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EMMA
I lied to Dad and told him everything was fine. It wasn't. My relationship with Jake was definitely something akin to being on life support. We didn't talk much, and I made a point of staying late at school to study, or would leave the apartment before he was even up in the morning. I didn't want to talk to him and the feeling seemed to be mutual.
The next few weeks I immersed myself in school and my job. I was up to date with all my assignments. At work I was baking up a storm, so much so that Billie, my boss, hinted that I was making more than we could sell. So on a quiet Friday night when all my classmates were out having fun, I stood behind the coffee counter casually reading a few pages in the mystery novel I’d tucked on the shelf with the napkins and stir sticks.
I was working with Jessica tonight, and I knew she didn't care; she often had a book out too. Jessica was nice enough, but we didn’t interact a lot. She was a graduate student who worked for extra cash and took any shift available. She'd trained me, but other than normal chitchat, I knew little about her.
I felt a little guilty reading at work, but it really was quiet, and I could only wipe down the same empty tables so many times. Besides, reading for fun was getting harder and harder to do with all my school work mounting, and since I was lacking in the friends department, I enjoyed a fictional escape when I could.
"Any éclairs?"
I jumped and smiled when I saw Zach standing at the counter. "Sorry, I'm still perfecting those."
He leaned back and perused the glass display counter. "What's good?"
"Everything, but I recommend the coffee cake. It's a secret recipe."
"Then I'll have that. Large black coffee too. And whatever you're having."
"I've already had three today, but thanks for offering."
"Do they give you a break?"
"Go ahead, take fifteen," Jessica said, overhearing us. She had her tablet out and was tapping away. That's how busy we were on a Friday night.
"Thanks."
We sat at one of the many empty tables and I watched him devour my coffee cake.
"Shit, this is good," he said, licking his lips.
"Told you. So what brings you out here on a Friday night? No frat parties?"
"No, I'm done with those. I just came back from a study session with some people from class. We have a project coming up. I was driving by and thought I'd see if you were working. How have you been?"
"I'm good."
"And how are things with Jake?"
"We're co-existing right now. I decided not to tell Dad and see how things go with Jake. I've managed to avoid everyone from the cabin. Thankfully I don't have classes with any of them."
"I think you already know this, but Jake is an asswipe."
"But he's still my friend."
Zach cringed. "He's not your friend. A friend wouldn't do what he did."
"I know you don't understand. Bianca has this strange hold over him, but eventually he'll see the kind of person she is."
"And come back to you?" he finished.
I looked away from Zach's suffocating stare. "I didn't say that."
"I know you like him and I wish I could say that he feels the same way about you. I'm not telling you this to hurt your feelings, but he isn't going to wake up one morning and realize he's loved you his entire life. This isn't a fairy tale."
"I don't feel that way about him."
He smirked. "I'm going to call bullshit on that."
"You can call it whatever you want. I don't care."
His eyes scanned me, looking for a crack, wondering if I'd crumble. Little did he know that I'd spent my entire life with the façade of apathy. My survival and sanity depended on me not being broken. I’d put up an Iron Curtain and Zach Walker wasn't getting through.
"Well, when you finally realize what an ass he is, I can help you find a place to live. But the longer you stay in that apartment, the harder it will be to leave."
"I appreciate the offer."
He stood to leave. "Let me know when you get those éclairs in."
"I will."
He waved and left. I resumed my position behind the counter with Jessica staring at me. Did I spill something? I checked my black Julian's apron and saw nothing out of the ordinary.
"What's wrong? Is there something on my face? Did I get something on me?" I asked.
"No." She paused as if to ponder something. "How do you know Zach Walker?"
"Long story. Why?"
"He's the senator's son. You know that, right?"
"Yes, so?"
"Are you dating him?"
"No!" I said it like it was the most disgusting idea in the world. "He's a friend."
"He's a good friend to have."
I smiled. "Yeah, he's pretty nice."
"If you like him, be careful. He leaves a trail of tears."
"How do you know that?"
"Everyone knows that. He dates girls for a few months then gets bored. You're better off keeping him a friend than getting mixed up with him."
"I'll keep that in mind."
She tapped her nearly empty cup on the counter. "Walker sure has changed."
"Changed?"
"He has a lost year. Come to think of it, he's probably pissed away two years. I don't know him, but I've been to parties he's thrown, a few at the frat he belonged to. The guy partied hard. I mean really, really hard. He was a party boy legend, you know, the kind people talk about for years, but then something happened. My guess is that his parents put the fear of God into him because he stopped everything. He pretty much disappeared last spring. No epic parties, nothing. I heard he left his frat house, finally took a full course load and actually attends classes. Phi Alpha Delta has never been the same."
I laughed. "No way. Not Zach."
Jessica snorted. "Oh, it's true. Ask him. He had some really good times if he remembers any of them."
I was having a hard time envisioning this. And smoking a joint once in a while didn't make you legendary. He didn't scream party animal. He didn't even mention parties. "Are you sure? Could you have him mixed up?"
"Emma, everyone knows who Zach Walker is. I don't have him mixed up with anyone else. Look, he's turned his life around. That's commendable. But here's the thing: you're a nice girl from a small town. Don't let a guy like him take advantage."
"He wouldn't do that," I said. An edge found its way into my voice.
"The party Walker would, and who knows if he's really changed? You're sweet, a little innocent too. I hope that doesn't offend you, but it's the truth. If you ever decide to date the guy, just be careful. Guys with his reputation don't deserve to have a chance with girls like you."
"Thanks ... I think."
Little did she know that Zach wasn't even on my radar.
#
SATURDAY MORNING JAKE was waiting for me in the kitchen. He had a newspaper and a mug of coffee sitting in front of him. He set the paper aside when I entered the room.
"Hey," he said.
"Hi."
In the past two weeks we hadn't exchanged more than a dozen words. It was hard not talking to him and I desperately missed our conversations. Some nights I would sit in my bedroom as quietly as possible and listen to him go about the apartment. So many times I wanted to go out and chat with him, like old times, but then I'd remember. How could I ever forget?
"Do you have a few minutes?"
My heart skipped a beat. At one time I knew Jake so well, I always knew what he was going to say or do, but Bianca changed everything.
"Sure."
I sat across from him and we stared at each other.
"I know we haven't talked much, since that day. How are you doing?"
"I'm fine."
"You've been keeping busy?" He was asking but it sounded more like a statement.
"Yes. Working and school."
"Good."
Time to get to the point. "What do you want to talk about?" I could only dream that he was going to tell me he'd seen the light and dumped Bianca's skinny ass.
"I had a really long heart to heart with Bianca and she agreed to be nicer to you. I'm hoping that I can invite her over once in a while and that the two of you can get to know each other. I think if you spend time together, you might like her and vice versa."
He was serious. I did everything humanly possible from keeping my jaw from dropping. The same person who called me a dog with fleas and wished for my death. I sucked back a mouthful of air and took my time crafting an answer. How did I approach this? I wanted nothing to do with Bianca. Ever.
"Let's wait and see. I'm not sure I'm ready to spend any time with her."
"That's fair, but I'd like to be able to have her around. Maybe stay the night."
"She can stay here when I'm not here." My words were diplomatic, but my tone wasn't. If he couldn't hear the sarcasm, then something was wrong with him.
Jake huffed. I could see the irritation setting in. "I don't expect the two of you to patch things up instantly, but it has to happen eventually."
"And if it doesn't, then what? Have you forgotten what she said about me?"
"No, but she promised me she would stop this. I'm asking you to do the same."
"I didn't do anything. I'm telling you that I'm not ready to see her, let alone have her hanging around here."
He tapped his fingers on the table. "Then one of us has to think about moving out."
I raised my eyebrows. These were Bianca's words. She'd planted the idea in his head because this wasn't something Jake would come up with. Only a few weeks ago he'd begged me to stay. "You know, I've put up with a lot. I'm the injured party and you can't wait to get rid of me. So I will take your suggestion under advisement and I'll look for another place to live because I think that's what you're implying."
"I'm trying to find a solution. I don't want you to leave."
"You are picking her over me."
"I'm not, but I don't think you're being reasonable."
I got up unable to stomach this conversation any longer. "We can talk about this again later."
"Think about everything I've said. Moving on is best. That's the win-win solution for all of us."
#
I MADE ÉCLAIRS. IT took three batches until I had the custard filling just right. I then texted Zach to tell him the good news. A couple of hours later he replied. I'd cleaned the kitchen and bathroom and finished the last few pages of my English paper by then.
Zach: How do I get my hands on said éclairs?
Me: You could come get them or I could bring them to work tomorrow.
Zach: I can come get them. You busy now?
Other than me being dressed in sweat pants and an old T-shirt that had more holes than Swiss cheese, why couldn't he come over? Jake wasn't around and I'd spent much of the day in the apartment. Having a guest, my friend, was a great idea.
Me: Nope. Come now if you want.
I changed into jeans and a sweater and fixed up my hair. When I played tennis, I used to keep it long so that I could easily tame it, but the moment I quit playing competitively, the first thing I did was lop it off. I regretted the pixie cut and now compromised by keeping it shoulder length. I could put it up in a pinch or let it go into its gentle wave. My hair was a rich auburn, drastically different from Dad’s dirty blond hair that turned into a light blond in the summer. I also had Meredith's hazel eyes, but I would have killed to have Dad's big blue ones. Other than the general shape of our faces and noses and Dad's height, you wouldn't think we were related. I looked like her ... Meredith. That had prompted my grandparents to seek a paternity test. Dad told me about it when I was old enough to understand. He didn't want me to hear it from anyone else. He insisted he knew I was his girl the second I was born. As for Grandma and Grandpa, they never spoke of it. My best guess was that they were embarrassed about it.
I put on coffee and as it finished brewing, Zach arrived. I buzzed him into the building and left the apartment door open. I heard him call my name from the doorway.
"I'm in the kitchen pouring coffee," I called out.
"It smells amazing in here," he said, walking in to find me. "Coffee and éclairs. I could marry you."
I laughed and thought of what Jessica had said. "I'm too young to get hitched. Besides, I hear you're not the marrying kind." I handed him a steaming mug.
"Ah, gossip. What have you heard?"
"Not much," I said, plating the éclairs. "When you came into Julian's, my co-worker was fascinated that I knew you. She warned me not to date you because you get bored easily and used to throw crazy parties, or something like that. Where should we eat the éclairs? Kitchen or living room?"
His brown eyes gave off a spark. "You're so casual about all that. I get bored easily to where should we eat."
I shrugged. "If you get bored what's the big deal? And haven't you been dating Becca for a long time?"
He frowned. "I actually broke up with her a few weeks ago."
"Oh. Well, that doesn't matter anyway. You can date whoever you want for as long as you want."
"Can you tell all my exes that?"
"How many exes do you have?" I said, leading him into the living room.
"Not that many."
"And how long was the longest relationship?"
"I don't know. Six months?"
"When you meet the right girl, you'll stay with her. Here, have an éclair." I thrust the plate in front of him.
He sat on our sofa and started in. He let out a moan of contentment as he finished it off in a few bites. "This is amazing. Are you serving them at Julian's?"
"I'm going to let Billie sample them first. They don't have a long shelf life so we'd have to sell them pretty fast."
"I'd buy them all. Em, you're going to make me fat."
I was well aware that he was the only person other than Dad to call me Em. Not even Jake called me that. "Despite all the desserts I make, I also make very healthy meals. Just ask Jake."
"Where is he, by the way?"
"Probably with Bianca."
"How's all that going?"
I sighed. "He thinks we can sweep this all under the rug. He suggested that if I can't work it out with her, one of us should move out. That means me."
Zach finished off the last éclair and leaned back on the sofa. "I think you should move out. I don't think this is a good situation for you. And I've known Bianca a lot longer than Jake has, and she is never going to want to ‘work things out.’ As long as that idiot stays with her, this is going to be toxic for you."
"Why is she such a bitch?"
"Because she's used to getting her way. Her parents give her anything she wants. I'm sure it's the same with Jake. He's a good-looking guy with a small-town attitude. She knows she can control him."
"He'll come around."
"Em, mark my words. While Bianca is in the picture, you will always take second place."
I sipped some coffee and tapped a finger against the mug. "The thing is, I can't afford to live on my own, so I have to stick it out with Jake the rest of the year. I might have to put up with Bianca. I can try to get into a dorm next year."
"I don't know how solid those two are, but keep all your options open."
"I will."
"I should go," he said, rising. "I really don't want to run into Jake. Make sure you get those éclairs into Julian's."
"I'll certainly try."
"And don't be a stranger."
"I won't."
He left and I slumped down onto the sofa. He was a good guy. I reminded myself that I had officially placed him into the friend category. But . . . No, I wasn’t going there, I couldn’t go there. Zach Walker was a friend and I wasn’t going to let it be any other way, despite that little tickle in my heart. Besides, what did my heart know anyway?