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EMMA
"Great mention of the Grant Wood,” Genie said. I think Dad loves you."
"It was all right that I asked? I felt like I was overstepping and being nosy."
"Dad lives for that shit. It impresses him."
Genie showed me to my room and told me she'd be back with some bathing suits for me to choose from. I put my bag down on the bed and took in my room for the weekend. It was huge—twice the size of our living room in Pine Falls—and I had my own bathroom! I'd always assumed that Zach's family was well off, but this was far more than anything I could have expected. And not once did Zach or Genie give off the rich-kid attitude like Bianca and her bratty friends.
"Found three brand-new ones that should fit you," she said, tossing them on the bed. "Sorry, they are all bikinis. I don't have any one-pieces."
Bikini? I'd never owned one in my life, mostly because I didn't think I could pull it off. I certainly didn't have Genie's cleavage or much in the way of hips. I looked through my choices and picked a plain navy blue one with white polka dots. It had the most material. I might have been slim, but I was more muscular, not anything like Genie's hourglass figure.
"Great choice. If you want to keep it, and the other two also, you're welcome to them. They're all too small on me. There should be a robe and towels in your bathroom along with some flip flops. I'll meet you downstairs when you're ready."
She left and I went into the bathroom to change. I carefully removed the tags from my new bikini and put it on. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. The top pushed up my boobs making them look larger than their barely B cup. The bottoms fit like a glove and I had to admit I looked pretty good. I'd even consider wearing it again. I slipped into the white fluffy robe and it was so soft against my skin. I wrapped it tight around me and rummaged through the various sizes of flip flops until I found mine. I took one towel from the stack piled high in one of the cabinets. The Walker home was the poshest of hotels.
I went downstairs and Genie was waiting for me in the family room. She grasped onto my arm, leading me down another hallway and down a set of steps that led to the pool and Jacuzzi. There was no one else there.
"I've been looking forward to a soak for weeks," she said, shedding her robe and revealing a tiny pink bikini. I tried not to stare, but her body was fabulous. I was a bit jealous. She eased into the water and let out a moan of satisfaction.
I removed my robe and piled it neatly off to the side on a nearby chair and set my flip flops underneath. I put one foot into the water and the heat enveloped me. It was glorious. I sank deeper into the water as the jets massaged each muscle of my body.
"I don't ever want to get out," I said, resting my head on the edge and closing my eyes.
"I know. Let's just stay here until morning."
We relaxed in silence for a few minutes, the only sounds coming from the thrusting jets. Thoughts of Jake and my upcoming predicament with Dad floated away. I intended to enjoy every single second of this weekend.
"So Zach convinced your parents to let Steve come to the party?" I asked, breaking the silence.
"Yes, and now I owe the bastard. He's making me go with Dad to visit some hog operation next month. It goes against all my principles," she said in a sleepy voice. "I'm going to want to take all those pigs home. I hate factory farming and Dad knows that. But if I can sway a farmer or two on letting pigs live better lives before slaughter, it won't be a total waste."
"I didn't know you were an animal activist. That’s great."
"And I didn't know you were a tennis ace."
"Zach told you that? I'm not exactly a tennis ace."
"Ranked second in the state? I'd say you're an ace. We have a tennis court out back. This spring you could give me some pointers."
"You guys have your own court?" Why did that surprise me?
"Yup. Mom plays and so does Dad, occasionally. Even Zach's pretty good."
"What's Zach good at?" he asked, breaking the tranquility of the moment. I opened my eyes to see him standing next to the Jacuzzi in his blue and black swim trunks, holding a towel.
"You're good at ruining a girl's night," Genie said without flinching.
"Is there room in there for me?" he asked.
"Sure," I said, scooting over. There was room for ten people.
He got in and sat across from me and stared. I was getting a bit self-conscious. What was so fascinating about my face? That's all he could see.
"What did Dad want?" Genie asked.
"Nothing important."
"Did he grill you about Steve? I did promise them he wouldn't embarrass anyone."
"It wasn't about Steve. Why are we talking about Dad when I'm trying to relax?"
He shut his eyes and stretched out, one leg brushing mine. I thought to move, but didn't. Even though it was only a passing touch, my heart skipped a second. Any girl with a pulse would be attracted to Zach, but I kept telling myself to keep it strictly platonic. Any feelings or secret crushes on Zach would lead to heartache. Besides, I didn't want a boyfriend. Boys were trouble. The single life was fine with me.
An intercom blared through the pool room, startling me. "Genie, we need to talk about tomorrow. Please come see me in the study."
"Great," Genie muttered. "Let me guess, it's about Steve." She got out of the Jacuzzi and into her robe. "If I'm not back in ten minutes, please come get me."
"Have fun," Zach said, not moving an inch.
She gave him the finger and was gone. It felt strange being alone with Zach. Sure, I was alone with him all the time, but never this close. I took the opportunity to take him in, his broad shoulders, the scruffy face, his placid, peaceful expression.
"Can I ask you something?"
Zach's eyes opened, a sleepy gaze. "Sure."
"When you're at school, don't you miss all this?"
"Nah. It's nice and all, but this belongs to my parents. Besides, I kind of like communicating with people directly and not through an intercom."
I stifled a laugh which made him smile.
"I've only been here an hour, but this is pretty amazing. Thank you again for inviting me."
"You're invited anytime."
I was dying to hit the pool. It would mean getting out of the Jacuzzi and putting myself on full display, but a nice swim on a cold December evening sounded attractive.
"How cold is the pool?"
"Compared to this? It's like jumping into a frozen lake."
"You make it sound so appealing," I said with a laugh.
"If you don't believe me, try it."
"I'll see that as a challenge." I got out of the Jacuzzi and was greeted by room temperature air that felt like a gust of cold wind. Compounding that was the feeling of Zach's eyes trained on me, possibly checking me out in a bikini I never thought I'd wear. I acted fast and dove in. The water slapped me like a bag of ice. I surfaced and let out a mini shriek.
"Told you," he called out.
"At least I did it. I think you're being a wimp."
"Them's fighting words. Are you daring me to jump in, Miss Andrews?"
"I am."
"What do I get if I do it?"
"I'll make you dinner for a week."
"You already do that. Something better."
"I don't know."
"Tell you what, we'll determine it later as long as it's within reason."
"I'll take that bet."
He climbed out of the Jacuzzi took a running start then cannon-balled into the pool only feet from me, sending up a wave that soaked me again. He surfaced and then laughed at my stern expression.
"Did I splash you?"
"Yes!" I splashed him back and he swam away.
“It’s too cold in here. I’m heading back to the Jacuzzi,” I said.
“Told you it would be freezing in here,” he said and winked.
I rolled my eyes and got back in the warm water. Zach followed seconds later. "What's tomorrow going to be like?" I asked.
"Lots of people and lots of BS," he said. "I tow the party line all evening while wishing I could get drunk."
"What if I say the wrong thing?"
"You're a guest, you can say what you want."
"If that's the case, why is everyone worried about what Steve will say?"
"Because he's an idiot and an attention whore."
"Why does Genie like him so much?"
"I don't know. He's good in bed?"
"TMI."
"You asked."
I put my robe back on and wrapped the towel around my wet hair. "Does it go late?"
"Yeah, but I usually only put in a few hours then watch movies the rest of the night."
Genie breezed back in, unscathed by whatever she'd just experienced. "Are you guys hungry? There's some food for us."
"I'm going to hit the sack. Long day tomorrow," Zach said. "Goodnight, ladies."
I watched him go, and when I looked back at Genie a wide smile was on her face. "What?" I asked.
"Nothing," she said.
"No, what? I want to know."
"Never mind. Are you hungry or not?"
"No, not really. What time to we have to be up?"
"I want us up and out before seven."
"Then I better go to bed too."
"See you in the morning."
She was still smiling. I couldn't help but wonder what was going on.
#
GRANDMA HAD TAKEN ME to get a manicure and pedicure done at the mall when I turned sixteen. The Ivy Spa was no afternoon at the mall. We got our own robes, even softer than those at the Walker house; a tall glass of sparkling juice; various mini muffins, cookies, and cakes; and an assortment of fancy teas I'd never heard of. Before they'd even taken us in for our manicure, pedicure, facial, and whatever else Genie had planned, I got the most relaxing and mind-blowing head and neck massage. I didn't want it to end. I felt all my tension evaporate.
Next came the facial, the seaweed body wrap, a light lunch, and then our manicure and pedicure. With all that done, we moved on to hair and makeup.
"Is this how celebrities live?" I asked, as Pamela, my hair stylist, worked on my updo.
"This and more," she replied.
"I could get used to this."
By three p.m. we were all done. Pamela presented me with the mirror and I barely recognized the face staring back at me. I looked like a movie star. I felt like I could walk any red carpet. Even with my subdued makeup—I'd specifically asked for my neutral tones—Pamela had made me look flawless. I actually looked pretty.
"You're gorgeous," Genie said. "The guys are going to fall all over you tonight, especially when they see you in the dress I picked out."
"You think so?"
Genie hugged me, something foreign to me. "Emma, I just love you. You're so adorable! Now let's get out of here. We still have to get dressed."
A car picked us up and took us back to the Walker house. We meandered through the serving staff and party planners up to Genie's room. We had about an hour before guests arrived.
"Here it is," she said, holding up the dress. The navy gown with navy embroidered beads and crystals looked like nothing I could ever afford. Already Genie had done so much for me by paying for our spa day and giving me the bathing suits, but this dress? It was fit for a princess. "Try it on."
I took it from her and went into her bathroom. I slipped it off the hanger and slid into it. It fit perfectly, hugging every subtle curve of my body. The v-shaped neckline didn't plunge too much, but showed just the right amount of cleavage. The slit up my right leg went mid-thigh revealing my toned legs. They were definitely my best asset.
"Let me see," Genie called.
I came out of the bathroom and she whistled. "Holy shit! You look gorgeous."
"Thanks," I said, my skin tingling with excitement.
"Let me find you some jewelry," she said, going through her massive collection. She picked out a strand of pearls and teardrop pearl earrings. "These will complete your look."
I took them from her, feeling my eyes well up with tears. "Genie, thanks so much for everything."
"No crying! We just had our makeup done," she said, hugging me again.
"It's just so much..."
"Don't worry about it. Now let me get dressed and you can help me with my jewelry."
Once we were ready, it was time to make our grand entrance. I was so nervous that I couldn't get my hands to stop shaking. What if I said something stupid? Or fell flat on my ass in the heels Genie lent me? What if I threw up all over Genie's pretty dress? I told myself to pull it together.
Light dinner music was now playing through the house. I followed Genie through the main entrance where a few of the servers had set up a bar. We drifted into the main living room which I now saw for the first time. It was a wide, open room as large as our house in Pine Falls and filled with expensive art on the walls and antiques on full display. There we found Mr. and Mrs. Walker and Zach, who was dressed smartly in a black suit and grey tie looking as handsome as ever. They all looked at us when we entered.
"Wow," Zach said. "Em, you look beautiful."
My cheeks burned. "Thanks," I said shyly.
"I told her the guys would go crazy the moment they saw her. Zach, you might want to keep an eye on her."
"I think I will," he said with a wink.
"About Steven," Mrs. Walker said to Genie, who retreated to a corner with her mother while Mr. Walker was ushered away by one of his aides.
"So, come here often?" Zach joked.
I giggled. "Come on, stop teasing."
"Genie's right. The guys will be all over you. I think I should be your personal bodyguard."
"If you think I need one," I said, trying not to giggle some more.
"Everyone, gather around," a tall man in a pinstripe suit boomed. I had no idea who he was, but he sounded prickly so I did as he said. "Remember, don't mention the pipeline or the upcoming election. Let's keep this a light evening and where are the Walker kids? I only see Zach."
Genie popped her head out and waved. "I'm here. Mom is just grilling me."
"Right. Walker kids, take lots of photos. We want to see you working this room. Handsome children get their mothers and fathers re-elected. And don't forget to smile." The man focused on me, his black eyes like laser beams. "Who are you?" he asked.
"I'm Zach and Genie's friend."
The man looked at Zach then back at me. "Is Zach your boyfriend? Zach, is this your girlfriend? Will her political affiliation be problematic?"
"Allen, she's not my girlfriend, and her politics don't matter."
"You aren’t a radical, are you? Either left or right?" he asked me.
"No. I don't really get involved in politics. I haven't even voted yet."
He rolled his eyes. "Zach, brief your girlfriend. Everyone else, let's have a good time."
"Who was that?" I asked when it was all over.
"Allen, my dad's campaign manager. Micromanager freakshow."
"What are you going to brief me on?"
"Here's my brief. Have a good time and don't mention the pipeline or the upcoming election."
A short time later guests arrived and so did the photographers and media. Zach and Genie did their jobs and took pictures with everyone, but Zach never strayed too far. It was nice knowing he had my back.
"Let's get a picture together," he suggested. He called over a photographer who took a picture, but then three more appeared. It was the paparazzi. "I'll be doing this all night," he muttered through a smile.
Zach put his arm through mine and the next stop was the bar. "The best way to make it through one of these evenings is with a little alcohol. What can I get you?"
"I only drink the occasional beer. Well, except for that one memorable night."
He turned to the bartender. "White wine for the lady and a whiskey sour for me. No beer on tap," he said to me. "Too pedestrian."
With our drinks in hand we hit the refreshment table where Genie was with the infamous Steve. I did a double take at first. Steve was older than Genie, easily in his late twenties and slightly balding. I'd assumed that Genie would be with an Adonis, but Steve was so ordinary, right down to his wrinkled grey suit.
"Steve, this is Emma," Genie said, her face beaming.
"Hey," he said obviously disinterested. He quickly turned his attention back to the phyllo pastry appetizers.
"And a hello to you too," Zach said.
More guests filed in, which meant Genie and Zach had to make an effort to greet them, at least for the first little while. I stood back, away from Steve, and watched them both work the men and women who donated to their father's campaign. They looked so natural, laughing at jokes, handing out compliments, and saying words of support for their father. Many of the ladies took long glances at Zach even with their husbands standing by their sides.
"You're Zach's latest girlfriend?" Steve asked, licking from his fingers whatever remnants of food were still on them.
"We're just friends."
He snorted. "Good ol' Zach likes to play the field, so don't say you weren't warned."
Where had this guy come from anyway? I thought I'd left him safely with the refreshments. "Like I said, we're just friends. How long have you and Genie been dating?" I thought changing the subject was a good idea.
"Two years. Met her in one of my classes. I was her TA."
Kind of gross. "Oh. Are you still in school?"
"Getting my PhD in poly sci."
"That's good."
"Thought I'd scope out the party and see if there are any prospects here."
"Job prospects? I thought you were a conservative. Aren't you barking up the wrong tree?"
"You never know who might show up to one of these things."
Mercifully Zach finished the schmoozing and rescued me from Steve. He had another glass of white wine in his hand and a drink for himself. "I can guarantee that talking to that guy will make you stupid."
"So, I have to ask, what does Genie see in him? And don't say he's good in bed. That's not enough."
"I don't know. He's a way to rebel from my parents? He's a doofus."
"He's not what I expected."
Zach groaned.
"What?" I asked, following his gaze.
"Bianca's parents are here."
My body froze. Did that mean she was here? "Her parents?"
"Yeah, they donate to Dad's campaign. They've always been supportive."
The wine began to burn in my stomach. "Is she here?"
"I’m sure she couldn't be bothered and besides, she wouldn't set foot in this house."
"Why not?"
Zach smiled mischievously. "Let's just say that she wouldn't want to poke the bear."
"That sounds ominous."
"Let's leave it at that."
I titled my head to one side and stared at him. He tried to ignore me. "What do you have on her?" I asked.
"It's better you don't know," he said and laughed.
"You've got me curious."
"All I can say is that Bianca has some skeletons and I happen to know where all the bones are buried."
"Are you the reason she's keeping her distance?"
"Maybe. At least I know she's not as stupid as I once thought she was. Look, let's not talk about Bianca. Let's circulate."
He had to know that people would think I was his girlfriend. He introduced me to the mayor, business leaders and other politicians. I'd never be able to remember all the names. We drank more expensive wine and ate fabulous appetizers of duck, lamb, and cheese-filled pastries. By the time the last of the guests had left, I was on a euphoric high. I could have run laps around the estate despite my aching feet.
"Did you have fun?" Zach asked, walking me to my room.
"Tonight was amazing," I said with a little skip to my step.
"I'm not sure you'd say that if you had to go to dozens and dozens of them a year."
"Pretty sure I'd still say that."
We stopped at my bedroom door and he gazed down at me. Even though he was only a few inches taller than me in my heels, I still felt small under his stare.
"You looked beautiful tonight."
"Stop saying that or it will go to my head."
He took hold of my hand, squeezing it gently. My heart picked up a million beats as a rush of warmth flowed through my veins.
"I'm glad you were here tonight. I couldn't dream of spending it with anyone else."
I looked up, and at that moment, when our eyes met, I knew I'd given him all the reassurance he needed. He leaned in and I closed my eyes, anticipating the kiss. At first his lips barely grazed mine, but as I got up on my tiptoes, he slipped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer, the kiss growing more intense. A flush of warmth enveloped me, making me want to bury myself in his embrace. He gently bit down on my lower lip and broke the kiss, leaving me wanting more.
"I should probably get off to bed before we get caught," he said.
"Uh, yeah."
"Goodnight, Em."
Never in my life did I so desperately want to run after someone and tell them not to go, but so many things stopped me—most of all my crippling fear.
I went into my room and closed the door behind me. I wanted to laugh, scream, and cry all at the same time.
#
I SPENT THE WHOLE NIGHT thinking about that kiss. In fact, I don't think I ever fell asleep. Over and over again in went through my mind like an old movie reel. At one point I'd even had a panic attack, gasping for air and barely able to breathe. The most amazing kiss of my entire life–not that I’d had very many–had reduced me to a muddy, messy puddle of confusion.
I didn't want to leave my bed and the limited security it offered. Getting up and dressed meant I had to face Zach. What was he going to do? How was I supposed to act? The kiss had been a mistake; it was going to ruin everything. My heart picked up beats again and my hands shook a little. I could deal with this; I had to.
I showered and put on some clothes. Thankfully I'd packed all my stuff before the party, so I didn’t have to worry about that now. I brought my bag downstairs and braved the breakfast table. Only Mrs. Walker was there.
"Good morning, dear," she said. "Sleep well?"
"I did. Thank you for having me at your party."
"We love friendly faces. Help yourself to breakfast. I should probably wake the other sleepyheads."
I wanted to throw up. As I looked through all the chafing dishes, even the sight of eggs Benedict turned my stomach. Knowing I had to eat something, I scooped some scrambled eggs and speared a slice of French toast. What if I couldn't keep it down?
One of the staff came around and asked me what I wanted to drink. I prayed they had chamomile tea to settle my nerves and was thankful when the server said she'd be right back with it.
I nibbled the eggs, pushing them around my plate more than anything else. Mrs. Walker returned and resumed her seat across from me. I wanted to die right there. I couldn't handle whatever would come next. I liked my life the way it was; completely uncomplicated. No kiss, no friends, no life. It was easy and all I'd ever known.
"I've woken everyone up. They should be down shortly."
The server returned with my tea and I longed to drink it as fast as I could. I needed something, but I'd stopped filling my anti-anxiety meds a long ago and hadn't even refilled the prescription when the whole Bianca thing went down. I was definitely longing for a Paxil right now, though. A kiss was a prelude, and I didn't want to know what came after that.
"I hear you like to cook," Mrs. Walker said, starting up conversation.
"I do. I find it relaxing."
"I must confess I'm not much use in the kitchen. I have two older sisters and they and my mother did all the cooking when I was growing up. Do you have siblings?"
I couldn't figure out if she was fishing for information, or if she genuinely wanted to know. Was she sizing me up to see whether or not I was good enough for her son? My stomach gurgled. "I have two younger brothers."
"I bet they are picky little eaters. Zach used to be so picky when he was young. Now he'll eat just about anything."
"I don't live with my brothers."
"Your parents are divorced?"
I panicked some more. Did I tell her the truth and risk her looking down on me, or just perpetuate a lie? I hated lying and I'd done enough of it with Dad.
"Actually, my parents were never married. My dad and grandparents raised me. My mom was a teenager when she had me...fifteen."
I expected Mrs. Walker's expression to curdle like all the other people who couldn't, or wouldn't, understand. Or, she'd give me that pitying look I hated even more. But Mrs. Walker did neither.
"I bet your father and grandparents are lovely people. We should have them over for dinner one evening. Not to sound sexist, but was it your grandmother who taught you to cook?"
Mrs. Walker didn't care and I couldn't believe it. "Yes, she was a great cook. She passed away three years ago."
"I'm sorry to hear that, dear. Well, if you ever want to take over our kitchen, you can make us something anytime. I can even try to help."
I was now convinced Zach's family were the Waltons and while that should have made me happy, it made me feel worse. I sipped tea. I needed a vat of it.
"Morning," Zach said, entering the dining room and grabbing a plate. He filled it high with eggs, potatoes, bacon, sausages and a generous helping of grilled tomatoes. He took a seat next to me and I felt my head fog. I could not have a panic attack at their table.
"I was just getting to know Emma," Mrs. Walker said. "I'd like to invite her family to dinner. How about after the holidays?"
"I'd like to meet them too," Zach said.
I sipped more tea, pinching my leg under the table to divert my attention from the looming panic attack. Pull it together, I told myself. I was not going to make a fool of myself in front of Mrs. Walker. I had to quell the butterflies fighting around in my chest. I focused on my breaths and felt the panic subside. I could do this.
"And we won't make you cook," Mrs. Walker joked.
I smiled. Yup, I could do this.
Genie, Steve, and Mr. Walker joined us. The conversation was light, mostly about the party. I had a few refills of tea and listened absently to the chitchat. I kept timing my breathing, focusing on my calm place.
"We should get out of here," Zach said, glancing at his watch. "Emma has to catch a bus back to Pine Falls early this afternoon."
"Dear, it's been a pleasure and we hope to see you again soon," Mrs. Walker said. She reached out to hug me and I hesitated for just a second. Hug me? She scooped me into her arms. "Now you tell your father and grandfather that we are expecting them in the New Year."
"I will."
I put on my jacket and boots and Zach grabbed my bag. We went to his truck without exchanging any words. How long could I put him off? I was sure he was going to bring it up.
"You know my mom is serious about having your dad and grandfather over."
"I'll tell them." Why hadn't I taken tea for the road?
"And you had a good time?"
"I did. Thank you."
He acted so cool, like nothing had happened. I knew he'd kissed a thousand girls, but he was only the second guy to ever kiss me, and the only guy to ever kiss me like that...so it was kind of a big deal. I couldn't just forget about it; the kiss changed everything.
He talked about neutral stuff for most of the ride. His dislike for Steve, some guests he liked, others he couldn't stand but pretended to be nice to. I half-listened and when we pulled up to the apartment, I felt a sense of relief. I needed to finish packing for Pine Falls and then I'd call a cab. Even if I was at the bus station early, I didn't care. I needed space.
Did he notice I was acting weird? I had to act as normal as possible for maybe another half hour. I packed quickly, stuffing things into my suitcase without even folding them. I pulled out my phone and called a cab. I rolled my luggage do the door and Zach looked up from the sofa where he'd been scrolling through his phone.
"You're leaving already?" he asked, surprised. "Don't you have a couple of hours?"
"I figured I get there early."
He got up and as he got closer, I stepped back. He stopped, staring at me quizzically. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." My heart raced again and the fog was setting in. Keep calm.
"You've been acting strange all day. Is this about last night?"
My stomach bottomed out. Oh, geez. "No, no. I have to go, I've got a cab coming."
He grasped onto my arm before I could make my escape. "Are you mad at me?"
"I'm not mad. You have to let me go. I'm sure the cab is waiting."
"He can wait." Zach's face was marred with confusion and concern and his hold on my arm was unwavering.
"But they make you pay, and I don't want to get hit with a huge fare."
"I'll pay for it. You can give me a couple of minutes."
I set down my backpack and he let go of my arm. I dared to meet his eyes and then immediately looked away. "I don't have a lot of time."
"Emma, what's going on?"
"Nothing is going on. I'm anxious to go home."
"Is this because I kissed you? I did that because I wanted to."
His words were a knife to my heart. "You shouldn't have."
"Why? Is this about Jake?"
"No!"
He let out a grunt. "This is about Jake. My God, are you still pining for that asswipe? When are you going to get that he doesn't give a shit about you?"
"It's not about Jake!" I screamed. I'd turned all out hysterical. I felt like one of those cornered and wounded animals fighting for its life. I needed to escape before I did something stupid.
"Then what is it?"
"It's you!" I could feel my eyes welling with tears. I hated letting him see me cry. "It's all about you. If we start dating everything we have together will be gone. In a few months some hot girl will come along and you'll dump me. Then I lose you and Genie. I lose everything." I wiped the tears from my eyes and felt angry. Why was he doing this?
"That won't happen," he said, sympathy etched on his face.
"Oh please! Are you serious? I know that right now I'm this little puppy you feel sorry for, but then I'll stop being so cute and you'll wonder why the hell you ever got mixed up with me. I don't want that. If we're just friends, then it’s different. Then everything can be okay."
I could feel his eyes on me, but I couldn't look at him. He reached out for me, but I jerked away.
"None of that is true and I don't want to be just your friend," he said, his voice just above a whisper.
"Well, that's all I want and you should respect that."
He retreated, possibly hurt by my words. "Go, then," he said.
I scooped up my belongings and bolted from the apartment. I didn't like how I'd left it, but he had to know how I felt. I couldn't lose him too.