Day 72

Day 72

I still feel so guilty about that night.

I feel guilt AND anger.

My anger is directed at Keith. I’m mad as hell at him. Sometimes I can’t even bring myself to be civil to him.

I don’t want him touching me.

I can’t stand the sight of him.

How much longer can we go on like this?

Every day I think, This is the day. He’s going to leave me today. He will leave and I will be devastated and relieved.

What did I do to deserve any of this? Maybe Mama is right. Maybe it’s just because I’m an abomination.

I still can’t believe what Keith did, what he wanted to do. In one act he ruined everything. Broke my heart and took my little girl away from me.

Can I ever forgive him? Can I ever forgive myself? I thought I had, but it didn’t last. Or it comes and goes—like everything else. Everything but the grief. It’s the one constant of my existence.