Today’s GENEROSITY Gives Me Significance
If your income doubled overnight, how much money would you give away? How about if your net worth were suddenly over $100 million? What if you became the richest person in the world? How generous do you think you would be? Those are questions you could have asked tycoon J. Paul Getty who was once the world’s richest man, but I don’t think you would have admired his answers.
Getty was born in Minnesota in 1892. After graduating from England’s Oxford University in 1913, he followed his father into the oil business. During the summers while he was in school, he had worked in the Oklahoma oil fields as a roustabout. When he returned after graduation, it was as a wildcat driller. He became a millionaire by age twenty-three.
Getty continued to build his fortune. He acquired other oil companies. He invested in real estate. And he bought a one-third interest in his father’s oil company. In the late 1940s and 1950s, he secured oil rights in Saudi Arabia, and huge strikes there made him a billionaire. In 1957, Fortune magazine recognized Getty as the richest man in the world. He continued building, particularly in the oil business. It’s been said that he saw himself as “a solitary knight in fierce battle with the giant ‘Seven Sisters’ oil firms.”1 In 1967, his many companies merged to form the Getty Oil Company, which Getty led as president until his death in 1976.
Getty didn’t like the fame associated with being named the world’s richest man. It wasn’t because he was humble. It was because the constant requests for money irritated him. He also thought it unreasonable that others assumed he would pick up the check simply because he was wealthy. He said he thought the “passive acceptance of money” corrupted people, so he rarely gave money away.2
The Stingy Billionaire
His stinginess became as well known as his wealth. He wore rumpled suits and threadbare sweaters. And he installed a pay phone to be used by guests in his home—Sutton Place, the sixteenth-century English manor situated on seven hundred acres outside London. But the worst example of his unwillingness to part with money was illustrated by an incident involving his grandson.
Jean Paul Getty III, Getty’s sixteen-year-old grandson, was kidnapped by an Italian gang in 1973. The kidnappers demanded $17 million in ransom from the billionaire. The elder Getty stubbornly refused to pay them. Only when part of the boy’s right ear was cut off and sent to a newspaper in Rome did Getty relent. He finally agreed to pay the kidnappers. But even then he wouldn’t give them the entire amount. He agreed to a fraction of what they had requested—$2.7 million—saying that was all he could raise.3 Fortunately, the boy was eventually found alive near Naples, but he had endured captivity by his kidnappers for five long months!
When J. Paul Getty died three years later, his children, whom he had long ago alienated, and his former wives (he had married and divorced five times) fought in court over his fortune, which was valued at $4 billion. Most of the money ultimately went to the Getty museum in Los Angeles.
Why Generosity Matters Today
So J. Paul Getty was tight with his money. Does that really matter? Didn’t he earn it and have the right to keep it? Don’t you have the right to keep whatever money you earn—or inherit for that matter? Of course you do. But what you have the right to do isn’t the point. What would be best for you to do? Ironically, one of Getty’s sons, J. Paul Getty Jr., articulated a philosophy much different from that of his father. He received only a fraction of the Getty fortune, yet he gave millions of dollars away. He said, “[I am] privileged to be the heir to huge wealth and I regard myself as custodian of that money for the benefit of people who need it more than I do.”4
What about us? How should we approach giving? Why should we be generous? I believe there are many reasons, but here are just three:
1. GIVING TURNS YOUR FOCUS OUTWARD
No one likes to be around people who think only of themselves. In contrast, nearly everyone enjoys being around people who are giving. Biographer and literary critic Van Wyck Brooks stated:
How delightful is the company of generous people, who overlook trifles and keep their minds instinctively fixed on whatever is good and positive in the world around them. People of small caliber are always caring. They are bent on showing their own superiority, their knowledge or prowess or good breeding. But magnanimous people have no vanity, they have no jealousy, they have no reserves, and they feed on the true and solid wherever they find it. And what is more, they find it everywhere.
Giving to others naturally changes a person’s focus, particularly if that giving is habitual. In fact, generosity can be described very simply as changing one’s focus from self to others. When you’re occupied with giving to others and helping them succeed, it drives away selfishness. And that not only makes the world a better place, it makes the giver happier. As the Roman poet Seneca said, “No man can live happily who regards himself alone, who turns everything to his own advantage. You must live for others if you wish to live for yourself.”
Generosity is changing one’s focus from self to others.
2. GIVING ADDS VALUE TO OTHERS
One of the most significant things a person can do while on this earth is help others. In this life, the measure of a person isn’t the number of people who serve him or the amount of money he amasses; it’s how many people he serves. The greater your giving, the greater you’re living.
U.S. President Woodrow Wilson said it this way: “You are not here merely to make a living. You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of home and achievement. You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand.” No one stands taller in the climb to success than when he bends over to help up someone else.
When you add value to others, you do not take anything away from yourself.
3. GIVING HELPS THE GIVER
A panhandler asked a woman for money, and she dug in her purse and handed him a dollar bill. As she did, she admonished him, “I’ll give you a dollar—not because you deserve it but because it pleases me.”
“Thank you, ma’am,” he replied, “but while you’re at it, why not make it ten and thoroughly enjoy yourself!”
Doesn’t it make you feel good when you do something for another person? Don’t you feel especially rewarded when the person’s need is acute? Ruth Smeltzer said, “You have not lived a perfect day, even though you have earned your money, unless you have done something for someone who will never be able to repay you.”5 That’s one of the reasons many people rush to help when tragedy strikes. When people suffer because of earthquakes, famine, hurricanes, or war, givers are moved to help—and they never expect to receive anything in return.
“You have not lived a perfect day, even though you have earned your money, unless you have done something for someone who will never be able to repay you.”
—RUTH SMELTZER
King Solomon of ancient Israel asserted,
The world of the generous gets larger and larger;
the world of the stingy gets smaller and smaller.
The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed;
those who help others are helped.6
When you help others, you can’t help but benefit. You can’t light another’s path without casting light on your own.
You can’t light another’s path without casting light on your own.
Making the Decision to Plan for and Model Generosity Daily
When my wife, Margaret, and I started our life together in the weeks after our wedding, we moved to Hillham, Indiana, where I took my first job. The church that hired me was able to pay only $80 a week, so Margaret worked several jobs to help us make ends meet. Those days were very difficult for us financially, yet they were still filled with great joy.
At that time, my brother, Larry, was tasting early success in the business world and was doing very well financially. Larry and his wife, Anita, saw that we were struggling, and for those first few years, they were very generous to us. The only vacations we had were ones they invited us on and paid for. All my good clothes were the result of their generosity. Larry paid my expenses as I worked on a business degree. We will always be grateful to them.
As I look back on those days, three thoughts are clear to me. First, Margaret and I were never jealous of Larry and Anita’s financial success. We were thrilled for them, and not once did we covet what they had. Second, we could see that their generous spirit was a tremendous source of joy for them and a blessing for us. Third, I began to realize the incredible value of having a generous lifestyle toward others. That’s when I made another of my life decisions: I will live to give. Margaret and I recognized that greatness is not defined by what a person receives, but by what that person gives. True generosity isn’t a function of income—it begins with the heart. It’s about serving others and looking for ways to add value to them. That’s the way to achieve significance in your life.
Greatness is not defined by what a person receives, but by what that person gives.
If you desire to become generous and make generosity part of your daily life, then do the following:
GIVE OTHERS YOUR MONEY
The way people handle money colors their attitude about many other aspects of their lives. Wherever your money is, that’s where your attention goes. Haven’t you found that to be true? If you invest heavily in the stock market, you probably check the financial page or your earning statements frequently. If you spend a large amount of money on a house, you probably spend a lot of time and effort taking care of it. If you give a lot of money to a church or favorite charity, you care how the money is used and whether the organization succeeds.
That truth is even borne out in the Scriptures. In fact, there are a lot of insights about money contained in the Bible. Believe it or not, the Bible has more teachings about money than about prayer! One of the most telling observations is this one: “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”7
If you give money to people, either directly or through a worthy charity, you will care about people more. And that will help to foster a more generous spirit in you. You have to “prime the pump” so to speak, and then the giving will flow. If you wait until you feel like it to give, you may wait forever. You become generous by first giving money away. Andrew Carnegie, the steel magnate who gave away millions of dollars, said, “No man becomes rich unless he enriches others.”
“No man becomes rich unless he enriches others.”
—ANDREW CARNEGIE
GIVE OTHERS YOURSELF
What do people often value more than your money? The answer is your time and attention. Think about it. What takes greater effort: writing a check or giving your time? What shows the greater level of commitment? My friend Larry Burkett said, “Where there is no giving, there is no commitment.” I believe that is true. The people closest to you would rather have you than your money. Nothing can take the place of a spouse’s affection. A child desires to have a parent’s undivided attention more than anything else. Even sharp employees with great potential understand that a good mentor is more valuable than a mere monetary reward. Money may buy stuff, but a good mentor buys a better future. When you give the gift of yourself, you are being as generous as you can be.
Take a moment to recall the people who’ve had the greatest impact in your life. Perhaps you had a teacher who helped you understand that you could think and learn. Maybe you had a parent, aunt, or uncle who made you feel loved and accepted. Or perhaps a coach or employer saw your potential, painted a positive picture of your future, and then challenged and equipped you to reach for something better. They helped you to become the person you were always meant to be. What gift could be greater than that?
Rabbi Harold Kushner said, “The purpose of life is not to win. The purpose of life is to grow and to share. When you come to look back on all that you have done in life, you will get more satisfaction from the pleasure you brought to other people’s lives than you will from the times that you outdid and defeated them.” When you invest in another person just for the sake of seeing them blossom, with no thought to any benefit you might receive, you will be the kind of generous person others want to be around. And your days truly will be masterpieces.
Some people see giving to others as more than just a kind and beneficial act. They see it as an obligation. Physician and missionary Sir Wilfred T. Grenfell said, “The service we render to others is really the rent we pay for our room on this earth. It is obvious that man is himself a traveler; that the purpose of this world is not ‘to have and to hold’ but ‘to give and to serve.’ There can be no other meaning.”
Managing the Discipline of Generosity
It’s very easy to live only for yourself. In fact, that may be every person’s natural bent. I know it’s mine. But we can take another path—to be generous. My desire is to be the kind of person I would like to be around. To help with that, I practice this discipline, reminding myself: Every day I will add value to others.
What does it mean to add value to others? How do you do it? Here is how to start:
• Value People: This means treating everyone with respect.
• Know What People Value: This means listening and seeking to understand others.
• Make Myself More Valuable: This means growing in order to give, because I cannot give what I do not possess.
• Do Things That God Values: Since he unconditionally loves people, so must I.
When you value people, you open the door to generosity. And it becomes much easier to plan for and model generosity daily. If you’ve adopted that mind-set, you’re ready to be generous to others. Think about these things as you strive to practice the discipline of generosity every day:
DON’T WAIT FOR PROSPERITY TO BECOME GENEROUS
Because I spent over twenty-five years in the ministry, I know a lot about people’s giving patterns and their attitudes about money. One of the things I’ve heard many people say is that if they ever have a lot of money, then they will become generous. People who say such things are usually fooling themselves.
A person’s level of income and their desire to give have nothing to do with one another. Some of the most generous people I know have nothing materially. And I know plenty of people who have a lot to give but no heart to give it. Statistics bear that out. The average personal income in the state of Mississippi is the second lowest in the United States ranked by state, yet the state is ranked sixth in charitable giving. In contrast, New Hampshire is ranked sixth in average personal income. Do you know where they rank in charitable giving as a percentage of income? They’re forty-fifth.8
Prosperity and high income don’t help people become generous. In fact, Henry Ward Beecher, the father of novelist Harriet Beecher Stowe, warned that they could actually make people less likely to give. He said, “Watch lest prosperity destroy generosity.” People in the United States live in the most prosperous country in the world during the most prosperous time in its history. Yet they still don’t give much. Today, 2.5 percent of our income goes to charitable giving. That’s lower than it was during the Great Depression (2.9 percent).9 And 80 percent of Americans who earn at least $1 million a year leave nothing to charity in their wills.10
People give not from the top of their purses, but from the bottom of their hearts. If you desire to become a more generous person, don’t wait for your income to change. Change your heart. Do that, and you can become a giver regardless of your income or circumstances.
If you desire to become a more generous person, don’t wait for your income to change. Change your heart.
FIND A REASON TO GIVE EVERY DAY
It may be easy for people to find reasons not to give. But it’s just as easy to find good reasons to give. You just need to look for them. At the beginning of this chapter, you learned about J. Paul Getty, a man who seemed to have many reasons not to give. Yet one of his sons, J. Paul Getty Jr., was his opposite. He gave millions of dollars of his fortune away. Become like the younger Getty. Go out of your way to find reasons to give. Look for a compelling cause. Find an urgent need. Look for a group that is making an impact. Seek out leaders you know and believe in. Give to organizations you respect and trust. They’re all around you; you just need to make it a priority.
FIND PEOPLE TO RECEIVE EVERY DAY
D. L. Moody, founder of the Moody Bible Institute, said, “Do all the good you can, to all the people you can, in all the ways you can, as long as you can.” When it comes right down to it, the recipients of your generosity are never causes, institutions, or organizations. Ultimately, the recipients are individual people.
“Do all the good you can, to all the people you can, in all the ways you can, as long as you can.”
—D. L. MOODY
People in need of help are all around you. You don’t need to go halfway around the world or send a check overseas to help and serve others, although there’s nothing wrong with doing those things. But there are plenty of people closer to home who can benefit from what you have to offer—people in your own town, your own neighborhood, even your own home. Being generous means keeping your eyes open for opportunities to give to everyone, whether it’s through mentoring a colleague, feeding a homeless person, sharing your faith with a friend, or spending time with your kids. Civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are we doing for others?’” How you answer that question is a measure of your generosity. And the more generous you are, the greater your opportunity to do something significant for others.
“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are we doing for others?’”
—MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.
Reflecting on Generosity
I have a lot to be thankful for. As I look back and think about the idea of generosity, this is the pattern that emerges:
In my 20s . . . Generosity was modeled for me by my brother and many others.
In my 30s . . . Generosity became a priority in my life.
In my 40s . . . Generosity became a joy in my life.
In my 50s . . . My generosity has begun to return to me tenfold.
In the chapter on finances, I mentioned that the desire for options isn’t necessarily always selfish. That’s true because you can give only what you have. For Margaret and me, having options frees us up to give more to others. We have tried to be generous for the last thirty-plus years. And we have endeavored to plan our lives so that we can continue to be generous. What we do for ourselves alone dies with us, but what we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.
Gone but Not Forgotten
In January of 2002, news channels carried the story of a leader who had died of liver cancer. In the wake of his death, the network morning shows ran retrospectives of his life complete with film clips similar to ones shown for statesmen and Hollywood stars, though neither of these was his profession. Not long afterward, a resolution of tribute was passed unanimously on the Senate floor honoring him. About him, Senator Carl Levin of Michigan said, “He was a man of vision, action and compassion . . . the fruits of his labor will continue to improve the lives of the multitude of children who seek a permanent home and loving family.”11 Who was this individual and what did he do for a living? He was a self-described hamburger cook named Dave Thomas.
If you watched any television during the 1990s, then you know about Dave Thomas, the founder of Wendy’s fast-food restaurants. A survey taken in 1997 indicated that 92 percent of the adult consumers polled knew who Thomas was.12 The president of the United States might not have rated that high! Thomas wasn’t a slick pitchman. He was the common guy he appeared to be, but he made more than eight hundred commercials promoting Wendy’s. And he really did start the business and knew it inside and out. But if starting a successful business and becoming a media celebrity had been his only accomplishments, few people would have missed him. What separated Thomas from other successful businesspeople and made him loved was his generosity.
Restaurants Were His Life
Dave Thomas was born to an unwed mother in 1932, and six weeks later he was adopted by Rex and Auleva Thomas. When the boy was five, Auleva died. He spent the next eleven years moving from place to place as his father sought work. The boy’s favorite moments often came when he and his stern father went out to eat together. “During meals, I had my dad all to myself,” said Thomas. “I also liked seeing all of the families sitting together, enjoying themselves.”13 Thomas began studying restaurants, figuring out their service and menus. It’s said that by age nine, he had already acquired a level of expertise, understanding what customers wanted.
Thomas began working when he was twelve. He got his first restaurant job at a family-run establishment in Knoxville, Tennessee. Three years later, after another family move, he landed at the Hobby House Restaurant in Fort Wayne, Indiana. There, he was mentored by the restaurant’s owner, Phil Clauss, who taught him everything about the business. From then on, Thomas knew what he wanted to do. He wanted to make a career in the restaurant business.
Thomas joined the army at eighteen, went to cook and baker’s school, and became one of the youngest soldiers to manage an enlisted men’s club. When he finished his tour in Germany, he returned to Fort Wayne and worked with Phil Clauss again. In 1964, when Clauss offered Dave a chance to revive his four struggling Kentucky Fried Chicken franchises, Thomas jumped in and made them highly successful. When Clauss later sold them, Dave became a millionaire.
In 1969, Thomas fulfilled his dream of starting his own restaurant. He loved cheeseburgers, so a burger restaurant was a natural for him. He opened the first Wendy’s Old Fashioned Hamburgers restaurant in downtown Columbus, Ohio, named after one of his daughters. It wasn’t long before he owned four of them in Columbus. He was becoming highly successful, and when he was able to make drive-through windows work better than anyone else in the fast-food industry, his restaurants really took off. He opened more stores and continually tried innovative ideas. His idea of franchising cities and regions rather than single stores accelerated growth. In the company’s first 100 months, they opened more than 1,000 restaurants. Today, there are more than 6,000.
What Really Matters
When Thomas was running his company, he mentioned occasionally that he had been adopted. At first he was shy talking about it, but he became bolder when he realized it could help motivate his employees. He wanted everyone to achieve. He used to say, “Share your success and help others succeed. Give everyone a piece of the pie. If the pie’s not big enough, make a bigger pie.”14 It was simply part of his value system. He always believed in giving something back. In his second book, Well Done!, he explained,
If you’re not giving of yourself as much as you’re giving of your wallet, are you really generous down deep? We should work hard to make the Virtuous Circle of Generosity the number-one epidemic in the United States—giving of wealth, giving of self. Unstoppable and unending.15
In 1990, President George H. W. Bush invited Thomas to give back in a big way. He asked Thomas to head the White House Initiative on Adoption and raise awareness for the cause of adoption. Not only did Thomas do that, but he also fought to reduce the red tape and cost of adoption. More important, it was the catalyst that prompted him to dedicate the last twelve years of his life to the cause of adoption.
In 1992, Thomas established the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. The organization works to promote adoption and make it easier for parents to adopt. It also partners with adoption organizations working to place the more than 125,000 children in foster care with permanent families. When asked about why he started the foundation, Thomas simply said, “I just know everybody deserves a home and love.”16
But that was only the start for Thomas. He has continued to work for kids waiting to be adopted. He donated the profits from his first book, Dave’s Way, to adoption causes. He pioneered a program at Wendy’s offering adoption benefits, and then he initiated “Adoption in the Workplace” to urge other companies nationwide to do the same. He testified before Congress on adoption and urged lawmakers to institute tax credits for adoption. He even partnered with the U.S. Postal Service to create and promote a set of adoption stamps.
Dave Thomas loved doing things for children, especially those who needed to be adopted, but he did a lot more than that:
• He established the Thomas Center at Duke University, which houses the Fuqua School of Business Executive Education.
• He founded the Enterprise Ambassador Program at Nova University to mentor high school students.
• He supported the Children’s Home Society of Florida.
• He did public service announcements for adoption, the GED program, 911 Emergency Services, the American Lung Association, and numerous local charities.
• He financially assisted Children’s Hospital in Columbus, the Arthur G. James Cancer Hospital and the Richard J. Solove Research Institute at Ohio State University, and the St. Jude Children’s Cancer Research Center in Memphis.
The people closest to Thomas have missed him. Jack Schuessler, chairman and CEO of Wendy’s International, Inc., remarked after Thomas’s death, “He was the heart and soul of our company. He had a passion for great tasting hamburgers, and devoted his life to serving customers great food and helping those less fortunate in his community.”17
Despite his success and his high profile, Thomas never lost his perspective. He never wanted to be a “big shot.” He said, “Everybody only lives so long. The one thing people remember about you isn’t how much money you made or the deals you swung. What they remember is if you were a nice guy.”18 Thomas demonstrated just what kind of guy he was by giving his time, talents, and resources to help others. And that, not Wendy’s, is what made his life so significant.
GENEROSITY APPLICATION AND EXERCISESPLANNING FOR AND MODELING GENEROSITY DAILY
Your Generosity Decision Today
Where do you stand when it comes to generosity today? Ask yourself these three questions:
1. Have I already made the decision to plan for and model generosity daily?
2. If so, when did I make that decision?
3. What exactly did I decide? (Write it here.)
Your Generosity Discipline Every Day
Based on the decision you made concerning generosity, what is the one discipline you must practice today and every day in order to be successful? Write it here.
Making Up for Yesterday
If you need some help making a commitment to becoming generous and living it out every day, do the following exercises:
1. Since giving starts from the heart, that’s the first place you should look to assess where you are as a giver. What value do you place on other people? Are they important? Do you believe that every person is worthy of respect and consideration? Or do you value only the people you respect or who can help you? Take an honest look at yourself. (If you’re brave, ask others to evaluate you too.) You will not value generosity until you value people.
2. To become more generous, begin with the people closest to you. First, you need to know what’s important to them. Give it some thought, and then write down what each person values. On your list, you’ll want to include your spouse, children, parents, close friends, colleagues, employer, etc. If you are having a hard time deciding what they care about, spend some time in conversation getting to know them better before trying to complete your list.
Once you’ve completed the list, start brainstorming ideas for how you can add value to them. Try to include ideas that draw on your time, talents, and resources.
3. How generous are you now? How much of your time and money do you give to people and organizations that return no benefit to you? Take a look at your financial records and your calendar. What percentage of your money goes to charity? Is it no more than a few dollars a year? Is it only 1 to 2 percent? In the chapter on finances, I recommended that you give no less than 10 percent. If you’re not there, try to begin reworking your budget so that you can get there in the next couple of years. If you’ve been blessed with financial resources and you’re already giving 10 percent, then try to increase your giving.
And don’t just write a check. If you’re not spending time helping people who cannot return the favor, then you’re not being as generous as you could be. Pitch in at your church, volunteer for a benevolent organization, or mentor an employee. It doesn’t matter where or how you add value, as long as it’s someplace you believe in.
4. If you feel that you have little to give, then work on making yourself more valuable. One way to do that is to take the suggestion of Dave Thomas and “make a bigger pie.” If you earn more, you’ll have more to give away. But you can also make yourself more valuable by engaging in personal growth. Good mentors are able to add value because they have much to give. (I’ll tell you more about how to do that in chapter 14.)
Looking Forward to Tomorrow
Spend some time reflecting on how your decision concerning generosity and the daily discipline that comes out of it will positively impact you in the future. What compounding benefits do you expect to receive? Write them here.
Keep what you’ve written as a constant reminder, because . . .
Reflection today motivates your discipline every day, and
Discipline every day maximizes your decision of yesterday.