After the carriage got away from Grasmere House, Ash slowly calmed down from the nervous, physical tension that drove him during the initial discovery of the fire, unexpectedly finding Nora in the stables, and their subsequent escape. They were well ahead of possible pursuit, and he trusted Crewe to maintain the lead.
But now that he had a few moments of quiet, the consequences of his choice weighed on him. Ash had made an irreparable mistake. He was sure of it. By leaving with Nora, he damaged his cover, and destroyed any chance of returning to the house. Worse, he alerted Morrison to his true agenda, considering Ash just stole Nora, the key to the man’s work.
And what of Isabelle Kingfisher? He should have paid more attention to her than he did, but he was so ensnared by Nora. What would Bruce say to that? What could Ash say? I abandoned the one assignment you gave me before it was finished, but look, here’s a woman who’s already told me what she knows, thus rendering her rescue completely superfluous.
Bruce wouldn’t think much of that. Damnation. Every time he tried to do something right, he was punished for it. When would he learn that God was never going to stop making him miserable?
He wanted to forget it all, to fall into the clouds that the laudanum would summon.
Nora was silent, her inquiring gaze focused outward into the darkness. After the carriage passed the still-burning lighthouse off to their right, the world turned black again. Yet she watched. Ash reminded himself that this was the first time in over a year she’d had a different view.
A while later, she spoke. “Crewe missed the turn onto the London road.”
“We don’t want that road,” he muttered. Then he asked, “How did you know it was the London road? It’s too dark to read any signpost.”
“I remembered from the time Edmund drove us down here,” she said, not looking at him. “So we’re not heading to London?”
“That would be the obvious choice, wouldn’t it?” Ash responded. Edmund would assume exactly that, and he’d begin the chase on the road to the city. He’d lose time because he’d have to stop along the way, inquiring after them at inns and other likely stopping points. Meanwhile, Ash and Nora would journey ever farther away, hopefully slipping out of Edmund’s grasp. It was the least he could do.
“I see,” she said. “Where are we going, then?”
“Along the coast road for a few days. We will turn to London, but along a road that no one could possibly guess—after all, even we don’t know which one we’ll choose yet. Once in the city, I’ll contact the Zodiac and then we’ll locate your brother.”
“A few days…is that too much delay?”
“We have time. Edmund will be wasting the next several days on a wild goose chase, and by then we’ll have passed on all the facts to the Zodiac, and they can take the next steps.”
“Not you?”
“My part’s done,” Ash said, his voice flat. “The sooner I’m out of it, the better. Once you’re reunited with your family, you’ll not have to suffer my company any longer.”
“I like your company,” Nora said instantly. Then her face clouded. “Though there is the matter of lodging, which could be difficult.”
“I have funds,” Ash assured her.
“I meant…” Nora blushed. “How will we present ourselves? We’re traveling together, but you can hardly tell an innkeeper we’re unmarried…”
“Then we’ll say we are married,” Ash said. “Who’s to question it? In any case, until I’m entirely certain that Edmund hasn’t picked up our trail, I don’t want you out of my sight.”
Nora’s eyes widened. “You mean…share a room?”
“That’s the customary practice, isn’t it? If anyone asks, we’re husband and wife.”
“Should we use another name?” she suggested.
Ash gave a bitter laugh. “Why not? Let’s be Mr and Mrs Priestly.”
“A false name may not be enough to hide from Edmund,” she said. “He’ll share a description of me, won’t he?”
“Possible, but to be honest, I don’t have much in the way of disguises for you.” He looked at her more carefully. “You’re not even wearing shoes. Lord. Well, we’ll do our best to be circumspect. You can keep the hood of the cloak up till we reach the room, and that will hide your hair, and your excuse for a gown. Even if Edmund does take this road eventually, he won’t get much information other than that a couple of similar description stayed the night. He’ll have to chalk it up to coincidence.”
“Isn’t that a gamble?”
“One thing I’m very good at is gambling.”
He sighed and sat back, unable to pretend all was well. All he wanted was oblivion. He was relieved beyond measure to find that the bag at his feet contained the precious wooden case—he would find a moment of solitude and take a dose. Then he could face the ramifications of his mistake.
They reached a large inn about an hour later. It was busy enough that the arrival of one more couple would not attract much attention.
“You’ll do all the talking, I suppose,” Nora said.
“Safer that way. You just keep that hood up, hide your bare feet under the hem, and embody the ideal of a quiet, retiring wife.”
She rolled her eyes but did as he said.
Ash walked in and got the innkeeper’s attention right away, no doubt aided in that by the clink of a coin on the counter. “Dinner, and a room for the night. One facing the road, if possible. I like to watch the people come and go.”
“Certainly, sir. We have just such a room. Would you like dinner served upstairs?”
Nora nodded from beneath her hood, and Ash said, “Yes. The common room is too busy for my wife.”
Ash arranged for Crewe to stay in the servants’ loft, and paid for the feed for the horses. At the end, he dropped another coin in the innkeeper’s palm, and then led Nora upstairs.
The room was probably the best one the inn had to offer. It was fairly large, and clean. The furnishings were simple but high-quality—no castoffs or broken items here.
Nora pulled her hood off as soon as the door closed. “Well,” she said. “So far, so good. They seemed to believe you.”
“They’re paid to believe their customers,” Ash said. “And now we’ve got a whole evening before we can move again.”
“I don’t mind.” Nora was prowling around the room, looking at everything, opening the few drawers and cabinets. “It’s not Grasmere House, so it will be better.”
Food was brought up by a maid soon after, and Ash took charge, hiding Nora from the maid’s sight.
Nora tucked into the food quite happily. Ash ate a little, but he was so focused on the idea of the laudanum that food had no appeal.
“After you eat, you should sleep,” he said. “You’re not used to all this.”
“I’m not sleepy.”
“Sleep anyway,” he grunted as he rooted around in his small bag. When his fingers brushed the top of the wooden box, he glanced up at a Nora.
He was disturbed to see that she was watching him. “What is it?”
“Have I done something wrong?” she asked.
“What? No.”
“You’ve been upset since we left the house. I am sorry I didn’t have time to warn you of my escape, but I couldn’t wait, and the fire was the best distraction I could hope for.”
“I’m not angry.” Not at her, not exactly. But he was ready to snap. The wooden box was right there at his feet and he couldn’t open it; he couldn’t remove it from the bag until Nora looked away. She was far too inquisitive for his comfort just now.
Thankfully, Nora chose to build up the fire in the grate and then sink into one of the curved wood chairs. She sat back and closed her eyes. “I suppose I should enjoy my liberty while I have it,” she murmured. “Who knows what will happen next?”
Ash knelt down and eased the box out of his bag. Nora seemed to be either dozing or relaxing—in any case, she wasn’t watching him. He opened the lid and began to pull out the bottle of laudanum, being as silent as he could. His nerves were screaming at him now, in a way he’d rarely experienced before. Everything had gone wrong, and he couldn’t fix any of it. All he knew was that the drug would deaden his feelings, and slow the endless cycle of thoughts in his brain. The sooner he could get it in his body, the better off he’d be.
“What are you doing?” Nora asked from where she sat. He shot a look over at her, but she was still leaning back, her eyes closed.
“Nothing you need to be concerned about.”
“No? Whenever Mrs Lloyd gave me laudanum, I’d spit it out when she turned her back.”
Ash went still. “What?”
“That’s what’s in the bottle,” Nora said. She sat up and twisted to watch him. Silhouetted against the fire, she was all darkness, and Ash didn’t like it at all. “That’s what you’re about to drink down.”
“It’s none of your business what I do or don’t choose to drink.”
“We’re traveling together, staying in a room together, running from the same person together. So I’d say your mental state is my business.” Nora rose from the seat and walked over to him. “Wouldn’t it be better to keep your head clear? I hated the laudanum, when I couldn’t avoid it. It clouded my head and made thinking impossible.”
“That’s my goal,” he muttered.
“Why?”
“There’s such a thing as thinking too much. Too much remembering.”
“What are you remembering?” she asked, one eyebrow raised.
“Things I’d rather forget,” he snapped. “God, Nora. Why does it matter?”
“I should tell you this,” she said quietly. “I remember everything.”
“Yes, I’m sure you’ve got plenty of horrible memories from the past year.” He got an idea. “Take a dose with me. We’ll both forget everything we need to forget, at least for tonight.”
She shook her head. “I won’t. I always remember everything.”
“This is stronger than the syrup you were given. Trust me, you’ll soon forget the whole ordeal.”
Nora knelt down to Ash’s level. “Ash, I remember everything,” she repeated, her eyes locked on his. “I always have.”
“Everything…as in…”
“We missed the turn for the road to London,” she said. “I saw that turn once, over a year ago. Never again. But I knew it in the dark.”
Ash stared at her, the precious drug momentarily left aside.
“The inscription on your gun case, which I saw once when I was sneaking around your room: For A, from your ever faithful second. R.”
“So you remembered a phrase…”
She began to recite the words of a letter Ash knew very well, word for word. It had been hidden in his case.
“How did you know that?”
“I saw the letter. Once. I remember, Ash. I remember things that I see written down. I remember everything Edmund was ever said to me, every time he laughed at me. I remember which tiles on the roof of Grasmere House are broken…that’s why I don’t slip. I remember which baseboards creak, that’s how I can get around with no one hearing. I remember. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“I think so.”
She took his hands in hers. “Then you should understand that I know exactly what it’s like to be stuck inside one’s own head, to be lost in a loop of memories, over and over, and it never changes and there’s nothing you can do about it. All the opium in the world won’t change your past, or your memories of it.”
“I need this,” he said, clutching the cool glass bottle.
“You need to keep your head,” Nora said firmly. “It’s too dangerous for you to drift off.”
“Thank you for the warning,” he said, trying to keep his temper in check, “but nothing is going to happen tonight. If I don’t do something, I’m going to go out of my mind.”
“Ah. In that case, I have a solution.”
And Nora leaned over and kissed him.