[From a drive adjacent the myriad of external drives of Ed Zeddmore and Harry Spengler …]
When Alan J. Corbett died courageously seeking truth, we knew our quest was only just beginning. Spurred by the loss of our brave intern and cook, we GhostFacers have rededicated our lives to fulfilling the mission Corbett was slain so admirably pursuing, opening “people’s eyes to the truth: that ghosts do, in fact, exist,” along with many other things that do, in fact, also exist along with ghosts.
Now surely you’re wondering why the GhostFacers are working under the auspices of Supernatural and Philosophy, and no doubt you’re rightfully concerned about the degree of douchnozzelian chicanery that has coerced our hand in adopting such a title for our manifesto of truth, as opposed to the very razor GhostFacer Manifesto. As we have said secretly elsewhere at our website:
The GhostFacers are poised to take a number of different industries by storm. These industries include: science, math, philosophy, religion, agriculture, government and entertainment with the potential of affecting some major public works projects as well. In fact, it is safe to say that there is no aspect of human civilization that will not be impacted to some degree by GhostFacers.
So fear not, for we’re simply taking our first steps in the larger plan to subvert these many different industries. All of this requires working covertly and duplicitously to bring you what those two wanted criminals—the Wine-chesters—won’t: insight into the greatest mysteriosities humankind has ever known. To that end, we have begun here by subverting the very foundations of all the industries mentioned previously and some that went unmentioned. We do this through the mystery that is philosophy.
Recent extensive research utilizing the power of the interwebs through the “Search the Web” web-based search engine reveals that the first ten results of the word, “philosophy,” are all websites. From this we’ve deduced that philosophy is more popular than we first expected, and infiltrating it won’t be the cake-walk in the park that we originally believed it to be. After consulting a research librarian from the special reference section of a non-descript college in Wilkes-Barre, PA, we have confirmed that the word “philosophy” has ancient roots in the Greek word philosophia (ϕιλοσοϕία), which means something like “loving wisdom” or “loving knowledge.” Regardless of the exact meaning, we’re confident that this was an important and powerful secret, although it left unexplained why the ten websites we looked at had nothing to do with loving anything, even despite our disabling “safe-search.”
Armed now with knowledge, we used secret contacts to recruit experts in this industry of philosophy, all bona fide, card-carrying wisdom lovers. And just to be clear, I should say that by “we” I have so far meant, me, alone, like a wolf with no pack that was trying to organize a pack of wolves together via email and other means. I was a wolf howling in search of other wolves, and after the howl of my call went out, there was a chorus of howling replies. Amidst that choir of howling, philosophers the world over taught me many secrets about what we truly know and don’t know. Philosophers who readily admitted that they knew nothing, but continued nevertheless to love and pursue this fictional thing they claimed not to know. When I inquired as to whether knowledge was some sort of tulpa, I was rebuked for speaking blasphemy.
After meticulously transcribing these dialogues onto ancient papyrus scrolls, I made a sandwich and a ring of salt. Placing the scrolls securely within a duffle bag, I climbed safely inside—the ring of salt, not the duffle bag. Equipped now with time, sustenance, and the safety that only a ring of salt and a duffle bag can provide, I began to read. And the more I read, the more my eyes were opened to a world I did not fully understand. From my original call on philosophers, my recruits were legion, but only the strongest and finest were permitted to remain in this elite ghost-facing wolf pack of wisdom lovers, and so a multitude of scrolls were committed to the flames.
Finally, I should point out that although I’m not an original member of the GhostFacers, I suppose you could technically consider me an honorary co-founder who’s not, yet, officially recognized as having any founding role or leadership role or other role, with the core team. But my recent contributions to the Mission are, without a doubt, somewhat noteworthy, hence my strong hunch that I’ll hear an update regarding my membership to the team soon. Having said that, I can confirm for you, dear reader, that I have heard from a good source that says my resume may have been received by the visionary leader Ed Zeddmore himself and/or co-founder and tactical expert, Harry Spangler. In either case, it is certain to probably mean that my unofficial and unrecognized honorary co-founder status is soon to convert to at least either “officially unrecognized” or “unofficially recognized.” Therefore, I speak with some authority when I say that this collection of essays is comprised of the most mind-blowing, eye-popping, soul-exploding revelations—nay, revolutions!—in truth and wisdom loving.
So tether your brain, don safety-tested safety goggles, and prepare for the imminent detonation of your soul, because in reading these pages you have unofficially joined the yet-to-be-recognized movement in the philosophy of ghost-facing, henceforth codenamed, “GhostPhacing.” (The “Ph” is for Philosophy!)