I can’t tell you how many times a game that felt like it was slipping away was completely turned around by a few words from a gifted coach.
I remember one game when I repeatedly tried to make long throws. Some connected, but many did not. I had seen the defense—a Cover 2 scheme, meaning a defense in which the safeties play farther back—but continued to try to beat them long. The offense was struggling, and we were losing.
My quarterback coach pulled me aside. “Don’t try to hit a home run every time,” he said. “You’re playing right into their defense by going long. Loosen them up with some intermediate passes.”
He was right. Shorter passes lured the safeties closer to the line of scrimmage, opening up the long ball. We came back from a deficit and won the game handily.
Throughout my life I have been blessed to have worked with and benefited from all sorts of gifted coaches.
Some have the word coach attached to their names—Coaches Perry, O’Brien, Swinney, just to name a few.
But other coaches who have provided me valuable guidance and insight don’t necessarily refer to themselves as coaches—my mom, Mrs. Frierson, Mama Maria, and many others.
That points out an important truth for every servant leader, both aspiring and established. There are helpful coaches around us all the time if we take the opportunity to look for them and, just as important, to appreciate what they can offer us.
THERE ARE HELPFUL COACHES AROUND US ALL THE TIME IF WE TAKE THE OPPORTUNITY TO LOOK FOR THEM AND, JUST AS IMPORTANT, TO APPRECIATE WHAT THEY CAN OFFER US.
Eventually, a developing servant leader becomes a coach to those around him or her. By looking to serve the people they lead, servant leaders are naturally offering coaching, guidance, direction, and other ways of developing personal growth and success.
That sets up what is to me a really interesting flow. On the one hand, servant leaders looking to improve their leadership skills can benefit by knowing what to look for in a coach—what abilities, attributes, and other talents a coach can share to help the servant leader grow.
Ultimately, though, that aspiring leader needs to take a different look at those skills—this time, in terms of what he or she can offer as a coach. It’s very much like starting out in the role of a student who, over time, becomes an eager teacher.
In this chapter, I’ll share with you what I’ve always looked for in any coach with whom I’ve worked—on the football field and beyond. By pointing out what I’ve found to be most valuable in a coach, I hope to guide you to look for similar skills and abilities in those potential coaches in your life.
From there, I’ll talk about the role of a servant leader as a coach—how I’ve come to see my role as a servant leader and, in turn, specific strategies and ideas I use to be the most effective coach possible for those with whom I come into contact.
I owe so much of what I’ve become in my life to those coaches who invested their time and energy in me. I hope you have as much success in your journey as I have had in mine.
Before starting on any journey, it’s essential to know your destination. With that in mind, when determining what to look for in a coach, first ask yourself: What am I trying to achieve?
On a simple level, goals can be fairly straightforward. For instance, in my role as a football player and quarterback, I always looked for a coach who would be able to take my skills to the next level. That was determined, in part, by where I happened to be as a player at that time. Was my passing accuracy a skill that needed work? Play calling? The ability to read a defense? No matter where I was in my development, I always looked at a coach through the lens of my goals at the time. I looked for what I knew I needed.
The same can apply to your situation. For example, in your profession, what skills do you need to develop to further your career? Do they have something specific to do with your job performance, or are those things more intangible, such as communication or other types of interpersonal skills? What you determine you need at the moment can impact the sort of person you might look to for coaching guidance.
That goes for your personal life as well. Are you happy with your home life, your family relationships, and your friendships? If you’d like to improve them, consider what you may be learning in your professional life. Many workplace lessons learned through a coach or mentor apply to your life outside of work.
Another skill I’ve always prioritized in any coach with whom I’ve worked is clarity of communication. This is a topic I cannot stress strongly enough. An effective coach needs to be a top-notch communicator—to be able to share experiences and insights in the clearest terms possible. To my mind, it’s an absolute requirement. No great coach has ever lived who was incapable of getting a message across clearly and to the point.
When I made a mistake in either college or the pros, I was lucky to be working with coaches gifted at explaining where I made my mistake and, just as important, what I needed to learn from that mistake so it wouldn’t happen again.
NO GREAT COACH HAS EVER LIVED WHO WAS INCAPABLE OF GETTING A MESSAGE ACROSS CLEARLY AND TO THE POINT.
That wasn’t just on the football field. I saw it in my academic life as well. My tutor at Clemson, Mama Maria, is one of the most blunt and straightforward people I’ve ever met. When I would call her trying to wriggle my way out of a study session, she made no bones about how important our work together was. No excuses, period. I benefitted from that sort of direct talk—even when it meant I had to haul my butt over to her office and get back to work. Her message was not open to interpretation in any way.
Part of being a great communicator is being a great listener—another aspect of great coaching. Accomplished coaches do much more than talk about what you should do and why; they also encourage feedback. Furthermore, they take that feedback to heart. Communication is a two-way street, and a good coach makes certain the traffic flows in both directions.
COMMUNICATION IS A TWO-WAY STREET, AND A GOOD COACH MAKES CERTAIN THE TRAFFIC FLOWS IN BOTH DIRECTIONS.
A great coach is also perceptive. Many people can be effective coaches when the issues involved are limited to the obvious. But a great coach is always able to read between the lines, to pick up on issues of significance that others might miss or overlook. Great coaches see more than everyone else sees. They’re skilled at spotting nuances and subtle clues.
Taking that further, a perceptive coach knows that performance is about more than just mechanics. Attitude, emotions, experiences, and other factors play important roles as well. Perceptive coaches understand that coaching is anything but a skin-deep matter.
To that end, a coach who picks up on a problem will look for issues beyond just performance. That coach will ask if anything is on your mind, if there’s anything troubling you, how things are at home. If you’re in school, a perceptive coach will make certain to ask how your studies are progressing, how your social life is going. That coach will always be on the lookout for some subtle reason behind what you are doing.
Just as important, a perceptive coach will know when to pull back on asking these sorts of questions. We all know what it feels like when someone with the very best intentions asks us if anything’s wrong, only to be told in no uncertain terms to get out of our face. A perceptive coach will not push the issue needlessly. If yours is a solid relationship, the coach will know that you’ll eventually open up when you’re ready to talk and will back off when it’s clear they need to back off.
That goes hand in hand with another central attribute: honesty. Great coaches are honest without exception—with others and with themselves. They own up to their mistakes. By the same token, if they see something they feel a need to point out to you, they’re just as honest in their willingness to do so.
Admittedly, this is a tough hill to climb. Let’s face it, we’ve all been dishonest at one time or another. But honest coaches invariably will admit that, yes, they were short of being completely honest or forthright. In a way, it’s the most powerful form of honesty there is—acknowledging to everyone that they’re not flawless.
As I’ve mentioned in other parts of this book, I value a sense of balance—a mindset that keeps things in perspective. All of my best coaches have shared this attribute. Of course, they wanted me to succeed at whatever I was pursuing, but they also recognized that their work with me was just one part of my development as a person.
For instance, the football coaches I’ve been fortunate enough to play for have all been top-notch teachers of the sport—in strategy, technique, conditioning, and other aspects. But they’ve also recognized that the lessons learned in football aren’t limited to the field; they’re also a means to teach critical life lessons, such as teamwork, communication, and dedication. That was particularly important to me when I was a young player in high school and college just beginning to learn my craft. I began to understand the totality of the coaching I was receiving.
I also believe that the best coaches work with the entire person—not just the athlete, student, employee, or some other role that someone may occupy. They understand that everyone is made up of different talents, interests, and priorities. In keeping with a sense of perspective, they recognize that the particular skill or talent they happen to be addressing is no more or less important than any other part of a person’s life. As I said, they coach the entire person, not just one part.
Coaches Miller and Perry back in high school were exceptional at this. And they had to be. Since they knew what my family and I were going through with my mom’s cancer, they always took the time to ask how things at home were, how my mom was doing. Not only did they know that Mom’s health would affect my on-field performance, but they also wanted to convey their interest in me as a person, not just a football talent. Like all gifted coaches, they understood that they couldn’t possibly coach plays while ignoring the player.
THE BEST COACHES WORK WITH THE ENTIRE PERSON—NOT JUST THE ATHLETE, STUDENT, EMPLOYEE, OR SOME OTHER ROLE THAT SOMEONE MAY OCCUPY. THEY UNDERSTAND THAT EVERYONE IS MADE UP OF DIFFERENT TALENTS, INTERESTS, AND PRIORITIES.
Leslie Frierson, one of my grade-school teachers back in Gainesville, is another ideal example of this. When I met NFL player Kendrick Lewis, she immediately picked up on how excited I was to interact with an actual professional football player. She knew I aspired to play professionally myself someday. She encouraged me to pursue that dream, but she was also thoughtful enough to remind me that my schoolwork would have to go hand in hand with my growth as a football player. That’s the kind of perspective I’m talking about—not one that sees just a football player or just a student, but the entire person.
A coach who understands the importance of coaching the complete person recognizes that this approach leads to the very best results. Even young people know when a coach is treating them as a person rather than just a performer or player. As a result, they’re motivated to work that much harder, and not just in one area of their lives. The complete person works that much more diligently at everything he or she is doing.
I believe great coaches are also selfless. Their goal in working with someone is not success for themselves—in effect, leveraging others for their own personal achievement (although, naturally enough, a great coach celebrates success). Rather, they’re dedicated to the betterment of others, to always putting the interests of those around them ahead of their own.
Dabo Swinney at Clemson is just such a coach. I knew it from the earliest days of our relationship. After much thought and prayer, I decided to commit to Clemson early, well before the deadline when I had to formally make up my mind.
A coach who was solely concerned about the success of his football program would have done little more than, in effect, say: “Great. Just sign here.”
Not Coach Swinney. He reminded me that I still had plenty of time to make such a critical decision, and he asked me if it wouldn’t be better to wait a bit. Give it some more thought, more prayer. Make absolutely certain that this was the right choice for me.
His response only reaffirmed my decision that Clemson was, in fact, just the place for me. Even in high school, I could recognize his selflessness, his focus on the well-being of the person making the choice rather than how his own program and career might benefit. And, in the end, it was the best choice for me, thanks in large part to a coach who placed greater importance on my future than he did on what I might be able to contribute to his football team.
I also believe that great coaches are loyal without exception. They are loyal to the people they lead, to the program they represent, and to themselves. They understand that, if they cannot be loyal to themselves, then it’s simply not possible to show meaningful loyalty toward anyone else.
Chad Morris epitomizes a coach who’s loyal.
Coach Morris, who, as I write this, serves as the offensive coordinator and quarterback coach at Auburn University, was a central person in my life in a number of ways. Before eventually settling at Auburn, he was the head football coach at the University of Arkansas as well as Southern Methodist University, and, prior to all that, was the offensive coordinator at Clemson.
He was central in my decision to attend Clemson. Prior to my commitment, he was always there for me, answering questions and continually trying to assure me that Clemson would be just the place for me. In many ways, he complemented Coach Swinney’s focus on making sure I made the right choice. In Coach Morris’s mind, Clemson was the very best place for me to grow athletically, academically, and personally. As I’ve made clear, he was certainly right about that. He was loyal from the outset.
Coach Morris was also loyal to the program at Clemson. Prior to his arrival after the 2010 season, the offense had continually struggled, ranking eighty-sixth in scoring. Coach Morris was determined to improve on that dismal statistic by making things as simple as possible—play fast, play with focus, and put the ball in the hands of players with the best skills to make things happen. Simple and very effective.
From a football perspective, the rest is history, as they say.
But Coach Morris is much more than a gifted teacher. I could sense his loyalty and the bond that we had from the first time we spoke. Ultimately, I came to see him as a father figure, one whose loyalty can never be compromised. We talk on a regular basis to this day.
When he was hired at Arkansas, I let everyone know my feelings about Coach Morris via the media:
“Arkansas’s got a great coach in Chad Morris. What I love about him most is he’s a very loyal man. He’s been there since Day 1 for me and been that father figure I never had in my life. He’s very energetic, very truthful and very honest. He makes everyone around him better and has a bright future. Arkansas hired the right man to lead their football program. All love to the Morris family!”1
True to his loyal nature, Coach Morris has always been there to return the love.
“[Deshaun is] constantly in contact with me, he talks to (wife) Paula more than he does me,” he was quoted saying on Jim Rome’s radio program. “He talks to my two kids. He’s like an older brother to my two kids. He’s the type of kid your daughter brings home and says she wants to spend the rest of her life with a guy like him. Man, you would embrace that every day. He’s that special of a person.”2
Great coach; even greater, more loyal man.
Ultimately, great coaches are gifted life teachers. They understand that the lessons they’re sharing go beyond what may occur on the field or the court. They recognize that something far more important than points being scored or games won or lost is taking place. By focusing their teaching on one particular aspect of your life—be it athletics, academics, or some other area—they know full well that growth is occurring within the entire person.
Those are just a sampling of some of the gifts that my coaches have given me over the years. There are many more, but I believe these are an excellent starting point to help you identify what you would value in a coach. For me, their value boiled down to a relatively simple question: Is what they’re sharing making me into a better, more complete person? Over time I’ve amended this to include: a more skilled and intuitive servant leader?
GREAT COACHES ARE GIFTED LIFE TEACHERS. THEY UNDERSTAND THAT THE LESSONS THEY’RE SHARING GO BEYOND WHAT MAY OCCUR ON THE FIELD OR THE COURT.
I’m now in a position to, in effect, return the favor by acting as a leader to those around me, both on the football field and elsewhere. Naturally, I’ve tried to develop the same kind of attributes I’ve embraced in my coaches. I’ve also been inspired to focus on additional skills that I feel are critical to being an effective servant leader.
Many of these attributes were also present in the coaches with whom I’ve worked. But I’m now seeing their value from the other side of the formula—as a servant leader looking to bring out the very best in everyone around me.
One thing I believe great servant leaders do is inspire those around them. Through their example, they boost others’ energy level, commitment, and dedication to hard work. They help others believe they’re capable of achieving greatness and of overcoming any obstacles or setbacks.
To be absolutely clear, that isn’t a question of being some sort of cheerleader. Most people see through a lot of rah-rah nonsense—all talk, empty words. Instead, as I pointed out, a servant leader inspires others by example. Servant leaders share what they’ve achieved, not as a form of bragging but as an illustration of what’s possible.
That’s about more than just acknowledging what’s happened in the past. For the servant leader, serving as an example is an ongoing, living entity. To coach others about the value of hard work and dedication, servant leaders look to make everything they do an illustration of hard work and dedication. If they coach about the value of listening, they work to develop their own listening skills to the utmost.
A coach and servant leader also works hard to support others. Support is made up of many of the qualities I’ve already pointed out, such as perception, balance, and great listening skills. Those and other attributes all contribute to a servant leader who is there when people need a lift. A great coach will certainly encourage you to learn from your mistakes but won’t let you wallow in them.
A GREAT COACH WILL CERTAINLY ENCOURAGE YOU TO LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES BUT WON’T LET YOU WALLOW IN THEM.
That doesn’t mean servant leaders see everything through rose-colored glasses, that they never stop smiling no matter how challenging the situation. That isn’t necessarily support; often, that’s just kidding yourself. Instead, a skilled coach will maintain a realistic form of support—always looking to boost confidence and commitment without downplaying significant challenges and hurdles.
In the context of support, my friend Cam Newton has also served as a great coach for me. As I’ve mentioned before, he was there for me after the devastating loss in the national championship game to Alabama. Not only did he look to boost my spirits, but he also offered practical, powerful advice to help me keep moving forward. He was supportive but a realist. The world didn’t end with the Alabama loss. As Cam supported me, he helped me understand that the game set the stage for all the work that remained to be done.
Great coaches are also realistic in other ways. They know what they have to work with and what they don’t. This is perhaps one of their most overlooked traits. They’re dedicated to working to help others grow and improve but, by the same token, they’re not going to try to work with something that simply doesn’t exist.
On the football field, I’ve seen what happens when some coaches have an unrealistic view of the skill of their team. For instance, I’ve seen teams try to emphasize a running game when they simply don’t have the blocking up front. I’ve seen teams try to leverage a passing game with a subpar quarterback. That isn’t constructive. Rather than trying to improve something that simply can’t be improved very much, it’s far better to address known strengths and work to make the most of those.
You may have seen this yourself in Pop Warner football, Little League, or school sports. Perhaps a coach’s son or daughter has a role on a team that they’re simply not equipped to handle. Maybe they get more playing time just because of the family ties. I’m all for giving people every opportunity to grow and succeed, but there has to be some sort of ability or experience there to start with. In many cases, leaders who make those types of decisions aren’t truly giving others the chance to make good—they’re merely setting them up for failure. A solid coach and servant leader knows the distinction between offering qualified people a realistic chance and placing less-qualified people way too close to the edge.
A great coach is not only confident but is also able to convey what confidence is and isn’t. Confidence doesn’t mean being some strutting braggart, always at the ready to crow about an achievement or success. To me, that only suggests a level of insecurity. If you have to talk about it, then it’s possible you really don’t believe it.
Instead, for me, confidence means a realistic understanding of what you can do—as well as those things that you may need others’ help with. This comes back to the importance of balance. Confidence is a balanced view of yourself—what you’re good at and what you need to work on.
Confidence also has to do with a desire to take on challenging situations and circumstances. If you’re genuinely confident, you want to have to come back from a losing game. You want that challenge, that sense of obligation and responsibility.
I remember hearing Michael Jordan say once that, when the game was on the line, he wanted the ball in his hands. He hungered to be in that position. Notice, too, what he didn’t say. He didn’t mention anything about wanting to take the last shot. Instead, he wanted the ball so he could position it for success—whether that meant him taking a shot or passing one off to a teammate. He wanted to have the ball so he could decide what move would work best. That’s confidence.
CONFIDENCE IS A BALANCED VIEW OF YOURSELF—WHAT YOU’RE GOOD AT AND WHAT YOU NEED TO WORK ON.
Tom Brady is like that as well. In the most pressure-packed situations, he wants to be the quarterback involved in the play that decides everything. It’s not a question of whether he’s the one doing the scoring or not. He just wants to help a winning play happen, no matter who eventually crosses the goal line. For Tom, confidence isn’t just a me thing, it’s an us thing.
That illustrates another aspect of a coach’s confidence—the ability to inspire confidence in others. And that confidence doesn’t exist in a vacuum. A coach’s confidence shouldn’t be so encompassing as to make others feel unnecessary or irrelevant. Instead, a great coach looks to build confidence in others. By boosting the overall confidence of the group, the coach helps the players move in the same direction, certain that they’re ready to meet any challenge or obstacle.
A gifted coach and servant leader also makes it a point to be constructively critical. Criticism and feedback are necessary components of a coach’s overall responsibility, but they should never be delivered without a constructive slant. Pointing out mistakes for the sake of pointing out mistakes is easy; framing them in the context of a lesson is a completely different challenge.
CRITICISM AND FEEDBACK ARE NECESSARY COMPONENTS OF A COACH’S OVERALL RESPONSIBILITY, BUT THEY SHOULD NEVER BE DELIVERED WITHOUT A CONSTRUCTIVE SLANT.
In fact, that’s one of the most significant tipping points between poor coaching and great coaching. Inexperienced or lazy coaches are prone to limiting feedback to simple criticism. On the other hand, gifted coaches won’t pull any punches when discussing what went wrong, but they will make certain to take it further, offering ideas and suggestions for learning from a mistake and ways to improve. One approach just pushes people away; the other draws them closer.
That said, a true coach and servant leader knows when it’s time to keep quiet. In many ways, that runs counter to the stereotypical view of coaches—continually talking, occasionally screaming, constantly animated. But good coaches recognize the importance of allowing others to process a teaching moment or come to their own conclusions. Not every leadership moment needs to be filled with chatter or commentary.
The very best coaches and servant leaders are flexible by nature. Of course, the more experienced they are, the more they’ll know in advance what’s going to work and what might not. But that doesn’t cast strategy and teaching in stone—anything but. When others are having a hard time grasping what the coach is trying to get across, the last thing a good coach will do is fault them for an inability to “get it.” Instead, the coach will approach their confusion as a teaching opportunity that calls for a different approach or some other alternative. That’s not a case of lacking conviction; rather, it’s a realistic acceptance of the situation and a willingness to change course in hopes of obtaining better results.
That means great coaches and servant leaders are constantly challenging themselves as much as the people around them. They understand that they’re charged with learning and growing every bit as much as anyone else. Many gifted coaches treat every day as though it were their first on the job—they become blank slates, ready to benefit as much as they hope to serve others. Servant leaders and coaches approach challenges and opportunities as roads for growth for themselves and those around them.
Great coaches also have terrific staying power. They display strength through longevity, a strength that allows them to continue to lead despite the adversity they will inevitably face.
GREAT COACHES AND SERVANT LEADERS ARE CONSTANTLY CHALLENGING THEMSELVES AS MUCH AS THE PEOPLE AROUND THEM. THEY UNDERSTAND THAT THEY’RE CHARGED WITH LEARNING AND GROWING EVERY BIT AS MUCH AS ANYONE ELSE.
That’s why I think New Orleans quarterback Drew Brees has been a sort of coach for me.
On one level, his performance and statistics are off the charts. In nineteen seasons, Brees has done almost everything he possibly can and then some: he’s won a Super Bowl, been a Super Bowl MVP, and been named to twelve Pro Bowls, and he holds several NFL all-time records. He has the respect of both teammates and opponents.
His longevity and consistency also inspire me. If you look at his record year in and out, there’s a stunning level of consistency—four or five thousand yards passing almost every year. And considering all the physical punishment every quarterback has to deal with—as I write this, Brees is recovering from surgery on his throwing hand to repair a torn ligament—his is a remarkable example of dedication, durability, and the ability to rebound from setbacks.
But Brees is so much more than an amazing athlete. He’s always been a guy I look up to. Every time I see him, we stop and talk. I always learn something of value from him. He’s a great role model, a great family guy, and a great father. Anybody trying to be a quarterback at this level should look up to him as well.
He may never have won league MVP—a fact that never fails to blow me away—but, as a servant leader, he’s a repeat winner.
My teammate J. J. Watt is another example of what I would call a more informal sort of coach.
For one thing, we both have very visible positions in the city of Houston. In addition to our time spent playing together, we’ve also done a fair amount of rehab work together. That’s where I think J. J. serves as a coach: his determination, focus, and work ethic are all things you want to emulate.
But it’s also J. J.’s role in the community—his work raising money for hurricane victims—that makes him an even more inspiring coach. He recognizes that being a celebrity also means taking on additional responsibility in helping others, particularly during challenging times. As a coach, he’s helped me see that individuals blessed with a particular ability or standing in the community need to do more, and he never fails to do just that.
Ultimately, I think one of the most important characteristics of great coaches and servant leaders is their sense of gratitude. They never take their role for granted; they embrace it and the opportunity they’ve been given to influence others. It’s also one of the most obvious traits to spot. A coach’s attitude, approach, and dedication all underscore a strong sense of gratitude.
That’s an example I’ve truly taken to heart. As a developing servant leader, I’m grateful every day for the position I’m in and the opportunity I’ve been given to make a genuine difference in the lives of most everyone I meet.
I have a long line of great coaches to thank for that—and, one day, you will as well.
PASS IT ON
• Think about the characteristics and attributes you value in a coach. Then list the people in your life who possess those characteristics. Can you add any others to make your coaching experience more complete?
• What does being confident mean to you? Where’s the tipping point between confidence and arrogance? How do you inspire confidence in others? If someone is arrogant or overly confident, how can you as a leader bring that person back toward a more balanced sense of confidence?
• Think of someone you know who you consider a confident person. How does that person speak and act? Think about what makes the confidence admirable without dissolving into arrogance. Then think about how those attributes contribute to great leadership.
YOUR CHALLENGE
As a developing servant leader, list what skills you can offer others as a coach. Are there characteristics you think would be valuable to add? Who can you emulate to broaden your servant leadership by broadening your coaching skills?