Today’s FAMILY Gives Me Stability
What difference does family make? How does it impact an individual’s life? That’s a question Richard L. Dugdale ended up asking himself in 1874. As a member of the executive committee of the Prison Association of New York, he was chosen to inspect thirteen county jails in the state. When he got to one particular county, he was surprised to discover that six people related by blood were in the same jail. They were being held on a variety of offenses including burglary, attempted rape, and assault with intent to kill. When Dugdale talked to the county sheriff and an eighty-four-year-old local physician, he discovered that the family had been in the area since the settling of New York State and they were notorious for their criminal behavior.
Dugdale was intrigued, and he decided to study the family and publish what he found, using the fictitious name “Jukes” to describe them. He traced their line back to a man he called Max, born sometime between 1720 and 1740. He had six daughters and two sons. Some of his children were born out of wedlock. He was a heavy drinker and wasn’t known to be particularly fond of work.
Dugdale estimated the family probably comprised about 1,200 people, but he was able to study only 709 members of the family. In 1877, he published his findings in The Jukes: A Study in Crime, Pauperism, Disease and Heredity. What he found was that they exhibited a pattern of criminality, harlotry, and pauperism that defied statistical averages:
• 180 were paupers (25 percent).
• 140 were criminals (20 percent).
• 60 were habitual thieves (8.5 percent).
• 50 were common prostitutes (7 percent).
The family’s reputation was so bad, according to Dugdale, “Their family name had come to be used generically as a term of reproach.” And the owner of a factory in the area used to keep a list of Jukes family members’ names in his office to make sure none of them got hired.1
Dugdale and many subsequent researchers desired to establish the role heredity played in the behavior of the Jukes family. Today, scientists agree that there is no “criminal” gene to explain behavior. But one thing is certain: Being in the Jukes family had a negative, destabilizing effect on the lives of many people.
Another Kind of Family
Were there people in the Jukes family who escaped the cycle of destruction exhibited by its worst members? Certainly. But the negative pattern is easy to see. If you look at another family that lived in the same general region at the same time, you can see a very different kind of pattern.
The family is that of Jonathan Edwards, the theologian, pastor, and president of Princeton, who was born in 1703 and lived in Connecticut, New York, Massachusetts, and New Jersey. Edwards was a devoted family man. He and his wife, Sarah, had eleven children—three sons and eight daughters. They remained married for thirty-one years until he died of fever following a smallpox inoculation.
In 1900, A. E. Winship studied 1,400 descendants of Jonathan and Sarah Edwards. Among them Winship found:
• 13 college presidents
• 65 professors
• 100 lawyers, including a law school dean
• 30 judges
• 66 physicians, including a medical school dean
• 80 holders of public office, including 3 U.S. senators, 3 mayors of large cities, 3 governors, a controller of the U.S. Treasury, and a U.S. vice president2
The contrast couldn’t be greater. Were all of Edwards’s descendants high achievers? Certainly not. But again, the pattern is clear: A good family is an incredible advantage in life.
Why Family Matters Today
You may be thinking, That’s all well and good. But my family isn’t like the Edwardses. Where does that leave me? Let’s face it. Some people’s families don’t build them up; they tear them down. The great American novelist Mark Twain said that he spent a large sum of money to trace his family tree and then spent twice as much trying to keep his ancestry secret! He was like the family that reportedly wanted its history written up so they hired a professional biographer to do it, but they were worried about how the document would handle the family’s black sheep. Uncle George had been executed in the electric chair for murder. “No problem,” said the biographer. “I’ll say that Uncle George occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution. He was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came as a real shock.”
It’s true that you can’t do anything to change your ancestry or upbringing. You have no control over what your parents or grandparents did or how they treated you. But while you can’t do much about your ancestors, you can influence your descendants greatly. You determine how you treat your family. You’re the one who decides whether you will stay and work things out or leave your family when the going gets rough—as it always does. You’re the one who decides how much time you spend with relatives who build you up versus those who try to knock you down. (Even the most dysfunctional or destructive families have some good solid people in them. That was true of the Jukeses.) You determine how you treat others.
While you can’t do much about your ancestors, you can influence your descendants greatly.
The way you approach family life has a profound impact on how you live (and on the legacy you leave your descendants). If you’re willing to work at it—and I know that for people with especially difficult families, it can be an incredible amount of work—your family can become a source of stability and strength. A healthy, supportive family is like . . .
A SAFE HAVEN IN A STORM
People have to deal with a lot of pressure these days. The workplace is demanding. Schools are often hostile environments. The pace of life is out of control. Even driving from place to place is stressful in most large cities. Where can a person find shelter in such a climate? If it’s not at home, then it probably isn’t anywhere.
A reporter once asked President Theodore Roosevelt with whom he most enjoyed spending his time. He responded that he would rather spend time with his family than with any of the world’s notables. For him—and for his family—home was a safe haven in the midst of a storm.
A PHOTO ALBUM OF MEMORIES
A newlywed couple returned from their honeymoon and set up house. On the first morning in their new home together, the wife decided to make her husband breakfast as a special treat. She fried up some eggs, made toast, and poured him a big cup of coffee. She hadn’t done much cooking in her life, and she hoped he would be pleased by her effort, but after taking a few bites, he said, “It’s just not like Mom used to make.”
She tried not to let his comment hurt her feelings, and since she wanted their life together to start on a positive note, she determined to get up the next morning and try again. Once again, she got up early, prepared a meal, and put it in front of her husband. And again, his response was, “It’s just not like Mom used to make.”
Two more times she made him breakfast, and two more times she got the same response. Finally, she was fed up. The next morning, she cooked two eggs until they were as hard as rubber. She incinerated some bacon. She kept putting the bread back in the toaster until it turned black. And she cooked the coffee until it was like mud.
When her husband came to the table, she put his food in front of him, and she waited. The man sniffed the coffee, took one look at his plate, and said, “Hey! It’s just like Mom used to make!”
Even people with less than perfect childhoods have fond memories of home and family. Think back to your own childhood. What are your favorite memories? What positive images still make you smile? If you have children, which of their memories do you think are their favorites? (You may want to ask them.) The more positive and loving the environment you strive to create at home, the more good memories they will have to keep them grounded.
A CRUCIBLE OF CHARACTER
More than any other single factor in a person’s formative years, family life forges character. Perry F. Webb says, “The home . . . is the lens through which we get our first look at marriage and all civic duties; it is the clinic where, by conversation and attitude, impressions are created with respect to sobriety and reverence; it is the school where lessons of truth or falsehood, honesty or deceit are learned; it is the mold which ultimately determines the structure of society.”3
Your family life not only helps to form the character of any children living at home, but it also continues to mold your character as an adult. Your character is little more than the collection of choices you make and habits you cultivate every day. Since your family creates your primary environment, it influences those choices and habits. Strong, healthy families encourage people to make constructive choices, to develop positive disciplines, and to pay the price today for success tomorrow.
A MIRROR REVEALING TRUTH
To grow, you have to know yourself. You must know your weaknesses and strengths. You must be able to be yourself and look at yourself realistically and know where you need to change. Where is one of the best places to learn that ability? At home. If you can create a secure environment at home where it’s safe to tell the truth about yourself and others, it becomes a strong learning environment.
That kind of home is one filled with unconditional love. It allows family members to be open about their mistakes and shortcomings. It’s a safe place to fail. And it creates a listening environment filled with understanding and empathy. I was privileged to grow up in that kind of home. Although I was disciplined whenever I did something wrong, my parents always verbally and physically expressed their love for me. That made me a very secure person who learned a lot about himself.
A TREASURE CHEST OF MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIPS
Harvard psychologist Samuel Osherson studied family relationships in his practice and did additional research with 370 Harvard graduates over a twenty-year period. His conclusion is that if you don’t come to terms with past relationships, particularly with your parents, you will probably find yourself repeating those patterns. You may become the parent you swore you would never be.4
If you don’t come to terms with past relationships, particularly with your parents, you will probably find yourself repeating those patterns.
There’s no doubt that the relationships you have with members of your immediate family and with your spouse are the most important ones in your life. The people closest to you form you—and are formed by you. That should be reason enough to value them.
When Mother Teresa received the Nobel peace prize, she was asked, “What can we do to promote world peace?” Her answer: “Go home and love your family.” If you want to make a positive impact, no matter how far-reaching, start at home. Treat your family members like treasures.
Years ago I cut out a quote by Nick Stinnet that summarized the importance of family. It reads, “When you have a strong family life, you receive the message that you are loved, cared for, and important. The positive intake of love, affection and respect . . . gives you inner resources to deal with life more successfully.”5 In other words, family gives you stability.
Making the Decision to Communicate with and Care for My Family Daily
In 1986, when I was thirty-nine years old, I began to notice a terrible trend. The marriages of some of my colleagues, college buddies, and friends were falling apart and ending in divorce. That really got my attention because even some of the relationships that Margaret and I had considered to be strong had fallen by the wayside. We didn’t think our relationship was in any kind of danger, but I also discovered that prior to their breakdowns, some of the couples had thought nothing like that could ever happen to them.
This all occurred about the same time my career was really taking off. I still wanted to be successful, but I didn’t want to lose my family in the process. That prompted me to make one of my key life decisions, and I would do so by rewriting my definition of success. From that moment, Success meant having those closest to me love and respect me the most.
That decision put my wife, Margaret, and my children, Elizabeth and Joel, right in the middle of my definition of success. Success would be impossible if I achieved outwardly but failed to take my family with me on the journey. The applause of others would never replace the appreciation of my family. Respect from others meant little if I did not have the respect of my loved ones. I would make caring for and communicating with my family one of my life’s priorities.
I don’t know where you stand with your family now; everyone’s situation is unique. You may have a great family life. Or you may have made some serious mistakes from which you fear you will never recover. You may be single with no children, so that all you have is extended family. But I can tell you this: No matter what your situation is, you can benefit from the stability that comes from communicating with and caring for your family daily. Here’s how to get started:
DETERMINE YOUR PRIORITIES
There’s a Russian proverb that gives this advice:
Before going to War—pray once.
Before going to Sea—pray twice.
Before getting Married—pray three times.
In other words, anytime you’re going to engage in a great (and potentially risky!) endeavor, give it serious consideration first. How else are you going to know where it ranks in priority in your life?
I began learning this lesson the hard way. In the space of one month in 1969, I graduated from college, got married to Margaret, and started my first job. As soon as we got back from our honeymoon, we moved to a new town and I started working. I was the senior pastor of a small country church, and I was determined to be successful. I threw myself into the job, giving it everything I had. And when I say everything, I mean everything. I worked all day at the church, and every evening I set appointments to meet with people in the community. I worked a six-day workweek, but I cheated by working on my day off too. Meanwhile, Margaret worked a couple of jobs to keep us going financially because my salary was so low. The problem was that I was neglecting her and our marriage.
Margaret and I have known each other since high school, and we dated for six years before we got married, so we had a lot of history together, especially for a couple so young. Back then I believed our history was going to carry us through while I devoted myself to my career. But a marriage can’t survive forever on leftovers. It needs to be fed continually, or it will eventually starve.
A marriage can’t survive forever on leftovers.
A lot of people are allowing their families to “starve.” According to psychologist Ronald L. Klinger, president of the Center for Successful Fathering, parents spend 40 percent less time with children than parents of previous generations.6 Families are breaking up at a terrible rate. Within five years, 20 percent of all first marriages end in divorce. Within ten years, that number rises to 33 percent.7 More than a fourth of all families in the United States (28 percent in 2000) are headed by single parents.8 And nearly three-fourths of children in single-parent families will experience poverty by the time they reach age eleven.9 Every year, $20 to $30 billion in taxpayers’ money goes to support children whose noncustodial parents neglect them financially.10
Building a solid family doesn’t just happen on its own. You have to work at it. After I got the message that I was neglecting Margaret, I changed my approach to my career. I carved out time for her. I protected my day off. And we dedicated money in our budget to facilitate special times together. I still wanted to be successful, but not at the cost of my family! And I’m still working on making my family a priority. Anyone who neglects or abandons his family for fame, status, or financial gain isn’t really successful.
DECIDE ON YOUR PHILOSOPHY
Once you’ve determined to make your family a priority, you have to decide what you want your family to stand for. That should be based on your values. In the first decade of our marriage, Margaret and I decided on our personal philosophy of family. First, we tried to live it out as a couple. Then when we had children, we worked to make it the foundation of our choices as parents. For us, the bottom line on family was for us to cultivate and maintain . . .
• Commitment to God: Our faith came first in our lives. If we neglected or compromised that, nothing else would be of value.
• Continual Growth: Reaching our personal potential and helping our children do the same is one of our highest values. When we come to the end of our lives, we want to look back knowing we lived life to the fullest.
• Common Experiences: The greatest bonds between people come as the result of their experiences together, both good and bad. We create as many positive experiences as we can, and we weather the negative ones together.
• Confidence—in God, Ourselves, and Others: Your belief determines how you will live life, and it also impacts the outcome of everything you do.
• Contributions to Life: People should try to leave the world a better place than they found it. We want to add value not only to the people in our family, but also to every other life we touch.
As I said, this is our list. I’m not suggesting that you adopt our philosophy regarding family. I know you will want to create your own. Here’s my suggestion: Keep it simple. If you come up with a list of seventeen things you want to live out, you won’t be able to do it. You may not even be able to remember it! Whittle the list down to the nonnegotiables.
DEVELOP YOUR PROBLEM-SOLVING STRATEGY
I think a lot of people go into marriage expecting it to be easy. Maybe they’ve seen too many movies. Marriage isn’t easy. Family isn’t easy. Life isn’t easy. Expect problems, stay committed, and develop a strategy for getting through the rough times. Some people call family meetings to discuss issues. Others create systems or rules.
My friends Kevin and Marcia Myers developed a system of fair fight rules after they had been married a few years. Kevin is very outgoing, energetic, and verbal, where Marcia is more quiet and reserved. Early in their marriage, he used to bulldoze right over her verbally. And they would get into marathon arguments. So they decided on a set of rules to follow any time they got into a disagreement. One rule was that they would set an appointment to talk about an issue rather than picking at each other. Another was that Marcia always got to talk first. They’ve been married over twenty years, and their system has worked great for them.
Think about how you could improve your problem solving at home. Talk to your family members about it (during a calm time, not in the middle of a conflict). Use whatever kind of problem-solving strategy works for you. Just be sure that it fosters and promotes three things: (1) better understanding; (2) positive change; and (3) growing relationships.
Managing the Disciplines of Family
The desire to make your family a priority is one thing; actually living it out is something else. I found that it’s often easier to get the approval of strangers and colleagues than it is to get respect from those who know you best. So I practice this discipline: Every day I work hard on gaining the love and respect of those closest to me.
Years ago, when something exciting happened during the day or I heard a bit of interesting news, I’d share it with colleagues and friends. By the time I got home, I had little enthusiasm for sharing it with Margaret. So I purposely began keeping things to myself until I could share them with Margaret first. That way she never got the leftovers. I’ve found that the best way to place my family first is to give them some of my best energy and attention.
If you desire to strengthen your family life and make it a source of stability, then try practicing some of these disciplines:
PUT YOUR FAMILY ON YOUR CALENDAR FIRST
I have found that my work will gobble up every bit of my time if I let it. Before I made the decision to make my family a priority, I didn’t give them the time I should have. I think that’s true of most people who enjoy their careers. Other people have hobbies or interests that can be very time consuming. If you don’t create boundaries for how you spend your time, your family will always get the leftovers. Even today, if I let my guard down, I’m liable to let work take over my schedule.
I battle that trend by putting my family on my calendar first. I block out weeks for family vacations. (That may sound too obvious to you, but I mention it because for the first several years I was married, we determined where we would vacation based on meeting people and going places that would benefit my work.) I schedule time with Margaret not only for us to go do things, like see a movie or a show, but also for us to simply be together. I devote time to our grandchildren. And when our children were young, I set aside time to attend ball games, recitals, and other activities.
Someone once said you should never let yourself feel that you ought to be at work when you’re with your family, and you should never feel that you ought to be with your family when you’re at work. That’s a great perspective. If you and your family can figure out and agree on how much time you should spend together and you protect those times, you should be able to adopt that mind-set.
CREATE AND MAINTAIN FAMILY TRADITIONS
I want you to try an experiment. Get out a piece of paper and write down all the Christmas and birthday gifts you received when you were a kid up until you moved away from home. Take as much time as you need.
How many are you able to remember? There may be a handful that really stand out, but if you’re like most people, you have a hard time recalling most of them. Now try this: List all the vacations you took with your family during those same years. Again, take as much time as you’d like.
I’d be willing to bet that if you took vacations every year, you were able to remember more of them than the presents you received. Why? Because what makes families happy isn’t receiving things. It’s doing things together. That’s why I recommend establishing family traditions.
Traditions give your family a shared history and a strong sense of identity. Don’t you remember how your family celebrated Thanksgiving as a child? How about Christmas? (And didn’t you think yours was the right way when you got married and your spouse wanted to do something else?) The traditions your family kept helped you define who you were and who your family was.
Give thought to how you want to enjoy holidays, mark milestones, and celebrate rites of passage in your family. Start by basing traditions on your values. Add others you enjoyed from your childhood. If you’re married, include those of your spouse as well. Mix in cultural elements if you want. Build some around your children’s interests. Give traditions meaning and make them your own.
FIND WAYS TO SPEND TIME TOGETHER
For a while, the family buzzwords were “quality time.” But the truth is, no substitute exists for quantity of time. As psychiatrist Armand Nicholi says, “Time is like oxygen—there’s a minimum amount that’s necessary for survival. And it takes quantity as well as quality to develop warm and caring relationships.”
“Time is like oxygen—there’s a minimum amount that’s necessary for survival. And it takes quantity as well as quality to develop warm and caring relationships.”
—ARMAND NICHOLI
Since busy, single-parent households are so common, and in the majority of two-parent families both parents work, you have to figure out ways to spend time together. For about six years when my children were teenagers, I gave up golf so that I would have more time available. And Margaret and I always worked especially hard to find time for certain things, such as . . .
• Significant Events: We made birthdays, ball games, recitals, etc., important.
• Significant Needs: You can’t put a family member in crisis on hold.
• Fun Time: We found that everybody relaxed and talked more when we were having fun.
• One-on-One Time: Nothing lets another person know you care more than your undivided attention.
Come up with your own list of ways to spend time with your family.
KEEP YOUR MARRIAGE HEALTHY FIRST
The relational foundation of any family is a couple’s marriage. It sets the tone for the household, and it is the model relationship that children learn from more than any other. That’s why former Notre Dame president Theodore Hesburgh asserted, “The most important thing a father can do for his children is love their mother.”
“The most important thing a father can do for his children is love their mother.”
—THEODORE HESBURGH
No marriage is easy to keep going. It’s been said that a successful marriage is one that can go from crisis to crisis with a growth in commitment. That’s what it’s really all about: commitment. Commitment is what carries you through. People who use their feelings as a barometer for the health of their marriage are destined for a breakup. If you intend to stay married only as long as you feel the love, you might as well give up. Just like anything else worth fighting for, marriage requires daily discipline and commitment.
EXPRESS APPRECIATION FOR EACH OTHER
Psychologist William James said, “In every person from the cradle to the grave, there is a deep craving to be appreciated.” If people don’t receive affirmation and appreciation at home, there’s a good chance they won’t get it because, in general, the world does not fulfill that desire. One of the most positive things you can do for your spouse and children is really get to know them and love them simply because they are yours—not based on performance.
RESOLVE CONFLICT AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE
I’ve already mentioned how important it is to develop a strategy for resolving conflict, but it’s such an important point that I want to remind you of it again. Every family has conflict, but not all families resolve it positively. A family’s response to problems will either promote bonding or be destructive. Do it quickly and effectively, and you bring healing. Neglect conflict, and you may find yourself agreeing with novelist F. Scott Fitzgerald, who said, “Family quarrels are bitter things. They don’t go according to any rules. They’re not like aches or wounds, they’re more like splits in the skin that won’t heal because there’s not enough material.” It doesn’t have to be that way.
Reflecting on Family
As I reflect on my family decision, I look back with intense gratitude to Margaret and my children. And I realize that . . .
In my 30s . . . My family decision gave me protection from making the life-shattering mistakes of many of my friends.
In my 40s . . . My family decision helped me place my family first.
In my 50s . . . My family decision has allowed me to see the positive outcome of the success of my grown children.
For eighteen years, my family and I have benefited from my decision to live by a different definition of success. I can’t imagine what life would have been like without the stability provided by my family.
Top of the World
Communicating with and caring for your family often isn’t easy. It usually requires sacrifice. Have you ever thought about what you would be willing to give up for your family? Almost certainly you’d put your life on the line if, for example, your house was on fire and your children were inside. You would go in to get them. But what about something less dramatic—like your dream job? Karen Hughes searched herself and found out that for her, the answer to that question was yes.
Karen Hughes has been called the most powerful woman in America.11BusinessWeek pointed out that she “became the highest-ranking woman in the White House—indeed in any administration in American history.”12 The day before the inauguration, George W. Bush pointed to her and said, “I don’t want any important decision made without her in the room.”13 She regularly performed tasks that are normally the domain of vice presidents and secretaries of state. And President Bush regularly delegated twenty of his one hundred daily decisions to her. Andrew Card, Bush’s chief of staff, marveled, “It’s really odd for the most trusted old hand from back home to also be just about the most naturally talented, forceful, brilliant person in the whole building. . . . It’s a fluke! It’s amazing.”14
Karen Hughes had arrived. She had served her party in Texas since the mid-1980s and had served George W. Bush beginning in 1994 when he began his run for governor. She was instrumental in his campaign for president. For a former television journalist who had never held elected office, there could be no greater position of power than the one she possessed. She was influencing the man who influenced the world. The only step up would be winning elected office herself at the national level.
But in 2002, Karen Hughes left her powerful office in the White House’s west wing because she had other priorities. True, she remained a counselor to the president, but she was giving up the power and influence of being the “right hand” of the leader of the free world on a daily basis.
In a press conference, she explained, “My husband and I have made a difficult, but we think, right decision to move our family home to Texas. As you know, our roots are there. I have a daughter and granddaughter in Austin. My son is going into his final three years of high school before he goes off to college, and we want him to have his roots in Texas, as well.”15
Not long after she made her decision, President Bush was meeting in the Oval Office with King Mohammed VI of Morocco. When he was asked about Hughes, Bush explained to the monarch that she was leaving “because her husband and son will be happier in Texas, and she had put her family ahead of her service to my government. And I am extremely grateful for that approach and that priority.”16
The position Karen Hughes held was a once-in-a-lifetime kind of job. The window of opportunity for someone like her is really very small. It’s either four or eight years. Because of her unusual connection to Bush, she probably won’t get another chance. The window for her son, Robert, to go to high school is also small. He won’t get a second chance at that either. She chose her family over her career. Not many people in her position would do that.
Doug Fletcher, the Austin senior pastor of the church where Karen Hughes is an elder, explained how Hughes could do such a thing: “Karen never enjoyed the perks of power. [Her husband] Jerry didn’t either. Karen served to be faithful and steadfast . . . and now she is being faithful to herself and her family.”17 That’s something we should all aspire to do. For Karen Hughes, today’s family gives her stability.
FAMILY APPLICATION AND EXERCISESCOMMUNICATING WITH AND CARING FOR FAMILY DAILY
Your Family Decision Today
Where do you stand when it comes to family today? Ask yourself these three questions:
1. Have I already made the decision to communicate with and care for my family?
2. If so, when did I make that decision?
3. What exactly did I decide? (Write it here.)
Your Family Discipline Every Day
Based on the decision you made concerning family, what is the one discipline you must practice today and every day in order to be successful? Write it here.
Making Up for Yesterday
If you need some help making the right decision concerning family and developing the everyday discipline to live it out, do the following exercises:
1. What percentage of your waking hours do you give to family? Is it usually “prime time” or leftovers? Write down your estimates.
Now talk to members of your family about it. Ask them to give you their honest assessment. If you’ve been terrible about it, you need to ask their forgiveness.
2. Dedicate some time to articulating your philosophy of family life. If you’re married, try to arrange some getaway time with your spouse to do it. Don’t expect to have a final polished philosophy after spending a few hours or a weekend on it. It will evolve over time, and it may take you a few years to finalize your philosophy.
3. If you’re married, create some fair fight rules based on your personalities, values, and history together.
4. Learn to manage your calendar effectively in order to spend time with your family. Set aside a few hours to look over the coming thirty days. Mark the important events in your family’s life on it. And look for creative ways to spend time together. (For example, you might be able to take your spouse or child with you on a business trip, you can invite them to participate in your hobby, or you can tag along on one of their activities.) Once you’ve set things on your calendar, manage your other responsibilities in such a way that you guard your family days. While you’re reviewing, look for holidays and other special days that might offer an opportunity to start a fun or meaningful family tradition.
5. If you’re married, when was the last time you and your spouse got to spend some significant time alone? If it’s been more than six months—or you can’t remember when it was—plan something.
6. Find a time in your day when you can think about something you’re grateful for about each family member. (Every phase of your children’s lives has both positives and negatives. Focus on the good things.) Now find a way to express that thought to at least one of them today.
Looking Forward to Tomorrow
Spend some time reflecting on how your decision concerning family and the daily discipline that comes out of it will positively impact you in the future. What will be the compounding benefits? Write it here.
Keep what you’ve written as a constant reminder, because . . .
Reflection today motivates your discipline every day, and
Discipline every day maximizes your decision of yesterday.