Chapter Five

Brian left at eight a.m. for Austin and arrived at just after eleven. After searching for a place to park, then once there, being sent from one department to another, he finally found Roberta in the archive section. Technically, he found her cubicle. It was her lunch hour, and he had to wait until she returned. He sat on the chair next to her desk and tried to keep his knee from bouncing.

Sometime after one p.m., she appeared. Roberta Banks was a tall, middle-aged woman with a mass of dyed-blonde hair piled to dizzying heights atop her head. Being an engineer, he marveled at the construction of the permed pyramid and found it hard to drag his eyes from it. The amount of Aqua Net involved must have been near the legal limit for emissions.

Roberta cleared her throat and brought him back to his mission. He introduced himself and she took her seat, rolled up to her desk and put her lunch bag away in a bottom drawer.

“Sheila called and told me you’d be coming. I must admit, you’re going to have a hard time tracking this man down with only a first name.”

“Well, he would have been reported as a runaway. Does that help?”

“It might, if we kept that kind of record separate from the files.” She sat behind a computer terminal and began clacking on the keyboard. Like Sheila’s, her nails were long but painted a deep red. Possibly another requirement of civil service, along with the long-suffering sigh.

Brian waited, this time grateful for a chair to sit on because his feet ached. He should have known that he’d have to wander the halls endlessly and should have worn his running shoes instead of his boots. Where was a hunch when he needed it?

“I’m coming up with a list of children who were pulled from the system that year. These could be kids that ran away, died, or were adopted.” She tapped again on the keyboard. “I’m sorting the list by names.”

Brain leaned forward and craned his neck around her monitor. A list of names appeared in a spreadsheet. “There are so many.” No way could he get through all those by closing time today.

“This is statewide.”

“He was in Houston, Harris County.” Brian hadn’t gotten much information from Sammi when he’d questioned him, but he had gotten the year he’d run away and where he’d been living.

“I’ll sort by the county and then delete the rest.” She worked again on the list, eating into more of his time.

Brian watched as the list shrank, but it was still long. “There must be two dozen names on that list. Are they all Sams?”

“Yes, sir. Either first, middle or last. I didn’t want to take a chance and make assumptions, so I included all possibilities.”

“That’s a good idea. Thanks, Roberta,” Brian replied. He hadn’t thought that Sammi might be a middle or last name.

She sat back. “Okay, I’ve got a final list. Twenty-one candidates, all who fell out of the system for one reason or the other, all with Sam in their names, all living in Harris County.” She hit a button and the printer next to her desk came to life.

Two sheets of white paper, holding Sammi’s hopes, slid from the machine.

Brian took them from Roberta and scanned them. “What are these?” He pointed to a string of numbers along the side of each name.

“That’s their identification code. They match the case numbers. You’ll have to use that to hunt down their records.”

Brian glanced at his watch. The place closed at five p.m., and it was already after two. “That doesn’t give me much time. Where do I start?” He stood and placed the papers in his portfolio.

“Well, that was nine years ago. Sorry, but I’m afraid you’ll have to start with microfiche. That’s down in the basement.” She gave him a rueful smile and a shrug.

“Roberta, I can’t thank you enough.” He passed her his business card. “If you ever need help, call me.”

She stared down at the card, nodded then placed it in a drawer. “You’re welcome, Mr. Russell. Anything for a friend of Sheila’s.”

Brian left, headed to the elevators and down to the basement.

 

* * * *

 

All day as Rush went about his chores, he had a growing sense of uncertainty. He hadn’t intended to go farther with Brian than the phone sex. Fuck, the guy turned him on like no one ever had, and sure, he wasn’t getting any younger, but damn it, he was fooling himself to think he could have a life with a man.

Not around here, anyway.

As he sat on his horse, looking down from the pasture to the large white house below, he knew he would never leave the ranch. The Double T was his home, his family’s homestead for over one hundred and twenty years, and he’d be damned if it went under on his watch.

Spring Lake was a small town, and Rush was sure they’d never seen a gay man, much less a gay cowboy. He’d spent the last fifteen years hiding who and what he was from everyone in Spring Lake. How would it affect his reputation and his business if he came out? Without selling his livestock, the ranch would go broke in no time.

And what about Brian? They lived worlds apart. Brian’s life was in Houston, his business as an investigator, his friends, probably his family. It would be the height of arrogance to think Brian would give all that up for him. Especially when Rush knew he wouldn’t give up the ranch for Brian.

No matter how bad he wanted a life with someone.

Rush clicked his tongue and the horse started off, heading down toward the barn. The hands were finishing the work on the fence and didn’t need him to oversee them. Tonight, he’d call Brian and tell him something came up, that he couldn’t make it.

Long-distance relationships never work, anyway.

Rush chewed his bottom lip. He’d never had a relationship with a man, just a series of one-night stands, mostly quick, nameless sex, and he made it a point never to hang around long enough to cuddle, much less have breakfast. He’d made a choice when he’d been younger, knowing his life was right here.

With Brian, he’d felt—no, he’d known—there was a man he might want to wake up to in the morning, might open up to, might let into his heart. Might change his mind about living alone.

And that terrified Rush.

 

* * * *

 

“Ten minutes until closing,” a woman said as she tapped Brian on the shoulder.

He sat back, stretched and rubbed his eyes. They felt as if they’d been buried in sand then reinserted into their sockets. Going through the microfiche on the ancient machine was going to blind him.

Checking his watch, it was almost five o’clock, and he hadn’t made a dent in the list. In order to find out if the kids were even the same age as Sammi would have been required pulling up each file, putting it in the machine, and going through it to find the necessary information. So far, there had been no clear leads, but he still had the bulk of the names to go over.

He groaned, realizing he’d have to stay in Austin overnight to finish the next day. He picked up his list and his notes then dropped the papers into his portfolio and headed to the elevators.

Sammi would just die if he knew it would take two days of his hard-earned money for Brian to check out these leads. He decided not to tell Sammi. He didn’t need the money, and what Sammi didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. The young man had pride, even if it was newly found. Brian could understand and respect that.

As he got into his car, he turned it on, hit the onboard navigator and called up the nearest hotel. After searching through the selections, he found one that was reasonable and nearby. Brian called, booked a room then looked for somewhere to eat.

He was starving. Missing lunch had been a bad idea. Now, he scanned the listings for the closest buffet. All he could eat sounded damn fine to him. Then, back to the hotel, get clean and go over the list of names.

Maybe he’d get a hunch about one of them.

Go straight to Go. Collect two hundred dollars.

Lately, his gift had been strangely silent. And that worried him.

Then, between heartbeats, between breaths, between the blink of his eyes, it came to him. Something big was coming, and he knew when it hit, if he wasn’t careful, it might just knock him off his feet.

 

* * * *

 

Rush stared at the phone in his hand.

More than anything, he wanted to see Brian. What was the point? It would end badly. They couldn’t be together, and his heart would be broken. He’d avoided that fate for a long time, why let it happen now?

Best to call and break it off. End it before it went too far.

He flipped open the phone, hit his contact list and brought up Brian’s name. Biting his lip, he hesitated as he hovered his finger over the pad.

Maybe he shouldn’t call. Maybe he just wouldn’t show up on Friday.

Coward. That was a shitty way to dump someone. Especially a man like Brian. That sort of attraction didn’t come along every day, Rush realized that much. He should be open and honest about his feelings and his fears.

Open and honest were things he did not do well. What would he say? “Sorry, darlin’, I’m too fucking scared of being hurt to take a chance on you. Forget it, babe, you’re not worth me giving up my ranch.”

He pushed the phone against his leg and snapped it closed.

 

* * * *

 

Brian stretched out on the hotel bed farthest from the air conditioner. It was chugging along, shooting tepid air into the room. All in all, it wasn’t a horrible room. He’d checked the sheets and they looked clean enough.

He picked up the TV remote and flipped through the hotel’s offerings. Not much. A few ESPN channels and some pay-for-view. His eyebrows rose when he came across a porn channel. He dropped the remote on his stomach and watched.

Some porn star queen was giving head to some obscenely endowed dude. Guy was lying there, arms behind his head and eyes closed as if he was asleep. Brian snorted. Hell, woman or not, if anyone was sucking on his dick like this woman was doing to that guy, he’d at least open his eyes and fucking pay attention.

Frustrated, he turned it off. He didn’t want to watch anyone else. He wanted Rush. Shit. Just the thought of talking dirty to Rush got him hard.

He reached for his phone, flipped it open, found Rush’s name and hit Send.

After two rings, Rush answered, “Hello?”

“Rush.” Brian sighed. God, his cock throbbed.

“Darlin’,” Rush exhaled. “Miss you.”

“Miss you. Need you, cowboy.” Brian flicked open the button of his jeans, slid down the zipper and splayed his pants apart. His cock bulged, trying to break through his briefs.

“Fuck, Brian, this is nuts. You get me so horny.”

“My dick is weeping for you, cowboy.” Brian pushed down his briefs and pulled out his cock. The leakage dribbled from its slit. He thumbed it over the head and hissed.

“I jerked off first thing this morning. Called out your name, darlin’,” Rush drawled.

God, his voice sent shivers down Brian’s spine. “I’m so hard for you, I’m aching.”

“You know what to do.”

“Yeah. Fuck, I want you to suck me. I’m getting tired of my hand.”

“Me, too. My wrist and elbow are sore as hell. How am I going to explain it to the doctor? Been jerking off like a fifteen-year-old with raging hormones. Got a guy that keeps me hard all day and makes me come in my sleep. Can you do anything for me, Doc?” Rush laughed, deep and rich.

“That reminds me. Have you been tested recently?”

“Yep. I get tested every six months. I’m very careful,” Rush assured him. “You?”

“I test every six months also, and I always wear a condom.”

“Me, too.”

“Never found the man I trusted enough to go natural with. I’m saving it, I guess.” Brian gave a wry chuckle.

“For that special someone?”

“Yeah. Sounds silly, huh?” Brian wanted Rush to be his someone special, but if he mentioned the ‘love’ word too soon, Rush would probably bolt.

“No, sounds good.” Rush exhaled long and slow.

“You working it, cowboy?” Brian wanted to hear Rush talk to him.

“Using two hands, darlin’. One’s squeezing my balls, the other’s stroking my prick. I’m buck naked, stretched out on my bed, with a hard-on just for you.”

Brian groaned. “All six foot fucking four of you? Want to lick every inch of your body. Want to suck your nipples until they’re hard as bullets. Want to run my fingers through the hair around your cock. Cup your balls. Suck them.” Brian panted as his hand shot up and down, his thumb brushing over the tip, pumping as if he were going to die if he didn’t explode.

“Goddamn, darlin’, this is killing me. I’m so hot I’m going to blow my load. Tell me you want me,” Rush begged.

“I want you. Want you to fuck me. Ride me like a fucking horse. Slam into me—”

“That’s it! I’m coming. It’s so fucking sweet. Brian, goddamn!” Rush cried out.

“Right behind you, cowboy.” Brian’s fist flew like fury over the rim of his head, and his release shot through his cock, exploding onto his belly. “So good, Rush, so good.” He sighed.

Hard, deep panting slowed to soft, shallow breaths.

“Fuck, we’ve got to stop this.” Rush laughed.

“It’s only going to get worse. Once I have your ass, I’m going to want you all the time,” Brian confessed. “What will we do then?”

Silence.

Brian’s stomach flipped. Shit.

“You there, Rush? Did I say something wrong?”

“No.”

“Are you sure? You’re real quiet.” Brian knew not to push but he wanted to know.

“About seeing each other…” Rush hesitated.

“What about it? You’re still coming tomorrow night, aren’t you?” Brian licked his lips. His mouth had gone dry and all the moisture in his body seemed to have evaporated.

Rush inhaled over the line. His breath held for what seemed a lifetime. Brian waited for Rush to speak.

“I’ll be there.” Rush exhaled.

“Did you just light up?” Brian recognized the sounds of smoking.

“Yeah.”

“You shouldn’t, you know,” he said softly.

“I know. But it’s one of my few addictions.”

“What other addictions do you have?” God, Brian hoped there was nothing serious. He was just straight-laced enough to abhor drugs and, even though he drank, there was a big difference from that and being an alcoholic.

“Well, I never met a pair of boots I didn’t like.”

“That’s harmless enough. I feel that way about coffee mugs,” Brian admitted.

“And I find it hard to resist a newborn calf or foal.” His voice took on a teasing lilt. “It’s those big brown eyes, surrounded by thick dark lashes, sort of like yours. They get me every time.”

“Good to know. What else?”

There was a long pause and a sharp inhale. Brian held his breath, knowing something big was coming.

“You,” Rush breathed. “I can’t get enough of you, and it scares the crap out of me.”