Adam stood in his office, suffocated by the silence. He had worked in this well-appointed suite for several years now and had had many interesting and surprising experiences. Family fist fights, crass attempts at seduction; he’d even had to chase one teenage patient down the street, after he’d vowed to kill the Mayor (who was an extraterrestrial masquerading as a human). There had been so much noise, so many tears, confessions, accusations and arguments, but now the place seemed lifeless.
Adam hadn’t wanted to come here – Faith had virtually kicked him out of the house – but as he’d taken the short drive to his office, his spirits had risen very slightly, hoping that being in his office, dealing with work matters, might be a useful distraction from the agony of the last few days. But standing here, listening to his answering service, looking at his full to bursting inbox, he actually felt worse, his guilt at leaving Faith compounded by a feeling of having abandoned his patients too.
He could hardly have done otherwise, of course. Faith was struggling to process what had happened to them, and in all honesty so was he. He was medically trained, he knew how the human body worked … but even so, stillbirth just seemed so wrong. It was such a horrific, shocking dead end. All their hopes for the future, all the images they’d conjured of a bouncing, happy baby, seemed like cruel hoaxes now. The excitement had been building month on month only to deliver grief, shock and pain.
He felt like a man standing in the wreckage of life. Faith was at home, sharing his distress, but here were countless others, their files on his desk, their emails accumulating day by day, who were struggling too. People who were psychotic, depressed, suicidal or perhaps tentatively on the road to recovery. Today he felt he understood their pain a little more clearly, though that didn’t make him feel any better.
A dog barked on the street outside, snapping Adam out of it. Taking a final swig of his cold coffee, he seated himself at his desk and began the task of messaging his patients. For a few days, they had got either the answering machine or an out-of-office email, neither of which explained the reason for his sudden disappearance. Now he had to articulate it, but as most of his clients knew nothing of his private life, he was able to get away with saying that it had been ‘a family emergency’. He felt a fraud – it was much worse than that – but it saved him having to divulge more.
Working his way through the list, he soon came to Kassie. He skipped over her, to contact a couple of clients further down the list, but soon returned to her name. What should he do? He’d said he’d help her, but then had vanished from her life. A part of him still wanted to help her, despite what she’d said to him last time, despite a lingering resentment that she had kept him from Faith during her awful ordeal. But did he have the emotional resilience right now? He felt guilty enough being away from Faith for half an hour. Torn, he ran his finger down the list, searching for another, less complicated case.
The intercom buzzed furiously, making him jump. Crossing to the door, he picked up the receiver and looked at the flickering image on the little screen. Instantly he recognized her. Kassie was staring at her feet, swaying slightly back and forth, but now looked directly up at the camera. Adam’s first instinct was to replace the receiver, to pretend there was no one at home. But that seemed childish and Kassie’s expression was so earnest that instead he found himself buzzing her in.
He walked back to his desk and waited, listening to the creak of the floorboards as Kassie climbed the stairs. Moments later, she was standing in front of him, breathless and agitated.
‘I’ve been trying to call you.’
‘I’m sorry, Kassie, I had to take a few days off. Are you ok?’
‘Yes. No …’
‘What’s the matter?’ Adam replied carefully, marvelling at how quickly it was possible to slip back into the doctor/patient dynamic.
Kassie paused now, catching her breath, trying to calm herself. Adam had the distinct impression she didn’t want to appear too ‘crazy’ in front of him.
‘It’s happened again …’
Adam could tell by the intensity of her gaze what ‘it’ meant.
‘I went to the NA meeting, like I promised … and I saw it. Different person, same thing.’
‘Tell me exactly what happened.’
‘We don’t have time. We need to warn her.’
‘Kassie …’
‘You know her. Rochelle … the group leader. I don’t know her last name, or where she lives, but you have her address, right?’
‘I might do,’ Adam replied, evasively. ‘But let’s wind this back a bit. Tell me what happened.’
Kassie clearly wanted to push back, but Adam’s tone was firm.
‘I went there,’ Kassie said impatiently. ‘When it was my turn to speak, I looked up at Rochelle and … I saw it. It’s the same thing, exactly the same as with Jacob Jones … Excruciating pain and that horrible, crushing fear.’
Adam stared at her, alarmed by the change in her demeanour.
‘I don’t remember exactly what happened after that – I lost it a bit, I think – then the next thing I know she’s got me a cab and is running out the door. I went after her.’
‘You followed her?’ Adam asked, incredulous.
‘Yeah,’ Kassie replied, unnerved. ‘I followed her to the “L”, but she gave me the slip.’
‘Kassie …’
‘What else was I supposed to do?’ she protested. ‘She’s going to die tonight and she has no idea.’
‘We need to talk about this Kassie,’ Adam pushed on, talking over Kassie’s attempted interruption, ‘but if it’ll reassure you, I’ll call Rochelle. I’ll apologize for today, check that she’s all right –’
‘No, we need to go round there. She’s got hours at the very most.’
‘How can you be sure?’
‘Because that’s what I see,’ Kassie insisted, visibly angry now. ‘I know how people die, I know when they die. It’s today, trust me, she is going to die today.’
‘Kassie, we’ve talked about this. This is not your job. Your job is to kick the drugs and concentrate on getting better –’
‘You think I’m nuts.’
‘No. I don’t like that word and I would never say it about you –’
‘You look at my record, my … history and … and you write me off as –’
‘Then try and understand that this is real. This is happening. You said that you would help me, that you would go with me.’
‘And I will. But think about it for a moment, Kassie. You told me previously that everything you “see” is set in stone. What difference can your intervention possibly make?’
‘I have to do something. I can’t just abandon her to that.’
‘But if it won’t make any difference?’
‘Maybe it will. Maybe I can save her.’
She was staring at him defiantly, her chest heaving, as she tried to contain her emotion.
‘And if I can help her then … then maybe I can help myself.’
It was said hesitantly, even a little fearfully. And now Adam got it. Kassie’s grim prediction of her murder had continued to occupy him, despite the weight of his recent loss. He saw now that Kassie’s desire to ‘save’ Rochelle was driven as much by self-interest as by common humanity. If she could subvert one of her visions, if she could prove that her ‘gift’ was fallible, then maybe she could wriggle out of her own death sentence. It was scary to see how deeply she had been seduced by her alternative narrative of events.
‘I know this feels very real to you, Kassie. And that it scares you. But, trust me, everything’s going to be ok. First, we need to get you home, so you can get some rest, then maybe we should talk about other approaches. Consider some short-term medication perhaps –’
‘For God’s sake –’
‘But I said I’ll call Rochelle. We can do it right now –’
‘We need to go down there.’
‘We?’
‘But shouldn’t you be running a mile from me,’ Adam replied, irritation creeping into his tone now. ‘If what you’re saying is true …’
It was a base, disingenuous argument, but Adam didn’t know how else to puncture her belief.
‘Maybe,’ she conceded calmly. ‘But you’re the only person who’s ever been prepared to listen to me, to take me seriously, so … perhaps we’ve been brought together for a reason. If I fail, we both lose. But if we can save Rochelle, if we can stop this thing happening …’
Adam said nothing, silenced by her defiance.
‘Please, Adam. I know you don’t believe me. I know I sound crazy. But you have to trust me. You’re the only person I can turn to.’
‘I don’t know that now is the best time.’
‘I won’t ask anything else of you. If I’m wrong, I’m wrong. I’ll never mention it again. But I’m not. She’s going to be killed now – tonight – unless we do something …’
Adam took in the shaking, determined teenager in front of him. He thought of her mother, the cops and teachers who belittled her, the strength of her illness, his promise to help her … and then he thought of Faith, her tears, her bitter anguish, and the silent baby girl he had held in his arms.
‘I’m sorry, Kassie.
‘Please –’
‘I’d like to help you, but I can’t right now.’
‘Just do this one thing for m—’
‘No.’
It had obviously come out harder than he’d intended, as Kassie flinched. Softening his tone, he took a small step towards her.
‘I need to be with Faith right now.’
Kassie stared at him, scarcely believing what she was hearing.
‘And you need to go home. I’ll call you in a couple of days, or if you want to talk to someone today, I can refer you to a colleague who –’
‘You promised me you’d help me.’
‘Kassie, I’m doing what I can, but –’
‘You’re a liar.’
Kassie turned on her heel, furious.
‘Kassie, please don’t go. Let me drive y—’
The door slammed shut behind her, leaving Adam alone.