Key Nine: Forgiving

Set the Prisoners Free

On January 18, 2013, USA Today posed this question: “CAN YOU FORGIVE LANCE ARMSTRONG?”[1] After years of vigorous denial, seven-time Tour de France champion Lance Armstrong finally confessed that he had used performance-enhancing drugs. Americans were stunned. Many fans who had been greatly inspired by his cycling successes and cancer recovery felt extremely let down.

According to Frank Farley, former president of the American Psychological Association, “America is the land of second chances. All you have to do is ask [for forgiveness] —especially if you can throw a ball, sing a song, make a speech, coach a team or hold the camera.”[2] The article noted other public figures who have been forgiven —Michael Vick, Martha Stewart, and Bill Clinton, to name a few —and laid out a four-step plan for “fallen stars” who want to be forgiven for their sins and indiscretions:

  1. Confession: “I did it.”
  2. Contrition: “I’m sorry I did it.”
  3. Conversion: “I will not do it again.”
  4. Atonement: “I will [make it right].”[3]

Interestingly, these four steps contain words that have significant spiritual meaning. The article illustrated an important truth about forgiveness in any relationship. When sin is uncovered, it brings us to a crisis point. How do we move forward? Can we ever forgive the offender? What are the consequences if we refuse, and what happens if we grant forgiveness, even if it isn’t genuinely sought?

While the sins of public figures may never affect us, the sins and failings of our spouses can have a monumental impact on our lives. What we do at these crisis points in our marriages is what really matters.

In such an intimate relationship as marriage, it’s almost impossible not to step on each other’s emotional toes. As we discussed earlier in the book, intimacy naturally invites conflict and hurt feelings. We can’t truly love another human being unless we’re willing to embrace pain with pleasure.

It flies in the face of all your pride, . . .

It’s the whisper in your ear saying, “Set it free.”

Forgiveness.

—Matthew West, “Forgiveness”

The hurts we experience in marriage are often more than minor bumps and bruises resulting from short-lived tiffs or differences of opinion. As we soon discover, the greater the intimacy, the more likely we are to experience deep personal offenses that cause a crisis of forgiveness. Intimacy creates an environment that forces us to decide whether we will forgive and let go of the offense or harbor a grudge. It also challenges us to humbly ask our husbands to forgive us when we step on their emotional toes. Without forgiveness, intimacy and love wither and die. But when we learn to forgive, setting ourselves and others free from offenses, these qualities thrive in our relationships.

Our oldest daughter, Taylor, learned a valuable lesson about forgiveness during her sophomore year in high school. Her English teacher gave the class a very interesting assignment: to write a letter of apology to someone in their life whom they had hurt —a friend, a family member, a teacher, or a coach. Taylor took the assignment to heart and wrote a letter to her younger sister, Murphy. Murphy was in the sixth grade at the time, and as we all know, sixth grade is a rather awkward stage of life for most girls, so the letter couldn’t have come at a better time.

Taylor was heading to Memphis with her youth group for a missions trip over spring break, so she instructed us to give Murphy the letter to read during our vacation flight to New York City. Murphy was sitting in the row right behind us, and I’ll never forget the look on her face as she began reading. At first the glimmer of a tear ran down her cheek, and then she began shaking with emotion.

Here’s what the letter said:

Dear Murphy,

I hope you have a great time on your trip with Mom, Dad, and Garrison. I’m sad that I won’t be with you, but I knew I needed to go on this missions trip. A few weeks ago my English teacher gave us an assignment to write a letter of apology to someone we have hurt, and I immediately knew I was supposed to write you.

Murphy, over the years we have had our challenges. We have had our fair share of fights; however, we have had many fun times as well. I have become very aware that I haven’t always treated you like you deserved to be treated. I have been cruel with my words and actions. I have called you names and fought with you over things that really didn’t matter. Today I want you to know that you matter much more than anything else. I am deeply sorry for how I have treated you, and I am wondering if you might be willing to forgive me. I know that our relationship can be very different, and I hope that this will mark the beginning of a new chapter as sisters.

I love you with all my heart!

Taylor

Wow! With a humble, repentant heart, Taylor broke down emotional walls that had built up over the years and changed her relationship with her sister forever. That’s the power of forgiveness!

Forgiveness Is a Choice

As Taylor learned from this assignment, forgiveness is a choice. She could have written a letter of apology to anyone, but she chose to ask Murphy to forgive her. As a result, they have become best friends. What a valuable lesson to learn so early in life!

Like Taylor, we can initiate a journey of forgiveness in our marriages. The choice is up to us. Our marriages may have sustained only minor damage from occasional offenses, disappointments, and unmet expectations. Or we may have deep scars from years of back-and-forth verbal pummeling and mistreatment. Over time our hearts can become so hardened from the wounds we inflict on each other that forgiveness can seem impossible. Even if we truly want to forgive our husbands for unresolved offenses, we may stubbornly insist that they should make the first move toward reconciliation. Our husbands often feel the same way, which leaves us in a deadlock.

The truth is, if we desire a more loving relationship with our spouses, as wholehearted wives, we must learn to keep short accounts and forgive on a regular basis. Rather than dwelling on our husbands’ hurtful words and actions, we need to follow Jesus’ advice in Matthew 7:5: “First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” By taking the planks out of our own eyes, we can influence the overall condition of our relationships. Reconciliation and healing won’t take place overnight, but forgiving can be a critical turning point in our relationships.

Forgiveness communicates to our spouses that we value them, and it can soften our hardened hearts toward each other. It doesn’t erase what has happened, stop the pain, or magically heal the wounds, but it allows our relationships to move toward deeper levels of intimacy.

Forgiveness starts when we make the decision to forgive, regardless of whether our emotions necessarily line up with our decision. In other words, we can choose to forgive even when we don’t feel like it.

As believers, we’re commanded to forgive just as God has forgiven us (Colossians 3:13). It isn’t always easy —but then again, forgiving us cost Jesus His life! Remember His amazing words as He hung on the cross: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). Jesus is our perfect role model. He chose not only to forgive those who nailed Him to the cross but to experience the cross in the first place, so that we could receive eternal forgiveness. If for no other reason, we need to forgive our spouses out of gratitude for what Jesus did for us.

When it comes to love, we can’t give what we haven’t experienced ourselves. The same is true of forgiveness. If we haven’t grasped our desperate need for God’s forgiveness, we aren’t able to truly forgive our husbands —or anyone else —when they sin against us. My (Erin’s) dear friend Carrie Oliver said it like this in Grown-Up Girlfriends: “Before we can forgive others, we must embrace God’s forgiveness of our weaknesses and our sins.”[4]

Forgiveness is not only a choice and a command; it’s also a process. Our society tends to demand instant gratification. We want things immediately. But forgiveness doesn’t work like that. Depending on the gravity and magnitude of the offense, it can take weeks, months, or years —or even a lifetime. But regardless of how long it takes, the decision to forgive is always worth it.

When we choose to begin the journey of forgiveness, we’re often the ones who receive the greatest benefit. We can finally stop playing the tapes in our minds that continually rehash every offense and, instead, push the eject button.[5] The wounds may still hurt for some time, but as we continue turning to the Lord for help, we can stop reliving the offenses. For a while we may have to choose forgiveness on a daily basis, reminding ourselves of the decision we made until God heals our wounded hearts. In some ways, the process of forgiveness is a decision to “redecide” every day. But by God’s grace we can keep making that decision again and again.

The choice to forgive is a powerful gift that can transform relationships. It applies not only to forgiving our husbands but to forgiving ourselves as well. This is often where we need to begin.

Forgiving Yourself

We can all think of poor choices, mistakes, or circumstances we’ve made in the past that we wish weren’t part of our history. It’s like something lurking behind a closet door in a dark hallway. Quite frankly, we would prefer to deadbolt the door and forget about the painful, shame-filled memories it conceals. No one else may know these events ever happened, but we certainly do. We may try desperately to keep others from discovering our secret sins, but when we avoid them, they exercise immense power over our thoughts and behavior. Guilt and condemnation can wrap their tentacles around our hearts, filling us with self-hatred. No matter how hard we try, we can’t forget what’s lurking in the closet, and we can’t forgive ourselves for the things we’ve done. All too often their power to destroy our relationships is much greater than we realize.

The past can catch up with us just as it caught up with Eileen. On a Thursday morning, Eileen cheerfully answered the phone. But the joy rapidly drained from her face and heart when a female voice said, “This is a very important private phone call. Please do not hang up. Does March 11, 1968, mean anything to you?”

Eileen’s heart began to pound and her hands trembled as she responded, “Yes, yes it does.”

“Did you have a baby on that day?” A baby girl?” the woman asked.

After several moments of dead silence, Eileen finally responded, “Yes, yes I did.”

Then she heard the words she had always dreaded: “Well, I am that baby.”

Eileen never thought her daughter would find her. A few years earlier, Catholic Family Services informed her that the daughter she had given up for adoption was requesting to contact her. Eileen immediately declined the request. No one knew about her baby girl. Not her other daughter, who was three years old when Eileen gave up the baby for adoption. Not even the husband she’d married eighteen years later, or her seven stepchildren. This was a secret Eileen had tried to lock away for a lifetime. And now on the phone was her youngest daughter. Eileen panicked. Did this girl not realize the damage her phone call could do? At the very least, it had reopened a painful wound in Eileen’s life.

Experiences like Eileen’s can leave our hearts deeply wounded and scarred. Many of us have secrets we want to lock away in dark closets forever. Perhaps you had premarital sex that left you feeling like a failure for not waiting until marriage. Or you may be carrying hidden guilt and grief from having an abortion as a young woman. Maybe you became addicted to drugs or alcohol at an early age. Or perhaps you’ve struggled with an eating disorder, an addiction to pornography, or been on the receiving end of someone’s maltreatment that left you feeling unlovable or deeply ashamed.

Whatever our past experiences may have been, if we deny or ignore their impact on our hearts, we forfeit the forgiveness and healing we so desperately need. Even worse, we allow the Evil One to cripple us with his lies. He knows just what our dark secrets have led us to believe about ourselves. And he uses our daily circumstances to reinforce those lies. Satan is “the father of lies” (John 8:44), and he delights in paralyzing us with guilt and fear. Our biggest fear is that others will not only discover our secrets but will also find out who we really are.

The great news is that God delivered us from our sins the moment we trusted in Jesus Christ and confessed Him as Lord (Romans 10:9). Our sins have been forgiven once and for all by Jesus’ sacrificial death on the cross (1 Peter 3:18). We have been reconciled to God because Jesus paid the penalty for us (Colossians 1:21–22)! Psalm 103:12 reminds us that “as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” We can stand firmly and securely in this truth.

When we realize that God has freely forgiven us through Christ, we can truly forgive ourselves. I (Erin) was actually shocked to learn that the Bible never talks about forgiving ourselves. It speaks only of God’s forgiveness and forgiving one another. If you’re having a hard time forgiving yourself, it could be that you’re rejecting Christ’s forgiveness. It’s like saying, “I know better than God whether I deserve to be forgiven!” What often gets in the way of receiving Christ’s forgiveness is human pride. The remedy for pride is to humble ourselves before God and ask Him to forgive our sins.

First John 1:9 says that “if we confess our sins, [God] is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to purify us from all unrighteousness.” When we confess our sins, past or present, to God, we can know for sure that He will hear and forgive us. We don’t have to keep confessing our sins over and over. We must simply choose to trust God’s promise. We might not feel forgiven, but God has declared it!

Don’t be lulled into complacency, though. Satan will keep throwing your failures and sins in your face —or at least keep them rumbling around in the back of your mind. That’s why he’s also called “the accuser” (Revelation 12:10). But when he whispers his accusations in your ear, you have a choice: Will you believe Satan’s lies or embrace God’s forgiveness?

If you’re struggling to forgive yourself, it may help to follow this two-step process:[6]

  1. Identify the lies that have been written on your heart as a result of your choices and experiences. Then write them down to bring them out into the light.
  2. Next, apply the truth of God to these lies. Find Scripture verses that speak truth to the lies and write them on index cards you can carry with you. Pull them out and review the verses whenever the lies begin to surface in your mind and heart.

In chapter 5 we discussed the devastating impact self-talk can have in our lives and marriages. These internal conversations we continually have with ourselves can be more vicious and unloving than anything our husbands might say. To combat negative self-talk, we need to fill our minds with God’s truth. One powerful verse to counter the lies we believe about ourselves is Romans 8:1: “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

Forgive Yourself . . . But Don’t Forget These Verses

As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. (Psalm 103:12)

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace. (Ephesians 1:7)

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32)

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

As we bring our darkest secrets out of the closet into the light of God’s truth, we can find the grace to accept His forgiveness and even forgive ourselves. Letting go of self-condemnation frees us so that we can offer grace and forgiveness to our husbands.

Forgiving Your Spouse

Our husbands impact our lives in ways no one else can. I (Erin) can remember early in our marriage when Greg struggled with being completely honest with me over our finances. Unfortunately, what started as a small mistruth ended up having a major impact on our marriage. As we worked through this, I also began to learn a lot about forgiveness and grace on my part. Although I would not want to relive this experience, there were “treasures” that we both gained. As I learned through this, our husbands’ behaviors and decisions can be life giving or heart crushing. Think about it —your husband has deeper access to your heart than almost any other human being. Whatever he says or does ultimately affects you. If he makes a poor financial decision, it affects you. If he lies, it affects you. If he has an affair, it affects you. However, there are also more minor offenses that may occur and they may still impact your heart —he may criticize you, be insensitive, use cutting or sarcastic words, or even at times in his preoccupation with work, not meet your needs. Although these are more minor, they still have the potential to hurt you. His decisions —for good or ill —have a great impact on you and your family.

As you and I know, being married inevitably involves risk. If we want to experience love and intimacy, we must also accept the risk of being hurt. Of course, this goes both ways. We, too, have the power to deeply wound our husbands’ hearts. As we discussed earlier, the hurts inflicted in marriage often force us into a crisis of forgiveness. We can either erect walls to keep from being hurt again, or we can forgive. The choice is up to us.

Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.”

—Matthew 18:21–22

In a previous chapter we talked about the way anger creates a tangled web of knots inside us. When anger and bitterness take root in our hearts, we become exactly the opposite of who we desire to be. Harboring anger toward our husbands ultimately harms us more than it harms them. But forgiveness unties the knots and sets us free from the soul-damaging effects of anger. We must choose forgiveness not only because it’s right but because it’s for our own good.

Fuller Theological Seminary professor Lewis Smedes once said, “The first and often the only person to be healed by forgiveness is the person who does the forgiving. . . . When we genuinely forgive, we set a prisoner free and then discover that the prisoner we set free was us![7]

When your spouse hurts or offends you, we suggest following five basic steps to free yourself from anger, resentment, and an unforgiving spirit:[8]

Step 1: Analyze exactly what the offense was and define what you’ve actually lost. Identify how your husband hurt you. When you’re harboring anger over an experience, it helps to identify what you feel was denied or taken from you. Ask yourself these questions:

Step 2: Allow yourself to grieve. Give yourself the chance to feel the hurt. Don’t minimize or avoid the pain. Instead, try to describe your emotions. Journaling on paper or on the computer or writing a letter to your husband (which you don’t actually give him) are some tools that can help you express your feelings.

When I (Erin) was working toward my master’s degree in clinical psychology, the psychologist I was interning with encouraged me to engage in this process. She told me to write an anger letter. I wasn’t to edit it, but just to let all of my feelings of anger pour out on the paper through my pen. I kept thinking this was a silly assignment, but later on in the week, something happened that caused me to write for more than two hours. I sealed that letter in an envelope and carried it with me to my next supervision visit with her.

My mentor asked me if I’d like to read my letter to her, and even though I knew there were details in the letter that weren’t pretty, I began reading. Soon tears were flowing. Honestly, I cried throughout the rest of our meeting and for about the next twenty-four hours. Although my emotion wasn’t entirely related to experiences in my marriage, it started there and led to other scenarios. That’s how grief is —one circumstance or memory can trigger the tears, but as you allow yourself to spill your feelings, additional memories and sorrows come up as well. Grieving honestly and openly is like an internal cleansing of the soul. My mentor assured me that the tears would stop, and finally they did. I was exhausted when I was finished —but also greatly relieved.

Grieving is essential. Often we give ourselves permission to grieve when someone dies or moves away. However, my girlfriend and I will often say, “Life is one loss after another.” Circumstances change, children grow up, dreams are lost, disappointment happens, and expectations are dashed. We must learn to grieve life’s losses, changes, and hurts.

Step 3: Seek to understand your husband better. This step isn’t an easy one. It will take some maturity to try to understand why your husband behaves the way he does. As you discover why he is the way he is, you can begin to experience empathy, and your own anger knots will gradually untie. This may even lead you to feel compassion toward your husband when he has hurt you. Was his offense similar to something that was done to him earlier in his life? Did he have a parent who also struggled with the same behavior? When he acted in a hurtful way, was he hungry, stressed, or getting sick? Understanding is not excusing. It’s just understanding.

Step 4: Release your desire to get even or retaliate. The word forgiveness means to “untie,” “loosen,” or “release.” When you refuse to forgive someone, that person is emotionally tied to you. Sometimes it’s helpful to say aloud, “I forgive you!” We must choose to let go of our anger and our desire to get even with our husbands —even if they haven’t apologized. This is more an act of the will than a feeling. If through this process you discover that you have something to apologize for (maybe a harsh tone in response or a critical statement or withdrawal of your affection), own it. Set the example for apologizing. Your husband may or may not follow suit. We encourage couples to use the following pattern to apologize: I was wrong. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Be as specific as possible, naming your offense.

Step 5: Try to find the “pearls” in the offense. Finding something positive (or pearls) in our trials allows us to heal even further. We cannot hold anger and gratefulness in our hearts at the same time —it’s impossible. Maybe you gained a specific perspective by going through a painful situation or gained sensitivity toward others who are hurting in a way you were hurt. (We’ll explore this concept we call “treasure-hunting” in depth in the next chapter).

Keep these steps handy because you will need them. Remember, for a marriage to thrive and remain healthy, forgiveness must be offered again and again.

Forgiveness in Your Marriage

Two imperfect people living under one roof in an intimate covenant relationship will create plenty of opportunities to practice forgiveness. For a successful marriage, forgiveness is more than just a necessity; it’s a requirement. Think about any marriage that has ended up in divorce, and you’ll likely find that a failure to offer or receive forgiveness played a major role.

Even in situations where one spouse has been unfaithful in the marriage, the response of the injured spouse can often determine whether reconciliation is possible. If forgiveness is offered and received, the marriage stands a good chance not only of being restored but of growing stronger. But both spouses must be willing to go through the painful process of forgiveness.

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.

—Ruth Bell Graham

When Misty (whose story was shared earlier) confessed her two-year affair with her high-school sweetheart to her husband of ten years, she wondered how reconciliation could ever happen. It seemed impossible. But here’s how their journey of forgiveness transpired:

Thinking back to that day still makes my stomach sick. It was a relief to be honest with my husband about what I was doing, but how would we ever put the pieces back together? I knew I wanted to fight for our marriage and our family. Thankfully Matt did, too. Neither of us wanted our two children to suffer the trauma of a divorce. Although Matt was hurt to the depths of his soul and very angry at me, he said he wanted to at least try to work through all of it with a counselor.

Although we were geographically in the Bible Belt, I felt as if I was in hell at times. News travels fast in a small town, and judgments can be harsh. People hurled accusations at me, and I felt as if I were wearing a scarlet letter whenever I walked into Walmart or my kids’ schools. My dear husband dealt with some of the same harsh judgments, but from the other extreme: People looked at him strangely and wondered how he could ever forgive me.

Healing our marriage didn’t happen overnight, but after six years of hard work and pain, Matt and I have finally reconciled. I’m not proud of the choices I made, but I did make them. I don’t think others understand that they, too, could end up on a journey like mine. Matt had to work through a lot of anger toward Tom and me, but he chose forgiveness. I had to seek forgiveness not only from Matt but from the Lord as well. And I also had to forgive Tom for participating in the affair and the people who judged me so harshly.

A godly counselor walked with Matt and me through this process, as well as many friends who set judgment aside and joined us in the fight for our marriage. The healing truly began to flood us after we attended a marriage intensive (www.nationalmarriage.com). As Matt and I gained understanding into what was really going on in our marriage, it enabled us to take slow, steady steps forward. I will be the first to admit that I didn’t believe forgiveness after an affair is possible. But it is!

Forgiveness in a marriage relationship is an absolute necessity, whether it’s over major issues like infidelity or everyday issues like these:

Our willingness to forgive the small stuff in our marriages can significantly influence the quality of our relationships. In fact, the small offenses we encounter in marriage are often the ones that can build up over time and lead to resentment. If we can’t forgive the minor offenses, how will we forgive the major ones?

We need to remind ourselves that we will hurt each other simply because we’re imperfect. As Henry Cloud and John Townsend point out, “We can expect failure from even the best people in our lives.”[9]

So how can we avoid an unforgiving spirit that leads to bitterness and a hardened heart? The best place to start is identifying the hurts we’ve caused in our marriages and seeking forgiveness. Ask the Lord to bring anything to your attention that you may not be aware of. Then reflect on the following questions to identify possible ways you’ve offended or hurt your husband.[10]

As you identify words or actions that may have caused harm, whether intentionally or unintentionally, seek your husband’s forgiveness. Also ask if you’ve hurt or offended him in any other ways. Keep an open heart and mind toward your husband, and be prepared for honesty. Set aside the urge to explain or defend your actions. Simply listen and receive what he has to say, and try to draw out how he felt as a result of your behavior. Own what you can take responsibility for, and apologize for hurts you’ve caused.

God is passionate about reconciliation. He wants us to seek forgiveness and make amends for our hurtful actions and words. In fact, it’s more important to Him than religious activity. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said,

If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. (Matthew 5:23–24)

God also wants us to acknowledge our own hurt feelings and choose to forgive our husbands. There are times when we can and should overlook an offense, especially if it’s minor (Proverbs 19:11). At other times, we may be able to forgive minor offenses without confronting husbands, especially if we know they were unintentional. Colossians 3:13 tells us to “bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.” One way to forgive minor grievances is to articulate our feelings through journaling or prayer. This is similar to grieving a loss.

Marriage is three parts love and seven parts forgiveness.

—Langdon Mitchell

Be aware that your husband may not have intentionally hurt you and may have no idea that he did. Many times we’re blind to the offenses we cause others. If your relationship is in a healthy place, you may want to gently share a minor frustration or hurt with him. If you do, make sure to use “I” statements —“I was hurt when you didn’t notice or thank me for cleaning the entire house.”

Don’t just launch into a confrontation or, as Greg likes to say, “draft your husband into a battle he didn’t know was there.” Simply let him know you’ve been working through a forgiveness exercise, and you’re wondering if you might share with him a few things you realize have hurt you. If he isn’t willing to hear your feelings or apologize, don’t let that stop you from forgiving him. Remember: Forgiveness is a choice.

When offenses cause deep hurt, we clearly need to bring the issue to our husbands’ attention. If we don’t address an issue, it may lead to bitterness and resentment. Lack of forgiveness can also cause us to close off our hearts toward our husbands.

In Matthew 18:15, Jesus said, “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.” When you approach your husband, clearly state that your purpose in bringing the issue to his attention is to resolve anger and bitterness so you can have a more loving and intimate relationship. Again, he may or may not be willing to apologize or seek forgiveness, but you have the opportunity to give the gift of forgiveness anyway. If he does ask for forgiveness, celebrate this by sharing a special dinner together or an evening of intimacy!

Remember: Forgiveness is a journey that continues throughout marriage. It can also be a healing salve for even the most minor offenses. So keep short accounts in your relationship and forgive on a regular basis so that your hearts will remain open toward each other. Don’t allow a spirit of unforgiveness to grow roots of bitterness and resentment in your marriage. Let forgiveness set you free to enjoy a more loving relationship!