“S-six years ago, I was a-attacked on a photo shoot.”
Leeann kept her eyes closed, her words hollow and soulless. There was no gentle lead-in, no protesting that she didn’t know what Bobby was asking of her.
His only reaction to her statement was a swift intake of breath and a low mutter of a single curse.
People grew and changed while they were apart. Life and experience shaped who they were as adults. Somehow, Bobby had figured out there was something more to her history than just career changes and new relationships.
But spending time with him again had led to the reawakening of naive emotions from a first love and the unexpected transformation of those feelings to what she was experiencing now.
Leeann covered her face with her hands. A deep shuddering breath filled her chest as she fought to rein in her scattered thoughts and strewn feelings.
Here and now.
Concentrate on what is happening right here, right now.
She brushed away her tears, dragged her fingers over her cheeks until they curled into fists, one hand wrapped over the other, both pressed against her mouth.
Had she wanted Bobby to kiss her?
More than her next breath.
The longing had swelled from deep within her the moment he’d touched her shoulder to sooth her reaction to the storm. The sudden need surprised her, and she’d hoped the wanting would be enough to allow her to move past her emotional scars.
It wasn’t.
She’d known that the moment he’d touched her hair.
Leeann’s hands fell to her lap. Another deep breath, this one smooth and more controlled. If she ever wanted to be close to someone again, to be in a relationship again, the sharing of her past was a necessity.
Never had she dreamed it would be with Bobby.
“Lee, if you don’t want to talk about this—”
“I do.” Her voice was strong, even as her eyes stayed closed. “I want—I need to tell you if you’re willing to listen.”
“I’m right here.”
She knew that. She could feel his presence, his strength as she started to speak. “It’d been a long day, the shoot had lasted for hours. Even though it had gotten dark outside, they…they still needed a few close-up shots of my mouth and hands. Most everyone was gone, including the photographer, who had another call. Just his assistant was there to take the last photographs, and a couple of the crew…and me.”
The need to see Bobby, to know he was there, even if she couldn’t look at him directly, made Leeann force her eyes open.
He wasn’t touching her, but had placed his wineglass on the table, his hand wrapped around the stem, knuckles showing. His eyes were locked onto the fireplace, but other than a slight muscle tic at his jawline, there was no reaction from him.
“It was an international ad for some kind of alcohol. I had to keep pretending to drink…it was only water in the glass, but they kept refilling it….”
He turned to her and she paused, lowering her gaze to his leg. The tiny rip in his jeans at his knee commanded her full attention.
“To this day I don’t remember leaving the studio that night. I learned later that the taxi driver had pulled up to my building and told the doorman he had a drunk in the backseat. They got me into the elevator and I must’ve had a moment of lucidity because I got inside my apartment. Took a shower… Hot, scalding water…my skin was so red. Then I passed out…for a second time.”
The events of that night flashed in front of her eyes like a bad movie, but she watched and recited the details. The years and her recovery acted as a buffer between then and now.
“A few days later I started to remember…I realized what had happened. It came back in small flashes. Hands grabbing me, touching me…”
Tucking her legs tighter beneath her, she pressed against the warm leather of the couch, liking the security of its weight at her back. Her shoulders brushed against Bobby’s arm, still lying across the bottom cushions. His unintentional embrace also felt safe and secure.
“I didn’t want—despite how out of it I was, a part of me didn’t like what was happening to me. I remember trying to push him away, to get away….”
This time she looked up at Bobby’s face. A bright sheen of tears shined in his eyes. What did they mean? What did he see when he looked at her?
Right now that didn’t matter. The only important thing was finishing her story. Get to the end, to where and who she was today. Then she’d deal with whatever came next.
One step at a time.
“You remember my long hair, right?” she asked, unable to stop herself from tucking the now short strands behind one ear.
He nodded.
“My hair was my trademark. It set me apart from the crowd. The long length could be manipulated in so many ways.” She averted her gaze again, but kept her head high, staring at a spot on the wall over his shoulder. “He…used it to hold on to me. At one point I freed myself, but my hair was so long. He grabbed it and twisted it around his fist…I couldn’t get away.”
The helplessness she felt that night, and for months afterward, started to form inside her. Leeann pulled in several deep breaths and reminded herself of where she was and who she was with.
She was with Bobby, in his home. Safe. She was here because she wanted to be. Telling her story because she wanted to…needing to share her past with him.
No matter how it affected the future.
“I went to the police and they investigated. The conclusion was that I had been slipped Rohypnol, a drug used often in these kind of cases, but there was no medical proof because so much time had passed—I wasn’t even positive who my attacker was. Eventually the case was dropped due to lack of evidence.”
She sighed. “News that I didn’t take very well. I turned into a recluse, not leaving my apartment. Things were bad…until Ursula found me. My folks had died in a car accident about six months before all this happened and my aunt worried when she couldn’t reach me. She came to New York, rescued me and took me out of the city.”
“You came home?” Bobby asked, his voice low and warm and so familiar it wrapped around her like a warm blanket. “You came back to Destiny?”
She shook her head. “No, this small town was the last place I wanted to be. Ursula understood that. She took me to stay with a professor friend of hers who lived outside of Chicago. I was quite a mess, but they got me the professional help I needed. I left my career behind and concentrated on healing and finding a way to live my life.”
“And you’ve done that.”
She nodded, looking at him again. The tears were gone from his eyes. In their place was a calm acceptance that encouraged her to go on. “Knowing I was in good hands, Aunt Ursula returned home. She had a business to run. But even the fire that destroyed my family’s house a year later couldn’t get me back to Destiny. I stayed in Chicago and concentrated on finishing my degree. Then four years ago—partly because of what happened to me—I made the choice to go into law enforcement, so I attended the Wyoming Law Enforcement Academy.”
“But you said you didn’t want to come home?”
“Ursula got sick.” She dropped his gaze, her fingers tugging at the hem of her sweater. “It turned out to be cancer. She needed me to help her this time, so I completed the training, moved back home and applied for a job as a deputy sheriff in town. This is where I’ve been ever since.”
She stopped talking, allowing the sounds of the room to fill the air: the soft ballad from the radio, the steady rain beating against the glass and the man next to her, breathing deep and low.
“Can I ask a question?”
Refusing to let the fear of whatever Bobby might say stop her, she nodded. “Of course.”
“Can I hold you?” His arms remained open as he straightened his legs, creating space between them. “Would that be okay with you?”
Tears threatened again. Leeann had to bite hard at her bottom lip to hold back a sob. She jerked her head in a quick nod and flew into his arms. Clutching at his shirt, she willed back the tears as his heart pounded beneath her ear. A deep inhale filled her with his clean scent.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. The words echoed in her head, her heart. Thank you for not turning away from me.
“You’re amazing, do you know that?”
She shook her head. “No, I’m not—”
The gentle pressure from his arms tightening around her stopped her protest.
“For once don’t argue with me.” His tone was teasing yet tender. “You are an amazing woman.”
“Because of all I’ve gone through?” she asked.
“Because of all you’ve accomplished.”
Leeann relaxed her grip on his shirt and settled fully into his arms. The strength of his embrace, warm and solid, enveloped her as she buried her face in his chest.
She had more to say, but for now she let the rise and fall of his breathing provide a steadying rhythm she clung to, her gaze centered on the dancing flames of the fireplace.
They sat in silence and listened to the rain, listened to each other breathing, and for the first time in a long time, a sense of peace settled over her.
The gentle chimes of a clock sounded twice before Leeann realized she had no idea how long they’d been sitting there.
“Oh, your back.” She pushed away from him. “Why didn’t you say anything? You must be in so much pain.”
He released her with a smile. “Not so much. Just a bit stiff and sore from being on the floor.”
She scrambled to her feet with a groan. “Do you need any help standing up?”
“You better back up a few steps.” Bobby waved her off. “In case I end up flat on my face.”
He didn’t even sway as he got to his feet.
Daisy trotted into the living room. She circled Bobby’s legs before continuing to the glass door and sat, looking up at him expectantly.
“It looks like someone needs to go outside. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Bobby disappeared with the dog and Leeann cleaned up the remains of their dinner. She quickly washed the few dishes they’d dirtied, straightened the coffee table and folded the tablecloth. Except for the fire, the room looked as if nothing profound had happened here tonight.
But Leeann knew that wasn’t true.
“Well, Daisy is damp, but happy.” Bobby returned alone, his hands full. “Here, I brought you something to sleep in. I’m sure you’ll find a toothbrush and whatever else you might need in the guest bathroom.”
Taking the clothing, she guessed their evening together had come to an end. It was probably for the best. Emotionally exhausted, she could only guess what must be running through Bobby’s head. “Thanks.”
He walked her to one of the bedrooms at the opposite end of the house from his room. She tossed the clothing on the bed, not surprised when she turned around and found he hadn’t stepped over the threshold.
“You okay?” he asked.
Not really, but she’d unloaded enough on him tonight.
Leeann crossed her arms over her chest and walked back to the doorway. There was still something she needed to say. “I owe you an apology.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Please.” She waved one hand at him. “Let me say this.”
Bobby nodded and remained silent.
“I realized…even before tonight…that part of my recovery from—well, from that event—occurred because I could compartmentalize my life into before and after. Before being everything connected with my life in New York and after being…everything that came after.” She dropped her hands. “Even in the few years I’ve been back in town I was able to separate my life here in Destiny into before and after.”
“Then I came back.”
It was as if he’d read her mind. “Suddenly the walls I’d built that kept you firmly in my past crumbled…and I started to play the ‘what if’ game. You know, what if I hadn’t left town, hadn’t left you….”
Her voice trembled and she pressed her fingers to her lips for a moment. The compassion in his eyes almost caused her to release what little control she had left. “And instead of dealing with those questions, I lashed out at you. Picking on everything from your home to your career, even your health, just so I wouldn’t have to face…”
“It’s okay, Lee. I understand.”
She gripped the door with one hand and braced the other against the wall, her knees suddenly weak. “I was afraid telling you would…change things between us.” She forced the question from her lips because she had to know. “Has it?”
Bobby’s jaw clenched for a moment then he said, “Yeah, I think so.”
Her heart dropped. “I see.”
“No, Lee…wait.” He reached out, his calloused fingers brushing along her chin. “Everything we’ve learned about each other, about our pasts, the good and the bad, over the last couple of weeks has led us to where we are right now. But that doesn’t mean I’ve changed my mind about spending time with you. Talking, laughing, touching…kissing.”
The breath disappearing from her lungs. “You still want—you want to kiss me?”
“Oh, yeah.”
The longing in his voice both thrilled and worried her, but in a good way. Would he kiss her now? Should she reach out to him? Uncertainty kept her motionless as silence stretched between them.
Finally Bobby dropped his hand and took a step back, breaking the spell woven between them.
“Good night, Lee.”
She nodded and closed the door. Willing herself not to cry, she refused to allow her disappointment to fall over the edge into rejection.
Quickly undressing, Leeann pulled on the large T-shirt, knowing the sweatpants he’d given her would never stay up. Face washed and teeth brushed, she slipped between the cool sheets. The bedside clock read eleven o’clock. She closed her eyes and tried to give in to the exhaustion.
Three hours later, she was still wide awake.
After finally figuring out the remote control for the flat-screen television, she couldn’t find anything but infomercials, repeats of eighties sitcoms and a black-and-white movie version of Pride and Prejudice that hit a little too close to home.
A sudden need for a cup of hot tea had Leeann crawling out of bed.
Opening the bedroom door, she strained to hear any signs that Bobby might still be up and moving around, but silence greeted her and she made her way to the kitchen. Minutes later, she hit the button on the microwave to release the door before the buzzer sounded. She quickly dunked the tea bag then sipped at the strong, hot liquid. Straight, no milk, lemon or sugar.
Already she felt better.
Padding barefoot across the family room, she stood in front of the floor-to-ceiling glass wall, drank her tea and got lost in the sound of the rain still coming down until—
Was that a moan?
Spinning around, she quickly moved into the living room. She waited. Listening. Maybe she’d been wrong. No, the sound came again, longer and louder, it echoed down the hallway that led to the master bedroom.
Without pausing to consider if she should, Leeann placed the mug on the fireplace mantel and turned the corner. When she reached Bobby’s partially open bedroom door, a faint light flickered inside. It had to be from a television.
Maybe that’s what she heard.
No, there it was again. It was him.
She crept closer. Was he awake? In pain? She peeked inside, her eyes immediately drawn to the king-size bed against the far wall and the man writhing beneath the covers.
“Bobby?”
His only response was another deep groan.
She hurried across the room to the side of the bed where he laid, eyes squeezed closed as his head rocked back and forth against the pillows. His legs scissored beneath the blankets, which gathered low at his waist.
“Got to…got to get out…” His words burst from his mouth as his hand clawed at air.
Oh, God, he was in the middle of a nightmare. Should she try to wake him? She couldn’t leave him like this.
“Got to get to Lee…”
The anguish in his voice as he said her name tore at her heart. Was he dreaming about her? Had she caused this by telling him what had happened? She’d certainly experienced her own share of nightmares about that night.
“Bobby, can you hear me? Please, you need to wake up.”
His tightly shut eyes and incoherent mutterings told her that he was still lost in his nightmare.
She had to do something to help.
Leaning over, she gently placed one hand on his bare biceps. The muscles bunched beneath her touch. “Bobby, please.”
In a heartbeat, he grabbed her and yanked her against his chest. She cried out, reaching for his shoulders, missing and landing hard on top of him. He instinctively rolled, trapping her beneath him.
Panic flooded her veins, trading logic and reason with immobilizing fear. Instinctively, she struggled to wiggle free, but his sheet-covered legs pinned hers in place, his hips molding perfectly in line to hers.
“Bobby, it’s me. It’s Leeann.”
Saying the words aloud helped her to remember where she was and who was holding her down. She repeated them again and again, her terror fading when she curved her arms around his waist. The weight of him was heavy, yet familiar even after all these years.
His hold on her shoulders lightened when she touched him, but then his head dipped to the curve of her neck.
“Lee…” He whispered her name again, his breath ragged and hot against her skin.
Pinpricks of pleasure danced across her skin, causing her to shiver. With delight, not fear. Elation centered in her chest then splintered into a million pieces filling every inch of her.
Instinct now had her pressing closer to him. “Yes, it’s me. Wake up, Bobby, you’re dreaming, but it’s okay. I’m right here with you.”
He was going to die.
Bobby’s hands tightened on the steering wheel as he struggled to control the careening mess of twisted metal that used to be his race car. Other drivers flew by in a vivid and dazzling array of bright colors while the screech of tires and clang of crushed sheet metal pounded in his head.
The pungent stink of burned rubber and the stomach-heaving stench of gasoline filled his nose. Thick dark smoke made it impossible to see. Seconds later, he was airborne, twisting and flipping, the harness and safety belt holding his body in place.
Then a gust of wind cleared the air and he could see someone—a woman—standing in the middle of the track, oblivious to the racing machines screaming past her.
Leeann.
She stood there, smiling, her arms raised out to him, calling his name.
Was she crazy? She was going to be killed!
He had to get to her, keep her protected and safe from harm. Finally the upside-down motion stopped and he was on the ground, crawling across burning asphalt, dirt and rocks digging into his skin.
He reached her, pulled her into his arms and covered her, sheltering her body with his. The clean scent of her skin, her gentle touch, her words assuring him she was okay, pushed away his panic and fear.
“Bobby, it’s okay, everything is all right.”
Her words a warm whisper as her lips brushed against his ear, her soft curves pressed into the hard lines of his body. He opened his mouth to respond, but the temptation of her arched neck was too much to resist. Nipping lightly, he felt her answering shudder run the length of their bodies.
So real and yet he knew he was dreaming.
Unable to stop, he traced the curve of her jaw with his mouth, inching closer to the one reward he craved. Anticipation burned until her soft sigh welcomed him home. Then her hands urged him closer as he received a kiss from the one girl he’d never forgotten.
This was what Bobby had dreamed of for years while laying in his army bunk, then a waterbed at his lakeside condo and more recently a hospital bed.
What a sweet dream it was.
Leeann back in his arms, returning kisses that held the faint nostalgia of their youth, but also burned with the adult fire of renewed passion.
Slipping his arm around her shoulders, he leaned to one side, wanting the space to touch her, to kiss her, everywhere.
She moved a hand from his back to his face, angling her head as the kiss deepened and his tongue boldly swept over hers. His fingers trailed down the side of her body, grazing over one breast until they cupped the sexy curve of her hip.
Desire overrode caution, even if he wasn’t completely sure why they should be careful. Then she broke free with a soft moan that drove his mouth lower to leave wet kisses along her collarbone as he pushed aside the loose collar of her T-shirt.
One of her legs slipped between his, but all he felt was the cottony smoothness of the bed linen. He wanted—needed—to feel the smoothness of her skin. Releasing her waist, his hand dropped lower until he was rewarded with the warmth of her upper thigh. A memory of how ticklish she’d been returned, and his fingers lightly danced over her skin.
Her hand slid over his, curling around his wrist, then squeezing tight. “B-Bobby…”
Her trembling sigh went straight to his heart. Then his head.
The warm fuzziness disappeared with the shock of realizing he was awake. He stilled. This wasn’t a dream. Leeann really was in his arms, in his bed.
But how? When had they—
Squeezing his eyes tight, he fought off the lingering effects of his nightmare and tried to remember how they’d ended up tangled in his sheets. Then her haunting words from just a few hours ago came back to him, twisting his gut. Bracing himself on his elbow, he backed off, hating the cool air that touched his skin even as she arched beneath him.
He twisted free of her hold on his wrist. “Lee, wait.”
She went still before a shiver racked her body, vibrating through him where they laid pressed together.
Using every nasty cussword in his extensive vocabulary, Bobby silently berated himself for his stupidity and withdrew even farther, trying to bring his body’s natural instincts back under control.
He grabbed the far edge of the comforter and pulled it over her. “We can’t…” he said. “We shouldn’t be doing this.”
“Because you’re awake now?” Leeann’s words fell from her mouth in a hushed whisper.
He was handling this all wrong.
Never mind the fact he didn’t have the slightest clue how he was supposed to handle a situation like this.
Bobby dropped back against the pillows and cushioned headboard, his arm still caught under her shoulders. He pulled her toward him, but she resisted.
“I’d like to hold you…and explain.” If he could. Hell, his mind was so jumbled he wasn’t sure what he was going to say. Or how his reasons for pulling away from her were going to come out. “If you’ll let me.”
He waited, not bothering to count. He’d stay here, just like this, for as long as it took. Finally, Leeann rolled toward him, stretching her long, lean body next to his, her head nestled on his shoulder. She brought her warmth and the quilted comforter with her, draping it over both of them.
Good thing, too. While his head and his heart told him what had just happened between them was too soon, certain parts of his body were having a tough time getting with the program.
Then he thought again about what she’d shared with him and his desire cooled, replaced by a burning need for retribution that was six years too late.
Revenge would do nothing to help Leeann now, so he pushed the feeling aside and gently wrapped his arm around her. “I can’t explain what just happened. I didn’t realize what I was doing. I’m sor—”
She reached up and laid a hand over his mouth. “The last thing I need right now is an apology.”
Silence filled the air for a long moment before she withdrew her hand and tucked it beneath her own chin. “I couldn’t sleep,” she continued. “I heard you from the living room and realized you were having a bad dream. I tried to wake—”
“And I yanked you down and kissed you.”
“And I kissed you back. So I don’t understand what the problem is.”
Bobby sighed and tried to gather his scattered thoughts before he spoke. Even so, he had a feeling this was going to come out wrong.