In my years as a therapist, I’ve come to the conclusion that what makes sex more or less satisfying to people depends a great deal on how much they know and understand about sexual technique and how comfortable they feel with their own and their partner’s anatomy.

Many of the relationship problems I see in my office stem from our cultural ignorance and negativity about sex. Adults are discouraged from learning about their own erotic capabilities. They are poorly educated on sexual hygiene, and more intimate acts – like how to jerk someone off or how to satisfy them orally – are treated like mysteries that require tomes to fully explore.

Since I would never let anyone finish therapy with me without feeling some certainty that they knew enough to have a happy, safe, exciting time in bed, I can’t finish this book without giving you a short and snappy education on basic partnered sex techniques.

All the advice in this guide is predicated on the following model for a healthy and mutually rewarding sexual relationship.

Optimal Model for Partnered Sex

It’s simple

1. Partners are both eager

Good sex requires clear consent. Great sex requires enthusiasm.

2. Personal health is a priority

People who don’t protect themselves do not protect others. Take responsibility for your OWN protection and always use barriers (condoms/dams).