she ever did. We were advised that she needed to take it very easy. In other words, I was supposed to keep her from overexerting herself—no running, no jumping, no becoming too excited. Good luck with that, because Lucy somehow failed to get the memo.
My first wife, Karen, was someone who never minced her words. When it came to disciplining the kids, she said I was as useless as . . . well, as certain items of female anatomy applied to a male boar. I sometimes resent the way political correctness has robbed us of some of the English language’s most colorful expressions. But then again I digress. I’m seventy-two years old, so I’m entitled to digress. I’m also entitled to tell the same stories over and over if I choose to do so.
The real upshot is this: If I was useless when it came to disciplining the kids, you can bet I’m not much better when it comes to disciplining dogs. Our half-acre lot is on a bluff overlooking Bellingham Bay. The house is located at the front of the lot, with a long stretch of grassy lawn leading down to the property line. Out of concern for grandkids’ safety, that whole stretch of property (regularly mowed by someone who isn’t me) is surrounded by a six-foot-tall wooden fence. Because of the difference in elevation, the fence doesn’t interfere with our view of the bay from either the house or the deck, but it does keep unwary little kids from tumbling down the bluff. It’s also tall enough to keep Lucy inside.
For a while during her recuperation, Lucy was content to walk sedately on a leash at my side, both inside the yard and out. But a month into her recovery, on a day when I inadvertently left the slider open and let her out into the yard unaccompanied, she took off like a shot—racing down that long stretch of grass and back up to me as though I’d just given her the best present ever. She seemed to suffer no ill effects from her excursion, but I didn’t exactly come straight out and mention it to Mel. Free-range running became Lucy’s and my dirty little secret.
Mel is a cop. She’s up, dressed, and away from of the house early in the morning. Sometimes I rise and shine in time to have coffee with her, but more often than not she’s long gone before I poke my head out of the bedroom. So Lucy and I often have the mornings to ourselves. I make coffee, feed the dog, and then settle in by the gas-log fireplace to work my collection of online crossword puzzles, something that is evidently not an Irish wolfhound–approved activity. Each morning, at the stroke of ten, Lucy lets herself out through the doggy door. She finds her wet Frisbee wherever it might have been left out in the yard, brings it inside, and drops it on my bare toe. Subtle she’s not. She’s giving me a clear message that it’s time to go play.
And so we do. Her doggy DNA hails from Ireland. That means she’s totally oblivious to wind or rain. I bundle up in sweaters and jackets, sometimes topped off by a hooded slicker. All Lucy requires is for me to stand on the deck and fling the Frisbee as far as I can so she can go speeding down the hill, catch it in midair, gallop back up the hill, and drop it at my feet. She would be happy doing this for hours on end. I have a somewhat more limited attention and energy span, but that’s what we were doing that morning when Lucy abruptly dropped the Frisbee and hurried over to the side gate, standing on her hind legs at full alert and peering over the fence at someone who had just driven down our driveway.
The house is one of those view homes where visitors have no real access to the front door without being let in through the side gate, which—because of Lucy—we keep latched and locked. That means guests are let in through the back door, where they can be ushered into the great room via a short hallway next to the kitchen.
It’s been my experience that most arriving guests don’t want to come face-to-face with a soaking-wet almost-hundred-pound dog with a head the size of Godzilla’s, so even before I heard a car door open and close, I ordered Lucy into the house and put her in a “stay on your rug” command at the far end of the living room. By the time the doorbell rang, I was already on my way to answer it.
I spent years as a cop. Mel is a cop. We’ve both made enemies here and there along the way—the kinds of enemies who aren’t especially good at forgetting or forgiving. Security peepholes are fine as far as they go, I guess, but if someone carrying a weapon shows up on your doorstep intent on plugging you full of holes, the last place you want to be is standing in front of a door with your eye plastered against a peephole. Our system is different. There’s a security camera mounted over the outside door with a feed to a monitor located on a wall inside the kitchen. That way we’re able to know who’s at the door without our being anywhere near it.
I checked the monitor as I went and could see a man as he stepped up onto the porch. He wasn’t anyone I recognized right off. He appeared to be in his sixties, maybe, balding and rail thin. I was pretty sure he wasn’t a Jehovah’s Witness, because instead of carrying a fistful of religious tracts he was holding an infant carrier in his right hand and had what looked like a bright pink diaper bag strapped over his left shoulder.
When the doorbell rang, Lucy made her presence known with a low-throated woof from her spot in the living room, but a quick check behind me told me she hadn’t strayed from her spot on the rug. Her obedience training at the Academy of Canine Behavior in Bothell, Washington, was top-drawer.
I opened the door. “Yes,” I said. “May I help you?”
“Detective Beaumont?” my visitor asked uncertainly.
He was indeed rail thin—to the point of being gaunt—and had dark circles under his eyes, as though he were suffering from a severe lack of food as well as a lack of sleep.
“I used to be Detective Beaumont, but I haven’t been that for a very long time,” I told him. “Sorry, but are you someone I should know?”
“You probably don’t remember me. My name’s Alan Dale. Way back I used to be head carpenter with a traveling show company. I was with Jasmine Day when she played the 5th Avenue Theatre down in Seattle years ago. This is my granddaughter, Athena,” he added, gesturing toward the infant, whose face was completely obscured by a pink receiving blanket. “May we come in?”
Thirty years flashed by in an instant. Jasmine Day had been a former rock singer who seemed destined for real stardom until her career was derailed by drug and alcohol abuse, not unlike what happened to Janis Joplin. The difference between the two is that Janis Joplin died very young, while Jasmine went through treatment and got well. Once out of rehab, she had reinvented herself as a jazz singer. Jasmine had been in Seattle playing a two-night gig at the 5th Avenue when the investigation into the death of a local stagehand had placed her directly in my path and blown her comeback tour to smithereens. For the last two songs of her final set, she had ditched the glam by peeling off her long blond wig. Standing alone onstage in heartbreaking simplicity, she had reverted to the old gospel music she’d sung in church as a child back home in Jasper, Texas. Gospel singing had been there at the start of her career, and that night at the 5th Avenue she returned to her roots in a concert-ending performance that garnered thunderous applause.
The last I’d seen of Jasmine Day, she and Alan, the touring company’s former head carpenter, were headed back to her hometown in Texas together. As they were leaving, they had asked if I’d consent to being best man a few months down the road at their wedding. I had agreed, of course, but my participation never came to pass. Later that year they sent me a Christmas card saying that they’d ended up tying the knot in a spur-of-the-moment ceremony in Vegas. That long-ago card was pretty much the last I’d heard from either of them—until now.
“Alan Dale, well, I’ll be damned!” I exclaimed, reaching out to shake his free hand. “Long time no see. How the hell are you?”
“Not well,” he said. “I’m afraid I need your help. I’m looking for a private eye, and somebody at Seattle PD told me that’s what you’re doing these days.”
I hate it when Mel is right. That was exactly how she had goaded me into shaping up and getting my private investigator’s license—by saying that someday there would be people out there in the world who’d desperately need my help and that I’d be better able to help them with a license than without. And now here was Alan Dale, standing on my doorstep big as life and requesting my assistance.
“That’s what I am these days,” I acknowledged, “a private eye, so come on in and get out of the cold. Let’s talk about it. Can I get you some coffee?”
“Please.”
“Cream and sugar?”
“Black,” Alan replied. “Black and strong. I need all the help I can get.” That’s when he caught sight of Lucy, lying flat on her rug, studying him intently from across the room with her very unsettling black-eyed stare.
“What about the dog?” Alan asked warily, lifting the baby carrier chest-high, although if Lucy’d had a mind to go after the baby, that wouldn’t have been nearly high enough to keep Athena out of reach.
“Have a seat, and don’t worry about the dog,” I assured him, turning the bean setting on my DeLonghi Magnifica to full strength and pushing the brew button. “Lucy may look fierce, but she loves kids. Not only that, I told her to stay on her rug, and she will.”
“You’re sure?”
“Count on it.”
As I stood in the kitchen, watching the brewing coffee dribble out through the spouts into the cup below, I couldn’t help wondering what was coming. One thing that seemed pretty certain—it probably wasn’t going to be good. Nonetheless, whatever it was, I was also pretty sure I’d run with it all the same, just like Lucy and her damned Frisbee!
There was one important thing about Alan Dale’s proposed case that I didn’t see coming, and it’s this: No matter how fast you run, you can’t outrun your past.