Gem
Doop, doop, went the green button to answer my ringing phone.
“Hello?” she said.
“What did I do wrong now?” I sighed.
“Do you have the money for my car?” she persisted.
“Ummm, no. I hate that you are acting this way. Why can’t you just be more supportive? I’ll have the money sent to you,” I said to Gem forcefully.
“Hell yeah, you will. You and your man are driving my car up and down the highway. I can’t help that he does not have a car. You’re gonna let him mess up your good thing. I can’t believe you’re letting him drive my car. You are so ungrateful.” On and on and on and on Gem went to let me know exactly how she felt about me and about my sorry-ass boyfriend.
By that time, I was twenty-one years old, which would make Lyulle just over twenty-four. Had I understood at the time that he was fresh out of a couple of serious felony convictions, I would have realized to the fullest capacity what situation I was really in. Here’s a quick recap of the actual situation I was really in, unbeknownst to me, due to my precious defense and coping mechanisms and the alternate reality I chose to live in. Here goes: a senior in college, dead broke, with a boyfriend I barely even knew whom I lived with and was now the soon-to-be-father of my first child, dead broke, living in a one-bedroom efficiency-style apartment on food stamps that totaled $116 a month because I was still a student in college, and dead broke.
I was at odds with Gem, and my only support was my best friend Nadene. If there was anyone, there was Nadene, who was in my corner. I’m talking about the way we hit it off from the very beginning of our freshmen year in college. She was my very best comrade. I never had a friend to support me and push me so much. She always kept me encouraged, telling me things like I needed to love myself and that I was too hard on myself, telling me I could do better because she could see my true potential, not just with regard to Lyulle. She told me things like this from day one. She could see me while I couldn’t see myself. I was crazy, and she was crazy for being my friend. That actually made her more crazy than I was, cocking my head from side to side as if to taunt an older sibling in a sibling rivalry, complete with my tongue stuck out and wrinkling my nose, with the evil eye roll to complete this playful thought toward her, but seriously.
I majored in psychology with a minor in criminology. She double-majored in psychology and criminology. I never pushed myself, but she, she was smart and intelligent. I was only intelligent. She was gifted, having attended a high school for the gifted. I envied her. These mental attributes, smarts and intelligence, are not the same; they have much variation. It is better to possess the pair of them. It is not cool having one without the other.
Nadene and I had so much in common, and I love her still. Nadene is a rare beauty with a huge heart. I had not met anyone so nice, quiet, calming, and responsible. She reminded me of me or a part of me that I had once identified with—the quality of character that held one accountable for their shit, whom I longed to be still but felt slipping away more and more each and every day. I guess you can say she was my voice of reason, representing the person who knew me, who was my higher self, and whom I had aspired to be. A true friend, Nadene was.
A quick reference lesson: Have you ever heard of book smarts versus street smarts? What this means is that I liken intelligence to intuitiveness and street smarts to common sense. Intelligent people do not have common sense alone. Smart people may only have common sense without intuitiveness, thus making crooks and criminals and sociopathic and psychopathic individuals (i.e., Lyulle). It is way better to possess the pair. Those who do maintain balance and awareness, they fare far better. In other words, a lot of smart people are dead. A lot of intelligent people have watched a lot of smart people die …
On December 29, 2007, Gem’s birthday, I was home by default as Lyulle had “work” and was reporting. She was throwing herself a birthday party, and I was not attending. I did not care if it was her birthday, and I did not want to be at her party. I could care less about anything or anyone else, especially not Gem’s fucking birthday. I had all hell breaking loose in my own life, and wow, was I feeling badly.
No longer able to fasten up my pants, I decided to go ’head and take a test. OMG!—a term that I did not use at that particular time in life, but OMG!—I was pregnant. Wow! I was gonna be a mommy. My boyfriend and I, we were gonna start a family, and all my dreams were gonna come true. It would be smooth sailing from here.
These were the thoughts of my naive, simple-minded ass. Lyulle had already had a child, but the kid lived elsewhere. I’d guessed things were not cool with the baby mama, but I helped him do his best. It was not my business anyway. If the kid needed anything, he’d have it, no doubt. Now when I think on this situation, all I can say is that I was so stupid. You know that chick in school, the real fat-ass one whom everyone disliked for no apparent reason? I could always point that girl out in a room full of women because she was me. I had become her. She was me. Yes. Jericho was the very girl with characteristics that she did not like. What the heck? But yes.
“Hey, I have something to tell you,” I said to Lyulle on the drive back home. I had been in the driver’s seat so that he could work, make calls, or sleep.
“What is it?” he asked.
“I’m pregnant.”
“How do you know?”
“I took a test.” I paused for a response.
“Wow. I’m pumped!” Lyulle smirked, not overly enthusiastic.
“I am too,” I said. “Great. Let’s not tell anyone,” I suggested.
“Cool.”
Especially not Gem, I thought to myself.