Diary, I was so ashamed after Papa pulled me away from the fair. I was certain that all was lost.
I’d never see Jim again, and he would become nothing more than a memory.
That was until early this morning.
As soon as the sun’s first rays show up, Papa always goes to bed. I stay up the first half of the night helping him. But after that, I go to bed so that I can be up and ready for school in the morning.
I had just left the lighthouse when I spotted Jim leaning up against a building, waiting for me.
My heart jumped up into my throat at the sight of him.
But then a wall of shame hit me. I ducked my head, not wanting him to look at me, and started to walk around him, but he reached out and grabbed my hand.
“Stop,” I told him.
He dropped my hand as I walked past him, and he hurried to keep up. “You don’t want to talk to me?”
“I can’t. I’m sorry.”
He jumped in front of me then, facing me and walking backward. “I made you something.”
I stopped, angry. “Why? Why would you make me anything when my father treated you the way that he did?”
Jim dragged his teeth over his bottom lip. “Because I wanted to, and because I’m not afraid.”
I peered into his eyes, looking for any sign of a lie, but didn’t see one.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small wooden dog. It was about three inches high and had a big, fluffy tail. On one side he’d carved in the most beautiful script, Emma Grace.
He raked his fingers through his hair. “I hope you like it.”
“You don’t think I’m a dog, do you?” I teased.
His eyes became big as plates. “No, of course not.”
I laughed. “I’m only joking. It’s beautiful. Thank you.”
“It’s yours.” There was a pause before he said, “Can I walk you to school?”
Heat burned the tops of my cheeks. “Sure.”
And so he walked me to school that day and the next. We talked about how exciting it would be to live in a big city full of life, one that’s not too far away from the ocean.
Jim told me about the business he wants to have—a big department store, where he sells people what they need at a good price. Then he’ll buy a big house and a big car, and—here’s the best part, Diary—he wants me to go with him.
But Diary, how can I be with a man my father hates?
* * *
Terrible news. The most awful thing has happened. We were at church on Sunday, and Jim came in with his parents. They haven’t been to our church before, and I don’t know what made them come that day, but Papa saw Jim’s father and something changed in my dad. It was like a light switch had been flipped. He became sullen, with anger simmering inside of him.
Jim’s family sat a few rows up from us, but I could see Papa eyeing them. He wasn’t even looking at the preacher during the sermon. He just kept his eyes focused on the back of Jim’s dad.
I thought things couldn’t get any worse, that him being still and quietly angry beside me was enough, but I was wrong.
We were leaving church when it happened. We’d just told the preacher goodbye and were standing outside when Papa told me to wait a moment. Diary, it felt like lightning was shooting through my body I was so nervous.
“Papa, can’t we go?” I begged.
His voice was hard, flinty when he answered, “Not yet.”
My stomach was so tight that I thought I’d throw up. What was he waiting for? Did he want to yell at Jim? Tell him in front of his parents to leave me alone?
I got my answer as soon as Jim and his parents came out of the church. Papa called out, “Docker.”
Jim’s father, a lean man with a dark beard and a sun-worn face, searched the crowd until his gaze landed on Papa. His lips pursed as he led his family over to us.
“Will,” he said to my father. “It’s been a long time.”
Papa nodded at him before looking at Jim’s mother. “Maureen, you look the same.”
That was when Jim’s father stepped in front of his wife, blocking her from view. “She made her choice a long time ago.”
My father ran his hand down his face. “Your boy’s been trying to corrupt my daughter. Seems he’s a lot like his father.”
Docker’s eyes tightened. So did his fists. But he didn’t say anything. The whole time this was going on, I’m staring at Jim, wondering what’s going to happen, if things will get worse.
Jim kept looking from his dad to mine, and every so often he shot me looks.
Docker said, “Take it back, Will. Take back what you said about my son.”
Papa spat on the ground. “I won’t. You corrupted Maureen, and your son’s trying to do the same thing to Emma Grace. Keep him away from her. I don’t want her to end up like the two of you.”
“My son’s good.”
“If he’s so good, why’s he sneaking my daughter off to fairs without telling her father? Why’s he seeing her in secret?”
Docker looked at Jim then, and Jim bowed his head. “I’ll deal with my son,” he told Papa.
“Keep him away from my daughter,” Papa warned again. “The last thing we need is for Emma to become disgraced just like Maureen.”
The whole time I had no idea what was going on, Diary. I didn’t know why Maureen was so important or how she’d been disgraced.
But those words hit a hard nerve in Jim’s dad because the next thing that happened should never occur outside of a church. He pulled back his fist and punched Papa in the nose.
Maureen screamed. Jim grabbed his dad, holding him by the arms. Jim is big, Diary, as tall as his father, if not as broad.
And the worst of it all was that Papa went reeling back, landing on the grass. I reached down to grab him, but he shoved me away.
Docker stepped to my father, towering over him. “Don’t you ever say one bad word about my family ever again.”
Papa’s voice sounded thick, like his nose was stopped up when he answered, “Keep your boy away.”
Jim’s father gathered his family and they walked away. Papa grabbed a handkerchief from his back pocket and placed it over his nose, which I saw was pushed to one side, broken.
People were staring at us. “Come on,” I whispered. He didn’t say a thing as we got into the car and headed back.
When we reached the lighthouse, he went into his bedroom and shut the door. I went to my own room and sat for a long time. In my drawer was an old picture of Mother. I pulled it out and looked at the old black-and-white photo, running my fingers over her face.
I miss her, Diary. It was just her and me when Papa went off to the war, and when he came back, she got sick and died. It’s just been the two of us for the last five years, and I wish that she was still here. If she was alive, Papa never would have acted like he did at church. He would’ve just gone on his way. But things were always happier when Mother was living. Ever since her death, there’s been a dark shadow over us, over him, one that refuses to burn away with the rising sun.
When night came, I went to bed. I had just closed my eyes when a noise made them flutter back open. It came from my window.
My heart leaped into my throat as I opened the window and saw Jim.
“What are you doing here?” I whispered.
“I came to see you.”
A slice of moonbeam slashed across his face, and I swear, Diary, that he looked like an angel. My heart was so full from seeing him that I felt as if it might burst.
“I don’t know what my father will do if he sees you.”
“Then I won’t get caught,” he said with a smile.
I smiled myself then, before the memory of what had happened at church sank back into my bones. “I’m sorry about today.”
“Me too.”
“It wasn’t your fault.” He shrugged and looked away as if ashamed when it was me who should have been ashamed. “What was all of that between them?”
He sighed. “Your father wanted to marry my mother.”
It felt like a hammer had been brought down on my head. Never in a million years would I have guessed that. “What?”
Jim swallowed hard, the knot in his throat bobbing. “Then my mother met my dad, and they were caught alone.”
My eyes widened. “So that was what Papa meant about corrupting her.”
Jim nodded. “They got married a short time after, but from what I understand, your father was going to propose to her. My father beat him to it.”
“He loved her,” I said, the words barely a whisper. That was why he hated Jim so much. It wasn’t because he thought that Jim might steal me away and he’d lose a daughter. It was because he hated Jim’s father, pure and simple. He’d wanted to marry a woman who’d loved someone else.
“I’m sorry,” I said to him.
“Sorry for what?”
“For all of it, I guess.”
“There’s nothing for you to be sorry about.”
It was then that I knew I loved him, and that we’d never be together. There was no way that my father would ever allow it. He hated Jim’s father too much to let me be near his son.
“Penny for your thoughts,” he murmured.
“You’d have to pay me a dollar for them.”
He tipped his head back and laughed. The sound warmed my body and made me smile.
“Don’t look so sad.”
“But I am.” A tear splashed onto my cheek. “There’s nothing you can do about it.”
“I think there’s something.”
“What’s that?”
“Marry me.”
The air was sucked from my lungs. “You’re not serious.”
“So serious. More serious than you’ve seen another person.”
I studied him, looking for any hint of a smile, but there wasn’t one to be found. “But how will we…?”
“Elope,” he told me. “We’ll get a preacher to marry us. Your father won’t be able to say no then. When we come back, he’ll have no choice but to accept me as his son. He’ll have to get over what happened in the past.” There was a long pause before he added, “So will you? Will you marry me?”