Chapter Five

 

 

She couldn’t believe she’d said the words, but they were true. She wanted what he was offering. How long had this need been inside her, unfilled, unresolved?

Beck’s hand came up to grip her neck, to force her to look up at him. “You obey me in this room. You will do what I tell you, take what I give you here. If I scare you or tell you to do something you don’t want to do, say the word red and I’ll stop. I mean anything, Kim. You can stop this at any time.”

She could take everything he had to give and stop him before actual sex. He was telling her she didn’t have to pay him back with intercourse.

But the sex would be for her, too. “I’m not going to stop you.”

His fingers tightened slightly, bringing her up on her toes. “You always have a choice, but sometimes it’s fun to pretend you don’t. I need to hear you tell me you understand that you do.”

He was offering her a fantasy but needed her to understand consent was everything or the fantasy didn’t work. “I can tell you no if that makes it hotter for me, but all I have to do to stop it is say the word red. You need to understand that I want you. I want everything you promised me, but I’m afraid that you’ll hold back because you know how much I want it.”

“I promise, I’m not trying to punish you, but in the end you’ll have to trust me. If you can do that, take the rest of your clothes off and then I want you to go to the table where I rubbed your legs and I want you to put your hands on top and spread your legs wide with that pretty ass of yours up in the air.”

“You’re going to spank me.”

“I am. I’m going to make your ass red and your pussy wet. I’m going to touch you everywhere I want because for these moments your body belongs to me and you don’t have to think about anything but following my commands and taking my discipline. If that doesn’t work for you, we can try something else, but I want to be in bed with you tonight and I want to be the reason you can sleep. Tell me if the idea of me disciplining you is frightening or arousing.”

“You know it’s arousing.”

“I do, but unless you’re willing to admit it, this can’t work.”

She stepped back slightly and he let go of his hold. He didn’t scare her on any physical level. He wouldn’t hurt her like that. Emotionally he could wreck her, but she couldn’t let this chance go. If there was any way to connect with him again, she would take it because she was an idiot and she was still so in love with this man.

Maybe tomorrow she could fool herself again, shove those emotions deep, but tonight she wasn’t going to lie to herself.

She hooked her thumbs under the plain cotton undies she was wearing and eased them over her hips, her heart starting to thud in her chest in a mix of excitement and dread. It was an intoxicating cocktail because she’d been numb for so long.

“You are so fucking gorgeous.” He stopped her before she could do what he’d asked, and his eyes were back on the scar from the bullet wound she’d gotten in Colorado.

“Don’t, Beck. Please don’t bring him into this.” She couldn’t have Levi here with them. It felt like Levi was always there between them, pushing them apart.

His jaw tightened but he nodded. “Then do as I told you.”

She breathed a sigh of relief and moved across the floor to the table he’d indicated. She placed her hands on the padded top palms down and spread her legs outward. The position made her incredibly vulnerable, putting almost every inch of her skin on display for the man who was about to discipline her.

His hand came down on her ass with a resounding whack. The pain hit her system and she gasped, forcing air into her lungs. He held his hand there as if he could force the heat into her skin. After a moment that same hand stroked down to her thigh and back up again.

The wait was killing her. She would rather he’d gone fast and gotten through this part so she could feel his arms around her, his body moving inside hers.

Another hard smack and tears pierced her eyes. The pain was jarring, and he coupled it with the sweet sensation of his hand stroking her skin. It reminded her of how good it felt to have him touch her. Not merely anyone, but this man.

“I’ve dreamed of doing this to you, of being here with you. In my dreams you’re always naked.” He spanked her again, a sharp smack against the underside of her ass. “You always start out unsure about whether or not you like this.”

“Your dreams are my reality,” she admitted as he spanked her again. “Is it always so slow?”

His big palm cupped her, and he gave her a squeeze that made her heart rate tick up. “Not at all. Sometimes I’ll pull you over my lap and spank you hard and fast. You won’t have a chance to breathe, it’ll be so shocking.”

“And this is supposed to do something for me?” Even as she asked the question she knew the answer because she could feel heat flooding her system and she was deeply aware of how close his hand was to her pussy. The brief pain she’d felt was working to sensitize her.

He was right. This was what she needed. She needed the pain to give her permission to feel the pleasure. She was sure a therapist would tell her she needed to spend some time on a couch, but she didn’t care. She would take any moment of respite she could find.

She lost track of how many times he slapped her ass and then eased the ache with the touch of his hand.

“Still wonder if it’s doing something for you?” His voice had gone deep and she felt his hand slide between her legs. He slid a finger through her pussy. “Yes, I dream about this, too. I dream about how fucking wet you get every time I touch you. I dream about how good you smell, and I fucking can’t wait to taste you again. Tell me how you feel right now.”

She didn’t want to talk. She wanted that finger inside her, but he was skimming over her flesh, teasing her.

He slapped her pussy, sending a jarring wave of pleasure/pain through her. “I asked a question. I expect an answer. Now.”

She wished she didn’t love it when he took charge. Her life would be so much easier if she didn’t feel that tug inside her the minute Beck’s tone went all commanding. “It hurts but not so much I want you to stop. I want you to touch me. I’m getting antsy.”

“You’re getting impatient, but I’m going to show you how good it can be to go slow,” he replied as he gently fucked a single finger into her pussy.

It wasn’t enough but she tilted her hips to try to get him to that spot he always found so quickly.

His hand was suddenly gone, and he peppered her ass with sharp, short slaps.

She groaned and sucked in air, letting the pain flare before the wave of heat rolled over her.

“You don’t get to control this.” He wrapped his hand around the nape of her neck and gently eased her up. He moved in behind her, so close she could feel his cock against her tender ass. “I control this. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes.” She needed to give this a shot because not being in control sounded so fucking good. She was always in control, always had the heavy burden of responsibility on her shoulders, and she had for years.

His hands moved to her waist and then he brushed them up her torso to cup her breasts. “Excellent. I want you to be a very good girl because I would hate to stop when you’re so close to an orgasm. I want to watch you come. I want to feel you shake when I suck your clit between my lips. Would you like that?”

Her spine felt like it was going to melt. No one in her whole history had ever eaten her pussy the way Beck had. He could do it for what felt like hours, bringing her pleasure again and again until she couldn’t take another orgasm and he finally gave in and gave her his cock and proved that she could. “Yes. You know I would.”

“How do I know?”

“Because I used to love it when you would eat my pussy.”

His teeth scraped the shell of her ear, making her shiver and wish he would bite down just a little. “I love that you’re willing to talk dirty. I don’t have to pull it out of you. Tell me what you want. Let me hear every dirty, glorious word out of that sweet mouth of yours.”

It was funny because it put other men off. Never Beck. He liked her dirty and hot. He was the only man she’d ever felt fit her sexually. “I want you to eat my pussy, and then I want you to fuck me hard. I want that cock of yours inside me, and I don’t want you to stop until neither one of us can stay awake a moment longer. Then do it again in the morning.”

“I’m clean. I’ve had a physical recently. You would be surprised how quick Tag is with tests.”

He didn’t want to wear a condom. She didn’t want one either. “I haven’t had sex in over a year and I passed my last physical. Fuck me, Beck. Please. Don’t make me beg.”

“I like to hear you beg,” he admitted as his fingers found her nipples and she arched her back. “I like every single noise you make when I’m fucking you. I’m definitely going to like the sounds you make when I use a violet wand on you. I’m going to tie you down and light up these nipples until you scream.”

“I might scream soon if you don’t stop teasing me.”

He pinched her nipples. Hard. The pain shot through her like lightning going straight to her pussy where she felt a surge of fresh arousal. She was soaking wet. She might have been embarrassed by it, but not with him. He would love it. He would revel in it and lick it all up. When he kissed her she would be able to taste her own arousal on his lips.

“I’ll stop teasing you when I want to.” He licked her ear and then kissed his way down her neck. “I should do what I said I would. I should push you until you cry.”

She reached around and put her hands on his waist. “Please. I don’t need to. I need this. I need you.”

She didn’t want to get emotional. It could spark a fight, and all she wanted was some peace. She could find that but only if they didn’t talk about the past. This was a moment in time that suspended past and future. She wanted to stay in it.

He turned her and she found herself up and on the table in an instant. “Lie down. Spread your legs.”

She breathed a sigh of relief because she knew that look in his eyes. He was done playing. He was ready to move on to the main event, and she had avoided the one thing she didn’t want to do with him.

Get really emotional. Open up. She could take his affection without offering up her soul, and that would be best for both of them. She wasn’t a fool. He would leave again at some point. They’d passed the moment when they could have had forever. So she would take these hours and hold them close.

Beck stood at the end of the table and stared at her. He slowly brought his hand down to grip his own cock.

Maybe he wasn’t done playing yet.

She stared right back at him, memorizing the way his body looked now, including the new scars. She’d loved and worshipped every inch of his gorgeous body, from his silky dark hair to those ridiculously large feet. But she adored his cock. It was long and thick, and a pearl of creamy fluid pulsed at the slit as he stroked from the head all the way down to those heavy balls she loved to cup. She could spend a long time licking and sucking that cock and working his balls into her mouth.

“While we’re stuck here, every night we’ll come down here after hours and play. That will be my time. You’ll serve me down here, and all day I’ll do whatever you need me to do on this investigation. You’re in charge of that. I’m in charge of this.”

She could handle those rules. She wanted to explore this part of his life, to see how it could bring them closer together for the time they had. The last thing she wanted to do was waste a moment of it. “Yes, Sir.”

He stopped and shook his head. “No. I want to hear my name.”

She felt those words in her heart and knew she was going to lose the whole don’t-give-your-soul-to-him game. If he could get back to being Beck, they might have a shot. For so many years he’d used Ezra’s name as a shield to protect himself. “Beck. Yes, Beck. In this room, you’re the king and I am your happy sub.”

She might be happy if they could break through the walls.

He gripped her ankles and dragged her down the table so her pussy was right on the edge. He spread her ankles wide, and she was utterly vulnerable to him.

The table seemed to be at the perfect height. Beck dropped to his knees and she watched as he breathed in her scent. The decadent look on his face made her breath catch. Then he leaned down and licked her, and then she wasn’t breathing at all. Then her eyes were rolling back and her whole body focused on one thing, that soft feeling at her core.

Beck’s tongue worked her over, spearing her again and again. She could feel a pleasant ache where he’d spanked her. The ache coupled with the soft stroke of his tongue, drowning her in sensation. He pushed her higher and higher as he settled his mouth over her clit, and that big finger pressed inside her pussy. She brought her head up so she could see him. His eyes were staring right at her, connecting them and tearing down any shield that might have protected her from him.

This was how sex had always been between them. They couldn’t hold back, couldn’t pretend there was anything but need between them—a need only the other could fill.

She held his gaze and gave him everything as he stroked inside and his tongue laved her clit in the perfect rhythm. She wanted the moment to last, to stay in this place forever, but she finally couldn’t hold out a second longer.

The orgasm rushed over her and her whole body tightened and released, relief flooding through her.

Her head fell back as Beck gave her one last lick and rose to his feet. She watched as he moved between her legs and knew it was his time.

She forced herself to sit up and open her arms.

 

* * * *

 

Beck’s whole body was alive for the first time in years. It didn’t matter what he’d told her. Fucking Kim Solomon was making love. It always was. Every single time. Even when they came together in anger, it was making love.

No other woman in the world could make him feel the way she did. He could try to fool himself, but he knew deep down he’d never really let her go.

She came up off the table, moving gracefully and opening her arms to him. He reached for her, drawing her close and lowering his mouth down to hers. Kissing her felt so perfect, and he worried he wouldn’t be able to stop. It was good that they had hours and hours before Tag was scheduled to show up because it was going to take all that time to even begin to feed the hunger he felt for her.

He could still taste her. All these years later and he’d thought he could remember, but she tasted better than memory. Sweet and tangy. She coated his lips and tongue, and he would never get enough of her.

Her legs wrapped around his waist, and he felt the heat of her pussy rubbing against his cock. He was surrounded by her, and it made him feel safer than he had in forever.

Even as he had the thought, he knew how dangerous it was. Kim was his kryptonite. She was the person who could lift him up, and she was the only one in the whole world who could drag him right back down to hell. He’d spent ten years on the wagon, but it looked like he was falling off tonight.

And every night until he had to give her up again.

His tongue plunged deep, dancing with hers. Over and over they stroked together, building his need higher than he’d thought he would ever go again.

Did he have to give her up? What if the problem the first time around was that he’d been too indulgent? He hadn’t insisted that she stay away from Levi. He’d listened to her when she said he was harmless. Maybe she’d learned her lesson now.

He let the thought float away. He was living this minute by minute. He wasn’t going to let himself think of some dreamy future with her.

Except he already had. He was damn good at fooling himself these days.

What wasn’t a trick was how wet she was. She was soaking wet, and it was all for him. He’d been the one to make her cry out his name as she came. He was the one who’d made her shake and shiver. The whole time he’d spanked her, he’d promised himself he wouldn’t stop until she’d cried. But this was what she’d needed. She needed this more than anything.

He thrust his hands in her hair, feeling the soft silk against his fingers. He’d missed all that honey. Her hair was long and thick, and he’d always loved to control her with it. They might be more formal this evening, but he’d always topped her in the bedroom. From that first night when he’d taken control and she’d screamed out his name, he’d been her dominant partner.

He kissed her, tangling their tongues together as he rubbed his dick against all her softness. His cock was so hard he could barely breathe, but he wasn’t about to rush this. He wanted this to last all night. He was going to sleep with her, going to wrap his body around her and wake up with her in his arms.

“God, I missed you,” she breathed against his mouth.

He’d missed her so much, felt her absence like an ache in his soul. It had been so long that he’d gotten used to that hole inside him, but now that it was full again, he realized how empty his life had been without her.

He gripped the globes of her ass and started to force her onto his dick. He’d thought he would turn her over and drive into her from behind, but he wanted this intimacy. He wanted to fuck her while he kissed her, while their mouths mingled and hands clutched.

“I want to try everything with you,” she said, her eyes wide and guileless as she looked up at him.

“Everything,” he promised. They would be like two kids in a candy store. Every night they were here he would bring her down and they would have hours to play. “Sanctum is even better. Sanctum has everything.”

Everything he would need to train her, to train himself. To discover what made her purr and what made her howl. He would learn her all over again.

But first he would revel in how good it felt to fuck her.

He pressed his cock inside, the heat surrounding him and making him grit his teeth. There was nothing like the feel of her pussy tight around him, her nails digging into his back as she accepted him. He felt her breasts pressed against his chest and the way she shuddered the deeper he went.

“You feel so good. Your cock feels so good.”

He loved that she never held back during sex. She might shut down outside of it, but while they were making love she was open and completely honest with him. “You’re the one who feels good. You’re the one who feels right and perfect.”

She’d always felt that way. Until the minute she hadn’t.

He kissed her like she was something precious. Maybe he’d been wrong. He hadn’t known how to process his feelings back then, and now he worried he’d thrown his anger at her. He still wasn’t great at it. This was what they needed. Holding her, loving her, would let him see past his own rage. If he let her in, they might be able to move on. They had to find a way because he wasn’t certain he could survive losing her twice.

She tightened around him and he lost control. He gave over to the magnificent feel of her wound around him, of their bodies combined. He fucked into her, the rhythm of his hips becoming primal. He lost the need to do anything but come inside her. He managed to hold off until her head fell back and he felt her tighten around him.

Then he let go and pounded into her, holding her up because he wouldn’t let go of that connection. He kissed her as his orgasm hit, breathing in and out with her.

“Move up and lie down on your side.” The order came out a bit harsher than he’d meant, but then he was way more emotional than he’d thought he would be. Blood pounded through him, but there was more. He felt for her.

She moved back and laid down. He followed her. The table was wide enough, but he still had to cuddle. He spooned her, dragging her back against his body.

“Lie here with me for a minute.”

She cuddled back against him and for a moment he felt like the world was right again.