The next day, Cade pulled a neat stack of handouts out of his backpack, as well as his formal research proposal, complete with a cover. Gabby had bound all the handouts together with two large rubber bands, and as he set the pile on his desk, he noticed she’d tucked a pair of tiny golden flowers into their intersection. He was just taking that in, thinking of how very Gabby that was and how grateful he was for what she’d done to help him, when Tony came barreling in, Starbucks cup, size ginormous, in one hand.
“Hey, Cade, old boy,” he said with a laugh. “Good luck today. Go get ’em.”
“Thanks,” Cade said, pulling his laptop cord out from under his desk.
Uninvited, Tony sat down across from him and stretched out his legs, crossing his hands on his stomach. His corduroy jacket fell open to reveal a paunch that was best left covered up.
“I’ve got to go set up in the conference room,” Cade said. He didn’t want to be sidetracked by Tony. He needed to focus on his presentation, get through his nerves, and be done.
“Um, before you go, I’ve got a little matter to discuss.”
His tone, his manner, and the glint in his eyes sent a sense of foreboding crawling up Cade’s spine.
“It was a great evening in the park last night.”
Gabby. Those kisses. An urge of fierce protectiveness rose up within Cade. “Just come out with it, Tony. What do you want?”
“Listen,” he said, his voice casual and almost soothing, “I know you’re trying really hard to get back on the straight and narrow.”
Cade didn’t believe Tony’s display of sincerity for one second. “I’ve always been on the straight and narrow,” he corrected.
“Your reputation hasn’t been, and you know it. But I don’t think sleeping with your hot little student is going to make your reputation any better, at least in terms of keeping this job.”
Cade tapped the papers on the desk so hard they made a sharp clack against the desktop. “I don’t sleep with my students. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go.”
He gathered his stuff and walked around his desk but Tony rose just in time to stop him, dropping his voice. “C’mon, tell me you’re not getting a piece of that great ass. I wouldn’t blame you if you were. And you certainly were anxious to claim her for yourself, weren’t you? Someone calling the situation to the committee’s attention is probably enough for them to issue a warning, don’t you think?”
“I told you, nothing’s going on between us.” Actually, everything was, just not physically. Yet. His tossing and turning for half the night last night after he’d kissed her had been the price he’d paid for that lapse of judgment.
Tony stood and placed his fists on Cade’s desk. “So what do you say you put in a good word for me with Jake about that fiction fellowship next semester?”
“I really don’t know you that well,” Cade said, looking him square in the eye.
“Well, I do have something that might jog your memory about my good qualities, if you know what I mean. Put in a good word for me and I’ll delete the photo.”
“You’re kidding,” Cade said. The guy must be desperate for recommendations if he was asking the new guy for help. And resorting to cheap blackmail.
“Think about it.” Tony paused and straightened up. “The tricky thing to remember about sleeping with students is not getting caught.”
Cade stared him down. He must be doing what they said he was with his students. Why else would he threaten? “I’m not doing anything wrong, so I’ve got nothing to fear.”
“Look,” he said, dropping his voice. “Let me explain how things work around here. We help each other. Sometimes I look the other way, and sometimes you do. It all works out.”
Tony left, and Cade went about setting up the conference room, anger percolating under his skin. He looked out the large white-paned window that faced the front of the old brick building. Students came and went through the busy entrance. He tried to remember what had been on his mind in college. Sex. Doing well in his classes. Wondering about his future. Probably in that order.
It had been a long time since he’d felt the freedom he’d felt as a student. Somewhere along the line, he’d become afraid. Fear had caused him to take the safe course.
And Gabby had seen right through him.
He shouldn’t have kissed her in public, for God’s sake. What the hell had he been thinking? Yet despite everything, he had trouble mustering up the conviction to regret it, despite the fact that Tony now had evidence of his indiscretion.
Yet somehow that “indiscretion” was a singular act of rebellion that felt like the first thing he’d done to go against the grain in a long time.
Cade looked down at his proposal, so carefully researched. It was concise. It was interesting. It was job security, right there in his hands.
This piece of paper was not just his fate, relegating him to a life in academia, but also his paycheck, and his fricking house. It was Ava’s day care. And every other blessed thing he owned.
He couldn’t afford indiscretions. Or risks.
Cade tried to calm down. The industrial wall clock clicked loudly on the conference room wall. Everyone would soon be filing in, including Tony.
Jake’s booming voice sounded outside the door. He entered, walked over to Cade, and clapped him on the back. “Can’t wait to hear what you have to say today. Good luck, son.”
Cade looked at the man who’d taken a chance on him when the bottom had fallen out of his world. He couldn’t let him down after all he’d gone through to help him. “Thanks, Jake.”
Gradually, faculty began to gather around the big table. Cade sat at the head of the table, checking the projector and his laptop one last time. The tiny pressed flowers caught his eye. He carefully pulled the fragile flowers from underneath the rubber bands and tucked them into his suit jacket pocket.
“Cade, any time you’re ready,” Jake said.
Cade wiped his clammy palms on his pants as he glanced over at the bookshelf that lined one side of the room. It was filled with matching volumes of the entire canon of American and English literature. Shakespeare. The Romantic poets. A marble bust of a young John Keats with big, soulful eyes stared at him. Beauty is truth, truth beauty. The famous lines filled Cade’s head, and the bust appeared to frown.
Dear God, what was he doing? Imagining Keats was reprimanding him. No, John, he said back to the bust in his mind. It’s about practicality. That’s my new truth.
Cade faced his peers and sucked in a deep breath. “First of all, I wanted to thank you all for the welcome you’ve given me over the past month. I really appreciate it, and I’ve really enjoyed being a part of the department.”
He swore the stack of papers in his hand were starting to sweat too. “Thank you all for coming to listen to my research proposal. I’ve outlined it in great detail in this handout and on my slides.”
And then he went on to give a flawless, carefully thought-out presentation of everything he’d promised to investigate over the coming months. At the end, the faculty clapped. Hal Baldwin, the Edwardian literature scholar, said it was “fascinating,” and even Tony complimented him, not that Cade put any stock in his praise. But he knew from the other faculty’s reactions that he’d knocked it out of the ballpark.
Yet as he took his seat, he didn’t feel much like rejoicing.
“Congratulations, son,” Jake said, squeezing his shoulder. “Welcome to the faculty. We’re delighted to have you as our new Fitzgerald scholar.”
Everyone came up to him, shook his hand and congratulated him. He should’ve been exhaling a deep breath and feeling that dead weight he’d carried around for so long drop off his shoulders, because he’d finally done it—secured a stable life for himself and Ava. He wouldn’t have to worry ever again about writer’s block or backstabbing critics or crazy exes. He’d just bought himself freedom.
Too bad his mood hadn’t improved. The uncomfortable weight hadn’t left—it had just shifted, as omnipresent as ever. He accepted the friendly praise, but he felt no joy.
After the meeting ended, he turned off the projector and gathered up his papers. In his office, he sat at his desk for a good long while until finally he gently lifted the fragile flowers out of his pocket and pressed them between the pages of his copy of Gatsby.
* * *
As Cade walked across the campus to class that evening, Gabby fell into step beside him. “How did your presentation go?” she asked.
“Great,” he said, trying to sound excited. “They accepted my proposal and they’re calling me their new Fitzgerald scholar.”
“Congratulations! That’s terrific!” One sideways glance at him and her enthusiasm immediately dimmed. “Why do I seem to hear a but there?”
He avoided her gaze as they walked, yet he wanted her advice, wanted to share his ambivalent feelings about what achieving the Fitzgerald scholar position meant for his future. With Gabby, he always seemed to want more, despite the uncrossable boundaries. “It’s all good. Just what I wanted.”
“Well, I’m glad things went well.” She paused. “Look, I feel terrible about what happened at the falls. I—I think it’s time for me to bow out of the class.”
“I can handle Tony,” he said firmly, even as the reminder of the photo sent a sliver of discomfort straight to his gut. Nevertheless, he made a point to smile. “Besides, you can’t quit. I’m using your work as the example for tonight.” Every week he chose a few pages of a student’s writing to praise and critique in front of the class, and he’d chosen Gabby’s to read tonight. Most students appreciated the in-depth focus on their work, and it was a learning experience for the whole class.
Gabby halted suddenly. “Cade, no. Please don’t do that.”
Her reaction surprised him, because the pages he’d selected from her work were exceptional. “Why not? You have great instincts. The story is powerful—much better than your first one. Everyone can learn from it.”
Her hand fluttered nervously to her throat. “I was barely able to turn that in,” she said, her voice sounding a bit panicky. “That story is too close to my heart. I’m going to feel like I’m naked.”
He forced his brain to not key in on her distress—or the naked comment—and focused on the problem at hand. “I’m just going to do what I’ve been doing every week—going over the good points, making suggestions to make it even better. I think you’ll find it useful as you continue working on it.”
“Please don’t.”
Oh, hell. She wasn’t backing down. “Gabby,” he said softly, “you’re going to have to trust me on this one.”
They’d reached the classroom door. Students were coming in, chatting with one another, saying hi to him as they filed by. Cade saw everything in Gabby’s eyes—tension, reluctance, fear. But there was nothing more he could say. She’d signed up for the class, and she knew the rules. He couldn’t break them just for her. Besides, he had the entire class planned, slides made. He couldn’t alter the plan now.
She headed for her seat, and he walked to the desk in the front of the room, thinking that he’d moved back home to simplify his life, to lie low, to stay away from scandal. Yet his feelings for her were making everything very, very complicated.
Cade managed to push thoughts of Gabby out of his head as he greeted the class. But as he began to read her pages aloud, he could see that Gabby looked very uncomfortable. He checked himself—he’d emphasized how good he believed her story was, and the rest of the class had expressed the same feeling. So what was the problem?
“I wanted to talk a little bit about the characterization here,” he said. “Cora, Gabby’s main character, has been misunderstood her entire life. She uses books to live vicariously—to give her all the experiences she’s missed because of her scars. Finally, she decides to volunteer as a war nurse in England to finally get out there and live her life, and that’s where she meets Henry.
“Henry has his own wounds from the war, which are mostly mental. They’re both wounded characters, outcasts, but in other ways they’re very different. Her family is well-to-do and his is not. There are reasons why these two cannot be together. Yet they can’t help their attraction to each other. They’re drawn together like magnets. So let’s take a look at some of the great things Gabby’s done in these pages to show us all this conflict.”
He read a few paragraphs of her work. The best paragraphs he’d read so far this semester, full of emotion and passion. The passage he chose was beautiful and raw, and by the end, Helen was wiping away tears. Even Erin swiped a couple. He could hear a few random sniffles throughout the class.
“Very nice job, Gabby,” he said.
Erin stood up and started clapping. Then the whole class joined in.
Gabby’s face turned crimson. She smiled politely at her classmates but downplayed the praise and when she caught his eye, she appeared to be begging him to move on.
Which he did, hoping that she’d come to take the exercise as it was intended.
After class, Gabby waited until everyone left and walked up to Cade’s desk. He could tell by the set of her jaw, that certain clench of her fist, and from the daggers she was shooting from her eyes that she was upset.
Yet she still looked so beautiful she made his breath hitch. Just as he was unable to stop himself from kissing her at the falls, he could not control his feelings toward her. Could not separate his feelings about the work from his feelings for her.
“Before you say anything,” he said, putting his hands up in defense, “I feel that the great response you got from the class confirms what I told you about how good your work is.”
His gut told him she wasn’t buying that. So did the deep furrow that suddenly formed between her eyes.
“I trusted you with this story,” she said. “You wanted more from me, and I gave you the story closest to my heart. You knew how uncomfortable I felt discussing it. And still you laid it out bare in front of the whole class!”
“I used your work as an example tonight because it had great teaching points. You’re a talented writer, Gabby. You have what it takes to be an author if that’s what you really want. And I would never lie to you—about praise or criticism.”
“Except I’m not sure if I believe what you’re saying precisely because you kissed me—the parts about it showing promise and the parts about it sucking.” Tears were brimming in her eyes and she hastily brushed them away.
He wanted to reach out to her. Comfort her. But he couldn’t. He’d made enough of a mess already with that damn kiss at the falls. “Dammit, Gabby. I’m not lying about your abilities. But I can’t show you favoritism by not reading your work aloud, just because you asked me not to.” He dragged his hands through his hair. “I can’t let my feelings for you override my responsibility as your teacher. I—”
Gabby interrupted him as she hastily gathered her things. “I get it. I never should have expected special treatment. I’m just your student, same as all the rest.”
She was wrong. She was so much more. “Gabby, I—”
She wouldn’t let him finish. Before Cade could even formulate the words to tell her how right—and wrong—she was about everything happening between them, she was out the door.
* * *
Gabby had taken to sitting in the coffee shop with her laptop some mornings before work. It was a busy time in the Bean, but she found she enjoyed the background buzz of activity—the whoosh of the espresso machine, the chatter of people talking, Kaitlyn and her crew calling out coffee drink orders.
The cheery atmosphere couldn’t stop the sick churning in her gut. For the past week since Cade had shared her work, she’d kept as much distance from him as possible. She’d gone to class, where she’d added polite comments and responses to the discussion, and gone home to throw herself into writing her story. He’d given her several research assignments, which she’d completed remotely and emailed.
The kiss they’d shared in the park was the last mistake she would allow herself to make with Cade. Not just because of the photograph that was taken and her worry that Tony would try to use it against Cade, but because despite their kiss, Cade wasn’t going to allow their relationship to go anywhere. And she wasn’t going to be a sad hanger-on, waiting around to see if he might one day change his mind.
Someone calling out Gabby’s name made her look up. It was Erin from class, her bright pink hair hard to miss, standing in line with Helen. They got their coffees and came over to say hi.
Erin scanned all of Gabby’s stuff spread out everywhere. “You come here and write?”
“Sometimes,” Gabby said, “before work. It’s busy but I kind of like the background noise. How are you two doing?”
Helen answered. “We were just getting together for a little while this morning to talk over our stories and help each other. Your story is so phenomenal you probably don’t need any help.”
“That’s not true,” Gabby said. “Actually, I’d love to talk over some things with other writers. Maybe we could all meet for coffee one day.”
“We could have a little critique group,” Helen said. “I’m happy to have you both come over to my house too if that would work better. Maybe early Saturday morning if that works.”
“That sounds like fun,” Gabby said. She’d love some feedback on her work from other writers, because it was so easy to lose perspective on your own work when you read it over so many times.
“You know,” Erin said, “Professor Marshall wasn’t as bad as I thought he was going to be. I’m actually learning a lot.”
“Yeah, and I’m writing every day,” Helen added. “It’s kind of…amazing.”
“I feel the same way,” Gabby said. “I didn’t think I’d ever learn to get the word counts down. Well, sometimes I barely do, but most times I actually manage it.”
“Hey, I see a table that just opened up,” Helen said. “See you in class?”
“See you in class,” Gabby confirmed, waving to her friends as they ran to stake their claim. “And thanks for the critique group invite.”
Gabby got back to work until a sudden burst of laughter from Kaitlyn made Gabby look up in time to see her talking to a handsome, athletically fit guy in a dress shirt, tie, and nicely creased pants—Steve, her ex. Kaitlyn gave him a wave and a smile when he left, but her smile faded as she walked over to Gabby’s table and sat down.
“You and Steve seem pretty chummy again. What’s going on?”
Kaitlyn’s expression seemed tight. “He wants to get back together.”
“He’s always wanted to get back together. You broke up with him, remember?”
“Maybe now that I’ve flushed Rafe out of my system, I can think more clearly about Steve,” Kaitlyn said. “He’s a really nice guy, and as solid as they come. I’ve been really foolish, clinging on to the fantasy of your brother. It’s time for me to move on.”
Gabby squeezed Kaitlyn’s hand. “I don’t know what to say about my brother. But I do know one thing from experience—don’t try to talk yourself into loving someone. It never works.”
“How about talking yourself out of loving someone? Is that easier?”
Gabby let out a big breath. “I’m focusing on my class, not on the professor. And I’m good with that.” Cade was her teacher. He wasn’t interested in anything more than that, and she was going to move on too. Hopefully with more success than Kaitlyn or Rafe appeared to be having.
“How’s your writing coming?” Kaitlyn asked.
Gabby’s gaze skimmed over the notebooks, sticky notes, legal pads, and laptop spread out before her. “It’s sort of terrifying. This story’s got love, pain, disaster, conflict, laughter—everything. But I think it’s way over the top. I feel like the characters are running the show, and I have no idea how to rein them in.”
Kaitlyn randomly picked up a legal pad.
Gabby reached for it but Kaitlyn held it out of reach.
“Kaitlyn, do not read what is on that paper.”
Kaitlyn shot her a devilish smile and began reading—out loud. “‘Henry gazed at her in the moonlight. Cora’s first impulse was to look away—no, run away—as if that would prevent him from seeing her scars. She wanted to fantasize that he couldn’t see them in the dark, but there was no use pretending. He’d seen them from the beginning. From the first moment she’d walked into the hospital and their eyes had met across the long, sterile hospital ward. And he had never looked away.”
Kaitlyn rested her chin in her hand and tapped her fingers on her cheek. “Oh, wow, Gabby. Like, wow.”
Gabby tugged the legal pad out of Kaitlyn’s hands. “Don’t you have customers to serve?” She gestured to the line forming at the register.
Kaitlyn ignored that. She was grinning. “You know what?”
Gabby covered her face with the tablet. “Don’t say anything. My ego is fragile, and I’m never going to get this assignment done if you crush my soul.”
“It’s really good,” Kaitlyn said quietly. She swiped at her eyes. “I’m tearing up and I don’t even know Cora and Henry.”
“It’s like I’m buck naked, Katie. Like I’m writing things I’m not sure I want anyone to read. The emotion is too…raw. Too close to the bone.”
Kaitlyn grabbed her hand. “Do you realize how you sound?”
“Like an idiot?” Gabby offered, smiling weakly.
“No, like an author. So keep going! I bet it’s a lot better than you think. And if it’s not, Professor Hottie will tell you, right? Isn’t that why you’re taking the class?”
Oh, Professor Hottie. She’d accused Cade of treating her like any other student, but to be fair, that’s what he had to do. That was his job. She knew he had feelings for her. He just wasn’t going to act on them—not now, because he was honorable, and not after class. So where did that leave her?
She shot Kaitlyn a grateful glance. “Thanks for the encouragement.”
Kaitlyn smiled. “If you chicken out, you can always turn in Twilight at Hogwarts, right?”
Gabby shook her head and chuckled. “You’re on a roll today, Katie.”
Kaitlyn’s laughter died down quickly, and Gabby saw her look anxiously toward the door. “What is it? What’s wrong?” Gabby asked, cranking her own head around.
“Don’t look!” Kaitlyn said, tugging on Gabby’s hand. “Your brother just walked in. I have to go.”
Kaitlyn took off, and Rafe came over, wearing navy pants and his short-sleeved, button-down navy shirt with the Angel Falls FD logo on it. Handsome—in a very different way from Steve.
“Hey, Gabs,” Rafe said, barely looking at her. “Do you have a minute to talk?” he asked Kaitlyn, who had headed behind the counter.
“I’m pretty busy now, Rafe,” she said. “Maybe later?”
“Why won’t you answer any of my texts?” he asked pointedly.
Uh-oh. Gabby stared at her computer screen—what else could she do? She thought about moving so she wouldn’t hear their conversation but…well, she was riveted in place, and no way was she leaving.
Kaitlyn busied herself wiping down the counter, but she stopped and crossed her arms. Rafe had a good ten inches on her, and the size difference was a little comical. “Because texting is for teenagers. Adults talk things over.”
“We always talk by text.”
“Well, not anymore. Do you want coffee?” she asked, holding up a carafe.
“No, I’m headed home to sleep.” He hesitated, glancing over at the bakery case. “Maybe a muffin.”
Kaitlyn wore an expression that seemed to say exactly where Rafe could stick his muffin.
“Okay, forget the food,” Rafe said, holding up his hands. “Look, that box was a joke. Randy put it in my suitcase to be funny.”
“You don’t have to explain your love life to me. Steve wants to get back together and I’m—I’m going to do it.”
“What?” Rafe said, the word coming out sharp and prickly. “No. Don’t do that.”
“Why not, Rafe? Tell me why not.”
“Because…because he’s not right for you. Because you can do better.”
“Do better with whom, Rafe?”
Rafe raked his hands through his hair. “I don’t know, Katie. I don’t know.”
Kaitlyn mumbled something about having to get back to work, and Rafe walked over to Gabby’s table.
Her brother was a wreck. Gabby knew this before she even saw the circles under his eyes, his stuck-up hair, and the weary expression on his face. He needed an intervention—but who could reach him?
Rafe sat, and Gabby pushed her coffee cup toward him. “Kaitlyn just poured me a refill. Take it if you want.”
“I’m actually going home to bed. Thanks anyway.”
“What’s going on?” There was no point beating around the bush. Plus, it was pretty obvious she’d just heard everything.
“I’ve screwed things up with Kaitlyn.”
“I can see that,” Gabby said.
“I mean, she’s cool and fun and sexy and easy to be around and I like her…a lot. But I—I’m messed up, Gabs. I don’t think I’m capable of getting serious—with anyone.”
Gabby grabbed his hand. “Rafe, no. Don’t say that.”
He raked his hands through his hair again, and then tapped his long fingers nervously on the table. “I’m going to head home. We had a pretty busy night last night.”
Rafe was brushing this off again, and Gabby felt compelled to say something to try and help. “It’s okay to move on from Claire.” Just the mention of her name made him stiffen. Gabby tried to put a hand over his but he drew back. “I just don’t want you to lose an opportunity to love someone again.”
Rafe looked up just then—and a pained expression overtook his face. It shocked her for a moment because Rafe was usually so good at hiding his feelings.
“Ah, there you are,” a familiar voice said behind Gabby’s shoulder. Gabby turned to see Dr. Bowman carrying a leather satchel. He glanced back and forth between Gabby and Rafe. “I hope I’m not interrupting.”
“Hi, Dr. Bowman,” she said, surprised to see him and even more surprised he appeared to be looking for her. “What brings you here?”
“Just passing through town. Actually, I was hoping to run into you today.”
“Oh. Well, this is my brother, Rafe. Rafe, this is Dr. Bowman—he taught Mom in a writing class many years ago.”
Rafe shook his hand. “Call me Elliot. A pleasure to meet you,” Dr. Bowman said.
“Nice to meet you too. I’m just headed out, so you can have my seat,” Rafe said, standing up.
“Rafe, talk to me later, okay?” Gabby asked.
He smiled but, typical of Rafe, made no promises. On the way out, he kissed her lightly on the head. “Bye, sis.”
Dr. Bowman sat down at Gabby’s table, digging through his old leather briefcase. “I found something I thought you might be interested in. Ah, here it is.” He pulled out a single sheet of paper and placed it in front of her. It was typewritten—on an old-fashioned typewriter, judging by the bright white corrections painted onto the page. A handwritten grade was penned in red ink in the top corner. “Fantastic emotion!” it read. “A+!”
Gabby, confused, looked from the paper to Elliot. “Is that another of my mom’s assignments?”
He gently took the paper back. “Allow me to read a few lines out loud.”
“‘My youngest daughter is three and she is almost always smiling. She radiates pure, irrepressible joy.’” It was good he did begin reading because her eyes immediately misted over. “‘If she falls, she picks herself up and keeps going. She thinks the best of her sisters and is very protective of her baby brother. This innate, sunny disposition will surely serve her well in life.’
“The assignment was to describe someone you knew well that had a fascinating trait. She chose one of her children, apparently.”
“Me,” Gabby said, swiping at her wet cheeks. “She chose me.”
“Was that strapping young man just now your baby brother?”
Gabby could only nod because she was crying in earnest now. Something slid over the table toward her—an embroidered handkerchief with a big E on it. Of course he would have a hankie in his pocket. He let her get ahold of herself for a few minutes, then he said in a low, careful voice, “I want to meet with my son. I’m wondering if you could help me.”
Of course. The gentle manner shouldn’t have fooled her. Elliot’s gift was a trade-off. “I haven’t said anything to him about meeting you.” She’d meant to, but it hadn’t come up with everything else going on. She felt a little guilty about that.
He drummed his fingers on the table. “I’m just a bit concerned that my reception won’t be…friendly. I’ve already seen him briefly about town, and it didn’t go very well.”
“If you mean because you two have been feuding, I know about that. But I don’t understand—why do you have a different name?”
“Cade changed his name after the divorce—when his mother took back her maiden name he took it too. He didn’t want to be associated with my influence—good or bad—in the writing world. Plus, to be honest, it was a slap in the face to my abominable parenting skills. He’s always been a compassionate lad. But I’m afraid that even he’d had enough of me.”
Gabby had no idea how to respond. Her gut told her Elliot was sincere. And he wasn’t all bad. If he could make the effort to dig out an ancient college paper and bring it to her, then she could definitely accept it in lieu of an apology for how he shooed her away the first time.
But Gabby had no idea how Cade would feel about any of this or what exactly had transpired between them in the past, except that it had to be pretty bad if they weren’t talking. Then she thought of Ava, and the chance to heal a wound seemed like it was worth a try. If Cade didn’t kill her for it first.
She pulled out a pen and ripped off a sheet of paper from her notebook. “Here are his office hours. Maybe you could stop by one day?” She wasn’t sure if Cade would want Elliot showing up at his office, but what was the alternative? Giving him his home address? His phone number?
“His daughter is turning four soon,” Gabby added. “She’s so lovely, Elliot. Adorable and smart, and she looks a lot like Cade. If you don’t want to miss her growing up, a peace offering to your son might be in order before then.”
Elliot looked at her, and for just a flash, she saw something in his eyes—vulnerability. Longing.
“Thank you for digging up this old paper,” Gabby said, holding it up. “It’s—very special.”
“You’re welcome,” he said. He pulled his chair back and stood. “Now I must return to work. The literary world awaits my critique.”
“Be nice to authors,” she said. “Don’t eat any for breakfast, okay?”
“Of course not,” he said, flashing a devilish smile.
So the old Elliot was still in there, but for some reason, he didn’t seem quite so scary. She’d just gotten back to work when the door opened, the bell tinkling overhead. Gabby had just sworn she wouldn’t let herself be distracted again when she glanced up and immediately did a double take. Ava bolted in with light-up sneakers, followed by Cade in a shirt, tie, and jacket.
Oh, wow. Gabby sucked in a breath that she feared the entire shop might have heard. She dragged her eyes away from Cade to find Kaitlyn behind the counter staring at her. Hot, Kaitlyn mouthed, then pulled her phone out of her apron pocket. Gabby’s own phone suddenly buzzed. Can I sign up for that class? came the text. Before Gabby could answer, Ava ran over, coming to a quick stop beside her.
“Guess what, Gabby?” Ava said. “I was really good and I put away all my toys and Daddy said I could have a muffin for breakfast today.”
“That’s terrific, Ava,” Gabby said, as the little girl jumped up and down excitedly. “What kind are you going to have?”
“Chocolate chip, right, Daddy?” She looked over at her dad, who gave a quick wave in their direction as he got into line, then back at Gabby. “How come you aren’t having a muffin?”
Why wasn’t she having a muffin? “Actually, that sounds delicious. I think I will have one.”
“What’s your favorite kind?”
“I like pumpkin.” Ava bolted over to her dad in line. Oh, great, now Ava was going to ask Cade to buy her a muffin. She tried to catch his eye but no luck.
“That man is going to buy you a muffin,” Kaitlyn said, suddenly taking a seat.
“I really didn’t mean for that to happen,” Gabby said.
“Let him do it,” Kaitlyn said. “He’s adorable. And he keeps looking at you. Also, he has a nice pair of muffins himself,” she added, checking out his ass.
Ava came running back, putting her elbows on the table and resting her chin in her hands. “Do you like my hair?”
Her hair was French braided, and the ends were tied with colored ponytail holders that had little pieces of fruit on them. The braids were a little loose and slightly lopsided, but it was a good effort. Ava wore an oversized red T-shirt and purple stretch pants that were flood level, which tugged on Gabby’s heart a little, for Cade’s and Ava’s sakes. What she wouldn’t give to shore up Ava’s wardrobe a little, before the days when kids would be more vocal about their fashion choices.
“I love your hair,” Gabby said. “Who did your braids?”
“My daddy,” she said, pointing up at her dad. “He Googled how to do it.”
“Your braids are amazing. Can I tighten this one? It’s coming a little loose.” Ava nodded, and Gabby wound the band around another couple of times. “There. Super cute.”
She made the mistake of looking up. Cade was in front of her, holding a tray with muffins on it, a carton of milk, and two coffees. His hair was a little damp from his shower and curling over his collar, and he looked…well, better than a muffin.
“I heard you’re one of our new professors,” Kaitlyn said, suddenly standing up. “Nice to meet you. I own the Bean. My name’s Kaitlyn Barnes.”
“Great to meet you,” Cade said.
“Daddy, I’m hungry,” Ava said, tugging on Cade’s jacket sleeve. “Can we sit with Gabby?”
“Well,” Kaitlyn said, “my break’s over. See you two later.” She turned to Ava and Cade. “Thanks for coming in this morning. Hope to see you both again.”
Cade said goodbye, and Ava tucked herself right into the chair next to Gabby. “We got you a muffin. Daddy, give it to her.”
Cade smiled at his daughter, who handed Gabby a napkin. “Here you go,” Cade said, passing her the muffin.
Their fingers grazed and she felt herself take a quick gasp of air, as if she’d suddenly forgotten how to breathe. Or pump blood. Or move. Had this week away from him taught her nothing? “Thanks,” she managed. Cade set down Ava’s milk and her muffin, and she instantly dug in.
Gabby felt her cheeks heat. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“Yes he did,” Ava said. “Because they’re delicious.”
“Don’t talk with food in your mouth,” Cade said to Ava, the corners of his full mouth turning up. Then he slid a coffee over to Gabby.
“Thank you,” she said, taking a sip. It was hazelnut, the same kind she’d ordered before.
Wow. He’d bothered to ask the server what kind of coffee she had. She was in love. Totally. Except she couldn’t be. Plus five minutes ago she was talking to Cade’s estranged father and she somehow felt guilty for that. But now was not the time to bring it up.
Ava was tearing into her muffin, drinking her milk, and doing it all with gusto. Gabby took a bite of her own muffin. “It’s amazing.”
“See?” Ava said. “I told you you’d like it.”
Gabby smiled and tore another piece from her muffin. “I love it. It’s delicious.” She looked at Cade’s plate. “What kind did you get?”
“Lemon poppy seed. It’s delicious too.” He lifted up his muffin so she could pull a tiny piece off and taste it.
“I’m done,” Ava announced. “Can I go look at the cookies?”
“Yes,” Cade said, “but no cookies today. A muffin’s enough sweets for now.”
Ava scampered off to the bakery case, leaving Gabby alone with Cade. Which brought Gabby back to reality. They’d been very clear about drawing a very solid line the other night. Then why was he sitting with her?
“That’s terrific that you both got out of the house this early,” Gabby said, glancing down at her watch. “It’s not even eight yet.”
Cade shrugged, and even that economy of movement was elegant. “I try to take her to breakfast every couple of weeks. It’s fun to rediscover the town.”
The silence became awkward. The air felt alive between them, as always, charged with things unsaid. Gabby decided to say what was on her mind. “Look, Cade, I’m not sure why you’re sitting with me. After the photograph, I don’t think it’s a good—”
His expression and his voice turned soft. “Let me decide who I want to sit with, okay?”
Damn him. With his blue dress shirt, his eyes looked blue today with tinges of green and brown. Such beautiful eyes. And they seemed filled with something she knew very well—wanting. She tried to harden her heart to him, to tell herself to stay away from someone who didn’t want what she wanted, but it was so, so hard.
“Look,Gabby,” he said, “I just want to say—”
“Um, excuse me, but are you Gabby Langdon?” Gabby looked past Cade where a tall, handsome man with blond hair and blue eyes stood waiting, presumably for her.
“Yes, I’m Gabby.” This coffee shop was like Grand Central station today. “And you are…?”
He extended his hand. “Owen. Owen Anderson.”
Distracted by Cade, Gabby’s brain took a minute to catch up. “Pastor Owen. Oh! Nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you too,” he said, flashing a really nice smile. When he smiled in Cade’s direction, Cade responded with a polite nod, clearly sizing him up. “I think we have a date coming up soon,” Owen continued. “Are we still on for Saturday?”
Cade frowned deeply, which sent an unexpected thrill through her. Which she immediately tamped down. “Yes. For sure. I’m looking forward to it.”
He extended his hand again, which Gabby took, and he covered it with his other hand too. “I’m really looking forward to it,” he said. “I’m sorry to interrupt your breakfast, but I just wanted to say hi.”
“I’m so glad you did,” Gabby said.
Owen left but Cade’s frown didn’t abate. “Who was that?” he asked.
“The new minister,” Gabby said. “We have a date at Fallside for lunch Saturday.”
Cade barely got out an “I see” when Ava ran back to the table, her big blue eyes smiling in a way that very much resembled her dad’s. She patted her dad’s arm. “Time to take me to school, Daddy,” she said. “Bye, Gabby.”
“Have a great day, sweetheart,” Gabby said. Ava gave her a big, unrestrained hug, as children do. Impulsively, Gabby placed a kiss on her head.
Cade seemed to stare at her for a long time before he finally said goodbye.
She watched them as they left out the door.
“Drop the class,” Kaitlyn said, suddenly back at her side. “I recommend that you forget the creative writing and get creative in other ways. You want any more coffee?”
“No, thanks. I have to get to work.” She had to do other things too, like calm the hell down so she could think. And gain her sense back, the kind that told her going out with Owen was the right thing to do.