Chapter Twenty-Five

Morning came early for Phillip. His eyes held half the sand in the river bed, his mouth tasted as sour as a dill pickle and his spirit had sunk lower than a water well in west Texas.

He groaned and rolled out of bed. No need to keep lying there—sleep wasn’t going to come to him. He’d spent most of the night replaying the conversation he and Estaban had had, the disastrous ending to the once-hopeful date.

God. This sucks. Relationships were just not worth it. They hurt too damn much.

He stumbled over to the bathroom, showered under water far too hot, brushed his hair and his teeth, and got dressed.

He stomped into his boots with a grunt. There go my hopes of finding love.

Phillip left his room, went down the stairs and found no one in the kitchen. He glanced at the clock. Five-forty. A bit early, but he’d go ahead and make the coffee. At least it’d give him something to do to keep his mind off…Estaban.

He leaned his hip against the counter, watching the coffee flowing into the glass carafe. Behind him, the soft sound of feet on a wooden floor grew louder.

Sammi or Brian. Rush would have his boots on.

“Hey, Phillip! Got the coffee going, thank God.” Brian entered the kitchen, dressed in a pair of sleep pants and a Spring Lake PD T-shirt. He grabbed a cup from the cabinet and waited next to him as the last of the coffee dripped into the pot.

“Here.” Phillip picked up the coffee and poured it into Brian’s cup. He chuckled at the picture of a tight pair of Wranglers on it, with the words, Cowboy butts make me nuts over it.

He poured his own cup and added a bit of milk and sugar.

After Rush came down and had his cup, he’d brew another pot to take with them in their thermoses.

“Where’s Rush?” Phillip swapped places with Brian, whose head was now stuck in the refrigerator, looking for ingredients for breakfast. He pulled out stuff, still holding on to his cup like a lifeline.

Brian chuckled, warm and happy. “He’s getting dressed. He got off to a slow start this morning.”

Phillip wondered if that meant they’d had sex. Lucky guys. Then he pushed those thoughts out of his head. He took another long slug of coffee and swallowed. He really needed it this morning if he didn’t want to fall off his horse.

A gentle hand ran down his back. “Morning.” Sammi, barefoot and in a pair of skimpy shorts and a white muscle shirt, went to the sideboard, pulled open the drawer and got out the silverware and napkins, then started to lay them out for breakfast. Phillip grabbed four plates from the cabinet. He stopped and gazed for a moment at Sammi’s feet.

“Purple toenails?”

Sammi grinned, scrunched his toes and stared down at them. “Yes, do you like? I had them done at Edward’s spa.”

Phillip peered up at Sammi’s happy face. “Very pretty.” Painted toes did nothing for him, but on Sammi, they were…sexy.

He and Sammi worked well together, in a sort of dance around the table, until all the places were set. Sammi went to the fridge, got out some orange juice and poured a glass. He put it at his place and sat, one foot on the seat, the other dangling, wiggling his painted toes.

“Breakfast tacos okay?” Brian had sausage frying in a pan on the stove. “Sausage, egg and hash browns?”

“And cheese,” Rush’s deep voice rumbled as he entered the kitchen. He walked to the fridge, opened it and leaned over as he hunted for something. “Got the salsa!” He pulled out a jar and shut the door, then stopped behind Brian and gave him a kiss on the back of his neck.

“And cheese and salsa.” Brian leaned back into his arms for just a second as Rush ran his hand up his stomach to his chest. Damn, Phillip had to turn away because it just fucking hurt. Across from him, Sammi caught his gaze and sent him some warmth in a smile. Phillip hoped Sammi didn’t listen in, because he didn’t want anyone to know how he felt.

“So, guys. I’m wondering. You said after the holidays you wanted me to move into the bunkhouse. I’m thinking, today might be a good day. Later, I mean. I’m sure you want me out of your hair.” He sat down at the table, in what had become his spot.

Rush sat down after he’d poured his coffee. “I suppose so.” He shrugged. “Not that you need to rush or anything.”

Brian spoke over his shoulder, “Manuel won’t be moving in until March first, and the rest of the hands, those that come back or I hire, won’t move in until mid-March. I’ll leave it to you to decide if you want to use the foreman’s room right now and then move or pick a bunk out and get a primo spot ahead of the others.”

“Sure. Getting a jump on them would be nice.” He gave a wicked grin to Rush. Rush rolled his eyes and Sammi giggled.

“Just let me know what you need for food and I’ll go into town and pick it up. But once the others and the cook show up, we all eat together here. But anything you want special, just use the kitchen there. Like I said, the bunkhouse is a communal set-up, and all the pans and pots and stuff are there for anyone to use.” Rush got up to take the tortillas from Brian, who balanced a platter of a scrambled mix of eggs, sausage and potatoes in his other hand.

“Wow. This looks delicious!” Phillip almost drooled at the sight of the cheesy goodness.

“Sure does! I didn’t know you were such a good cook.” Sammi pouted. “Are you holding out on me?”

“Hell no. I can do three things—one, breakfast, because it’s mostly frying. Two, grilling, and three, crockpot meals.” He counted each of them off on his fingers then slid into his chair.

“Well, don’t worry. I’ve got lunch and dinner today. Mitchell’s coming out tomorrow morning to pick me up and get me out of your hair.”

“There’s no rush, Sammi. You’re welcome as long as you want to stay.”

“I’m kind of missing Mitchell.” Sammi peeked up from under his thick bangs.

“I hear you.” Brian looked around the table. “Let’s eat! Daylight’s wasting!”

They dove into the food, stuffing the warm tortillas with the mixture, dousing that with salsa, then rolling them up just tight enough to shove them into their mouths for a big bite.

No one said a thing, for which Phillip was damn glad. Last thing he wanted was to rehash last night, or be asked how he was feeling. And the food was so good, he just wanted to fill up on it.

Sammi put down his half-eaten taco then cleared his throat. “Uh, Phillip. Are we still going horseback riding today?”

Phillip groaned. “Damn, I forgot.” He turned to Rush. “Do you mind if I come back early before lunch? I promised to give Sammi a lesson.”

“And he said if I did good, maybe you’d let me ride along with y’all this afternoon.” Sammi’s eyes sparkled.

Rush nodded. “Fine with me. If you get saddle sore, Phillip can bring you back, then if there’s enough day left, he can come back and finish up with us.”

Sammi clapped his hands. “Yay! I can’t wait.” He picked up his breakfast taco and finished eating.

They’d just finished when the front door opened and Manuel came in, carrying his Thermos. “I need more coffee!” He waved it as he shut the door.

Phillip jumped up and, thank God, Brian had started the next pot. “It’s ready. Fill it up.” He passed the carafe to Manuel, got it back, then filled the other two standing on the counter, one each for him and Rush. He made a note to buy his own Thermos so he didn’t have to borrow Rush’s.

He and Rush got into their jackets and headed out. Brian followed them to the door, then leaned in for a last kiss from Rush. “Bye, honey. See you at lunch.”

Rush tipped his hat on and ran his hand down Brian’s arm. They linked fingers for a second, then let go and Rush closed the door behind them.

Phillip stood on the porch next to Manuel as they pulled on their gloves.

Manuel snorted at Rush, but Rush just rolled his eyes. “Jealous?”

“Hell no!” Manuel laughed, but Rush glanced over at Phillip.

“Sorry.” He grimaced. “I wasn’t thinking.”

“It’s okay. I’m okay.” Phillip didn’t want him thinking he had to change his ways or walk on eggshells just because Phillip had blown it with Estaban.

Manuel looked from Rush to him and held up his hands in a warding off motion. “Whatever it is, I don’t want to know.” He took off toward the stables.

Rush hung back to walk beside Phillip. “Look, give it some time. If he doesn’t call or text in a couple of days, you do it. Don’t let pride stand in your way or you’ll find yourself standing all alone.” He slapped Phillip on the shoulder and strode after Manuel.

 

* * * *

 

When Phillip rode up to the ranch house an hour and a half before lunch, he didn’t see Sammi waiting on the porch. As eager as Sammi had been at breakfast, one guess led him to the only other place he figured Sammi would be—the stable.

He dismounted, tied his horse to a hitching post and went inside.

“Hey, thought you’d be here.”

Sammi stood at Star’s stall door, feeding a piece of carrot to the horse. “Brian said it was okay to give her a little bit.” The horse lipped his now empty hand and he stroked down her long face, then kissed her muzzle.

“My guess is you really like this horse.” Phillip chuckled. “Hope you feel the same after you get your butt in the saddle for a while.” He opened the stall door, took Star by the halter and led her out. Then he tied her off to brush her down and get her saddled.

“Here.” He handed Sammi a brush. “Watch me. Always brush in the direction the hair grows.” He demonstrated, then stepped back to let Sammi try.

Sammi did well, all the time speaking in a soothing voice, mostly about how pretty Star was, how sweet and how gentle. Star sucked it up.

Then when he finished with that chore, Phillip showed him how to pick her hooves. Sammi watched as if it were the most interesting thing he’d ever seen.

“Time to saddle her up.”

“Do you have to do all that each time you ride?” Sammi put the brushes and pick away where Phillip showed him.

“Yes, before and after. You don’t want dirt under her saddle blanket or she’ll get sores. And same for not cleaning out her hooves. If she picks up a rock, it’ll hurt her.”

“I’d never do anything to hurt her.” Sammi leaned into her neck and patted her.

“I think she knows that.” Phillip smiled. “Now, let’s get the saddle on.” He showed Sammi how to place the blanket, add the saddle and tighten down the cinch. Then he eased her into her bridle, explaining how he’d guide the horse using the reins.

Sammi took it in with wide eyes and a few questions.

Then it was time to mount up. “Let’s take her outside. There’s a mounting block there. You’re sort of short, so I’ll need to adjust your stirrups.”

“Okay.” Phillip let Sammi lead Star outside and up to the block next to the corral.

He climbed up on the section of tree trunk and put his foot in the stirrup. “Now, swing your leg over and sit in the saddle.”

Sammi did, with no trouble. “I did it!”

“Yep! Now let me get these stirrups right.” Phillip adjusted them until they fit Sammi’s legs.

“We’re good to go.” Phillip opened the corral door. “We’ll start you off in the corral.”

“But I want to ride the range.” Sammi pouted. Damn, the guy looked sexy, even making a face.

Phillip laughed. “We will. But in the corral, you can learn her gaits without her taking off across the pasture with you. It’s safer.”

“Oh, okay.”

“So, pick up the reins, not too tight. That’s right. With one heel, give her a little soft kick. It’s okay, it won’t hurt her. And pull the reins in the direction you want her to go.”

Sammi maneuvered the horse into the corral. Phillip followed on foot and shut the gate. “Now, stay close to the fence and just walk her along. Get used to the feel of sitting in the saddle.” Sammi and Star moved along. “Try to keep your heels down, toes up.”

“Wow. This is so much fun!” Sammi grinned like a kid. “Look at me! Do you see, Phillip? When can we go fast?”

He laughed. “How about a few more circles, then we’ll try a trot.”

For the next forty minutes, he put Sammi and Star through the paces of walk, trot, back to walk, adding a few turns, halting and repeating the sequence over and over. Sammi got the hang of it pretty fast.

“You’ve got great balance,” Phillip called out to him as he stood in the center and tracked Sammi’s pace around the corral. “I think you’re a natural.”

Sammi glowed at the praise. “It feels great. I want to do this all day!”

“You say that now, but later, when you can’t straighten your legs and your butt hurts when you sit, you’ll be singing a different tune.” He shook his head.

Star responded perfectly to her rider, giving Sammi everything he asked of her.

“She’s a good horse.” Phillip signaled for Sammi to halt. “Bring her to the gate.” He checked his cell phone for the time. “The guys should be here for lunch any minute. Dismount and we’ll tie her off for later, if you still want to ride.”

“I wouldn’t miss it, no way!”

Phillip opened the gate and showed Sammi where to ‘park’ Star. “Now, just swing your leg back over, hold on to the pommel and the back of the saddle and slowly drop down.” Sammi dismounted and, with only a slight stumble, found his feet.

He showed Sammi how to tie her to the hitching post, next to his horse.

“How’s your butt feel?” Phillip walked with Sammi to the house.

“Fine. Want to feel it?” Sammi winked.

Phillip held out his hands. “Uh, no. I think I’d get into a lot of trouble if I did.” They climbed the steps and Sammi moved to the porch swing and sat. He patted the bench next to him. “Before everyone gets here, can we talk a bit?”

Phillip came over and sat with a sigh. “What’s up?” Sammi had something on his mind. And that was what scared him.

“So…I’m picking up traces of…sadness.” Sammi leaned back in the swing. “I’m not prying or listening, it’s just that your body language is messed up. It’s like you’re going through the motions, but there’s this aura of sadness all around you. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Would you mind if we didn’t? It’s just that I keep running it through my head enough already, and talking about it isn’t making me feel better. But thanks, I appreciate your kindness.” Phillip patted Sammi’s hand.

“Well, if you do, I’m here.” Sammi rolled his eyes. “Okay, I won’t be here for long, but… Give me your phone. I’ll put my number in and you can call me if you want. Just to talk, you know. It’s what friends do.” He held out his hand and, with a sigh, Phillip handed it over. Sammi punched in his number, saved it then gave the phone back.

Sammi was a nice guy. He offered friendship, and that was something Phillip didn’t have much of, so he was grateful. And maybe he’d call Sammi…one day.

“Do you and Mitchell come here often?”

“Every now and then. Mitchell and Brian are best friends. Mitchell misses him a lot, so we try to make an effort to visit.”

“You’re not jealous?”

“Of Brian? No. He’s got Rush. Brian and Mitchell, well, they’ve been friends for years. I’m new in the mix, but what I have with Mitchell isn’t the same as Brian and Mitchell.” He leaned over. “Mitchell’s my daddy. I’m his boy. Brian and Mitchell are guy friends, like best bros, at least that’s what they call it. They have a lot of history, but it’s not sexual.” Sammi brushed his bangs away from his face.

Phillip shrugged. “I get it. I just never had any guy friends…that weren’t…sexual.”

“Not even in school?”

“Well, I stopped going to school in about sixth grade. My mom pulled me out and we sort of hit the road. Never stayed long enough in one place to go to school.”

“But you’re so smart. You know so much. Way more than me, and I never went past maybe seventh grade before I ran away.”

Phillip bumped his shoulder with Sammi’s. “Well, I learned to read and I love it. Wherever we wound up, I’d read newspapers and magazines. Books when I could get them. And I watched a lot of television. Mostly game shows and some public television if we could afford it.”

“My reading was okay, but I had to really study hard this summer. I earned my GED.” Sammi’s face glowed. “Mitchell helped me so much. He helped me to think about what I wanted to be, what I wanted out of my life, and what I love to do. It was easy once he explained it to me. I love to cook! This fall, I enrolled in the culinary school and now I’m going to be a chef. One day.”

“Damn, you’re lucky. I still don’t have a GED.”

“What did you want to do? Do you need a GED? Or college?”

“Not really. I get along fine without it. At least, so far.” Phillip laughed. “As for what I dreamed of doing? What I’m doing right now. Being a cowboy and working on a ranch with horses and cattle. I’m living the dream!” He threw his arms out.

“I’m glad. Now if you could just find your Mitchell.” Sammi sighed.

Phillip shrugged. “Maybe.” He didn’t want to get into why he believed he didn’t deserve a ‘Mitchell’ in his life. “I like being alone.”

“No one likes being alone. Not even me when I was a slave. Being alone isn’t the same as wanting no one to touch you.” He wrapped his arms around his chest and shivered. “I spent a lot of years wishing no one would touch me. But when I met Mitchell, all I wanted was him touching me. Forever. That’s how I knew he was right for me. That and I could hear his thoughts clear as we’re speaking now, and he could hear me. No one had heard my inner voice before.”

“That’s an incredible power.” Phillip nodded.

“But dangerous. People like us, we have to learn to control our powers, not let them rule us or use them for bad.” Sammi leaned away from Phillip. “Your power, that’s one of those that need control.” He squinted at Phillip. “I think you learned to control it when you ran away, huh? You realized it’s dangerous, not to others but to yourself.”

Phillip nodded. Sammi had nailed it on the head. He’d never known anyone who had powers like his and now, he’d met four men with them, if he didn’t count Estaban.

“Estaban has a power?” Sammi sat up. “Whoa!”

“Hey, you weren’t supposed to be listening.” Phillip frowned at him and pushed off the swing. He paced to the end of the porch and stood there, hands resting on the railing. “That’s not right.”

“I’m sorry. Sometimes, when I’m close, it just pops through. I’m not listening. It’s like someone talking at a table next to yours, you hear it, but aren’t really on purpose eavesdropping. I’m sorry.” He stood and his soft tread on the boards of the porch halted a few feet away. “I’m just surprised, that’s all. Did you know it about him?”

“No. Not until last night.”

“Oh.” Sammi took a few steps back. “Well, from my experience with all these guys, having two men with powers in a relationship works just as well as one with and one without, like me and Mitchell or Jack and Edward.”

“I guess.” Phillip gazed out toward the pasture. “Here come Rush and Manuel. Time for lunch.” He took off his hat and waved to the men as they trotted into the yard and over to the corral to dismount. “Can we not talk about this right now?”

“Sure. No problem.” Sammi turned to the door and opened it. “I’ll see if I can help Brian with setting out lunch.” He slipped inside and closed it.

Damn. He hadn’t meant to hurt Sammi’s feelings, but he needed some time to figure out what he was feeling before discussing it. And all this talking! Fuck! He’d never talked this much about anything with anybody in years. Uncomfortable didn’t near describe it. Maybe painful. Definitely depressing.

Fuck my life.

Rush and Manuel came up the steps. “How’d the riding lesson go?” Rush swept his hat off his head before entering. Manuel did the same.

“Great. He’s a natural. I think we’re going to have an extra hand this afternoon.” Phillip grinned at the men.

“Always can use an extra hand.” Manuel held the door as they went inside.

“Let’s see how long his cute little butt can stand it.” Rush chuckled.

“Hey, you’re not supposed to notice that!” Manuel smacked Rush with his hat, but Rush just shrugged.

“Can’t blame a man for looking.”

“Looking at what?” Brian stood near the table, carrying the crockpot.

“My ass.” Sammi spun around and slapped his butt cheek.

“Figured.” Brian snorted. “Yes. It’s a pretty butt. Yes. It’s nice to look at.”

Sammi giggled.

Rush groaned. “Don’t encourage him, honey.”

“He doesn’t need much in the way of that.” Brian waved at the table. “Grab your plates and help yourselves. Got chicken pot pie, without the pie, and biscuits.”

Everyone sat and served themselves. For a long while, only forks on plates and chewing could be heard. Phillip enjoyed the moments of peace, of just quiet camaraderie between the men.

What would it be like when all the men were here? Loud, for sure, but there’d be good times he could look forward to, also. For once in a very long time, Phillip believed that his life could be a good life, filled with friends and honest work.

He could have that good life, even without Estaban.