Ladies, I will open my heart to share a special message this Christmas season. Rarely do I find myself more vulnerable than when I look into the eyes of a newborn babe, particularly a girl-child. For, in that moment, I see all the potential for her life—twenty, thirty, even fifty years from now. Our daughters, granddaughters, and great-granddaughters will have glorious, productive lives, thanks to the work we have done on their behalf. They may not pause to thank us. Many won’t even realize the inroads we’ve made. But we will know, and that is all that matters.
—Ellie Cannady, editor of The Modern Suffragette
* * * * *
A WAVE OF EMOTION WASHED over Alanna as she gazed into the eyes of the beautiful infant. Joyous love exuded for the little girl with pink cherub cheeks and golden wisps of hair now wrapped in her mother’s arms.
“Oh, Margaret.” Alanna eased her way down onto the edge of the bed, tears streaming. “I’ve never seen anything more precious.” With the tip of her index finger she caressed the darling little cheek.
“My tiny Christmas present.” Margaret did not lift her gaze from the babe’s face, but the emotion in her voice left little to the imagination. She was smitten. Less than ten minutes old and the baby had stolen the hearts of all in attendance. And there were more than a few in attendance, though most had ventured downstairs to help with the cooking.
Margaret gestured for Brett to join them on the bed, and he came over, eyes misty. “This is the happiest day of my life.” He snuggled up next to Margaret and gazed into his daughter’s face. Alanna looked on at the three of them and thought they looked very much like a Christmas painting. All that was missing was the stable and the hay. Of course, Brett’s cowboy boots looked a little out of place hanging off the edge of the bed, but never mind that.
“I’m sorry I had you working so hard downstairs,” Margaret said. She gave him a little shrug.
“I daresay you were working harder up here.” Brett leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “I was tending to a turkey and ham. You were tending to something a little more important.”
“Yes.” Every eye in the room shifted to the babe.
For a few seconds, anyway. Katie came bursting through the door, pulling off her hat, coat, and gloves and letting them fall to the floor. She took one look at the baby and erupted into tears. “Oh, I’m too late.” The new auntie shook her head and sank onto the edge of the bed. “Forgive me?”
“Forgive you? Why, you’re just in time.” Margaret gestured to the babe. “What do you think of our little Christmas present?”
“I think she’s—” Katie leaned over to look at her. “I think she’s the most beautiful little doll I’ve ever seen. The perfect gift.” After she got control of herself, she took another peek. “What will you call her?”
Margaret stroked her finger along the baby’s cheek. “We will have to think on that.”
Brett rose and paced the room. “She’s definitely a gift from above, so we need to give her an appropriate name. Something that speaks to the season, of course.”
Margaret nodded. “At first I thought about Noel, but I think perhaps we should call her Given instead.”
“Given?” Alanna asked, just to be sure she’d heard correctly.
“Yes.” Margaret cradled the infant close to her breast. “Because she was given to us. What do you think?”
The child began to coo—truly, a heavenly sound coming from one so small—and Alanna’s eyes filled with tears. “I think you’re absolutely right, Margaret. She is a gift we will all cherish for years to come.”
“What a precious bundle,” Margaret whispered. “All wrapped up with ribbons and bows.”
“No bows just yet.” Alanna pointed to the infant’s scant wisps and chuckled. “But one day soon.”
Her thoughts reeled to Savannah. Home. Back home, this little doll would be dressed in frills from the get-go, donned only in the finest for all of society to see. Here, she lay in her mother’s arms, wrapped in a homespun blanket.
Kind of like that babe in the manger.
Alanna felt the breath go out of her as she thought it through. Yes, very much like the babe in the manger. He came with no fanfare. No ribbons and bows. And yet was He not the greatest gift given to mankind?
She gazed once again into little Given’s face. Her apple-dumpling cheeks. Her tiny little chin. Those perfectly formed ears. They spoke of perfection. And grace. And hope for better days ahead.
“You will have a wonderful life, little darling,” Alanna whispered into the infant’s ear. “Your mama and papa will see to that.”
“Yes, indeed.” Margaret gave the little darling several soft kisses on the brow. “You have changed your mommy’s life forever, baby girl. Nothing will be the same now that you’re here.”
Alanna wondered at her sister’s words. Would things really be different? If so, what did that mean? Had giving birth changed Margaret’s thoughts on women’s rights, or was she referring to something else?
Brett leaned in close to his wife and daughter, his face awash with joy. Alanna quietly left the room. She’d barely made it out the door when she bumped into Tanner. As she gazed into his eyes, her heart raced.
“You frightened me.”
“Sorry. Just wanted to make sure everything’s all right. “
“More than all right.” She sighed and gestured through the open door at the scene before them.
“The baby…she’s fine?” Tanner whispered.
“Oh, she’s more than fine. She’s…miraculous.” Alanna pulled the door closed behind her.
“All babies are. Or so I hear.”
“Oh, but this one really is! And to come on Christmas Eve—what a gift.” Alanna reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze. “They’re calling her Given.”
“Given?”
“Because God has given her to them. Isn’t that precious?”
He smiled. “I like it. No one has a name like that, at least around these parts. She’ll be one of a kind.”
“She will. And she will grow into a lovely young woman, ready to face any challenges life might bring her.”
“Hopefully not too many.”
“No. But she will be strong-spirited like her mama, I’m sure.”
“No doubt.”
“And like all the women who helped bring her into the world.” Alanna chuckled. “I’ve never seen so many ladies gathered in one room before. To think, they all came out on such a wintery day to help. That really touches me.” A lump filled her throat, and tears followed.
“Are you all right?” Tanner took her by the arm and led her to the top of the stairs, where he gestured for her to sit.
“More than all right. I feel as if I’m forever changed.” After she settled into place, he joined her, slipping an arm around her shoulders. She leaned in close, her heart spilling over with a thousand emotions at once. “I’m transformed,” she whispered. “I know that Christmas has the power to do that to a person, but this time it’s not just the usual things about the holiday that are affecting me. It’s not the snow or the ornaments on the tree or the gifts. It’s not even the food, which is going to be wonderful, of course.”
He chuckled. “More wonderful than you know. All those ladies are working together downstairs to create a meal unlike anything I’ve ever seen before.”
“It’s going to be marvelous.” Alanna’s heart swelled with anticipation. “But this Christmas, something extra-special has happened inside me, something that transcends all that.” She swallowed hard. “Watching Given come into the world takes me back to the faith I had as a youngster. I can’t begin to tell you what a majestic faith it was.”
“Oh?” He pulled her a bit closer, and she rested her head on his shoulder. Gone were the concerns about the future. Gone was the frustration about his lack of gentlemanly skills. All that remained was this moment, these thoughts.
“Yes.” Tears flowed in a steady stream as she wondered how to make him understand. “I had faith to believe the Lord for anything and everything I asked for. Especially at Christmas. It always seemed He extended a supernatural amount of faith at that very special time of year.”
“What would you ask Him for this year, if you really could have any Christmas gift in the world?”
A lump rose in her throat, and she did her best to speak around it. “I’ve already got it, now that the baby has come. She’s by far the sweetest gift I’ve ever seen, and with the perfect name too.”
“But besides the baby?” He peered into her eyes. “What else would you ask the Lord for?”
Her heart thumped wildly as she contemplated his reason for asking. Was he fishing for an answer? His eyes searched hers, and she felt more vulnerable than before. In spite of her earlier statements to the contrary, she felt completely at home in Tanner’s arms. Should she wish for this possibility to continue through the spring?
Oh, but what of her secret desire to coax Margaret and Brett into coming back to Savannah? Yes, that should surely be her wish for this season, shouldn’t it? But saying it aloud—voicing it as a Christmas wish—suddenly made her feel selfish. And very, very wrong. Yes, she’d been wrong on every level. They didn’t belong in Savannah. They belonged right here, at home in Missoula.
“Still thinking?” Tanner teased.
Alanna nodded. “Yes.” She offered an answer sure to pacify him but also one that would not give away too much of her heart. “I think I would ask for God’s peace to reign in all of our hearts.” After thinking further, she added. “A far different kind of gift than I would have asked for as a child, to be sure.”
“A far greater one,” Tanner said. “And long-lasting too.”
From behind them, Alanna heard someone sniffling. She looked up to see a misty-eyed Katie.
Alanna heart raced. “What is it, Katie? Has something happened to the baby?”
“No, no.” She smiled weakly. “The baby’s perfect. Absolutely perfect. Never seen anything like her, in fact.”
“Then what’s happened?” Tanner rose and gestured for his sister to take his spot on the step.
Katie plopped down next to Alanna and sniffled again. “She’s just so innocent. So pure.”
“Well, of course.” Tanner grinned. “Aren’t all babies?”
“Yes, but when I look into her face, I see such peacefulness. It’s God-breathed. Honest.” Katie began to cry in earnest now.
“I’m still not sure I understand why this upsets you.” Alanna reached for Katie’s hand. “What has you so troubled?”
“Don’t you see, Alanna? I’m always troubled. Every day of my life. I live with so much internal turmoil because I’m always seeking change. In my life. In the lives of others. In the political scene. In the suffrage movement. I’m never satisfied.”
“Ah.” Now they were getting somewhere.
Katie reached into her pocket and came out with a hankie, which she used to dab her eyes. “I’ve always felt that I could bring about peace in the hearts of the women in our little circle. If I worked hard enough. If we changed the law so that women could have equal rights. If everything fell into place just so.”
“So you’ve been working to produce peace? Is that what you’re saying?” Tanner gazed down at her, creases forming between his eyes.
Katie nodded. “Yes. Only, now, when I look at Given, I’m not so sure I needed to be working so hard. I see that peacefulness—real peacefulness—is something we’re born with. The cares of life try to steal it from us and we can replace it with all sorts of things—good deeds, included—but in the end, we still come up feeling empty.”
“What’s really troubling you, Katie?” Tanner asked. “I have a feeling there’s more to it than that. I know you. You’re going to go on working, no matter what. You’ll keep on going until you see the results you want.”
“Even if it kills me.” Katie sighed.
“What do you mean?” Alanna gave Katie’s hand a squeeze.
“I’ve been giving great thought to something you said the last time we spoke, Alanna.” Katie turned and gazed into her eyes with such intensity that Alanna felt a cold chill run down her spine. “You told me that only God can bring about change. Well, you were right, though I always hate to admit when others are right.”
“That’s a fact.” Tanner grinned.
Katie sighed. “I’m not saying He won’t use us along the way, but it does relieve my mind to know that I don’t have to work so hard to accomplish His goals, if that makes sense.”
“It makes perfect sense.” Alanna slipped an arm around Katie’s shoulders. “More than you know. I have my struggles too, you know. It’s been hard to trust the Lord with the finer points of my life.”
“Oh?”
“I mean, I’ve always trusted Him for the little things, like making sure I get invited to the best parties and attend the finest schools. But I’ve rarely trusted Him with the things that really count. In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter if Sally Nelson invites you to her latest soiree or whether Peter Jamison adds you to the list of guests to spend Saturday afternoon on his father’s yacht?”
Katie grinned. “What a life.”
“Yes, what a life, indeed. I was raised to make much of little and little of much. I’ve cared too much about things that mean nothing at all and not enough about the things that really matter.”
“We’re opposites and yet we’re alike, as well.” Katie gave her a warm smile. “When it comes right down to it, we’re both working, working, working toward a goal.” She sighed. “I can’t speak for you, of course, but in all of my working, I’ve worked myself right out of the kind of peace you were referring to earlier. It eludes me when I’m angry and frustrated at folks who deliberately rile me up—like Tanner, for instance.”
“Who, me?” Tanner pursed his lips.
“He just does it to get your goat,” Alanna said, stifling a giggle. “Trust me. I know him pretty well by now. He thrives on such banter.”
“Get my goat?” Katie laughed through her tears. “There you go again, Alanna. You always bring a smile to my face with your expressions.”
“Happy to be of service.” Alanna grinned, no longer insulted by Katie’s teasing.
“But what I want to say is quite serious.” Katie’s expression shifted. “The most important thing God has shown me through our friendship—the thing I’ve had a hard time confessing until now—is that I’m not meant to be in control. I have such a hard time releasing my hold on things, especially things that I care deeply about.”
Alanna sighed. “Me too.” Indeed. Hadn’t she struggled to give this whole situation to the Lord also?
Katie rose and brushed off her skirt. “I can’t help thinking about one thing, though. It torments me, in fact.”
“What’s that?” Alanna stood alongside her.
“You know me. I claim to be a pacifist, but I most assuredly go to battle over the things I believe in.” Katie gazed at her with such intensity that Alanna could feel the emotion driving the wrinkled nose and furrowed brow. “That’s how passionate I am. But what if we get everything we hope for and it’s still not enough? What if this was never about our rights in the first place?”
Alanna didn’t say anything right away, realizing that Katie needed time to think this through and come up with an answer for herself.
Tanner cleared his throat and extended an arm in Katie’s direction. “I can promise you, the only one in our midst with any rights worth worrying about is that baby. She has the right to a blissful first day of life, free from strife.” A delicious aroma wafted up the stairs. Smelled like pumpkin and nutmeg. “And because I rode in that ridiculous sleigh all the way home and back again, I have the right to get first dibs on the pumpkin pie.”
“Oh no, you don’t.” Katie said. “There are more than a dozen other people here, Tanner. You need to let the ladies go first.”
He sighed. “I guess it is the gentlemanly thing to do.” A quick wink followed as he looked Alanna’s way. “And we all know I thrive on being a gentleman.”
“Just don’t become a dandy.” Katie dried her eyes and offered a weak smile. “I don’t think I could take it if you get too citified.”
“Trust me, that will never happen.”
All three of them laughed in unison. The tantalizing scents from downstairs were too much to refuse, so Tanner led the way down the steps. As they neared the bottom, he turned back to look at Alanna, who didn’t even try to hold back the coy smile. Why, oh, why, had she rejected his kisses in the barn? Why had she feigned disinterest? Was that really just this morning? Oh, how she longed for those kisses now that she could see everything in the proper light.
Yes, whether he knew it or not, Tanner Jacobs had stolen a piece of her heart. Not that she wanted it back. Oh no. She would much prefer to tie it up with a ribbon and a bow and offer it to him once and for all—the perfect gift for the perfect day.