THIRTY-SEVEN

Cranky Frankie here. As I was saying . . .

You could feel the tension in the room. It suddenly felt as if the air had frozen, and some of us kids started to shiver. Nervous Rex bent over and tucked his head between his knees. Sort of like an ostrich hiding in the sand.

Luke Puke made an ULP sound and went running to the bathroom.

“Don’t panic, you dum-dum doo-doos!” Mama shouted. “I know how to handle these people. After all, I’m perfect, too!”

Handy Sandy held up her welcome mat with the bear trap hidden inside. “Is it too late to use this?”

“Put that thing away. We don’t need it,” Mama said. “Go on, get it out of here.”

Sandy took a few steps toward her room and—

SNAAAAAAAPPP!

“OWWWWWWW!”

She fell to the floor, howling in pain.

Mama waved her away with her cane. With her leg trapped inside the welcome mat, Sandy staggered out of sight.

The doorbell rang again and Mama turned back to us.

“Open the door, nit-nits! And stop panicking. We got this. First, I’m going to drive them crazy. Then I’m going to make it so they can’t wait to leave!”

“I know she can do it,” Brainy Janey said. “Renting Mama was the smartest thing I ever did.”

“True that!” Mama said, slapping Janey on the back so hard her bubblegum came flying out. “Now, keep them busy while I change.” Then she ran to the back of the house.

Junkfood John pulled open the front door.

Mr. and Mrs. Perfect grinned at him. “Surprise!” they cried in unison. “We thought we’d pay you a surprise visit.”

“You’re early,” John said. “Did you bring us treats again?” He started to drool. The word treats always gets him drooling.

“No treats. May we come in?”

The Perfects didn’t wait for an answer. They pushed past John and strode into the living room. As they stood at the entrance gazing around the room, they inspected us.

“I love that brown vase on the rug,” Mrs. Perfect said. “It’s so natural looking. Where did you get it?”

“Pooper made it,” I said.

She smiled at me. “Someone here is very talented.”

“Awk! Ptooey!” the parrot squawked from his perch. “Come over here, and I’ll make something for you!”

“Are your parents home?” Parker Perfect asked. “We’re so eager to meet them.”

“Mama is home,” Janey told them. “She’ll be right out.”

The Perfects blinked. “She is?”

They couldn’t hide their surprise. They had come to trap us, to find us without any parents. But we were prepared.

I held my breath. A lot of questions flew through my mind.

Could our Rent-a-Mom really fool them?

Could she convince the Perfects she was our mother?

And what about our dinner?